DOSE:

3 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

2191 lb

My first experience with magic mushrooms, which was also my first time with a psychedelic drug, occurred on January 13th, 2017, when I was 21 years old. However, for a few months before that, I was already interested in the psychedelic experience, and had read and researched a lot on the internet about the subject. So, in December 2016 I had bought three dried grams of the psychoactive mushroom species Psilocybe cubensis from strain B +, which ended up arriving to my home only two days later. After that, I waited for the appropriate occasion to take the mushrooms. I had come to agree with a friend of mine to use them in a farm in the countryside for four days, but since I was short of money at that time, in order to travel and pay for expenses, I canceled the proposal with him and left the mushrooms well kept at home. Meanwhile, I continued to study the subject on the internet, inform myself about the effects and risks of the drug, read other people's experiences, and research recipes on how to make the tea.

A few days later, the opportunity finally came: my parents would travel to the beach for a few days, and they asked me and my two brothers if we also wanted to go. I am the elder brother of the other two. S., who is the youngest, wanted to go with my parents and G., who is my 'middle' brother, wanted to stay in city. Realizing the favorable occasion, I told my parents that I also wanted to stay home for a few days. Two days before them three went to coast, I talked to G. and told him that I wanted to spend a whole night alone at home to try the mushrooms. I asked him to sleep at some friend's house, and he accepted my proposal. S. and my parents left on Wednesday, the 11th, and initially G. planned to stay at one of his friend's house on Thursday, the 12th; Then, however, he changed the date to stay at another friend's house the day after. Thereby, the date of my experience would ironically fall on Friday the 13th, considered the unlucky day. On Wednesday and Thursday, G. had also called two of his friends to listen to music, talk, eat, and sleep here at home, and they stayed until about three o'clock on Friday afternoon. Soon after, they left and G. wished me 'a good time with the shrooms'.

Then, after waiting for them all to leave, I decided to prepare myself and clean my house first, before even boiling the mushrooms. After all, I thought it would be better if my experimentation happened in a cleaner and more organized environment than the one in which my house was: lots of crockery in the sink and dirt on the floor. I went to do the dishes for about an hour and a half, took out the garbage, and then I vacuumed the kitchen and the living room, which was where I wanted to use the mushrooms. Before I ran the vacuum cleaner, I also changed the sofa position, because I wanted to lie down without looking at television. I had set up a playlist with a few dozen songs to listen to during my experience and would play them on television. With that, I was afraid that if I watched clips while I was hallucinating, I could feel bad and have a bad trip.

After cleaning, I had turned on the TV and listened to typical Palauan and Balinese music to relax. I turned on the fan, picked up pencils, a notebook, and lay down comfortably on the now reversed couch. I had also taken a bucket to put next to me if I vomited drinking the tea. I tried to breathe and relax. Actually, however, I was quite nervous and eager to take the hallucinogen. Try as I might, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Did the mushrooms I bought were good? Would I feel any effect the first time? If so, then how would they manifest in me? Would I have a good or a bad trip? How would I change after the experience? Would I be left with any health problems as a sequel? Doubts kept coming in my head, along with anxiety and the uncertainty of what the effects of psilocybin would look like in my body.

At 7:00 p.m., I decided to go to the kitchen to finally make the tea. I selected two pressure cookers, a cutting board, a blender and a precision vessel. As ingredients, I also separated the mushrooms and soft drink. I washed my hands, opened the little pack with mushrooms, and laid them on the cutting board. After throwing the package away, I took a knife and pecked all of them until they were small enough to beat on the blender. I stuck them into one of the pressure cookers. Using the precision vessel, I put 150 ml of cold drinking water into the other pressure cooker to boil on the stove. As the water began to evaporate, I turned the fire off and, in one fell swoop, threw all that boiling water into the first pressure cooker, where the chopped mushrooms were. I covered it and left that liquid in infusion for twenty minutes. Finally, I threw all the liquid into the blender, where I also added 250 ml of soda, and beat it for a minute at light intensity. Before placing the soft drink, I noticed that the infusion of pure tea had a curious blue-black coloration. When soda, water and mushrooms were all beat up, I let the blender cool for an hour in the refrigerator. And yet, I beat it at light intensity for another minute, after taking it off the refrigerator, to blend them really well. Throughout this process of preparation, I walked between the living room and the kitchen, and tried to relax so I could drink the tea. Uselessly, because actually, I was still quite nervous about all that.

