Citation: Waiheke Asmodean. "Breaking Through Heaven and Hell: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp105947)". Erowid.org. Jul 10, 2019. erowid.org/exp/105947
Breaking through Heaven and Hell. 4-5g dried New Zealand Gold Caps
Last night I broke through a barrier of experience that I had before never even got close to. I left my body and entered another dimension. I have taken Psilocybin mushrooms around five times in my life but never had I experienced anything even close to what happened last night.
I had my last meal around midday to prepare my body and juggled devil sticks and worked up a sweat on the beach for around forty five minutes followed by a quick swim. My body and mind were ready. I skipped dinner and planned to take them at eightpm on the dot.
The mushrooms were gold caps and there were around ten of them give or take, pre-dried. I chopped them finely on a board until it was almost a powder and the end result was four to five grams. I knew it would be the biggest dose I had ever attempted so I was nervous as the countdown to eight began. I meditated, set an intent of knowledge and pre-rolled a nice long and skinny joint ready for when it was time to escalate the trip. I had coated the joint with Marijuana Kief so it was potent enough to do its job, and I loaded a bong for later, also with a dusting of THC powder.
The last minute was excruciatingly long. I'm always nervous before I take mushrooms, excited nerves. You never know what's going to happen. Every trip is different.
Eight pm I tipped the dry earthy heap into my mouth and swallowed with a glass of water, not easily. No going back now. I put on some light music and lay back down on my bed, waiting for my extremely trippy room to start connecting with me. If you truly want an amazing psychedellic environment my room is absolutely perfect. Cedar wood walls are tiger skin like and look psychedellic when sober. All of the extremely detailed drawings on my walls accrued over the years from talented friends create characters in the trip that, dance, morph and stare into you. I knew this from prior experience.
Within the first twenty minutes I could sense the edges of the trip. The trip itself started fleeting in my periphery. Edges began to melt, meld, blur and shimmer with noticeably more vibrant colour. I began to feel light headed and by eight thirty the hallucinations had moved to occupy my full vision. This was only the beginning.
I directed my reading lamp to point at my ceiling and lay back. The ceiling instantly had me in awe. It was like a festival for my senses.
t was like a festival for my senses.
I could see characters, landscapes, demons, children, animals all at once. Psychedellic waves and ripples in the wood swirled and pulsed with energy, I felt as if I was viewing its life force and I felt it was viewing me. Watching me, holding me, somehow. In particular an old crone of a woman with one eye was staring at me. Suddenly I couldn't bear to look at her any longer. I rolled over and instead into the wall closest to my bed and found myself hypnotized by one particularly trippy panel. Its waves started about a quarter inch from each other but evenly got closer and closer until they seemed to create depth in the wood. Suddenly it was as if I stepped up in the trip. I felt my mnd, eyes, senses become pulled into this psychedellic pattern. It was beautiful. I felt as if I could see into the wood for miles, under it, inside it. It had depth. I'm looking at the panel right now, it's funny. It's not moving anymore. But I remember what I felt and saw gazing into it.
At this point I knew I was really high, but I was unsure if I had reached plateau. I remember thinking that the trip seemed familiar because last time I had a similar experience with my walls. I felt as if I knew that this here, right now, was the highest I've been on this drug, and that I've been here before. So in a way I was at the plateau of my past experience. I was about to break through and I had no idea it was about to happen.
The walls were too trippy for me, I felt like I needed a break from them. I turned off the light and got into bed. I put on my favourite piano piece: Comtine d'Un Autre Ete and listened in the darkness. For the first time I closed my eyes and was almost instantly seeing a beautiful coloured visualiser in time to the music. My dopamine levels must have soared at that moment because suddenly I was in an intense emotional ecstacy. When the music faded I was in a kind of serene calm that I had never known. My duvet felt as if were made of warm, dry cloud and I was just starting to warm up which felt indescribably amazing. I was wearing my big brown hoodie that I got from WOMAD and was made in Nepal. It always made me feel like a snug, wise Cappucian. All I could hear was the waves now and a slow soft vibrating thrum like hum. I felt energy in my body. Coursing up and down giving me shivers of pleasure. It was strange, I was conscious at the time that the energy wasn't sexual although it felt fucking amazing. Like an entire body orgasm. But not in a sexual way? I don't know. Wrap your head around that. I wasn't given an instruction guide on how to be human, I just kinda take it as it comes.
I started massaging my foot with my other and vice versa and the pleasure intensified. It felt as though I wasn't doing it. It felt like it was seperate to me. I knew I was physically doing it but it felt like there was another being there, massaging my feet. The energy sped up. Now it wasn't coming and going in waves. It now filled me with constant ecstacy and my body was moving slowly, rhythmically to this amazing energy. I had never experienced anything like it.
Terence McKenna teaches that this is the proper way to use these substances. Alone, rarely, at night, at high doses. Everything he had explained to me was now in reach. Although I didn't realise at the time how terrifyingly amazing it would be the first time. I didn't even believe I could get there. At least not without DMT.
I switched on the lamp and sat up. I seemed to momentarily break the trip by altering the light and by the time I had the joint ready the hallucinations were once again emerging from the light. I sparked and smoked, watching the smoke undulate and rise in the lamplight. The smoke tasted sweet. I thoroughly enjoyed it and then the bong caught my attention. Terence always said that if you feel you're at your plateau, you should push it. One last hit and it will make all the difference between a pretty, visual, soft trip in your room to a terrifying dimension of space somewhere far away.
