Citation: Cory. "It Has Saved My Life: An Experience with Ibogaine (HCl & TA) (exp108192)". Erowid.org. Jun 15, 2016. erowid.org/exp/108192
I would like to share my experience just in case there are other people out there who are in the same boat I was. Ibogaine is nothing short of hell, it makes one deal with one's problems. I am going to go through with details about all 3 of my journeys. Ibogaine has saved my life and made me whole again. I am lucky though as I had a support group with my family and my wife that made it possible. I am a lucky man!!
Here is a little background on myself and my drug addiction over the past 20 years. I was introduced to crack when i was 18 years old and ever since the first hit my life has been miserable, and I have made everyone close to me miserable. I have done some time in jail, paid probably $50,000 in fines and probation fees, wrecked and totalled 7 brand new vehicles and probably have spent around $500,000 on crack, cocaine, alcohol and pain killers.
At first it was fun but as my addictions grew more and more out of control my life went more and more out of control as well as everyone who was close to me. I had everything a man could ask for in life, a beautiful wife and a great family but I was hell bent on destroying it. In the end the drugs took control of everything and for 2-3 times a week I would go on binges and disappear for days. I am very fortunate to have people in my life that did not give up on me and were there for me. At the end I was ready to commit suicide just to end the never-ending cycle of using. 12 steps are not for me, I am too busy and live 1.5 hours away from any type of IOP treatment.
My first encounter with Ibogaine came at a facility called [ ] in Mexico. After various searches and talking with facilities that are after your $$$$$$ they assured me that taking Ibogaine has to be medically supervised or you will die; I can assure you that is not the case.
From the time I got on a plane until the time I landed back was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. On top of that my dose was almost half of what it should have been and did not have the results I was expecting from all the hype. The facility was nice and all but I hated the fact that it cost me $7500 for the week-long stay plus the plane tickets. I did not need to feel like I was on a vacation, I needed treatment god dammit and all I did was stay in my little room, depressed and hating myself. They gave me 1 gram of Ibogaine HCL and the minimum flood dose for my body weight was 1.5 and the maximum was 2.5. I could not get back home quick enough. The gram did make me trip and I had a few visions but instead of a complete reboot of the brain I feel like it only did about a quarter of what it was supposed to do. When I got back I did not go out seeking drugs, but there was some that showed up in the mailbox and I could not resist. So here we go the never ending cycle started up again. I still had the funny feelings every time I thought about using. So here I was almost $10,000 down on a treatment and within 2 weeks of returning I am back in the spiral downward and depressed ready to die so everyone around me could still have a chance at a normal life.
My second journey with ibogaine I found a source out of Africa that would ship pure HCL to my door. I ordered 2 grams of HCL, 1.5 for the flood dose and two .250 boosters ($450). I took it at home with my wife and mother as my sitters. Three days of pure hell later I am coming around and feeling pretty damn good and had a positive outlook on life. I still did not get that overwhelming happiness that I had read about, but for the most part it seemed like it worked.
Then the first fuckup came after a few weeks. The wife and I got into an argument about the past and within an hour I was on the way to the dope man and the cycle started over. I was actually ready to go ahead and check out. I had already started writing goodbye letters to family members and explaining that I was at the point of where I would rather of been dead instead of being a crackhead.
We talked about why it failed and my wife did some research about addiction and after numerous binges we decided to order the ibogaine one more time and give things one last shot. If it didn't work this time I had my mind made up that I would check out. I had tried everything in the world and nothing works. Now I am depressed again and trying to get the details together of when and how I would do it. At this point I had turned over all money to my wife because if I had $20 dollars in my pocket it would belong the the drug dealers.
The third time was the life-changing event I was hoping for!! We ordered 1 gram of HCL and 2 grams of TA. The first two times were both taken early in the morning but the third time was taken on a Friday evening. I took 1.4 grams of HCL and about a gram of the TA. It was a little bit more than dose recommendation, but I thought if I died then I died trying to save myself. I took the dose around 6 pm on a Friday night and it came on fast. By 6:30pm I was completely out.
This trip was different from the first two. The first two times when I would open my eyes everything would be normal minus the not having any body control. I died this time right off the bat. I seriously thought I had heard my heart beat its last beat. It wasn't scary at all but in all seriousness I finally found peace. This time instead of lasting 8-10 hours of not having any body control it lasted 24 hours. I lost 35 lbs of sweat during the 24 hours. My sitters said afterward that they would wipe the sweat off and as soon as they got done it would be time to do it again. They said I would come to only to look like the grim reaper was prying at my soul through the look on my face. During all of this I was at peace with everything. I had accepted my fate and I had died trying to save myself from a lifetime of misery as well as everyone around me. My visions or dreams this time were 2-3 times as intense as the first two times. The ibogaine was working a miracle and saving my life. It totally cleansed my body from every toxin I had put in it for 20 years. It defragmented my brain and allowed me to reboot. I was lying there a dead man and all of a sudden the power came back on. My wife and mom were calling doctors because of what they were seeing, they thought something was seriously wrong and I would be dead or brain damaged. The doctors said there was nothing they could do and just make sure I drank a lot of liquid.
Now that the first 24 hours are over there is still 48 hours of relearning. I have to relearn to walk, think, my bones are hurting from the trip. I basically am still out of it, but the possibility of dying (which is very very very slim). They said when I was in the trip I would go from bauling my eyes out to smiling and I think that is from the dreams that y have. I was able to see the hurt I put people through and it killed me inside, but the ibogaine MADE me DEAL with it and it allowed me to put it behind me to move forward.
Now let's talk about the fourth day! After a night of restlessness I finally got some sleep and when I woke up, I could tell something was different. I was HAPPY, in fact I am so happy that almost two weeks later my eyes water up every time I think about it. It worked just like it was supposed to! I have no desire to ever use again and I have promised myself that I will never go back, I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy.
We closed last week on a house and 5 acres out in the country, I have a great job, great wife and great family and I will be telling them thank you for a long long time for not giving up on me. It had to be a hard road for everyone but now I can fix and move forward! I have never been as happy as I am right now. My confidence is back, and I am for the first time in 20 years whole again! Now it's time to make up for the damage I have done!! I am closer to my wife and family then I have ever been
I just wanted to share my story with the world of addicts and the possibility of helping someone save their life as well!
LIFE IS GREAT! THANK YOU IBOGAINE YOU ARE A MIRACLE!
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