So I had decided that at nine o'clock that night I would drink the mushroom tea - after nine hours of fasting, since I had finished breakfast at noon. Fasting served to better absorb the hallucinogenic components of tea. About fifteen to nine, I went to configure the playlist on television, closed all the windows of the house and turned on the lights of living room, because night had already fallen. For the occasion, I had also separated a special Christmas mug for drinking my tea. My mother loves this mug, because it is old, rare and very beautiful. So it seemed appropriate to me because of its symbolism. I sat in front of the computer and opened a webpage that was about the duration and effects of hallucinogenic mushrooms, in an attempt to time my experience. Although there were clocks all over the house, I decided to use the computer’s one to measure the effects, because it was the most accurate. As the clock was about nine o'clock, I went to kitchen to get the mug and the blender. I returned to the computer in the living room, and spread most of the liquid into mug. A certain amount of tea had remained in the blender; So I realized I'd have to refill the mug so I could drink all of it. When the computer clock struck nine o'clock sharp, I finally got to drink the whole 'magic potion' of that hallucinogen, filling the mug once more! The taste was surprisingly good, but I could feel my heart beating from so much nervousness. I finished drinking the whole 'magic potion' at 9:01:06 p.m. and decorated the time in order to calculate the duration of the effects. 'God's will be done!' I thought.

I turned on my playlist, went to lie down on the sofa, and waited for hallucinations to begin. Lying and listening to music, I kept looking around, trying to figure out if there was already something different. The website said that the sensations started between fifteen minutes and two hours after ingestion. Then, once in a while I would also look at the wall clock to measure the time. If fifteen minutes had already passed on wall clock, and I still haven’t felt anything, I would get up and look at the computer clock to check if it was already on par with its ingestion time. I decided to do this every fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes after ingestion, I still had not felt anything. I looked on the wall clock, in the computer’s one, and ... nothing yet! Half an hour later, I still had not felt anything on the sofa. I got up to go check time on computer, and that was it: thirty minutes after ingestion, I still had not seen anything! But suddenly, returning to the sofa from computer ... I realized that the shadow of my body, on the room’s wall, was purple! Impressed, I wanted to see it up close. I moved my whole body to check my shadow. It was really purple! In fact, purplish, for it was still somewhat dark. 'Is it already starting?' I thought. 'Or is it just some natural effect of reflex?' I ran across the room to see my shadow from another angle. Yes, it was purple. I was both happy and impressed with this, for I already began to feel the effects of psilocybin in my brain, seeing my own shadow so purplish like that!

After that, I lay back on sofa, waiting for more illusions. However, after a few minutes, I began to feel very uncomfortable sitting, psychologically speaking. My legs began to shake and I really wanted to walk through the house - and I walked around the living room, as I usually do. At first, I thought it was from my anxiety, since I usually walk around home, thinking about my life, relieving my nervousness. And what was my surprise, when I realized that, in fact, I was not just walking around the room ... but also moving my legs randomly, going back and forth irregularly, stumbling, spinning myself and hugging the walls.

Anyway, I was 'playing' around with my own body within the universe of my house’s living room, as if the members of my body were controlling me, instead of obeying me. The most striking thing is that I was only realizing that I was 'playing' minutes after I started, as if my body was independent of my mind. When the 'penny' finally 'dropped', I was impressed by it, and thought, 'Wow ... so that's it?' And was it not that, at that same time, I also spoke my thoughts? And not only them, but everything else that I was thinking? My mind was inseparable from my speech. Everything I thought, I also spoke, unable to control myself.

What I also could not control was my mental flow: during my 'plays' I thought of going 'to play' in various parts of the room, but as soon as I walked towards a part, I thought to go 'playing' in another, and then another, then another, then another, then the first, and so on ... I was zigzagging through every corner of the room like a blind cockroach, thinking of going to play with my body in each one of them, soon when I reached another, in a dizziness that reminded me of alcoholic drunkenness. It was like a mental “Ferris wheel”, in which each of the various thoughts was kept in one place and then reappeared again; A sort of a flux driven by a music without any sound. My thoughts were so loose that I went to the computer, opened a new tab and typed: 21,01,06, so I did not forget the time I had ingested the tea. In all this, there was a time when I also ran to the bathroom to see what my eyes would look like. I had read that one of the effects of psilocybin was the dilation of the pupils. When I remembered that, I wanted to check mine in the bathroom mirror. They were gigantic! Apart from the dilated pupils, I also noticed certain jaw clenching, sometimes during the whole experience.