I got back into bed and turned off the light. Within about fifteen seconds of lying down I felt I was no longer in my room for the first time in my life. I was looking birds eye view at a futuristic looking suburbia. Everywhere I looked streets were rolling out unfurling. I was doing it. I created roads, houses, lawns. They were subtracting and multiplying. There was no perceivable boundary or edge. I tried to look around and the scope of the place I was in blew my mind. I had never perceived such a great panorama of space before. It was impossible. Then I started to fall. I was unafraid though. I don't know why. Suddenly I saw a late afternoon sun that I hadn't seen before when I created the world. Red and amber clouds rushed past me. I felt the exhilaration and adrenaline. The sun was almost blinding. Suddenly at hyper speed before I hit the ground I was yanked back into the air. Back and forth, violently like a broken record, like I was attached to the cogs of some great machine. This went on for about thirty seconds, or what felt like thirty seconds then finally I plunged through the pavement like falling into water.
Abruptly I wasn't where I was before. I was floating in a dark eerie quiet space staring up at a full moon, dark blue fading into black. There were stars surrounding this queer moon but only in a skinny oval egg-like shape, like an eye standing on end. There was a silky like material gliding and rippling over the moon and stars like a pale, translucent scarf. I was struck by a feeling that this was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. It made me hopeful, sad. I wanted to look at it forever.
The moon began to glow extremely bright, and intense white light that blurred the details. It was unbearable to look at but I was paralyzed. For the first time I tried to change the trip consciously and for the first time I could do nothing. The moon became a face. A human face. It was plain, generic. Slightly dark skinned. Like a pocket of data, direct to my brain, I was aware this was the image of our species. I became aware of more people, hundreds crowded together all with similar faces. Two crowds seperated by a pathway of light down the middle into an opening of hot white light where the moon was moments ago. Now there were thousands of people, hundreds of thousands, looking up at me expectantly. Pushed and squashed together so tightly that I could only see from their shoulders up. I had an epiphany that I was looking at my ancestors. Every human that walked this earth in spirit form. I knew I was the product of their lives. That they lived instinctively to survive and replicate to ensure the success of our species as we all do now. Now was my time on the pedestal, in the light of life and one day I would join them. It was then I realised that I was in the spirit world, a visitor to the afterlife. I was terrified, amazed, paralyzed and it was really happening.
From here on the visions changed to an electronic world of florescent flashing, movable textiles which created a landscape. I became aware of my body. I was standing in this world. I could move again! It was very dreamlike now. I have always wanted to lucid dream but never could consciously become aware that it was just a dream. This control was exactly how I imagine a lucid dream to be. I started walking around, running, when I jumped I sort of floated like the gravity was weak. It was so fucking awesome. The best part was I was thinking lucidly. I remember thinking 'Wow! I have total control and I am somewhere in space! Lets test some stuff out!' I was still me. I looked down at my body and was surprised to see it was made from a purple glowing electricity. Although I could see the outlines of my legs, hands etc. I was made entirely of glowing electricity. Even my face I noticed after a time. It was another dimension but it wasn't the land of the dead as it was before. I felt as though I was my soul exploring an alien landscape. I was me, It was a weird idea I was having. It was as if my personality was vibrating off me and I could see all aspects of myself externally rather than internally. I honest to god felt like I was a powerful unique character in a new world and I wanted to find others. I felt their presence, but I could never see them. I spent a good amount of time here. I got to the point where I could shoot energy from my hands and create electronic music from the environment. It was crazy. The trip continued. This was the last time i consciously enjoyed the trip. The last time I thought it was beautiful and fun. What followed, I can only describe as Hellish.
The visuals started to distort after I left the Electric purple world. I started to see myself at birds eye again like when I was creating worlds before. But the unfolding whirling shapes this time were creating themselves. They were brightly coloured, Red, Yellow, White. They weren't coherent. I don't know what they were. They kept rolling out like some demented alien Rubiks cube. Juttering, glitching, screaming. I couldn't stop it. It felt machine-like and alien. Like I was being thrown about by colourful noisy cogs. It was speeding up. It hurt. I was beginning to feel real fear. The whirling hum was gaining speed and pitch and so were the machines movements. I felt dizzy and sick. I didn't think it could go any faster but it did and kept climbing. I started to freak out. I felt like my brain was glitching like a scratched disc.
I felt like my brain was glitching like a scratched disc.
I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack or something. I kept trying to reason with myself logically that it would be fine and it would eventually stop. But I had never been to this place before, so I didn't know for sure. I was thinking about how each brain reacts unpredictably and how it is possible to get stuck in a trip I was thinking about Syd Barrett from Pink Floyd and how he got himself fried from too much experimentation with psychedllics. I tried to get up but I couldn't make sense of my blankets or what way was up. My room looked like some strange illusion. Parts of the wall jutted out through my head. Everything was twisted, out of place and unnatural. I got the light on and threw off my big eastern hoodie. Almost instantly I felt some dark energy lift off me. I remember thinking I wasn't surprised that thing had some energy attached. It was weird as hell. I looked at the time, it was eleven pm.
The light didn't really help. I would make sense of my room momentarily but then it would disappear from sight and I would be back inside that awful machine. I can't describe how horrible it was adequately enough. I remember laying face down on my bed praying to a picture my brother drew of his Pacaso skull pleading for it to stop. It gave me strength. I was so scared that it would never stop and in the morning my father would have to deal with a spastic vegetable right before he was supposed to leave on holiday. It was awful. Incredibly loud, colourful and uncomfortable. But in retrospect, totally worth it. At midnight it started to fade and I was so incredibly thankful. I felt a bit foolish but I was so much in awe of what just happened to me that I didn't mind.
The next morning I woke feeling fine.
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