Mushrooms - P. semilanceata
Citation: Joseph. "A Sweet Release: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. semilanceata (exp109530)". Erowid.org. Nov 28, 2016. erowid.org/exp/109530
It had been a long time coming. Finally, a good friend of mine came across some Liberty Caps. Up to this point I had exhaustively studied the fine details about the psychedelic experience. I had logged at least 70-100 hours of Terence McKenna, along with reading many experiences. My curiosity had arisen with the onset of the Internet and all of its appendages, particularly YouTube. The amount of information I was being exposed to in my early teens drastically changed my outlook in life. Life became more meaningful, purposeful, fulfilling and quite confusing. My curiosity for eccentricity led me into the wondrous world of psychedelics.
The big day had finally arrived. There was L, R, J and myself. L had scored some mushrooms; he had about 10 grams for four of us to split. We each consumed roughly 2.5 grams. We were in Lís small backyard garage. It wasnít so much a garage anymore; L had successfully turned it into a decently liveable space with a few couches and a TV. It was a Friday night and L had consumed the same batch of mushrooms a few weeks earlier, L warned us these mushrooms were fairly strong. R and J, my two other friends, including myself, were all doing mushrooms for the first time. L laid the mushrooms on a small wooden table centered between all four of us, an eerie nervousness swept upon us. In retrospect being nervous is a sign of respect. None of us planned on doing these drugs for reasons of self-gratification, in the traditional sense of scoring a buzz. We were aware of the powerful affects and the potential dangers these substances possessed. Nervousness is a good a thing!
About 45 minutes in the effects slowly crept into my consciousness. The world started shifting in a subtle manner.
The slow phlegmatic movement of my observable world brought about a disconcerting sensation. I looked towards the white clock in the corner of the room and thought to myself, Ďmy god I have at least 4 more hours of this.Ē Right then and there the long arduous days of research, the late nights listening to Terence McKenna and all the personal experiences I read came roaring into my consciousness. I realized I had two choices, either I let whatever the hell is happening to me take over, or, I fight it and run the risk of a creating a disastrous trip. I took a couple deep breaths and let it all go.
I took a couple deep breaths and let it all go.
During this eureka moment my friend L had sparked a joint. I took a few smooth puffs of the joint and watched as the smoke rose and danced its way towards the ceiling. The smoke had upgraded into high definition. My consciousness lost connection with all else other than watching the smoke swift and swirl into majestic patterns of flexibility. At this point the visuals came on very strongly. I looked at L and I swear it seemed I had complete x-ray vision; I was able to see the fine details of Lís jawbones. R was silent and he remained silent for the whole trip. Iím not kidding, we sat for about 6 hours and he did not utter a word until we both got in a cab to leave. He would later tell me his experience was intense and generally very positive. He didnít give a coherent answer as to why he remained silent throughout the trip.
Anyhow back to my trip, I remember looking towards J who had his head in his hands. He seemed to not be doing so well but what I was going through quickly distracted me from my friends in the room. Every time I looked at J sitting across from me I could see a parallel dimension of his own body, as if there were two infinity mirrors on either side, but instead of seeing an infinite amount of Jís I just saw the J in one dimension over to the right and one dimension over to the left and the regular J in between. The next intense visual was in the center of the room; I saw a complex and intricate oval shaped object made of pure energy. It was a beautiful object, reminded me almost of a crystallizing igloo, made with translucent tubes that had blindingly powerful plasma circulating throughout its design. It would fade in and out of my perception.
The night continued and around my peak, about two hours in I had complete and utter ego death. Fortunately for me, the whole process of getting to ego death had been completely salient and anxiety-free. My spirit was soaring. I was in a euphoric stream of endless joy. The ecstasy that came with doing mushrooms is what truly surprised me. I had always associated highs and lows and ups and downs with drugs such as stimulants, depressants, uppers, downers, Alcohol, Cocaine, drugs that either suppress or stimulate the motor functions. Experiencing a very high-up stimulant feeling along with the psychedelic experience was glorious.
More importantly when I used my mind to think about life everything had quickly lost its meaning. I was no longer J, the thought of being myself was such a foreign and bizarre concept that at one point I convinced myself I would never come back down to reality. And, quite frankly, I absolutely loved it. The feeling of freedom and being able to let go of the baggage that builds upon our ego throughout life was a heavenly release. The habitual processes of my consciousness and subconsciousness no longer tightened their chains upon my soul. Instead there was clarity and time to question my life and existence. Although mushrooms may be hard on the ego, they definitely made me more appreciative and accepting of my blessings in life. Instead of having hatred and anger from what I saw as all the wrongs in the world, instead, I had acceptance and love and nothing else to give, even to the people I despised the most.
I came to the conclusion that all these experiences in life, whether pleasant or painful, were all just experiences, nothing is necessarily right or wrong. Good and evil is something we all need in order for our spirit to grow. In that sense we desperately need other people, and we especially need the people we hate, fear, despise and compete against in order for us to fulfill our personal aspirations. When Terence talks about the end of history, he means the end of the egoís aspirations. Because without self-wanting and self-satisfaction the wheels of history could not begin turning. But without the wheels of history turning into full gear with the onset of culture and civilization we would not be in the position we are in today. There was a trade off, a sacrifice that comes with civilization. Similar to what Freud talks about in his book, Civilization and its Discontents.
This view of reality allowed me to live my life with a much more flexible attitude. While I still furiously pursue my goals and I vehemently disagree with many people. I pursue life with an ironic lens, where behind all my actions, rests the awareness of a deeper appreciation of reality.
It is amazing how great of a psychoanalytic tool the mushroom can be. All the tension that seems to build in the mind can finally be resolved. In many respects the visuals were the least interesting part of my trip. Rather the ability to think deeply and critically, allowing for massive strides in personal growth to take place was the most fascinating part.
the ability to think deeply and critically, allowing for massive strides in personal growth to take place was the most fascinating part.
But it all really depends on one's own intention. I went into the trip with intention of having a personal psychoanalytical look at myself and that is what I got. I donít think I would recommend psychedelics to anyone who hasnít understood its spiritual purpose.
A good set and setting is crucial but most importantly having the awareness that this experience is not an abstraction but that the trip, physically and mentally, occurs in one's own consciousness. I canít stress this enough. Way too often people think of the trip as something that will be experienced outside of them, in the sense of the physical world becoming distorted, which it most definitely does, but the distortion also happens to you! To your ego! To your consciousness! And when that happens the trip becomes so bizarre that people will often feel overwhelmed. But if you can become aware of this, through the acquisition of knowledge from others, it will allow you to ameliorate the potentials of a bad trip.
A proverb that sums up the previous paragraph: A smart man learns from his own mistakes, a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.
I would eventually come down, as we all must. Overall, all four of us had a great trip. The visuals were particularly intense with these mushrooms. I have done mushrooms two more times, while both were intense, the visuals were much weaker and no ego death occurred.
Looking forward to future trips and future reports. Cheers!
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