Besides, I was very happy, too. Back in the living room, a sudden happiness with all this situation took me, for feeling that way so unique, and I began to laugh madly. I laughed so good, I was so happy that soon I started to laugh like crazy. Eventually, there was a time when I thought I was crazy. 'I'm crazy, mad, psychotic!' I repeated, laughing and kicking at the main wall of the room. Yes, I was crazy, but crazy in the good sense of the word, in the madman who is very happy in his own madness and who does not want to get out of it. In a way, it was like daydreaming, in the sense that there is not a very clear difference between sleep and dreaming. Indeed, similarly, I believe that the same thing happened between my sane and my crazy state. In a moment, I was lying sane on couch ... and when I least noticed it, was acting crazy on the rest of the room. Meanwhile, that Balinese song I had heard to relax did not leave my head either. Looking now, I also wish someone had filmed me in that state. I felt like a creature traveling through its own universe. It was a delight.

However, the dream soon turned into a nightmare. After about an hour tripping around the room, I heard the garage door of the building opening: there were people arriving by car. In a few minutes, I also heard them putting their luggage in trolleys and entering the building. I opened the living room window and took a look. In my psychotic state, I got worried with those people. I thought they might find out I was using drugs and became worried about that. In addition, I also associated garage opening with my parents coming home, which made me even worse, because I started to think about them. I kept thinking of them: if they would find out that I had taken the mushroom tea, if they would accept me for taking it inside our home, if they would have to come back earlier from coast if I had any problems with the drug. All these thoughts entered the 'Ferris wheel,' and they stunned me for a long time, oscillatingly. I was already feeling bad.

But, as things can get worse, the room phone rang. I answered, screaming. It was my clueless brother G. speaking that he needed to go back to house to get some money he had saved. I was very angry with him: I had spoken clearly that I wanted to stay a whole night alone, because I would use the mushrooms! On the phone, I told him I did not want anyone inside home until the effects passed, because if someone came in, I might have a psychotic outbreak. I screamed, 'I'm crazy up here and I want to be alone in my craziness!' Fortunately, he understood me and suggested that I take the money and give it to him. On the phone, he directed me to go to his room, open the drawer, get the money and leave it under the door for him to pick up. I even managed to go to his room, open the drawer and get the money, but when he said 'open the door and put money under the rug,' I yelled, 'No, I am not in the mood to do this!' I was disoriented, and I was afraid of what might happen if I left house hallucinated. 'But ...' he retaliated; 'Nooooo!' I screamed, hanging up on him. During the phone call, there was a time when I could also hear the laughter in background from his friends amused by my madness. With that, I also got worried that G. could come home to get the money and I have a break because of this, or that he could phone to my parents and tell them I had used the mushrooms, or both. As soon as I hung up the phone, I went back to his room with the money in my hands, shoved it back into the drawer, and thought-shouted, 'F- It,it’s his problem, his money, he should have gotten it before, so get it later! '

At that point, I would say that I was already experiencing the so-called ego partition, that is, when your own personality divides into two different parts. In this case, I believe that I have divided myself into two 'Selves': my 'sane self' and my 'crazy self'. My 'crazy self' was deeply depressed, frightened, remorseful and wanted to do something dangerous with himself. I had the impression that it was 'crazy self' that was controlling the parts of my body when I was 'playing' in living room, just a few moments ago. As now he was haunted, my 'sane self' was afraid of what “crazy self' could do with his own body. 'Crazy self' was worried with the conspiracy of the car, with my parents and my brother. It was as if I was fighting a struggle with myself, 'sane self' against 'crazy self,' to see who would win. And since I was also on a mental Ferris wheel, the thoughts of 'sane' and 'crazy' selves oscillated from seconds to seconds.

Back to living room, I was filled with terror: the whole environment seemed much bigger, scarier, and sharper than I had ever seen, sort of as if all the objects were eager to attacking and eating me. The television was still on, but for the sake of my mental health, the playlist gave some trouble and was no longer playing. By the way, I remember when I was still 'playing' in the room, I took a look at the television screen. Fortunately, I was not afraid of anything, but I realized that the television picture was much more blurred than when I first saw that clip. Then, terrified of those scary objects, I was able to get the remote control and turn off the TV. Before that, one of those ads popped up on the screen. It was not that scary, but I could not quite understand absolutely anything that was said, as if I were watching an advertisement in a completely different language. That is, I was so high that I could only listen, but I could not hear what others were saying.

