DOSE:	13 g	oral	Mimosa tenuiflora	(tea)
	1 g	oral	Syrian Rue	(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Second time Friday December 19th 6:30 pm

This time, the brew consisted of mimosa hostilis (13 grams brewed in a crock pot for 2 days) and 1 gram of Syrian rue extract. Drank the m.hostilis followed with a shot glass full of the rue.

10 minutes after drinking it, decided to take a shower, after about 5 minutes in the shower, it already felt like it was kicking in, and knew it would work. Started to feel paranoid, decided to get out of the shower quick and call a friend, told him the brew was taken, and wasn’t feeling very good, he was assuring in that it will be a good trip, and not to worry, and to maintain positive vibrations, we talked for about 2 minutes. Was out in the kitchen, looking at the chandelier above the kitchen table, focusing on positive things, and feeling happy, feeling anxious and paranoid, worry settling in, went to shelf in living room, looked at picture of girlfriend with her sister, felt like it was teaching to love more, and be more appreciative of people’s love.

Went into the bedroom, various short icaros songs were playing, laid down, began to see inter-dimensional grid lines and layers of reality penetrating the space of the room, then felt a similar feeling to the first ayahuasca experience, that nothing was real, and ayahuasca was a trap to lure me into hell. Kept repeating girlfriend’s name, friend’s name, even the name of my boss from work, and they were all just illusions, that didn’t exist as my personality and identity dissipated with the onset of the brew. Really difficult to think rationally at this point, normal comprehension went out the window, and could not maintain normal cognizance in any sense. This felt like the “destruction of ego” in that identity no longer existed, and there was simply the immersion of the environment with that wavy twang of liquid patterns moving around, within and without. Decided it might be a good idea to lay next to the fish aquarium and look at them, remember feeling calmed by the green color of the plants and the reflection of the light in the water.

The next series of events came across in a rapid series of intense moments, first the idea being implanted that, “this is what it is” in that the environment and consciousness merged into a cohesive signal that could be affected by mentality, and it was like an engine or generator that was emanating the existence from within, and this feeling of not wanting to the awareness of this. The next event was like these varying lines or circular waves coming out of perception that were interconnected with the fabric of reality, and that it was some hyper-sensational recalibration of awareness. Following this moment was something that could be referred to as “sigil downloading”, all of the magical sigils that were made in the past by me were being brought from the aethyric realms in bright red lava like emblems that were scorched above in the sky (which was the ceiling of the apartment) and being installed into me, and distinctly remember not wanting that to happen, and kept saying, “I’m not ready” over and over again. After this it felt like the veil was being lifted and the undercarriage of existence was visible, it’s difficult to describe, but it was reminiscent of circuitry, that was iridescent, and glowing with reddish orange glowing hues, there were also beings made of this circuitry, that were in there, and they were trying to explain something, can‘t remember what, and this is where it really felt like some inter-dimensional mind-boggling science fiction, reality as what was formerly known, was gone forever.

Suddenly in the corner of the apartment, in the kitchen, these glowing red lava like cracks started to appear, and it felt like the apartment was going to be ripped apart, and then that magical feeling kicked in, time to puke, ran to the bathroom with the unwanted expectation that things were about to get more intense after the purge, and, well, they did. After this returned to the bedroom, the icaros were still playing on repeat, and in came the archons/ demons/ flyers/ aliens (or whatever you want to call them). They were reality, matter, and gave off this vibe that they are in control, and that we are simply slaves to their prison, that helpless feeling of vulnerability in unfamiliar territory was escalating. Then it felt akin to the first ayahuasca experience, being in hell again, being lured into hell forever, and not being able to remember the past despite having awareness. Remember walking out of the bedroom and trying to accept the fact that, “ok, I’m in hell now, what do I do?” Imagine a tall skinny man who is naked (apparently I never got dressed after the shower, and lost the towel at some point) walking in circles from the kitchen to the hallway to the living room to the kitchen on repeat for an hour while hyperventilating and shivering with a rapid heartbeat saying “I’m not ready for this” over and over again. What that experience felt like was probably the peak of the experience, and definitely felt like a continuation of whatever was going on from the first ayahuasca experience. It felt like all of my fear, was essentially a demon or entity following me, whispering, attempting to engage me, and I could not face it, it felt like I was in hell, and my worst fears were going to torture me over and over again forever, and this entity/ force was like a red orb of light that came from the bathroom and was just going to torment me, it also felt like a fun house/ haunted house, and that this was part of the test, to face my fear and overcome it, but I could not do it, going around and around in circles as it followed me whispering.

After this the intensity of the experience began to slowly fade, remember taking several showers, and throwing up a lot (probably 15-20 times from beginning to end). The thing that really helped me cope with this experience was breathing, and centering my awareness within the solar plexus region. After being in the shower for an hour the last time, remember coming back closer to normal awareness (not entirely) still felt like I was in hell and that I would never see anyone again, but then part of me said, “are you in hell?”

It seems like there was a lot of other things that happened throughout the experience that cannot be readily accounted for, sort of some black out moments, the time distortion effects of the brew are pretty powerful. After I finally came to, and took some time to just reconnect with normalcy, there was such a wave of relief, like holy shit, how did you even survive this experience, you are insane haha. Breathed slowly and deeply and just felt the heat of the shower and felt so good, like a million bucks, you just came back from hell, that’s a pretty damn good feeling. Got out of the shower, and saw that I had puked all over the bed, yay. Put some clothes on, found my camera, and began to take pictures of all the areas where I had the most profound moments to help remember while writing this. Then I found my phone and called my friend back to tell him about the experience while smoking a few cigarettes, my brain couldn’t function very well, in terms of staying with the conversation and using words, all that came through was the visual memory of these experiences without being able to find a good way to describe them, and even the descriptions in this writing don’t seem adequate in comparison to my faded memory of these events. I also called my mom and had a nice long talk with her about it, and that was really comforting. There was also these white lines of energy that were whizzing past me when I was outside that I thought was snowing blowing with the wind, but it wasn’t, that was a strange after effect that sort of reminded me of the after effects of dextromethorphan. Overall a very powerful experience and definitely more intense than the first, Syrian rue is definitely a more intense MAOI to use with the brew, be careful, and be strong.

****Afterthoughts: ayahuasca is not intended to be taken indoors, what with the static, dead, rigid confines of a prison like environment, that does not seem very conducive to the experience, and feels like this makes a lot of sense after trying it twice indoors both times.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 107537
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Jul 18, 2020	Views: 843
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Huasca Brew (268) : Difficult Experiences (5), Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Alone (16)