Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: norblueapu. "Hey You - Still Here - It's Alright: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp107568)". Erowid.org. Aug 14, 2019. erowid.org/exp/107568
I like to write about a succession of three mushroom trips which are somehow connected to each other and illustrate greatly what I consider the „magic of Magic Mushrooms“. Their great ability to exactly give you what you need – even though you did not even know what you needed.
I haven’t done psychedelics for a long time (7 yrs. plus).
I haven’t done psychedelics for a long time (7 yrs. plus).
One year ago, I tried LSD again but it didn’t work – again.
Being overconfident (up to the point of arrogance) in my tolerance to psychedelics, then being taught otherwise by the mushroom and finally being let in to enjoy the bliss of the psilocybin. (1st Session)
Trying to get a deep heavy trip on a high dose but instead getting a stale, uninspired trip, feeling super sensitive for the following days. Enjoying returning to civilization and its duties. (2nd Session)
Accidentally entering a full-grown trip and being comforted by the mushroom in a difficult life-situation, enjoying cycling and the beauty of a day break. (3rd Session)
I am in my early forties, in a relationship with no kids. I am male, smoke weed on a daily basis and do have a quite demanding job in – let’s say developing mechanical things. I am not a native English speaker (so please forgive me my mistakes) and I do live in Europe, in a large city close to the mountains.
I have some experience with psychedelics. Some 15 years ago, I more or less accidentally discovered mushrooms and it was a great, maybe life-changing experience. Life-Changing in a good way. Within the next five years I was quite enthusiastic about psychedelics, tried some BZP, C-somethings, MDMA and Salvia, LSD but it either did not work (LSD) or did not catch me (BZP and Salvia). At one point I stopped doing psychedelics – that was approximately seven to ten years ago. It ended somehow quite abruptly. There was no bad trip, lost friends or finding Jesus. It just did not feel right anymore. And so I had a good stash of psychedelics which I almost did not touch in all these years.
It’s now the end of December and the first of the trips took place nine months ago. I had just quit my job and had one week before I took the new one up. I had also enrolled in university for full time studies that started six months later – so I was at quite an intersection in life and to be honest, a little scared of what to come.
4.1. 1st Session “Hey. Listen!”
So after these year-long abstinence from psychedelics I felt it was right to do them again.
Set: In between jobs for one week. Looking forward to new job and studying, being scared of what is to come. Exhausted from the last weeks of intense work
Setting: Very simple cottage in a mountainous area. Admits a forest that still looks like winter. No Snow, no danger of people walking in. / Late March 2015
Dosage: 5.6 g of Psilocybe Cubensis. Self-Grown. In a hybrid rice-cake / manure-straw technique. Possibly not too potent.
Late March 2015
My girlfriend S. and I rented a cottage in the mountains in the middle of a forest. It is quite remote. We started growing mushrooms the winter before and were curious to try out the results. All my last “recent” on psychedelics experiences were quite disappointing, I had a hard time tuning in a secretly suspected that I may have gotten immune due to my daily pot habit and mushroom-past.
11:00 / 5.6 g dried
We cleaned the cabin and had just finished breakfast when we prepared for the trip. I planned – because I considered having quite a tolerance to psychedelics –taking 7 g but S. convinced me taking less and so she took 2.0 g and I 5.6 g.
Waiting for the onset, I got quite agitated (it actually was the onset) tried to prepare everything, putting things on their right spot and as I stood in the bathroom (which is outside) I decided cutting my fingernails - and that was pretty much the last “unimpaired” thought. It hit me instantly. Like somewhat was pulling me outside on my ears and starting giving me a huge telling-off.
I had definitely lost control over my thoughts. A very quick succession of thoughts, emotions, wondering about visuals rushed through me. Each lasting only a moment and being washed away by the next one. I couldn’t help but walking up and down in front of the cabin, dealing with the thoughts and impressions and questions that were not always pleasant. Things like: „How are you treating your girlfriend?” Then feeling sorry for a mother that sees her child leaving home. Then the telling-off again: “Why don’t’ you bring your life in order?” Followed by being stunned by the beauty of deep green and dark bark lying next to each other. I think none of these chunks of pictures-emotion-question staccato lasted for longer than probably 2 seconds. It was very exhausting and got even faster and at one point, I failed to formulate or grasp the questions and impressions anymore, it was like being juggled around. Like a bug on a leaf on a mountain creek. I was only a stunned bystander of myself.
