Mushrooms - P. semilanceata
Citation: Dante. "The Discovery of My Eternal Self: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. semilanceata (exp106658)". Erowid.org. Oct 13, 2019. erowid.org/exp/106658
It was the second year after I rediscovered psychedelics. I had experimented with lower to medium doses of shrooms, but this autumn I was going all in, the McKenna way. Ego death is the goal. So, the night was there, the mushrooms picked and dried. Terence famously preaches 5 grams, alone, in silent darkness.
I am a cautious person, so I modified the dose a bit.
I am a cautious person, so I modified the dose a bit.
The Liberty Caps in Norway are known to be quite a bit more potent than Terence's Cubensis, I was on the light side (69 kg) and had a low tolerance. So, the heroic dose was calculated to be 3 grams in lemon tek. The rest of the setting was perfect. Total darkness, in bed, and my wife in the living room. Well rested and a day of fasting.
It hits incredibly fast. The come up is quite chaotic, like a roller coaster of crazy visuals, impossible to grasp anything from. I lie in bed and hold on, bracing myself.
At a point a very strange world emerges. Its is very hard to describe but its something like; Super brilliant colors in incredible high def, with geometric shapes and patterns changing around in a way so perfect and coordinated, I am totally baffled. A show off of geometric clockwork, made with a perfection that is beyond comprehension. Like a mathematical engine room of the universe.
Its size, or distance is impossible to point out, and it somehow doesn't matter. It could be a parallel universe, inside an atom or a hidden space in my head, but still all-encompassing.
Together with this, a kind of ambient, very alien and quite scary music plays in the background. At a point creatures starts to appear. Very strange and alien looking. Some humanoid, and some insect-like. And their attitude is quite unwelcoming, like they are guardians of this realm, and would rather I was not there.
I finds it all extremely weird and quite disturbing, and when one of the insectoids moves towards me in a threatening matter, I try to open my eyes and get up, to try to change the scenery. I stumble in to the toilet and splash water in my face and go back to bed.
But, the shrooms are still coming up, and my attempts to take control are useless. And in a moment of fear, I surrender.
Suddenly I am gone. Every fragment of myself is gone. No visuals. Just an eternal sensation.
Suddenly I am gone. Every fragment of myself is gone. No visuals. Just an eternal sensation.
A sensation of the soul, my true self. The self I have always been, and always will be. I am in total control and without control, I am nothing and everything, simultaneously. I am outside time and space.
I just exist, like an eternal light, drifting in eternity.
Merging in to other personalities.
Rushes of revelations.
How long this moment lasted in real-time is impossible to know.
When I get back to myself, I just lay there, upside down in bed, tears running down my face, with an extreme feeling of bliss.
The comedown is very nice. Giggling, crying and feeling very satisfied, though left with a new respect for the power of the mushrooms.
I have not mustered the courage to go back there yet, but have had several sessions of a more moderate character after. The strange thing is, I get back in to that geometric universe every time. Even on low-end doses, then off course in a lesser, more manageable degree. But every time I have been able to enjoy and cope with it better and better, and the creatures seems to take less notice of me.
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