DOSE: T+ 0:00	3.5 g	oral	Mushrooms
T+ 1:00	6 - 7 hits	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

65 kg

Last night I consumed 3.5 grams of dried mushrooms. I smoked a joint an hour into the trip and my world was turned upside down. For most of the experience I believed I had flicked a switch in my brain and activated a latent psychotic condition and that I was never coming back. I described it as best I could through note taking while it was happening and I have included the log below.

Past experience:
I've tripped on LSD about 10 times and I have experienced the typical mystical experience described as the 'white light', 'the life force', 'the source'. I've experience the unconditional love of 'All is one' and all that. These experiences have given my life deeper meaning and I have since dedicated my time to self improvement and detachment from ego concerns. AL-LAD twice, once overwhelming, mentioned in the conclusion of this report. Mushrooms 5 to 10 times, I can't really remember; more recreational than profound. 2CB and 2CE occasionally but they don't seem to agree with me. Bad body load and underwhelming mental trip. Every day cannabis smoker before bed to help me sleep.

Set & setting:
10:30pm in my bedroom, very dimly lit. Feeling relatively tired before consumption, long day. Feeling happy and motivated after a week of productivity and good luck.

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Log:
• Hopefully I don't get hit by full sedation and compulsive yawning. I can handle a couple of yawns but last time was too much. It became painful.
• I can definitely feel it physically, body is heavy, some eye wiggles. No visuals or mindset change yet.
• Hit my first yawn.
• I wonder if it's possible to avoid the delirium phase?
• It's beginning, but slow.

[25 minutes later]

• Mushrooms really are wonderful. Perfect for night time when everything is still and quiet.
• Nice body high once comfortable. A warm slow glow. No stimulation like on lysergamides. My body actually feels really nice.
• It demands I be in a warm snug place, under the protection of my covers.
• Everything is so rich and full of information. Nothing is shallow. I have missed so much detail in everything.

[30 minutes later the trip felt as if it had reached its peak and it wasn't going to get any stronger so I smoked a joint out of my window. Only about 6 or 7 hits. Melting visuals, I was extremely giddy and excited. Laughing at everything, uncontrollably. Too much dopamine? Yawning increased in frequency and intensity until I was trapped in a stupor, flicking between laughing and yawning. Tripping very hard at this point. Not much I could do consciously. Everything was immensely humorous even when I didn't feel like it was; not fun. I got back into bed.]

• Something must've happened. Nothing makes sense. Everything is isolated. Every word and concept is not connected to anything. Remember I am on a drug and I must be sleep deprived. I'm in a kind of hell.
• Depersonalisation. An existence devoid of narrative. Every word I'm writing might be spelled wrong.
• No flow, no connection. A madness, well and truly.
• I cannot grasp what is happening because it is extremely weird. I get painful flashes of disassociation whenever I use the word 'I' or 'it' or 'they' in mental thought or in written form.
• I find myself asking who?, where?, and what? to every thought because I cannot connect the words together. Although I know I am asking these questions, they seem as if they aren't asked by me, I am just hearing them. It seems I just don't understand anything.
• I hear these questions as voices in my head. Incessant. They have no relevance to anything but I hear the same repetitious words. There is not much variation in the questions.
• This is a dimension of unresolved forms.
• Where do I find solace from this madness?
• I don't understand what 'I' means.
• I am definitely in hell. An eternity of discord.
• Everything is alien to me.
• I should sleep. I'm sure I'll be fine when I wake up.
• Is this schizophrenia? What have I done?
• Smoking loads of cannabis on mushrooms is exactly what Terence McKenna encouraged. This cannot be the typical response. There's no way anybody would willingly experience this. What went wrong?

[I tried to watch a random video on Youtube to distract myself, to find the solace I sought. I couldn't follow anything. The words were alien as they were delivered as isolated forms. Not sentences, but individual words separated from meaning. I gave up and closed my eyes to realise that even though I was mad I was still tripping quite hard. The imagery in my mind was very organic and based on earthly themes. Significantly different to the cosmic visions of lysergamides. At one point I found myself remembering a dream I had had the night before as if it were a real memory.]

