DOSE:

0.5 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. mexicana

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

Spiritual Awakening Provoked by Ps. Mexicana

A few days ago I had a very profound experience with Psilocybe Mexicana, which I will now relay to you. I managed to capture a lot of the key revelations in my notebook which I will share, but surely despite my efforts I will not be able to fully elaborate on the gravity of the experience.

The most astonishing part of this trip was that for the very first time, I encountered what was undeniably an intellect other than that which I call my own. I'm familiar with Jung's concept of the 'Other', a description aptly befitting of the presence I felt. Despite normally being very skeptical about the things I observe 'in there', this time was very different from all of the rest, there is no way I can deny the presence of this 'something' that came to me, or, perhaps more accurately, I became IT. It was a very big something, so big that there are no dimensions I could attribute to it that might effectively contain it. I've had some pretty deep treks into subconscious realms, but so far the focus has been primarily on the content of my life; I have much enjoyed the gift of deep reflection on my thoughts, behaviors, and relationships within the context of casual evening dabbling in psychology (I have no formal education in psychology, only a keen interest). I was raised in the Protestant Christian tradition and have always had the concept of spirituality in my life, but until very recently I had never encountered any presence resembling God or the Other. As a child I prayed daily, but never felt that my prayers were being answered in any tangible way.

I've felt the vague sensation of a presence, or a force, or maybe even an imaginary friend, but my recent encounter surpassed all definition. It was THE thing, EVERY thing, it was IT! The only thing there is and perhaps ever will be. It drained my entire existence out of me. I was sucked through a churning vortex of memories, a multiplex of every experience I have ever had; all of the loves, friendships, embarrassments, joys, sufferings and everything mundane in between, all smashed together in a spiraling cascade of supreme beauty. At last I popped out the other side turned completely inside-out, a vacuum-tube of pure awareness. In this 'place', there was nothing familiar. It was as though I was behind being. I could conceptualize existence, or 'being', but only in the sense that 'being' itself was an object I could hold in my hand and playfully toss about like a marble. This felt much more like birth than death.

I had been feeling a stronger-than-usual urge to visit the mushroom in the week leading up to the foray. I think that it was trying to visit me in my dreams, because on three occasions I awoke in the whirlwind psilocybin state without having gone through the formality of inviting it in. As I would discover later, it was trying to get my attention. I was recovering from a minor illness, and therefor I opted to cut my usual dose in half. My usual dose of Ps. Cyanescens or Ps. Mexicana is 1g, but this time I consumed only 0.5g in a tea mixed with hibiscus flowers, ginger, lemon juice and honey. I also ate a large piece of quality chocolate, which has become an essential part of my ritual. I usually prepare myself by taking a short run or stroll around the neighborhood, sometimes stopping at a favorite bench to close my eyes and allow my anxieties and tensions to run their course. The only modification I made to my ritual this time was to light a beeswax candle before consuming the tea. I enjoyed the beautiful simplicity of this addition, and I know that I will continue to incorporate this into my practice in the future.

It began as it always does. First, blackness, hands on my chest heaving up, down, up, down, heart-rate exaggerated. A lump of fear begins to form inside of my throat, fear at the sudden recognition of the spell I have just willfully cast upon my future, something like a stick of dynamite waiting to wreak havoc at any moment. I am gripped by a desire to abandon the mission, to evacuate this 'chemical' from my body, but it's too late. With steady breathing fear subsides and soon after come the first symptoms; minuscule splashes of brilliant pastel colors on the eyelids, coupled with the sensation of being subjected to an IV-drip of bee-venom. Then the vibrations begin, those fluttering pulsations like a large insect periodically beating its wings inside of my forehead. Soon the insects become audible too, they are busy at work building their nest deep inside of my body. Breathing is very important at this stage, as panic is often only a few thumping heartbeats away from me. From this point on, language can not suffice. I'll do my best, but you'll have to humor me.

Some images that I have come to associate with the Mexicanas include ziggurat-like structures, pyramids, and fluorescent grid-like matrices resembling blueprints of futuristic cities with highly advanced infrastructure. The complexity is truly astonishing. My mouth remains agape for the majority of the experience, as I can only observe in awesome reverence; if it were not happening to me I would never believe it possible. Ornate stained glass and mosaic motifs are common themes. I am an artist, the medium I work with most often is ceramic tile mosaic, so I think that I have a natural propensity to generate puzzle-like images of fractured organization. This sort of imagery continued for some time, until life-like figures began to emerge, figures in the form of humanoids with pyramids for heads.

In the city I call home, there is a place called the Centennial Square in the heart of the downtown core. In the middle of the square is a very large fountain with three majestic totem-like monoliths with golden mosaics encrusted on their surfaces. The piece was created by an eccentric and mysterious artist called Jack W., about whom I can source very little information. Sadly he passed away only a few years ago. This fountain is by far my favorite piece of public art, perhaps my favorite piece of art period. Recently, due to years of grumbling from the small-minded public the city has discussed removing it in favor of a children's aquatic park, which would be rather bittersweet. I have spent many hours in solemn admiration of its beauty. The figures depicted in the panels are the very same as the figures that came to me via the Mexicanas. Based on my research, the images in the mosaics are inspired by Soren Kierkegaard's theory of the three stages of life. If this is true, it is a pretty stunning synchronicity that these figures were conjured during what may well have been my own personal metamorphosis. Further numinous synchronicity associated with this artwork will be touched upon later in this report.

