Citation: Student of Life. "Remember to Have Respect for Bliss: An Experience with LSD, Ephenidine, Phenibut & Cannabis (exp109676)". Erowid.org. Dec 21, 2016. erowid.org/exp/109676
I've recently received a batch of ephenidine and researched it on its own, and found it to be a quite nice dissociative. It has the positive push of methoxetamine that I found to be lacking in methoxphenidine and 3-MeO-PCP (I found both to be more or less just confusing and annoying, so I much prefer ephenidine over them). I also had phenibut, LSD and a couple of joints stocked up, so hey, why not do some research and see how it goes? I know of no other trip reports with this combination so I hope this provides at least some valuable information for someone. I'm writing this on Sunday so a few days have passed since the experience.
So. It's Wednesday. I've been on sick leave for a while due to mental exhaustion and I've been planning to make a meditative psychedelic trip to raise my spirits and now I've found the day for it since for once I'm not feeling stressed but in rather high spirits. The plan: phenibut first, then LSD, then ephenidine after the peak of LSD, with cannabis if/when I feel like it.
The day began with a green smoothie with mixed fruits, some vegetables, peanut butter and soy flakes. A great way to put some energy into my body. After some digestion I concentrated on physical exercise, swimming in particular, which I've found to be absolutely essential for having remarkable psychedelic experiences. Exercise truly is the best antidepressant and mood booster, and does wonders for exploring my mind as well, no matter if I'm only meditating or exploring psychedelics.
T+0:00 is at 13:30, which is when I ingested 500 mg phenibut orally. This is my first time combining phenibut with psychedelics, as I just recently read on the internet that it does wonders with easing the anxiety that's related with LSD. I hear it boosts feelings of euphoria in particular (which I can totally relate to, as I'll expand on later), but reduces psychedelia and visual effects.
T+1:00: The next hour was spent on a last minute check on whether or not the substances I'm ingesting have negative interactions between each other (I've done a cross check before, yet it never hurts to be too sure) and capping the ephenidine for later (I made 4 caps with 50 mg in each, ended up only using 2 of them). After that I took a tab that reportedly had 200 mcg LSD in it. I had read it's recommended that one gives phenibut 1 more hour to kick in before adding LSD but I was anxious to jump in and didn't really want to be awake all night; not only because of LSD, ephenidine is very long acting as well.
The perception of time gets rather fuzzy after this point. I didn't keep up with checking the clock so I have no idea when particular events described here happened.
After having the LSD below my tongue for a few minutes I just swallowed it. Immediately I felt a small jolt of energy, or anxiety, but nothing that I couldn't overcome. Now I was certain that I was in for a psychedelic experience. I decided to put on my jacket and go outside for a cigar to pass time and take a look at nature. This was a great idea, smoking was relaxing and the sun was already coming down, the sunset was beautiful. Thoughts and ideas came and went without effort and I felt being in the moment more than ever. The corona sized cigar lasted for about 30 minutes, and at the end the sun was already almost gone and I was feeling pretty jittery from the LSD and decided to head in.
I put on some music, lit some candles (candles or a campfire are goddamn great when tripping) and started pacing around my apartment since sitting down wasn't sitting well with me (heh). It took some time, as usual, for other signs to appear; at approximately 1 hours in I started seeing something move in the shadows and the grains in anything made of wood grew in depth and started waving.
While visual effects are interesting and enjoyable, the mental psychedelia is what's more amazing. I began to find indescribable beauty in the music I was listening to and I made a realization on what a masterpiece of any art form is: a masterpiece is when a person or a group of people come together and perform something brings out their most passionate expression of a feeling so well you don't even care about how skillfully it's performed. Of course, if you're a master of an instrument the performance is taken to a greater level, but since there's no actual skill ceilings to instruments of art it's hard, or impossible, to define when you're 'good enough' to perform a masterpiece. As such, it's a combination of skill and passion in parts that can be, but are not essentially, of equal value.