At that point, I suddenly felt sorry for S.. It’s surely because a lot of the thoughts were about her. We were tripping at the same time and the same place, but not together. I searched for her, went into the cabin and heard her giggling upstairs and the trip changed instantly into a warm, mellow, not unlike cartoon kind one. Al the cabin interiors, the iron wood stove, the raw stone wall, the stone carved sink, the age-old wooden ceiling - everything looked as it was padded and soft and bright. I went upstairs and she was very happy and extremely tired so I laid next to her and we enjoyed the visual which have always (or since the beginning of the trip) been there but were overridden by the rest of the impressions. At that point, I began to regain control over my emotions and thoughts of the trip and experienced that I could somehow select between enjoying visuals and having insights and new thoughts and felt extraordinary good. No dizziness, no cold, no hot. Only being and being humble. I felt super stupid that I thought I was immune to psychedelics and was glad that the mushroom told me otherwise.
As evening came we started smoking some weed, prepared food on the wood-stove and sat outside, glanced down to the valley where the stars and lights of the forgotten tiny village competed and eventually, we fell asleep.
I felt terrible the next morning. Not only the exhaustion of the trip but physically ill. Like having the flu with joint-aches and on top of it a full-grown depression. Or what I consider a depression. I was completely sensitive and emotional. Like being naked in the underwood. I talked a lot with my girlfriend, starting crying when trying to explain my thoughts I had on the trip. But crying in a good, emotionally cleansing, not sad way. There was also no feeling sorry for myself or fear of anything. I was just feeling hyper sensitive. And being depressed.
4.2. 2nd Session “Still Here?”
However, after two days, my girlfriend had left for work, I decided to have another go with the mushrooms.
Set: Past an impressive, self-consciousness enhancing trip (3 days before).
Setting: Very simple cottage in a mountainous area. Cabin freshly cleaned, wood chopped, freshly saved. Spring just begun. Late March 2015.
I am completely aware that the total amount of mushrooms sounds just crazy. I do not recommend taking even the half of it. Keep in mind that I took it in three steps over a period of 7 hours, the mushrooms were possibly not the most potent ones and I may have “overcooked” them.
Run 1: 3.5 g (tea: together with herbal tea bag)
Run 2: 3.5 g (tea: together with fresh rosemary and wild salvia)
Run 3: 4.2 g (dried)
Late March 2015
After my girlfriend had left, I spent another full day around the cabin, went for a walk through the forest on very steep ridges to a waterfall. I smoked a good deal of weed, reflecting on the trip and eventually made my way back. Cooked some “aglio e olio” spaghetti (garlic fried in olive oil) and went to bed early.
The next morning was nice, not too bright, maybe around 12 °C. I cleaned everything, shaved myself, gathered wood and chopped enough to maintain a steady, good fire till the next morning. This took me till around 11 a.m.. The “depression” I suffered two days earlier completely vanished and I felt good for another go, heated up some water, not to the boiling point and threw some 3.5 g psilocybe cubensis in and tried avoiding boiling the water because I suspected excessive heat might destroy the psilocybin/psilocin. I failed doing that and it may have slightly simmered for approximately one minute. After ten minutes I poured it through a sieve over an infusion bag of herbal tea.
2nd Session, Run 1 / 11:00 / 3.5 g as tea
I let it cool down and was surprised by the non-repelling taste. Almost like tea you could by in a bio-store. After a quarter hour or so, I felt the effects. Pretty intense visuals that I hardly appreciated. I had pretty much the same experience, the interrogation kind of reflecting. But eventually I found myself on the bed (since it was still quite chilly outside) enjoying the visuals that again were quite intense and enjoying pretty much everything. At around three p.m. I decided to take another tea-go and suddenly remembered the wild salvia (not the psychoactive salvia) that was growing on the side of the path and the rosemary bush that grew right in front of the cabin. I put the salvia, the rosemary and 3.5 g of psilocybe cubensis in a pot and again missed the boiling point and overcooked it a little. I heated it for possibly 10 minutes.