The imagery of these small pyramid-headed figures continued for some time until the scene condensed into something very much more life-like. I had the feeling that I was poking my head out from a hole in the ground, and above me was a kind of open livestock shelter or a barn without walls. It was bustling with donkeys and people dressed in pure white cotton and woven ponchos. Everyone was speaking jovially in a language that sounded like Spanish, and at the time I felt that I could understand perfectly what they were saying, but I cannot for the life of me remember now. It was as if I had unwittingly stumbled upon a fragment of time and space, everyone was going about their business completely unaware of my presence. I felt like I had transported to a very real place in time. This continued for who knows how long, until the mood became very solemn, and I opened my eyes to return to my bedroom. This is the point where the encounter with the Other, or the 'It' began, and I began to furiously dictate in my notebook. I will simply copy what 'I' wrote, verbatim.

'Life as you know it is a kind of meeting of the spirits. There is no need to know why this is happening. Abandon the desire to know. If you can do this you will understand how to truly learn. In order for any idea to be 'languaged' it must first be forced into existence. This is your task. You are charged with the task of bringing ideas into what you refer to as language. If you can watch for the signs of my presence and trust in me I will help you. I am 'It'. There is no way for you in your current state of evolution to understand me in more finite terms. All that can be said is that 'I am It'.'

'This is how you are to acknowledge other people: 'I acknowledge that you, like me, are a singularity, the culmination of infinite energies gathered into a single point.''

'Who are you? The only logical answer to this question is 'I don't know', because you don't know anything. If you want to meet your destiny (you don't have a choice) you will look for the symbols of my presence. You have heard these referred to as 'archetypes'. This is my language, or the way I make myself known. I can only teach you in such a way that you do not reveal my presence in disrespectful manner, or in a manner which may cause excessive alarm.'

'Why do you think you want to know what you want to know? Do you understand what motivates your curiosity? It is Me. If you watch for me I will answer your questions to the best of your ability to comprehend. Continue to periodically eat mushrooms.'

Finally, the phrase 'Do not fear, your sanity has been vouchsafed' was repeated several times and has become something of a mantra to me in the days following the experience.

Unsurprisingly, this was by far the most profound moment of my life. I feel very light, as though an incredible burden has been lifted from me. Everything I see in the world around me is imbued with meaning. Despite these sudden and profound changes, I feel calm, serene and gentle. I do not feel an outpouring of manic energy, or the desire to proclaim my discoveries from the rooftops. I feel blessed, purposeful and full of empathic energy. It is as though the course of my life has been determined, and all that is left to do is dutifully follow the beckoning call of this guiding voice.

The last thing that happened before I was 'released' so to speak, is that I was given a short list of people to reach out to, a rather diverse bunch a might add. Since reaching out to each of these individuals, their role in my narrative crystallized almost immediately. One of the people I was instructed to reach out to is an old friend of mine who I had lost touch with in recent years. He used to regularly participate in traditional Peruvian ayahuasca ceremonies in various places around the world. He was very secretive about this activity until I contacted him and relayed my story about the Mexicana trip, and as a result he entrusted me with the whole story of his coming to be a part of that community. He was in a relationship an apprentice shaman for three years, and thus was invited to sit by her side at over 100 ceremonies. He also put me in touch with the organizer of that community, and now I've been invited to attend an ayahuasca ceremony for the first time. The second astonishing connection I made through the same friend is so far beyond what I could have anticipated, even considering the bizarre trail that lead me there in the first place. I told him about my visions and the mosaic with the pyramid-people, and being pretty savvy about local art (and a skilled artist of some renown himself) he immediately chimed in that his next-door neighbor is none other than the widow of the man who built the mosaic monoliths. He literally shares a wall with the widow of the man who inspired the entities I saw in my vision. I'm going to try to arrange a meeting with her to see where this cryptic rabbit hole takes me next.

If this stuff wasn't happening to me I would never believe it. I am now convinced beyond a doubt that there is much more to life than I could have ever previously imagined, even with hundreds of psychedelic voyages under my belt (many of which were potentiated by much higher doses of other psilocybin mushroom species). There are no borders between what we call spirit and matter. Inside is outside, and nature is an organized entelechy that expresses itself in manifold and mysterious ways, perhaps most prominently in the words and deeds of all peoples of the earth. As I seek out the symbols of the presence of this Other that made itself known to me, I may periodically post updates about my quest in case anyone is interested.

In conclusion, I state that I have reason to believe that even at doses as low as 0.5g, the Psilocybe Mexicana mushroom can potentiate very profound spiritual experience in the consumer, and this belief is strongly reinforced by the traditional and ceremonial use of this particular species by the Mazatec people of Oaxaca, Mexico.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110209
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: May 9, 2018	Views: 2,081
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Mushrooms - P. mexicana (193) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9)