While these thoughts formed in my mind I felt something that could be only described as gratefulness and mental ecstasy. I sat and writhed on the floor before my sound system, on a thick carpet, and cried as my mind was flooded by the passion and the skill of the people who came together to give everything they had to perform the music, now available for me and everyone to enjoy. I felt like I was like being blessed by unimaginably valuable gifts. Time dilation feels very apparent right now.
After a while of listening I decided it was time to take the experience to the next level. I stepped outside with a joint and lit it up. The visual psychedelia turned down a notch, with the waving effects diminished. I did start seeing symmetry in plants and the leafless branches of trees, but otherwise the visual field turned pretty boring. After finishing with smoking I sat and relaxed outside, and gazed at the city lights which looked like shimmering jewels away in the distance. Suddenly a a creeping feeling of anxiety came over me, which tends to happen whenever cannabis is involved. I hate the feeling and do not know why it happens, so I closed my eyes, meditated and focused on the source of anxiety in my chest. I told myself that there is nothing to fear, and everything is fine, over and over again, until the feeling subsided.
Then, a strange phenomenon occurred. A stray ray of light crept between my eyelids, and when I slowly opened my eyes all the jeweled lights were spread over as lines over my visual field.
A stray ray of light crept between my eyelids, and when I slowly opened my eyes all the jeweled lights were spread over as lines over my visual field.
The stray light was the strongest one of them, and in my mind it was as if I the heart of god was gazing at me. A humanoid form was gathering around the source of the light, and I thought to myself 'if there is a god, this is a sure sign that this must be it'. I've had previous encounters with meeting a godlike entity before, but rather than it being an external figure I've always found it inside myself, and then I find it to be a being of compassion, self-actualization, confidence, a beautiful formless being that tells me 'Trust yourself', 'Let things take their time', 'Do good deeds, for yourself and others', 'You are beautiful, and so is everything in this world, have respect'.
The more I believed this form before my eyes to be god, an entity to bring salvation and peace if only I believed in it unconditionally, the more I felt as if I was being blessed and wrought in ecstasy, and all my troubles seemed to vanish for eternity.
However, I became skeptical.
I couldn't, and still cannot, trust anything external to be a bringer of salvation, for then I would be a slave for its approval. I entertained the thought how true believers in major religions must have had similar experiences and are now placing their trust of having validation in life on their faith and performing daily as instructed by their holy books. The literal thought 'Wow, it's fucked up how people actually believe this' passed through my brain as I got up and went back in, shaken. Who knows what would have happened if I decided to give myself unconditionally to that apparition?
Back upstairs I had a philosophical argument inside my head with the unconditional belief of something external as being the dark regressive side, and the belief in myself and in good things as being the constructive light side. I held the belief that if I went with believing in that external god I would have relinquished myself, and let myself and my world be a victim and fall into ruin. Instead, only by believing in myself and the light inside I can truly build good things for myself and those close to me. So, obviously, I chose to be strong and I chose the light.
I return to the carpet. I immediately assume a vertical posture and start relaxing. I've just finished a bit of renovation in my apartment, and a sudden realization hit me right there: I've been living here for quite a few years, the place is owned by my father and now I have plans to move on. The last bit of renovation is what really put the finishing touch on the place, and I understood that I've built a great gift for my dad: the apartment is now the perfect guest lodge, complete with a stylish kitchen/bedroom and a living room I almost accidentally made into the most elegant music listening studio and a place of meditation and relaxation. It's as if my soul spoke to me when I got ideas about the place, and now the end product is quite nice indeed.
I was thrilled beyond words by this idea. Heck, I've never been so enthusiastic about giving something away, but there we go, I felt like I was giving a huge blessing to someone. I literally clapped my hands and said 'Thank you! Thank you!' aloud, as if the universe came together to make all of this happen. Best of all, I was finally proud of myself again, a feeling I've lost for a long, long time.
