DOSE:

repeated

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

72 kg

Expired Shrooms

Having done truffles a couple of times and mushrooms (self grown) 3 times before I started considering myself not quite experienced but no 'newbie'. That being said, I am bipolar and trying to fix that by going to a psychiatrist. Before they give me antidepressants I hoped to become 'enlightened' a bit by mushrooms, I knew once my therapy started I could not take them anymore so I was hoping for a mind altering experience or maybe two.

I started out preparing a week in advance by taking a mild dosage of truffles to experience the drug once more before I went big, it had been a while. I had a very nice experience and seeing it now I maybe should have left it at that and should have meditated about this one a few weeks after.

But I had a plan... And maybe, it's not a bad thing it happened, I had one bad trip before and it's awful BUT it does tend to change me even more than a good one, maybe I'm one of those crappy people who needs to die before he appreciates life...

So I still had my own self grown shrooms that were a couple of months old but very very dry. I noticed a few black spots but hey, it's shrooms, dried, they aren't supposed to look good and I never had dried shrooms before but my own, didn't remember how they looked the last time. And I already ate expired truffles before, no biggie just some milder effects... I really needed this experience so I went through with it even if they were a bit bad. Knowing this plus that I took truffles a week in advance (higher threshold) I prepared myself to take more, but because I wasn't sure if they were a bit expired I started out light. I also had my gf as sitter, she did shrooms with me before.

I have no recollection about the time or date as I am writing this +-1 month later... But it went something like this:

Took a normal (from experiences before) dose, 1 big and 1 tiny dried mushroom, they both looked like the best of the bunch but they had some blackness...

Anyways after an hour I didn't feel anything, very very mild patterns on the wall, I took another big one and one hour later I had to admit that I was tripping but it was not quite what I expected, not very visual at all, more trippy 'feeling', as if I was not quite there yet...

I kept having this feeling, so I kept eating tiny mushrooms 1 at a time every 20mins or so, my gf did not see this, I thought she knew and therefore I went on, but as she was studying for her finals she was not paying that much attention to me. I think in the end I took 3-4x the dose I usually take (note that I usually take a light-normal dosage, so it's not that I took a huge dose but big enough to trip pretty hard).

Anyways that's where shit got ugly, I got a bit scared seeing how much I took, and seeing the timeframe I knew I was gonna trip hard in a few minutes and suddenly I was not ready for this, weird because the days and hours before I was. I guess this feeling came because I was already tripping and knew I had been eating with no plan in mind.

Suddenly panic took over, I tried to stay calm, I knew this feeling from previous trips, trying to stay calm suddenly I noticed I was breathing really heavy, like there was no oxygen in the air, and my sight was slowly going away. I was fainting.... I told my gf in a calm manner (not to scare her): 'I don't feel good, help..'

She went in the kitchen to take water/cola and I blacked out (not realizing it), the trip I had during the blackout was intense, very epileptic (had this once before 10y ago, not on drugs, was tested and I don't have epilepsy it was a one-timer caused by a videogame). Flashing images, very fast, like I was shot into space. Can't remember the details...

When I woke up my gf had splashed water in my face and I noticed I took 1 very deep breath, she told me afterwards I did not breath during the blackout (20sec) and my muscles were stiff like a plank, I was lying on the bed at the time. I was okay but only because she seemed calm, she was not... She is a nurse and was freaking out but could hide it well.

I went sitting in a chair, and 3mins later or so the same happened, I warned her again, and the same thing happened again, this time 30-40sec (she told me because for me it could have been 1minute or 5hours time was non existing).

After being watered again I started eating what she made in the meantime and after that I just had a very strange and scary 4 hours left. She fucked up her studying and exams to stay with me on the bed and keep me calm, otherwise I guess it would have happened again or worse.

I don't know what it was, I was scared the days after that I was gonna get sick from a kind of bacteria... I'm still alive and very very well now so I guess not.

I had nothing from the trip, I did not have any insights. BUT!.. This whole experience, gf failing the exams, taught me one thing, that I had to be less selfish and stop doing drugs as a thing I 'need'.

I used to smoke weed daily for over 3years, 400€/month, I also used to drink a bottle of vodka daily, at least. Since this experience I stopped completely, I also don't drink anymore, I'm still bipolar and always will be, but the only way I'm gonna get better is by professional help and self meditation, the last can still be with truffles once in a while, but 99% should be sober, and I'm staying clear of shrooms because as someone with depressions I can't risk making them worse, I used to be selfish and think: it can either help me or make it worse and in the last case I'll just kill myself (was planning anyways), now I am ashamed for not having seen I have a responsibility towards my relationship.

I have a new attitude towards drugs I heard before from Louis C.K.: I never do drugs, so when I do they are awesome!

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108945
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Dec 28, 2020	Views: 688
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