2nd Session, Run 2 / 15:00 / 3.5 g as tea
After letting cooling it down, I drank the tea and was surprised by the good taste. Salvia and Rosemary – and even the purple color (from the spores) would have qualified it for a serious fashion drink! I thought that I had already passed the “being agitated” phase (where I usually feel uneasy and unbalanced) and would straight go into the “being relaxed” phase - but that was a misconception. It was the same three stages of: 1) “being agitated” / 2) “being insightful” / 3) “being relaxed”
It was a little bit disappointing. Like the mushroom was telling me that there was nothing else to tell me. And that’s now the time for acting. Quite enjoyable but somehow pale. Maybe I was just still too exhausted and was lacking of new impressions and ideas. Or the mushroom was right - it was my turn to do something. However, after I felt like having a beer and opened one, I was suddenly quite encouraged that I could take another go. This time not faded by simmering it too long but just eating them.
2nd Session, Run 3 / 15:00 / 4.2 g dried
In a sudden rush of recklessness, I just took and chewed another 4.2 g of psilocybe cubensis. The onset took me almost immediately. “Oh, this is going to be exhausting.” Was my first thought and again it went off for another three stage mushroom ride. I briefly considered throwing-up but decided to ride it out. I was not too agitated und and uneasy but then I remembered my iPod that I had completely forgotten (but have thrown it in my backpack the very last second I left the apartment). So I turned it on for the first time in years and loved the familiar electro tunes, dancing to them in the kitchen, enjoying the sight of a misty early spring hill covered with dead trees and smiling what would happen if anybody was seeing me there. Eventually, I went to bed and fell in a deep sleep. This last run was very exhausting, emotionally and in terms of thinking.
The next morning was not bad at all. I still felt very sensitive and sympathetic towards almost everything. Even the children’s good night story on the radio took me emotionally. But on the same time, I was positively looking forward to the challenges that lay ahead (studying, new job). I spent two other days in the cabin, chilling and just enjoying myself. But also realizing that it was more than enough of the mushrooms and I would have to do a lot. And to let the impressions being settled before I would take them again.
Three days later
The drive home was just awesome! I loved the driving rules and how everybody obeyed them (or the majority). It was like there were giving me a smooth, discrete guidance back to society. I drove (honestly: sober) and felt like being greeted by the traffic signs and the arrows and lines painted on the tarmac. Almost enjoying how the other cars took me over and set the indicator to get back in the lane in front of me.
Next 3 months
So I started my new job where I almost immediately got a really challenging task to fulfill. We worked long hours, everybody was under considerable pressure and it turned out that I was daily called by a somehow suspicious vice president for the progress and had to justify this and that. And to make things worse, my boss lost his temper on a weekly basis. I started to doubt whether I can maintain my study plans if they lay me off after probation period. Even though I had a plan B, the situation stressed me a lot. And sure, being yelled at and questioned like it was the Spanish inquisition corroded my self-esteem a little. A few days before the below mentioned “Session It’s Alright”, I couldn’t sleep at night and saw that as a sign that the situation needed to be solved.
4.3. 3rd Session “It’s Alright.”
Completely unplanned and definitely underestimating the mushrooms’ power, I went into the third of the sessions’ most enjoyable, yes advising trip!
Set: Feeling a lot of pressure and fearing that my plans may not work.
Setting: Evening in my flat in the center of a city
Dosage: 3 medium, self-grown, small-hat mushrooms (psilocybe cubensis, not the same harvest as for 1st and 2nd Session), approximately 1.5 g
Early June 2015
I finished the week really angry and was convinced that they will lay me off (what turned out to be a misjudgment). I spent the day doing groceries, picking up deposed mail, etc…. There was an outdoor goa party some only 5 k’s away from my home, it was great weather so my girlfriend and I decided to go to the party by bicycle!
One of the bikes had a flat tire, so I went up to get the air pump which is in the same closet to where I dry my mushrooms and suddenly, I felt an urge to have a mushroom. I thought that having trouble sleeping at night and being angry the entire week is probably the worst setting imaginable. Back and forth I decided to take just a tiny dose of two small mushrooms, not even a quarter what I took the two sessions before. “Just that it tickles a bit”, I thought. Strangely the air pump exploded but having a second one I went up again and spontaneously took another one. All in all probably 1.5 g.