Soon afterwards ideas about how I could also enjoy the place with my friends flooded my mind with fantasies of having good times listening to music, enjoying movies, cooking, eating and laughing together. The place is not only a blessing for my dad, but for everyone. Again, I was thrilled beyond words!
Somewhere in between these thoughts I felt utter gratefulness for all my friends and family and how I'm so happy that they're a such a positive part of my life. Images of people and places passed by in my mind and I gave a mental Thank You to each and every one. Damn! I was happy as fuck!
The positivity didn't end on the mental side. If I let my thoughts go I could feel my body vibrating with fantastic energy. If I wanted to, I could focus on a particular part and direct the energy there, which felt pretty great. I was acquainted with muscles that I've not been keenly aware of before, and directing energy gave me great vigor. Not to mention that I was well humored by this (focusing on the scrotum was the best part). After a while I decided it was best to eat something so I put some rice to boil and warmed up some vegan sauce I've made earlier.
T+4:30: While gobbling up the food I gave a thought about the evening's timeline and decided it would be best to enjoy the ephenidine as dessert. I did hesitate and thought 'Isn't this good enough as it is? Am I asking for too much? Will the night be ruined?' but decided to go forward since I was set on exploring the combination. At 18:07 I ingested 2 caps of the substance which totals 100 mg. I returned to my music listening station with a cup of tea, feeling bloated, and continued enjoying my thoughts and appreciating the music.
At some point I felt an uncomfortable sensation coming from my stomach. The caps must have broken and the ephinidine released into my system (ephinidine is a fairly strong tasting chemical so I wasn't surprised). Not much happened for a while as ephinidine takes its time to work.
The first alert I usually get from dissociatives is that I become very sensitive to sound.
The first alert I usually get from dissociatives is that I become very sensitive to sound.
This time was no different at all, at one point I had to stop the music and started walking around in my house. I was bothered by weird sine wave noises coming from all over; turns out they were small electrical transformers in the form of laptop and cell phone chargers hooked in. I could hear them from several meters away, chirping away in a high pitch, high frequency tone. I would have unplugged my freezer and fridge as well but doing that under the influence of drugs would have been a bad idea.
After coming to terms with my sound sensitivity and calming my nerves I gave music another shot. It seemed like ephenidine bumped up the music appreciation aspect of the trip a notch, and back I was, enjoying myself.
Pure enjoyment didn't last forever, though. Aural distortions started making their way in the music. They're very hard to describe, but imagine a sweeping, high pitched sound that starts out very quiet and gets progressively louder. Much like that whining sound that came out the chargers I removed earlier. I wondered if they were a part of the music or something made up by my mind; of course, the distortion was caused by the dissociative but in the moment I couldn't make up my mind. I found this to be somewhat scary, but there was no way but to push through.
In general I could still enjoy myself, but letting myself go proved to be very difficult. The dissociation came in waves, with it being stronger every once and a while. During the peaks I kept encountering distortions in sound and eventually the distortions found themselves in my visual field; dark objects especially seemed to twist into unnatural, indescribable horrors if I zoned out for a while. This would startle me and I began to consider the possibility of having a mental condition (of course I don't, I was on a cocktail of psychedelic drugs).
The scariest thing about this was the prospect of blacking out and losing control of myself. I've had a massively bad trip where I did just that (while on a combination of LSD and a dissociative, what a coincidence) and found myself as a gibbering mess in my underwear outside my house. My neighbors still don't talk to me, heh. I was pretty traumatized by it for the longest time but eventually I got over it. Or did I? Do I have an unnatural fear of letting go because of it?
I found relaxing and going deep into the dissociative experience to be extremely hard; at the peak I could see reality and myself deconstruct before my eyes bit by bit several times but that was always followed by a sudden rise in blood pressure and a feeling of panic. I needed to calm myself during this since I thought I was losing my marbles yet again, and this time there was no excuses for my behavior if I happened to wander outside in my state. Also, it was -10 celsius outside so I could have put myself in danger of hypothermia. In retrospect I think I just put too much strain on my poor brain, and since I was on sick leave due to mental exhaustion as well I wasn't truly prepared for it.
