Citation: Seakker. "Cancer Patient and the Dragon Spirit: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp110388)". Erowid.org. Sep 13, 2017. erowid.org/exp/110388
After being forced to contend with cancer (breast, now metastatic), I turned towards spiritual exploration. Since childhood, I'd been an open-minded type and questioned everything. However, after college, society pressed me into the baffling, scrabbling, fear-based world of materialism. Spiritual pursuits fell to the wayside.
In my middle forties I was diagnosed with cancer and took it oddly well. Because of childhood experience with strong past life memories and uncontrolled yet interesting astral or out-of-body trips, I didn't fear death. I sort of looked forward to it as life here seemed so meaningless and difficult. Surely there had to be more than just plodding through physical existence and suffering. (I've endured four surgeries, radiation, and chemo, and STILL have cancer after 2 years.) Even more so, I hated how my illness negatively impacted family and loved ones. They didn't deserve the emotional turmoil and fear that cancer brings. Cancer also made me less productive. How could I make a positive difference in this world if I was too ill to do anything?
It was then I took a stand. I would actively seek answers and refuse to be a victim. I was in charge of my life, damnit, not some illness, not society's bizarre norms, nor some ill tempered sky god with a human-like ego in need of incessant worship.
Entheogenic plants sprouted on my radar screen and I learned about (but didn't yet try) Ayahuasca, cacti, and shrooms courtesy of the internet. Something seemed to be guiding me to these natural, spiritual tools. A friend told me about a successful clinical study with hallucinogenic mushrooms making cancer patients feel more positive. She gave me about one gram of dried shroom. They were the white kind with black spores, one of the more potent of the psilocybe types.
I learned that my ancestors, mainly the shaman healers and their patients, used mushrooms to connect with the spirit world. Grandmother had passed down some spiritual beliefs, but nothing about medicinal plants.
My best friend, J, had past experience with them so we planned a late winter camping trip on a remote island off the Gulf coast not far from where we lived. We would split the small amount of shrooms and share. It was a reasonable introductory dose for a newbie like me.
We were on a small island, completely alone. The tent was set up on the white sandy beach and driftwood gathered for a camp fire, which was built but not lit. A tangle of trees comprised the island's center. We planned to enjoy the shrooms about an hour before sunset. We both ate very little earlier in the day.
Trying to think like my ancestors, I meditated and then burned some dried herbs to chase away any negative energies. While doing this, I mentally thanked the spirits of the mushroom world for this opportunity and asked for their help. I was seeking spiritual connection and insights on what I needed to do to heal my body. Or, if there was some lesson I needed and wasn't aware of. Conventional medicine hadn't been completely effective for me and there must be some alternative out there. I asked my higher spirit for protection while drawing a circle in the sand around the tent. I had no expectations but was clear that whatever occurred should be for the highest good.
Though J scoffs at 'new age woo' he didn't show a bit of surprise at my quiet little ceremony. He knew I had a thing for trying to connect to my native roots and that my grandmother was psychic. These ancestral beliefs were old age, not new age anyways.
One hour before sunset, we sat against the shady side of the tent and chewed our shrooms. Intuition told me to masticate the dried fungus thoroughly. We drank water with our plant medicine, but had no food. Quiet, introspective, we relaxed in the shade. J built a seashell pile and I stared at what used to be white sand and absently wondered why it was so blue.
Only about fifteen minutes had ticked by.
We stood up and walked along the shore, the incoming ocean swells foaming toward our bare feet. Colors were much more vibrant, the setting sun electric. I felt relaxed and pleasantly heavy, like being drunk without the dizzy discomfort and with a fully alert mind.
'Weff brf la firrr,' J said. I laughed, but when I tried to talk, it was just as unintelligible. My lips were numb so it was difficult to speak. 'Firblah,' I said, pointing to the prearranged campfire. I'd meant to say we'd start the fire later. My body really wanted to lay down. It was going to sleep, but my mind was wide awake and swimming with thoughts.
J and I both lay in the tent. In minutes, he began to lightly snore. I stared at the tent walls; everything was a beautiful turquoise hue. In reality, the tent is reddish and grey. When I closed my eyes, there were flashes of color. A hyper energy was swirling around the tent and I briefly envied J's ability to sleep. He chuckled and mumbled, apparently communicating with something in his somnolent state. I lay there with a wide awake brain, yet could barely feel my body. I tried to focus on astral projecting, but my restless mind was too busy. I can't recall many details on the whirlwind of thoughts that passed through.
I do remember something about a 'reset.' Like I was in need of a reset. I recall images of frogs, snakes, and wasp stingers. It was frustratingly esoteric. Typical of my spiritual pursuits! Wasp butts? Really?? Resigned, I tried not to judge or force any thing, and just let it flow.
About an hour later my friend and I go up and started the campfire. The strongest part of the experience was slowly diminishing, but my perception was still pleasantly altered. My body was less fumbly and I could speak, though my voice sounded different. Oddly lower. Staring into the campfire was mesmerizing. The colors and vibrant intensity were unreal! We stared at things in the night sky that resembled sparkling, pink UFOs coming at us. The logical part of my brain was unhindered and I knew they were just stars. J told me he saw a grid in the sky and when he looked at his skin, he saw hexagons moving over it. To me, the sky was dark blue, I saw no grid. A crisp half moon with a rainbow halo glared down at us.
'Did you see any spirits?' I asked J, since he was actually seeing things and I had just gotten mental visions. J shrugged and said, 'maybe. One.' I was fascinated. 'What was it like?' J shrugged again. 'Big, like really big. Uhm, female.' He was highly skeptical and uneasy talking about anything that might be categorized as 'woo.' I pressed, but he wouldn't say anymore about it. This must've been what he was seeing and talking to when he'd drifted off to sleep earlier. Heh-heh, a giant woman perhaps? I wanted to know more.
Relaxed, cheerful, we roasted veggie dogs over the fire, had a few small hits of weed, then went to bed.
For most of the night, my mind was lit and active. Sleep was impossible. I also kept getting up to pee. Laying there, I focused on meditating and saw a beautiful vision of a white dragon. It felt like a 'she' and was akin to the Asian style dragon with symbolic wings made of light, fluffy whiskers, and a sinuous body covered with both scales and fur. I knew she had come as a kind of spirit helper. She was there to help me with spiritual exploration, particularly future experiences with entheogenic plants.
The next day, back home, I again asked my friend what he saw. He hesitated and mumbled something about a big, friendly being.
'Was it white?' I asked. J looked at me funny, 'Yeahhh...and fuzzy.'
I knew it! 'A dragon,' I said.
J nodded, looking a bit stunned. 'I didn't want to say anything, it seemed so far out there. Hard to believe,' he said.
'A new spirit guide,' I explained, thrilled by the confirmation. My ancestors believed in dragon spirit beings! I asked if my voice sounded different, but J didn't think so. Oddly, ever since that shroom experience, my voice sounds different to me.
I looked up the meaning of a white dragon spirit guide and supposedly they help with healing and spiritual protection. You can be sure I'll be appealing to this magnificent being for help during my upcoming Ayahuasca experience.
And the wasp butt visions? I got stung in the ankle by a wasp, on my body's cancer side, a week later. It was odd, the bug had chased me all the way up concrete stairs on my way to work. Luckily, I'm not allergic. It hurt, but I had the strange impression that it was medicinal.
The frogs? I learned certain ones are medicinal as well. In the Amazon, shamans use a certain frog's saliva for intense healing session. The frog is unharmed.
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