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My Enlightenment
Mushrooms - P. cubensis
by Pandanator
Citation:   Pandanator. "My Enlightenment: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp108045)". Erowid.org. Jun 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/108045

3.5 g oral Mushrooms - P. cubensis (tea)
    smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes  


Ever since I was in 7th grade the thought of a mushroom trip had excited me. I am a very creative person, I paint and write. I thought the mushrooms would bring to life what I saw in my mind. I had only one trip on mushrooms before. In 2015 on halloween my friends and I all chose a drug for the evening. They had all had chosen cocaine while I chose shrooms. I had a level 3 trip and had the time of my life. Earlier that day we had watched Kung fu panda and during my trip I found my inner peace.

So fast forward to February 2016, the opportunity for taking shrooms again had presented itself. An old friends with benefits was in town and he wanted to take shrooms for the first time. I live with my grandmother who is pretty open-minded so I decided we would just take them at my house while she was at work. I had nothing else to do the rest of the day, it was my day off.

Around noon we took the shrooms ["Amazon cubensis"] I purchased from the last guy I bought them from and brewed it into a tea. We had about 3.5 grams. After we drank the tea we ate the remainder now soggy mushrooms. While we waited I decided to go outside and have a cigarette. He came with me. For the first few minutes I just felt like I was on an intense weed high, there were no visuals. We then came inside and just looked around the house. Colors were getting brighter and we started laughing. Then outside the window I saw my grandma come home. Even though she is open-minded I still didn’t want her to see me high on shrooms. I started to sort of freak out. I yelled “I’m out!” and went inside my room.

My old flame stayed in the living room to talk to my grandma. I figured it was weird for me to just leave him out there alone so against my better judgement I went out to say hi as well. We were all standing and talking, well they were talking. In my head I just kept thinking, “Oh god this isn’t good. Having her here is going to give me a bad trip.” So as I stand there listening and internally freaking out, a wave of darkness overcame my eyesight. A high pitched ringing filled my ears and in the next moment I found myself on the floor.
A high pitched ringing filled my ears and in the next moment I found myself on the floor.
Everything was blurry and out of focus as I regained consciousness. My grandma and the guy stood over me asking if I was okay. My grandma thought I hit my head and wanted to take me to the hospital. I had been out for 30 seconds. I almost went. Waking up like that scared the hell out of me but then I remembered I was on shrooms and a hospital was probably the last place I should be.

I told her I had just smoked a lot of weed and that I just needed to lie down. I proceeded to my bedroom and lay down on my bed. There were so many visuals that I couldn’t focus. The walls were vibrating with blue and red lines. The paintings on my walls morphed, changing from pretty things to horrible things depending on where I let my thoughts go. Outside of my room I heard the other two put on a movie. As I listened to the movie words became songs. A simple short laugh turned into a dub step beat. Over and over again I created these techno songs in my head. I’m not a fan of that kind of music so that just made things worse.

After a while things started to go black once more. I could no longer see my room. I could no longer feel my body. Soon the world flashed before my eyes. Everything good about the world came with a white light and everything bad came with a black light. I felt like an all knowing being. Like I was being shown the secret to life. Nothing had meaning to it. the word “why” was said over and over again in my head. All I thought was why? None of this is worth it. There was no reason to do anything. My job, my worries, money, anything and everything was useless. I couldn’t see a reason to keep going. I could not see a reason to keep living if nothing had meaning. I started slipping. The flashes of the world stopped and I was poured into blackness once again. I thought of my body. It wasn’t there. Nothing was there. That scared me. There had to be a reason to keep living. I started thinking of my loved ones. I didn’t care about myself, only the ones I loved. Forget me. Forget my ego, my Self. It wasn’t about me. Life was about them. I had to keep living so I could be there for them and help them live. I could tell them the secret to life (I had been given the secret to life but after I was sober I lost the knowledge). I wanted to tell them the secret. I pushed and pulled in my mind, trying to find my body. I focused first on my fingers and after several minutes was able to move them. I saw my room again, the normal shroom visuals on the walls and whatnot. I was terrified. I felt like I had just pulled myself from death. I felt like I left my body and had to find my way back. I focused on things in my room, trying to figure out what was real and what was not. I sat up and started touching things to make sure they were solid.

After a while I felt fit to come out of my room. When I emerged my high became much more positive and I started laughing at everything. The guy who was there looked super confused. He probably had a bad first trip because he saw me black out and thought it would happen to him. The high lasted 6 hours and I finally came down. Things felt very dark and grey afterwards and honestly, the colors have stayed their dull color. I don’t know why I blacked out in the beginning. I have never blacked out before in my life. This experience has made me not want to do shrooms ever again.

Exp Year: 2016ExpID: 108045
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Jun 15, 2020Views: 386
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)

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