Mushrooms - P. semilanceata
Citation: johndoe. "Difficult but Rewarding: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. semilanceata (exp107133)". Erowid.org. Feb 6, 2020. erowid.org/exp/107133
This is my third experience with psilocybin containing mushrooms. I have some experience with other psychedelics, amongst them 4-Aco-DMT, which I found virtually indistinguishable from mushrooms.
All of my experiences has been quite mild, but still felt profound in some way or another, although no real feelings of insight and no real feeling of fear (bad trips). This time I got a surprise.
Me and 4 friends planned a few weeks ahead to do some mushrooms on a Saturday night. One of us had never done it before, and the rest had done it a handful of times. I was excited, but still a little tense. I am interested in psychedelics, and like to experiement, but I can easily go a full year without the urge of doing them. I have a lot of respect, and some fear of the powerful effects.
This time I was more tense than usual, because my headspace had not been so calm for a while, with stressors from school and other relations. Also I have struggled with anxiety for a number of years, although it is alot better now. Another factor was that I felt that it might be a little much being 5 or more doing the mushrooms. I considered not doing it, because of these doubts. But I decided to do it anyways and was prepared to accept anything coming my way.
On the night of the trip I was pretty calm, but I was definately a little tense about the situation, which is normal for me before doing shrooms, as well as when waiting for the effects. Some friends were a little late and we had to wait before doing the shrooms, which increased my anxiety somewhat. I sat down and ate the dose of one gram (which I considered a small one) together with my friends. I had not eaten much the whole day and my stomach was pretty much empty.
The effects startet subtly after about 15 minutes. It got intense quite fast and I was feeling pretty good. Suddenly I was feeling quite tense and a little disorientated. I had profound dysphoric feelings and felt deep anxiety in waves. I tried to be calm and happy, tried to join my friends chatting and laughing, but it felt artificial and alien. The feeling was quite overwhelming and I tried not showing (which I succeded) for fear of doing something wrong or causing bad vibes.
Some friends suggested we go out for a walk in a forested area. I liked the idea, and thought it might help my mindset. At first it felt like it helped, but I was still confused and stressed. I could not feel any good sensations, and the dread just grew. Everything was too much, all the sensory inputs all the different people talking, I just could not keep up. Although I tried, and sometimes got a break where I felt happy and focused.
We sat down in the forest and talked. All my friends were apparantly having a good time, but I just could not shake the feeling of dread hanging over me, just hoping it would soon be over. I cant put my finger on what exactly bothered me, just that I felt confused and out of control. I think I might have been something with me wearing a mask when with my freinds (which I do to some degree when sober as well) trying to hide anxiety and bad emotions. So maybe it was a lesson in being honest and being myself... I dont know. Anyways I had the urge to go back to where we came from, with a feeling it would get better, although I doubted it. The way home was equally stressfull, and I looked at a friends clock, only two hours passed! My sense of time was pretty non existent but I understood that it had not been long since we ingested the mushrooms. It felt a lot longer in my head. (I realize that I probably had not reached the peak yet, and that might have been the cause of some of the disorientation, although I am not sure.) Still I am amazed with how heavy a 1 gram dose was. My friend who had not done mushrooms before did 1.2 and barely noticed anything...
I am amazed with how heavy a 1 gram dose was. My friend who had not done mushrooms before did 1.2 and barely noticed anything...
When we got back to the house, I had the feeling that the trip should soon be over, but I was wrong. I think this is when I just entered the peak point (about two hours and 15 minutes in). Some of my friends made a joint to smoke, which I did not want any part of. Me and another friend stayed inside and started talking. My head was much less chaotic now, alltough the psychedelic waves still came and went. It was easy and flowing conversation with my friend, which felt wonderful. After this the rest of the trip was delightful. We all just lay in the sofa talking about everything and anything. I felt a profound sense of connection and love for my friends, the world and myself.
I feel that I learnd a lesson about being honest and being yourself. That loving one and another is the only way to true living. I think alot of people (myself included) are afraid of intimacy and feel a little alienated in this world. I got a peek into what life could be, if one lets oneself live to the fullest, being honest and kind to both oneself and others.
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