Something positive came out of the ephinidine combination, though. Like I mentioned, it gave an extra oomph to the appreciation of music. I felt the most extreme time dilation for a short while; I could pick apart the different samples, instruments, notes and vocals in music and envision myself in the environment where they were recorded. It was as if musical tracks lasted for an eternity and I was completely immersed in the pieces they were made of. It was weird and fascinating, not exactly euphoria inducing but very very interesting instead. And also another piece of proof that my brain was in fact being overloaded.
The mental wracking was done with just before midnight. The thought of 'Was that it? Is that everything that the experience had to give me?' ran through me as I considered the possibility of smoking another joint. I hesitated since there was also the possibility of kicking the whole experience back into high gear into a spiral of death and destruction. I did still feel very grateful for everything I experienced and was in high spirits after all I went through so everything could be even better.
In the end I decided to go for it. I went out, shot a flame at the end of the joint and inhaled. Again, the visuals seemed to take the back seat, and the experience concentrated on the mental and physical side. This time, however, I received a message, beamed straight into my mind, with the sender field having 'The Psychedelic Experience' in it. Short and bitter, the message went like this:
'NYAH, NYAH, DON'T FUCK WITH ME'
In an instant I knew that I pushed too far. 'NYAH, NYAH, DON'T FUCK WITH ME' became the theme for the rest of the night. The intense feeling of gratitude, utter happiness, joy, whatever I wanted to call it, was gone. Wiped out, I couldn't even remember how it felt; replaced by an intense feeling of confusion and my ego and the psychedelia having a dialogue in my head. 'NYAH, NYAH, DON'T FUCK WITH ME'
'NYAH, NYAH, DON'T FUCK WITH ME'
'Well, shit', I thought and made my way inside, still determined to make the best of it. I returned to my psychedelic station on the carpet, went into meditation and stretched out my mental hand for what was out there to grasp. What I found was the most intense closed eye visual experience of the night: an infinite lattice of booming small lights forming a regular geometric cubic pattern. It was fairly overwhelming to look at, and along with the experience I felt my body quivering in energy. Maybe I could have enjoyed if I wasn't as mentally exhausted, but now it was just too much for me. 'NYAH, NYAH, DON'T FUCK WITH ME', said the psychedelic experience. 'Yeah, yeah, I know', I replied in my head.
I gave a fair shot at trying to enjoy my situation, I thought, and headed to bed to see if the excitement would soon die down, letting me sleep. No such luck, it wasn't going away any time soon. Instead I got an intense feeling of sensuality and oh so badly wished that there was someone next to me to play with. Literally, the topmost thought was that I wanted to mess around with a nice girl in a very playful manner. I found that to be pretty funny and definitely positive, but hugging pillows got boring eventually.
So I set up a station made of pillows and blankets for myself to look at the visuals behind my closed eyes again; I tried to lie down in a vertical position first but when I really got into observing the phenomena behind my eyes I suddenly freaked out when I thought that I was about to swallow my own tongue. This freakout basically ruined the rest of the evening as I was constantly scared of it happening again and couldn't really get into it after it. I like to think of that as the final 'Fuck you' from the psychedelia for pushing it too far. In the end I took 10 mg diazepam to help me sleep which eventually did the trick. In the morning I woke up rather groggy but able to perform my basic functions.
Afterthoughts: What I really learned here is respect for modesty. What could have been the best psychedelic trip of my life was turned into mush by being too greedy and pushing it too far. Even good things have their limits, and I got a valuable lesson on that. 'NYAH, NYAH, DON'T FUCK WITH ME', indeed. But still, I'm grateful for what I got, even though I would have preferred even the tiniest trace of the bliss I experienced as a lingering feeling. But, seems like the most important lessons in life always come with a price. Thanks for reading!
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