After I could turn off the television, I ran to my parents' bedroom to lie down and relax until the hallucinogenic effects passed. This time, both 'sane' and 'crazy self' contributed because 'crazy self' was too scared to be attacked by the objects of living room while 'sane self' was very afraid of what 'crazy' could make while being afraid there. As the two parties collaborated, I ran out of the living room and went to the corridor that leads into my parents' bedroom. Arriving there, I thought whether or not to turn on the light before laying in bed. 'Sane self' decided not to, since in a clear room, 'crazy self' could stimulate its imagination with the objects there and both would be even more frightened. Lying in bed, 'crazy self' startled himself at once: he kept thinking about the nature of G. and my parents’. To make matters worse, there in the bedroom he also remembered thoughts he had forgotten in the living room: I remembered the possibility of mushrooms triggering a permanent psychosis in people genetically predisposed to these diseases, remembered messages from anti-drug campaigns, remembered what my Parents had told me about the dangers of mushrooms.

Then 'crazy self' invented a delirium of schizophrenic persecution involving all of this: I believed that would stay psychotic forever, could not get out of the hallucinogenic effects and, sooner or later, would cause some public disturbance when I left home. Meanwhile, G., to torture me, would call my parents and tell them that I had taken the mushroom tea and, with whatever problems I was about to cause, they would come back from coast earlier to solve it. They would be very sad, knowing that I committed crimes and that I became permanently schizophrenic, and I would be sent to a psychiatric hospital for the rest of my life. So I would become known in my family forever as a madman who destroyed the lives of my parents and siblings. I felt like garbage. I thought about killing myself, because I was no longer bearing the mental Ferris wheel being so negative like that, my suffering with all those thoughts going back and forth at the same time.

Meanwhile, 'sane self' was grabbing 'crazy self', and shouted to him: 'You are going to stay here!' I repeated this phrase several times when 'sane' took over. 'You are going to stay here!' And successfully, because despite all these thoughts, 'crazy' had not managed to get out of bed. 'Now I know what it's like to be schizophrenic! ','sane' further thought. In my parents' bedroom there was also one of those clocks that glow in the dark and 'sane self' kept staring at it. It was almost eleven at night, and by eleven and one, 'sane' decided that he would risk going to the computer in living room to check the time. With great difficulty, 'sane self' also calculated how much time had passed between nine and eleven o'clock, because my notion of time also greatly slowed under the mushrooms. One of the effects I felt during the whole experience was the distortion in time perception, that is: seconds that passed as minutes and, once in a while, minutes that passed as seconds. I had already realized this when I was still 'playing' in the living room.

Still in my parents’ bedroom, 'crazy self' also got scared with the door handle. Living room’s lights were on, and a beam of that light hit the knob of bedroom’s door. With that, 'crazy self' had the illusion that the doorknob was a metallic spider that would attack him in bed. Looking at the ceiling fan, 'crazy' also thought it was another spider willing to attack him. In the corridor, one of the wardrobe’s doors was half-open and he thought it was the dark mouth of a monster who wanted to swallow him. To calm him down, ' sane self' stood up and down on the bed, to show 'crazy' that the doorknob and fan were not really spider-like, and that the wardrobe door was only a dark place. And as he moved into bed, 'sane self' was surprised to notice that the bed seemed much wider, sharper and more detailed than he had ever seen. From time to time, he also changed the pillow to refresh his head. However, looking at the clock repeatedly had also left 'sane self' anxious until the desired time arrived. Then, as 'crazy self' was scared and 'sane self' was impatient, these two decided to close their eyes and breathe for some seconds, to relax for a while. And as I closed my eyes I could see in that dark part of them a slow sequence of geometric shapes that had a mixed color, appeared to be irregular and were somewhat sequential. Truly beautiful hallucinations!

