DOSE:

3.4 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

157 lb

Over the summer of 2015, I took shrooms 8 times, about once per week. Much more than the recommendation of waiting a month or so between trips. Indeed, by the third time, the visual effects of the trip were much diminished, and by the fifth time, they were practically nonexistent.

The first two times were probably the strongest for me. The first time I ate about 3.5 grams, and had a life changing level 3 trip [Shroomery Scale]. The second time I ate about 5.5 grams and had a really bad level 4 trip.

I hadn’t had any in several months because I didn’t have the means to access them. I really wanted to have another trip, so I bought some psilocybin cubensis mushrooms online in time for me to eat on my birthday. My sister was curious about them, so I thought it would be fun to do it with her and sort of be her spiritual guide. Since during my first trip at level 3 I was completely in control of myself, I wanted to achieve that again, while my sister only wanted a level 1 or 2 experience. So I gave her 1.2 grams, and I ate 3.4 grams.

20 minutes in, I started feeling the familiar effects of shrooms. After 40 minutes, we went into her bedroom and laid down on her comfy king sized bed and started listening to a playlist I had been putting together. I started seeing ripples and pretty effects on the walls and ceiling. I began to realize that this was going to be a really strong trip. 50 minutes in, the music started to be a little overwhelming, and I switched to something calmer. About an hour in the room started getting pretty wonky. The blanket I was under was rippling, the walls were swaying. Occasionally I’d converse with my sister just to make sure she was okay. I was worried about her since it was her first time, and I was worried that I was starting to have a bad trip, and she would have to take care of me. I tried to stay in reality, but it was getting really emotionally intense, and the room was barely looking like a room.

We started watching the Animatrix, which started out great, but turned violent really fast and did not help me at all. We put on Inside Out instead, and though it helped make the visual environment of the room colorful, it was just too weird for me to watch. Every character seemed to have multiple sets of eyes, and were all deformed. About ten minutes into the movie, we stopped, my sister assured me that she was okay; she was barely tripping at all, and she made it clear that she was fine taking care of me. So I let go. I closed my eyes and let the trip, for good or bad, wash over me. I was immersed in a red tinted world of 3D fractals constantly moving, and vague entities interacting with me. It was really negative. I would occasionally open my eyes and check the time, and each time my stopwatch on my phone had advanced very little. Each time, though, I was really glad I had set the stopwatch at the beginning, because it reassured me that at the very least, time was moving in the forward direction and I knew it would be over in 6 hours.

All throughout the second hour, negative emotions kept washing over me, and I struggled, trying to find peace within it all. Finally, I decided that this trip was like a deep cleansing. The bad trip was my mind reaching into itself and cleaning out all of the bad gunk. I told myself that though it felt bad now, if I just let it happen, gave myself over to it, then I would come out on the other side refreshed and more ready to take on life than before. I relaxed a little. Suddenly, a chorus of inner voices began reassuring me that they loved me, and that they didn’t mean to hurt me, but that they had my best interest in mind. They reminded me that my friends and family too, even when they hurt me, also wanted the same for me, to be healthy and happy. I began to cry so many tears of joy. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. It was bright, and cheery, and felt so warm and wonderful to me. It was still swaying and moving in tune with the music, but I knew the bad part of the trip was over. About two hours had passed since I first ate the shrooms.

At this point the trip changed drastically. I felt sort of like I was being born into the world for the first time.

In my mind I tried to keep up a narrative of what was going on, but I struggled with language. I would think about a concept, and try to say it in my head, but I couldn’t come up with sentences. So I would feel like the universe only existed because I was conscious to experience it and describe it to myself, but when I tried describing it, I would think something like “Exist, describe. Describe?” This pushed me into confusion, and I thought that I was the very embodiment of a question. And I would keep thinking, “I am question,” but then thinking I couldn’t be a question, because I made a statement, so I would think “I am question?” and then, feeling since that was a question, it appropriately could be answered with “yes,” and I would start the cycle over again. This happened with other things too. I would make a statement in my head, immediately think that was wrong, and would rephrase it in my head as a question.

I really thought that the universe itself didn’t exist before this, but that I created it by my existence as a question. Like existence itself was the act of asking a question, and that I was part of the universe asking itself what it was. Cause and effect started getting confusing to me. My thoughts ran in circles, making me feel like time was running both backwards and forwards, and that cause and effect were muddled together.

I felt like I had no free will, and I would want to do things, like pick up my phone to check the time, and find that I literally couldn’t. Or I would want to talk to my sister and find I couldn’t speak, and then she would say something to me, and I would automatically reply. I texted random things to a couple of my close friends. I felt happy, but I still felt like I had no control.

Finally, about 4 hours in, my sister suggested we watch the rest of Inside Out. I agreed. It was absolutely perfect. It’s my favorite movie, and I knew it really well. I began to think that the entire meaning of life was this movie, and that perhaps I had willed it into being because it was such a perfect movie, and was perfect for this trip. It seemed to speak directly to me, sometimes seeming to answer questions I had right as they came up in my mind. I thought that perhaps sometime in my future I’d use a time machine to go back and make the movie so that it would be there for this trip. I believed that life was created by our desire for it, and that Inside Out was life itself. I believed all of these things in various degrees moving from one belief to another without thinking they contradicted each other.

I was always thinking about how I was going to remember the trip and what I was going to take away from it, and decided that this trip was showing me that what I wanted more than anything was to question the world around me, and to describe it through language. Because of the muddling of cause and effect, it felt as though this trip was holographic of my life as a whole. In other words, there was no appreciable difference between this trip, and the rest of my life; that this trip would be the cause of the rest of my life, or that my life ultimately would ensue because of what I experienced. I texted a friend, “I think I will spend the rest of my life trying to explain this experience.”

As the movie wore on, I still struggled with language. It did not work right inside my brain. My inner mind replaced words with images, or with feelings. By the time the movie was ending, I was ready to have control over myself and my words. I concentrated really hard on doing one task on my phone. It took forever, but when I did finally figure it out, I came out of the trip, at around the 5 and a half hour mark.

My sister and I sort of debriefed about our trips. She said that her trip only lasted about an hour, and all she really experienced was the room feeling warped at the edges of her vision, and her trip went away because she went into the other room and interacted with the real world, and when she came back, she lost the trippiness. I was still coming down from the trip, and felt absolutely elated. Everything I said or she said or that I thought felt right, and important, and seemed to relate to everything else. I felt like I had been enlightened.

After another half hour or so, I started to realize that some of the things I had said in the past half hour were kind of ridiculous and not as profound as I had thought, and I returned back to normal life.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 107507
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: May 9, 2019	Views: 552
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Mushrooms (39), Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)