Citation: AnonDevil. "What Being Insane Feels Like: An Experience with Mushrooms (sclerotia) (exp108939)". Erowid.org. Aug 30, 2021. erowid.org/exp/108939
To start off I'm a 20 years old male I was in a very bad time in my life, I didnt plan anything for the trip. Bad Idea.
I was really curious about Shrooms and really wanted to try them, wanted to see the vool visuals, the insight. etc. But it was nothing like I expected and was prepared for so I had Magic truffles ordered to me the name of the strain was 'Aliens'. They was brought still fresh in their growing substrate so I just had to remove them from the substrate and wash them and eat them.
At 7oclock at night, I took all the truffles from the substrate and washed them and thought that the total of the truffles were 15g. I dont know why I assumed that but with all the excitement I forgot that these were fresh off the substrate so their weight is Unknown.
So I ate half of them by chewing them downing with water. Didnt really like the taste. So I sit and kicked back watching some youtube vids. An hour later when the trip began. I was chilling on my Sofa in my Room. I felt the trip coming and my thoughts were different so I started wearing my headphones and listening to 'Lana Del Rey - Freak' and other psychedelic music. It felt so good listening to music I stayed listening music and just chilling on the sofa for like 30 minutes, then I felt very energetic like Litteraly HALF of my weight was gone, I was so light I started jumping and walking in my room walking and decided to look at the mirror. My face was morphing and my eyes moving it was cool. Then I sat again in my sofa chilling and listening to music while googling stuff like I'm on shrooms and looking at people posts n shit and I had the ONENESS feeling and that all of us people who eat shrooms had the same personality and the same way of thinking it felt nice. Also then I realized that the edges of my eyesight were also moving. Modern electronics like the phone looked so foreign and I also remember the icons in the iphone wiggling. Hahah I also remember there was this slinty eyes like a stoned emoji on the bed with a half mouth it looked like a stoned emoji I would tell it to not look at me while laughing and tell him shutup your stoned and laugh with it. And tell it you look like a bird and an egg combined.
I also had OEV of a geometric shape same as a bees nest all over the walls, also I saw DumDum's face on the clothes and also a Yeti's face. As I was walking in my room when I light a cig I saw the cigarette as coming back to Reality and laugh. I put my finger very close to my eyes and I saw a trail of very tiny ants, thousands climbing the edges of my finger, as I was watching this I had a picture of a pyramid of egypt. Then I started finding my self lost in thought, at the time I was in a deep thought of the humans problems since god created us and all the problems we have daily are very very tiny compared to humans problems like 1 grain of sand out of a pile of sand. I also thought everyone who trips has some kind of geometric patterns in his room to have fun watching while tripping. This all happend in the span of ~1 Hour.
Then suddenly while listening to music from my iphone, I removed the headphones and as soon as I removed them I had this very dark anxiety feeling of hopelessness and FEAR and I didnt know what to do, saying to myself what did you do to yourself! I started walking in my room thinking of how to get out of this line of thought but I couldnt. I eventually sat down and this is where it got extreme. While sitting down I looked at 2 boxes of microwave popcorn that I had in my room and thought, why is this greed? Why didnt I just get one why am I a greedy person. I thought god created us just sleeping and this world we live in is just an imagination, and every person I ever knew was just an imagination I created in my own mind, this was a very shocking thing to me. At this point I was freaking out and continously walking in my room non stop while having the scariest thoughts in my mind, my AC was on 18 Celcius. The room was VERY COLD but yet my body was very hot to the point where I was sweating. And I knew there was no way out. I remember having blending of the senses, I could smell my eye vision, unexplainable. I had people combined with my AC remote control. I cant explain that either.
I then laid on the bed trying to calm myself and I would remember stories of people on shrooms scratching their eyes and going blind and some commit suicide and think to my self NO dont do that and dont kill yourself. Then I sat on the bed and had a picture in my mind of me slitting my wrists. Then I started getting out of my room walking so as I was walking I remember thinking I've seen this before this happend before me walking this way and this TV sound and the birds sound, Its like everything is being reply'd to me I was 100% sure of it. I also remember wanting to drink water so as I was coming down the stairs I think now I will go to the kitchen and the maid will be sitting on the chair and yes she is there. Every step I did I knew what would happen if I did it for example I wanted to find the AC remote. I look at the pillow and remove it and there it is the AC remote. I want the lighter, I look at the bed and there it is. It was very very weird and that made me 100% sure that I am living the same day infinitely and it was no fun, I was stuck in this loop and the only way out was Death or God helping me out of it. I wanted so badly to live in the ignorance I lived in (at the time I thought everything I said was true about the infinite days and all people I know were just in my imagination). And the bad trip was like a black hole or quicksand (the more you want out the more bad it gets, the more you sink inside it).
I also remember my left eye trying to close by itself and while doing that I was hearing Star Wars light saber sound but I managed to keep it open. It happend for only 2 seconds. I remember knowing how people who are insane feel like and this was it I felt insane. It was Litteraly the scariest thing I had in my life. At some point I was watching TV and I remember watching a movie that I've never seen in my life before, and in my mind I knew what would happen and it happens, I dont know how this is but its certainly my brain tricking me.
6 Hours later I started coming back but still had some visuals, when I looked at my AC it was kind of melting downwards. After a few minutes I felt like a very huge bulge of rock was removed from my chest and felt a very great relief that I've never had before and felt very peaceful and calm.
Later I weighted the other half and it weighted 30 Grams. I Know I fucked up about the dosing and I certainly wouldnt take any psychedelics anytime soon.
I could have easily ended my life because at one point while tripping I didnt really care if I killed myself to end this, and really didnt care about the Law and if I get caught and being thrown to jail. To be more clear I thought being in jail is something normal.
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