By the time the room clock finally struck eleven and one in the evening, 'sane self' ventured to get out of bed and proceed to the computer in the living room to see the time. In this way, he realized that was already managing to control the physical movements of ' crazy self' but that the latter still had some considerable strength. Arriving at the computer, he checked hours: it was exactly two hours after I had drunk the 'magic potion.' The website reported that the effects lasted approximately four hours after ingestion. Still difficult to reason, 'sane' calculated that it was still about two hours before “crazy' fell asleep again. By the time I was in my parents 'bedroom, 'sane' had also planned going to my bedroom, because he had been sick of staying all those minutes in his parents' room. 'After all,' he thought, 'what difference would it make to wait for the effects to pass by lying in my bedroom or my parents'? I'm already tired of staying in that same dark room. '

'Sane self' even managed to go from the computer to the end of living room. Meanwhile, as I was crossing the corridor to my bedroom, he realized that 'crazy self' had been interested in the shelf window where the DVDs were in the wall. 'Crazy self' had also been interested in entering my siblings’ bedroom to see how it was like under the effect of mushroom tea. Realizing that I was having a reasonably greater control over 'crazy,' 'self' even allowed himself to make those two concessions, provided that after them, I entered my bedroom. That's because although 'sane' was somewhat traumatized by those terrifying thoughts, he was also curious to feel the effects of that drug.

In this way, 'crazy self' stared wonderingly for a few seconds at the shelf, the glass and the DVDs. I could see that there was something different about it all, as if I were seeing them from another perspective; As if all those objects were old, but somehow new at the same time. Feeling stupefied with the DVD shelf, I went to my brothers' bedroom where, as I turned on the light, ran to a mirror in the room to see my eyes. And my pupils were still quite dilated. Inside the room itself, I did not have so many visual changes, but upon reaching the balcony, which was covered by a large window, I ventured to open it to take a look at the outside world. From there, I watched the cars walking down the street, a few feet away from the balcony. I had the impression of seeing them moving significantly faster than normal, their lights were all mixed and the cars looked like made from plastic!

'Sane self' remembered that he had planned going to my room to lie down and, with that, I left the balcony and went to my room, where I turned on the light and threw myself into bed. There began the insights: I began to question various aspects of my life, of that psychedelic experience, what I could do differently in the future, and so on. I noticed that the insights entered Ferris wheel instead of the frightening thoughts, because now they alternated themselves in my head. After a long time having these insights, 'sane self' realized that 'crazy self' had ceased to be physical to be only mental and visual, since he did not perceive any of those previous physical inclinations. And yet, he was not that crazy any more, since he did not feel like 'playing around' anymore. Instead, 'crazy self' was now more of an 'insightful self.' 'Sane' had also realized that one way to make effects go away faster would be stimulating my concentration because it developed my sane side. With that, I tried to count numbers trying to concentrate, but could not get beyond three: insights kept coming and going. I tried to keep reading a book I was reading a few days ago, but could not get past the second paragraph: I just could not concentrate with all those thoughts in my head.

In addition, visual effects also persisted considerably and, like the insights, distracted me. On one occasion I had the impression that the bed was closer to the television and the furniture in my room than I thought, and that all objects were much sharper or more blurred than usual. As in my parents' bedroom, the bed in my room was also much wider, sharper and more detailed than I had ever seen. And as I tried to read the book, a beam of light from my bedroom lamp struck him, leaving one of the pages with a 'sandy' appearance. I was enchanted by that 'sand,' and although I did not see it, I imagined what the camels, Bedouins, and explorers of that desert would be like. I thought I could write a book about it. Then I thought there were birds in a puzzle located in my room. It was a jigsaw I'd set up a year ago, and did not longer remember if there were birds or not in that figure. I raised my neck to see better. No, there was not. That is, I had the illusion that I saw birds that did not exist flying inside the jigsaw puzzle. When I moved my feet, I also became interested in dirt on my right foot. I had been barefoot all day, had not yet showered and my feet had accumulated dirt. What struck me was that both my foot and dirt were much more realistic and closer than they seemed, as if my vision had zoomed in on my dirty foot. On another occasion I also saw the reflection of that same foot on the glass of bedroom’s window, and was also struck to realize that it was much closer and sharper than I would naturally see it, somehow as if the reflection of my foot were at the same distance as when I saw him dirty.

With all these insights and visual effects wavering in my thoughts, 'sane self ' gave up reading the book and put it in my bed drawer. After storing it, I looked at my hands and saw how huge and detailed they were too! It was past midnight, and I wondered what else could do until went normal again, and decided to stay at the computer trying to concentrate. 'Sane self' thought he could read, play or listen to music on the internet. The problem is that I still could not concentrate on one activity: when I remembered reading a text on a website, I remembered paying attention to music, and then remembered to play, and then remembered to read it again ... Insights had declined a lot, but they still had not stopped altogether. As well as the visual effects: in the middle of all this, I looked out of nowhere for the rest of the room and realized how much different it was. It was not so scary than when I went into the bedroom, but it still was not as ' sane self' knew. It was just like the DVDs’ shelf: old-fashioned, but from a totally different perspective.

