DOSE: T+ 0:00		smoked	Tobacco
T+ 0:00	2.53 g	oral	Syrian Rue	(tea)
T+ 0:45	5.05 g	oral	Mimosa spp.	(tea)

S. Rue Jurema Nuevowasca Ajuc Yuremamine

A hurried medicinal preparation.

Preamble:

While I am familiar with Ajahuasca and traditional ingredients - I have little experience with 'nuevowasca' made with these ingredients, that appears to be a popular (cheaper and quicker) alternative for those who used such medicines for recreational purpose. Usually I would not use such ingredients as these - while I am aware of how or why they are used, they are not 'traditional' to the medicine I would normally prepare for myself. However, they have been in my cabinet for a while and I considered this an opportunity to gain familiarity with both substances and also to get rid of what remained from my stock.

Background:

I am lost. In space and time. Disjointed and disconnected from past, present and future: A prisoner in a physical corpus known as 'me'. Sometimes, watching it from a little over the left shoulder. Today, from 'the inside', without any visual disturbences or perceptive abberation.

Everything is in its place. I believe as a result of the experience I have gained in the past 24 hours. Lately, I no longer know 'myself' nor my position or purpose in this... reality. It has been this way for some time. Months. A drying husk of a coconut, on a shoreline, where the tide will not reach to wash it off the beach. Stranded and dessicating. Deserted and incapable of growth. Certain medicines can help remedy such things, when no other way can be seen to be open. Doctors might prescribe pharmaceuticals and 'therapy', to alter brain chemistry and perception and dissect details of events best left to reside in with the box with the rest of the skeletons.

Disconnected, I am hoping to re-establish a connection to... anything... I wish to re-discover my way, without resorting to the books of my youth, filled with others' ideas and thoughts and 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts' - nor bushido, or rite and stoic ritual. Somewhere, in this corpus, there lurks a plan for 'me'. I simply do not know what it is right now and haven't for some time. This is very unusual. It is rare that I am without several plans or the ability to find a purpose in doing things that I remember enjoying or that facilitate some goal or other. How can I play a game, if there is no goal to score..? To be in such a way is... disconcerting.

Life is 90% what happens and 10% how I (re)act. External events, albeit of my own artifice, have brought me to this situation. There is no regret. I hope that inbibing telepathine/harmalas and the death-chemical/spirit-molecule, DMT, that I will help myself show me a way and allow a reconnection with myself and true positions, my totem and lost memories and - most importantly - my way in the life-verse I am currently experiencing and exploring, moment to moment. My use of medicines such as these are as thought-tools. Of healing that which cannot be mended as easily as flesh and bone.

It is not for recreation.

While I would usually keep my own journal, privately, upon such matters - for some reason I feel compelled to submit this experience to the vaults. Perhaps it is as a result of the experience. Thinking of which, it is better to get to it - people's attention spans are not what they used to be. However, 'Those that don't ramble on a bit, never go further than they must'.

Preparation:

- The weight of each substance was determined simply by instinct, with little regard for accuracy to my size (I do not know it) or any dosage guideline.

- After weighing the ingredients, the seeds were left whole, while the bark was pulverised into a fine powder (smell of Jurema is very pleasant).

- Ingredients were carelessly tossed each into a separate stainless-steel pan filled with a small amount of hot water.

- Simmered Syrian Rue in one pan for 30-50 minutes.

- Simmered Jurema powder in the other pan for ~90 minutes, accidentally boiled and almost let reduce to nothing due to moment of absence of mind, lost in thought.

- Strained liquids after only one bath into separate containers, through muslin cloth, retained ingredients for future use considering [at the back of my mind] I knew that I had not prepared anything correctly and would mix them with fresh, to prepare 'correctly' next time.

- I had not eaten for 24 hours before preparation, but had smoked a small amount of tobacco 2-3 times that day.

Ingestion:

- Resulting quantity was a mouthful of yellowish, slightly pleasant tasting Syrian Rue tea that smelled almost exactly the same as the a crushed seed itself. It went down easily and was no more bitter than any other ingredient that contains such alkaloids.

After allowing the Jurema to complete its simmer, I determined it time to filter the fragrant brown-purplish liquid and that the 40-50 minutes that had passed since ingesting the Rue tea would mean the Jurema could be imbibed immediately. Resulting quantity was two mouthfuls of somewhat bitter Jurema tea. The filtration was not entirely successful as some particles of plant matter remained. The Jurema tea went down easily, but the liquid left a distinct sensation that my throat was coated in some substance.

It was at this point that I decided to recline, the sun was going down, and allow any thoughts to wander where they may.

Experience:

I kept no time nor totem. My possessions surround me, but are intert and not used. An artist is not, until they are engaged in creation of art.

The harmalas had an effect in that I was contacted via social media (I had forgotten to turn off the intrusive telephone device) by three people with whom I have not spoken with for a long time. One of these people was someone I had recently created a small portrait. I was looking at it earlier in the day. Warmth enveloped me after I made short small-talk with these people and told them I must leave. I experienced a calm that flowed from legs to head, and relaxed through a wave of nausea (uncommon in my medicines) that quickly subsided, before returning and passing once more. I became relaxed to the point whereby I did not realise that I was sleeping deeply and without dream. I awoke, without realising, too early but feeling somewhat refreshed.

Conclusion:

It is my belief that the Jurema was not root bark, as was labelled, but was in fact the bark itself (likely deteriorated due to senescence) and this is what might account for the purple tinge to the liquid and subsequent, unexpected somnolence. That 2.5g whole Syrian Rue seeds, boiled for a less than an hour does not provide the required MAOI effect for Jurema's DMT content to activate, despite 'feeling the effect' of a harmala. That 2.5g of Syrian Rue seeds gives roughly the same sensation as around 4kg of steeped Passion-flower leaves, or 5g of prepared Jage vine tea.

Upon awaking, I had received several messages from family asking about my state of being (another symptom of telepathines/harmalas, wanted or not). 'Everything is fine', I tell them.

- I then proceeded to finely chop the remaining few grams of Syrian Rue seeds, mixed with the 'used' ones and add them to filter tubes, stapling them shut to form a tea-bag in order to facilitate preparation next time. I do the same with the the Jurema, although there is so much, including the 5g from before that it requires two tubes to make two bags. They now sit, drying, for when I feel called to begin the next lesson.

I believe that this experience was to teach me that my healing will begin with much rest as I realise now that I am exhausted, and have been for many months.

Additional:

This was my first lesson from this experience:

'First rest, then prepare;
have patience if wishing to,
slowly return here.'

The rest has come, I will experience it several more times. The preparation is complete. I will ensure I am rested. My next attempt to find home, soon, there will be no careless haste and I will complete the recipe as my instinct has guided. The lesson is one for the life-verse, also, not only the subject in hand. It is true that I have become sloppy and impatient with myself and others. It is a good lesson and one that I will keep close, as I have forgotten these things, which has led to this current state of being. It is a shame, I did forget the dreams (if there were any at all, the sleep was so deep) - but perhaps this is why I was compelled to write this today, as I have done. Doing so has allowed me to absorb the experience. Much as been learned regarding a situation.

I will find my way back home.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 109866
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 36
Published: May 4, 2018	Views: 2,172
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Mimosa tenuiflora (74), Huasca Combo (269), Syrian Rue (45) : Alone (16), Preparation / Recipes (30), Combinations (3)