22:00 / 1.5 g dried
So I finished the pumping-up of the tire and we set-off to the party which was situated right at the banks of a river, some 2 ks out of the perimeter of the city. At one point, we had to cross the street taking an underway. I drove a good deal in front of S. and found (or I thought at least) the way where to cross and indicated that she’ll follow me. She waved back that she understood – and drove away in exactly opposite direction. I was quite stunned for a second and a strong wave of dizziness run through my body and for a second I thought “Huh, what is this?” and remembered that I had taken some tiny 3 shrooms. They were way stronger than expected - nothing of the “just that it tickles a bit” kind.
The dizziness hit alongside with confusion of where I was and some pesky visuals (in terms of finding the way). But my spirit was surprisingly high. I thought that there’s the river, the party is at the river and I live very close to the river - stay by the river. I decided to walk with my and found after some hundred meters that I had been walking the opposite direction for quite a while. Then S. approached on her cycle and I waved her enthusiastic then being convinced that’s not her but a middle aged man cycling quietly but then it turned out it is her and I told her that I was already feeling a good deal of effects. So we kept on cycling to the party and arrived there around 11 p.m.
We arrived at the party location and the onset was complete. The guys at the entrance first thought we were only bypasses (since I’m almost double the age of the average) but we eventually figured that out. The party plot was fun and thoughtfully decorated - it had an ecological theme and all the decoration was only been made from things found in the woods (plus some yarn I suppose) and even the entrance-thing was a cloth of cotton with an imprint: “Freedom is a state of mind – if you don’t like where you are, change it. You’re not a free.” Strange, quite depressive saying for a goa party I thought but “you’re not a free” is really describing how I’m feeling right now. We tried blending into the party but I suppose there was a lot of speed around and the groove was not really aggressive but somehow not welcoming. So we went for a walk along the river through a forest till we reached a freshly constructed massive concrete flood prevention means – I was amazed by the will and effort to build this. Some 5 minutes later a dramatic intersection of five motorway tracks on high tracks. This was all very impressive and we talked about the beauty of manmade things and the attempt to influence even to direct the future and the risk of failing. Like I was risking losing my job during the attempt of going to study. It was suddenly perfectly clear. That it’s no trouble at all if they lay me off. That I am prepared to quit this job myself – so I wondered why I worried so much. And felt stupid for it. We watched the super clear sky, talked about pretty much everything, I was having some good visuals and enjoyed them quietly since S. was not on anything and I didn’t want to bore her.
So we walked back to the party, but somehow the groove had changed to the worse. Everybody seemed to be stressed-out, on the hunt for something. So S. and I decided to leave the party. Again there was struggle with the tire (I broke the valve off but managed to pump it somehow) and cycled back through what was the perfect very early morning. Stars were bright and shown I could feel every little unevenness in the road and even “gravitational abnormalities” (or so I thought) and used them to glide effortless towards the city. We stopped at a small bridge to watch a blackbird singing right at the top of the bridge and sat down at the side of the bridge to watch it. We just enjoyed the beauty of its singing and the blinking stars and me my visuals. As we sat there we pondered again the ticket-bracelet (the one with the strange saying) - it was a misprint and should have read: “you’re not a tree.” Instead of “… not a free.” We both smiled and that was a great finish to a great evening.
Next 3 Weeks
My mood had changed completely after this party. It was not that I was no longer scared of the things to come. The situation at work had not changed but it was that I could take them and that influenced the work itself. Meanwhile it’s my favorite working place and I am not sure if it would have been the same without the mushrooms.
At the first session (“Hey. Listen!”), I felt that the mushroom may not work for me and that I can control them and approached them in an arrogant way. But it decided showing me its power and its beauty – made me humble. Pretty fast.
During the second session (“Still here?”), I had a urge for some party-style visuals, possibly insights, all on a high dose without really being prepared for a trip – and the mushroom told me exactly that, pointed to the life I shall take care of.
And for the third session (“It’s Alright.”), I accidentally stumbled into a full-grown trip, without expectations and the mushrooms comforted and reassured me. And that’s what I needed at this point
At least for me it’s stunning – yet “magic” – how such a small and in terms of biologists “primitive” plant finds the way in one’s consciousness. And not only finding its way there and altering it but pointing to the important issues too! Like it was an independent entity, like it had its own “soul” or “consciousness”. And if one doesn;t want to go that far and stick to the non-esoteric path, it’s at least “magic” how the human brain and the mushroom interact so perfectly.
However, I am thankful that the mushrooms are part of nature, allowing us to get a connection we usually cannot not have.
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