DOSE:

44 g

oral

Mushrooms

(sclerotia)

BODY WEIGHT:

76 kg

I have always been very enthusiastic when talking of magic mushrooms. I believe them to be a sacred tool designed to break down mental boundaries when these become too rigid.

When I had my first few experiences I was not in the best way mentally speaking. I had been quite a tormented teenager and was riddled with inner angst and insecurities and fears and though I’d already slowly started to come out of my shell, the magic mushrooms blew apart all my false notions and judgements and mental conditioning to the point where I lost the plot entirely during a trip one night at my friend’s house, claiming that I was Jesus, then later thinking I was dying, all whilst trashing my friend’s flat, head butting his stack of CD’s and sending them flying, throwing knives around in the kitchen, and I distinctly remember writing suicide on a piece of paper only to watch the word squirm around on the page and turn into something illegible. Any meaning I could think of was in fact being spun into meaninglessness by the mushroom and I remember thinking I’m in hell. Hell is not somewhere where you burn and you hurt physically, but it’s a place where you don’t know yourself and you cling on to things desperately, thinking they are real but are forced to watch them crumble into nothingness. Hell is not knowing. Ignorance. Primarily of one’s self. I was so intoxicated by this mushroom that I could barely conjure up my name or figure out who I was or what I normally do socially and how I act and the resulting paranoia was overwhelming. My façade was blown. The mask that I didn’t know I was wearing was off, on the floor, in pieces and I didn’t have a clue who I was!! Hell!!!

But this torturous evening, horrible as it was, was a massive wake up call for me! It was rapid change, quick evolution! It was a horrible nightmarish yet fast and effective way to clear me of all the crap in my head and I felt like the mushroom took me back to a starting place and said to me: Ok, now we are getting somewhere. Now at least you know that you don’t know. This is a good place to start. After this night I continued to take mushrooms but very respectfully, knowing that something about them for me was therapeutic and I listened to their wisdom and I listened to Bob Dylan and in a way during these few years that coincided with my early twenties I suppose I experienced my own small personal version of what the sixties must have been like for the hippies.

So all this will hopefully give you an idea of how much I respect magic mushrooms and how much I believe they can be the catalyst for spiritual seeking and spiritual understanding.

But now to write about my most recent experience with 44 grams of fresh truffles. High Hawaiians as these ones were branded. I ordered from a trusted supplier in The Netherlands. Sadly my last few experiences with the mushroom have been, although enjoyable on the level of play and form and insight, also very difficult on my body now that I am a little older. And this last experience may cement the ending of my relationship with them.

I took the truffles late at night. Around midnight. On an empty stomach. I have never been a fan of their taste but managed to drink them down with some milk which helped a lot and there was only a small amount of gagging. My mental state was good though I was tired. I would have preferred to have taken them the following night but with these substances I like to have more than one day recovery period and since the working week was not far off I thought it best to do it there and then. I lay down on my bed in semi darkness and very soon the familiar body high, and palm sweating, and ripples in the furniture became evident.

The trip was pleasant at first as I just watched the CEV’s which were beautiful. But I felt very unconscious during this trip. Perhaps I was too tired to be doing it. But there was a half awake, weary feel to the whole thing which unfortunately took away a lot of the magic. I came to notice a loud buzzing sound that I ‘d assumed was real until I realised it was in my head. Something that I have read about and experienced before. It’s like the noise of the mushroom but it sounds like the hum of a fridge, only a little louder and closer. Then there was a sense of experiencing my body from within as if all the cells and organs were saying things like: “pass it on” “Over there” “You carry this” “Your turn” It was as if the blood was vocalising the carrying of the oxygen and there was this sense of this great engine functioning with all hands on deck and someone at one point said: “oh he wants to listen in does he? well we don’t have time for that”. As if they knew that my awareness had altered and I was there with them but there was no time to acknowledge my presence. There was a very definite sense of hard teamwork going on within me. The buzzing sound at one point changed to a higher frequency and I had a sense of aliens checking me in a medical fashion (I can see where the alien experiment reports could come from). These entities seemed to be checking my vital signs and monitoring me somehow.

Possibly in the most fascinating part of the trip I felt like I’d entered some ultimate state of mind. The deepest part of my brain where all thoughts or lives, or entities finally came to rest. And I was up there with spiritual masters who always resided there, and others and it seemed to be a place of all knowledge and even though I had none I also felt I had it all. Like it was both the starting and the ending place. I also had intense visions of Hunter S Thompson who was there but he was exaggerated like on the cover of his book “Fear and loathing in Las Vegas” he was like an unhappy soul, reaching out to me, angrily, and I could see that he was in a bad way but I observed him quite calmly and without fear despite his ghoulish appearance and the flames that seemed to permeate all around him.

I slowly began to trip a bit less hard and as often when I trip these days I feel like the mushroom is aggressive on my body and chastises me a lot for smoking (even though I'm a very light smoker. Mainly weed. Though I had none this evening) and it’s often after a trip that I have been known to throw my cigarettes in the bin and vow not to touch them again and I did the same here. I had the sense of what the future humans would look like in a new world, we would be more alien like and somehow more beautiful, slim and elegant and ethereal. We would be living at one with the planet, and our bodies would be less dense, almost not there. Like we could fade away at any moment and were all the more beautiful for it. Yet technology had not disappeared but was incredibly advanced and integrated, and was used in unison with nature, and everything was lit up blue and green and glowed with perfect technology but there was no smoke or factories or pollution. This world seems glorious and radiant but above all peaceful. There is hardly any need to speak. There is an all pervading quiet and respect for life and just the occasional smile from a fellow entity. I was lead to feel that there was no place for smokers in this new world and I would have to quit and learn to get over it and evolve if I wanted a part in it. Whether any of this is premonition or just imagination taking flight or both I don’t know. But it must have come from somewhere. And it certainly bore familiar themes touched on by the likes of Terence McKenna.

Slowly I began to feel normal enough to listen to some beautify music through my headphones that sounded heavenly and welcoming. However, due to the fact that I have very bad acid reflux (chronic indigestion) all through this trip there was major physical discomfort in my chest that turned into breathing difficulties and during the worst part of this I felt it was all an incredible torment, like the stages of the cross, that my body could hardly take it, that it was a form of karma that just needed to be endured. I was half sat up in bed on one shoulder, hardly able to move and in no position to smoke, or watch tv or listen to music. And this went on for what seemed like a long time, and was very hard and even when I began to come back to reality this trip left me exhausted and run down.

It now seems like a long time since a mushroom trip has left me physically and spiritually cleansed. It now feels like an ordeal more that anything and very rarely now do I discover new things about myself . Perhaps the mushrooms, which are hard on the stomach anyway, just don’t go down well with people who have severe acid reflux. And it could be that this was the main reason that the trip turned sour. Or perhaps the dosage was just too ambitious. I always feel I have to go as deep as I can into each trip.

It’s also my opinion however that mushrooms come to one like a spiritual master. When they are needed, and they are to be respected for what they are but I think for me anyway they are associated with a time of change and growth that took place in my early twenties, perhaps not unlike the coming of age rituals they have in Africa with the iboga plant. But I think that relying too much on these substances for enlightenment would in a way be ignoring that first message that the mushrooms gave me all those years ago. The clinging to stuff is itself the problem! So don’t cling to me either!!

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 106295
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 31
Published: Oct 3, 2022	Views: 513
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Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Retrospective / Summary (11), General (1)