• I get it. I'm dreaming awake. My mind is asleep but my awareness and my body are proceeding.
• I'm experiencing a nightmare, living in the subconscious. Immediate memory retention does not exist here.
• Somehow I'm remaining relatively centred. Definitely still tripping and high.
• I forget what I'm saying or thinking halfway through the first word. It's paralysing.
• There is a very distinct evil presence. Imagery is dark and twisted. Eyes, snakes, teeth, spiders, vines, spikes. The air is thick and cold. Am I being possessed? I've experienced heaven on LSD, am I being shown the flip-side of the coin? A lesson on duality?
• Music might help, or it might inspire insane hallucinations.

[I reached for a familiar playlist I discovered once which has always succeeded in guiding me through powerful experiences on LSD, and started playing a song though my headphones. The song acted somewhat as a protective force as I was aware of how beautiful it was. It was light, friendly, full of hope. It allowed me to forget about my angst and reach a very relaxed state. This was my anchor.]

• I've noticed that I keep doing routine things and thinking usual thoughts but I don't recognise them as my own. It exists separate from my awareness.
• Is it serotonin syndrome? This started after intense laughing at everything. I caught myself a few times not feeling the laugh and a disconnection was created.
• I've just noticed that this whole time I haven't yawned once. Am I actually asleep?
• Throat is fiercely dehydrated, struggling to swallow water.

[At this point I remember turning the light on to go to the toilet. Once I returned to my bedroom it seemed like the hellish curse had mostly been lifted. I recognised the objects scattered around my room and I understood where I was and what I was doing. Perhaps the weed had run its course and its peak was over. I managed to get closer to actually sleeping as my consciousness faded, although I was acutely aware of an uncomfortable pressure in my chest. My heart felt tight and it made me anxious. Too much weed. At one point I fell asleep but awoke very shortly after and my whole body was covered in cold sweat. I felt both hot and cold at the same time and my anxiety manifested itself physically. I felt spiders crawling up my legs as my heart rate increased rapidly. I was in pain, both physically and mentally. The next thing I remember was waking this morning, and everything seems to have gone back to normal.]

Retrospection:
The last time I ate shrooms and smoked a joint I had a great time. It was the same setting. I experienced the same joyous laughter and excitement as I did last night except it was genuine and very rewarding. Last night I decided to smoke only about an hour into the trip while the first time I waited over two. Perhaps I smoked way too early this time.

I remember the first time I tried AL-LAD and something similar happened, except there was no cannabis involved. It was the same setting but pitch black. I ingested 300ug because I had heard that 150ug was underwhelming. A mistake for sure, as I was flung into a deep state of confusion and unconsciousness. I looped around strange thoughts and dead ends while I heard the exact same voices as I did last night. They were voices I couldn't place or understand but they were the same. It took over an hour for me to regain my consciousness so I could evaluate the non-reality I had been stuck in. The rest of the trip played out like a typical acid trip: strong visuals, hallucinations forming in the dark, profound realisations and insight into my life, and the effect of my behaviour etc. It wasn't as uncomfortable when it happened on AL-LAD because it was happening so fast and by itself. I wasn't really conscious of it and I wasn't aware of a large portion of it. Last night however I was very aware and I was forced to live through it. It was slow and drawn out because it lacked the massively powerful drive of the lysergamide family.

Aside from these two isolated events I have never experienced anything close to this disassociation and I have never had cause for concern. I consider myself very sane and level-headed. I don't think it is actually schizophrenia but instead I just stressed my mind too much and it collapsed. I've heard of people blacking out from too many mushrooms and waking up extremely confused but I haven't heard reports similar to mine.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 109490
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Mar 1, 2023	Views: 358
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