I went to the kitchen to prepare a snack for helping with my body detoxification... And when I got there, what was my surprise when I realized that the distance between computer and the refrigerator seemed much bigger than it actually was? I got the impression that I walked several feet and not just some inches! I put a frozen hamburger to heat in the microwave and I filled a glass of Coke. Meanwhile, I also admired the kitchen under the psychedelic effect: just like in the living room and on the shelf of DVDs, it seemed much more different and beautiful than I ever knew ... I also had several insights about life and my experience there inside, until 'sane self' shouted to myself: 'You came here to get food, didn't you?!' Remembering that, I took the hamburger, the soda, and went back to computer.

However, 'sane self' had also seen a positive side in this situation: although the thoughts continued to flow, they were lasting longer before they alternated than at the beginning of the experience; That is, the Ferris wheel was spinning much more slowly, but even then, it still had not completely stopped. I tried to stay on the computer, but I did not decide between reading, playing, eating, thinking, watching or listening to music. As the site had said, the visual effects passed until one o'clock in the morning, but the insights continued, albeit with less and less turnover. I ended up giving up reading and playing, because besides the insights did not stop, I realized that due to experience and late hour, I did not feel like anything that required a lot of reasoning. With that, I was just thinking about life, eating and listening to music. I drank the whole glass of Coke, but I ate only half the burger, since I was not really hungry. I threw the other half in the trash. So I just kept thinking and listening to music, when I realized that I did not even want to: I wanted to stay in my corner, doing nothing, just relaxing and reflecting on how was dealing with life and how it had been that hallucinogenic experience.

I left the internet, arranged sofa, and tried to watch television. Partly because it was almost two in the morning, partly because of my wearing on the experience, I also noticed that I was sleepy. I turned off the TV and went to bed anyway, without taking a shower and brushing my teeth; I thought I could do this when I woke up. But I could not sleep like that: it was very dirty and sweaty and then, could not get to sleep uncomfortable in this way. I went to shower at two o'clock in the morning. I finished half an hour later; figured was going to sleep at five in the morning to give my hair time to dry.

Normally, when I finish bathing I'll read the book in my bedroom, and that's what I tried to do. Also wanted to find if I was already concentrating enough to read it again. And yes, I was already concentrating, but the problem was that I was not interested in reading. I could not stop thinking about how it had been this time taking magic mushrooms: whether it would have been worth it or not, whether wanted to use it again or not, how could it have been better or worse, where could I use it next time, if I would have some permanent psychological change, if I was a better or worse person before taking the mushrooms and several other related thoughts. And also because of my tiredness, I gave up again to continue reading my book. Although the effects were already past, I was in the recovery phase, that is to say: I was no longer hallucinating, but still, I was still very lazy, inattentive, introspective, fumbling, socially apathetic, 'off ', displaced from the real world. Giving up to continue reading the book, I returned to the computer a few minutes later, where I stayed for some minutes.
It was only then, around four o'clock in the morning, that my mood returned only to listening to music; And as I was alone at home, went to listen on TV. And an interesting aspect in this phase of recovery was, precisely, the greatest musical appreciation: I realize that felt more pleasure listening to songs I already knew, noticed tracks and instrumental details in them that had never noticed before and they seemed a little longer than normal for me. At five in the morning I went to brush my teeth and go to sleep. And I slept very well that night.

The next day, I woke up late at 1:00 p.m. and feeling pretty good about life. Throughout that day, I remained very calm, relaxed and with a deep sense of peace. I spent the rest of the day alone, dancing, singing, listening to music, watching television and surfing on the internet. I ate breakfast at bakery, ordered a meal at home and felt very happy due to my 'trip' from the day before.

Since that day, I have realized that I have become a more mature person: greatly reduced my anxiety, deeply relieved internal trauma and became a more optimistic and less stressed person. The mushrooms taught me that it was no use for me to continue to mourn over the problems of past, but to think about the solutions of future. Now, every time I begin to grieve over some personal problem or tension, an inner part of my personality tells me to minimize or forget it, that we can think of some solution or forgiveness, that I have overcome those past problems and do not need to worry about it anymore.

Thus, although I have experienced a few moments of terror and uncertainty, I greatly enjoyed the experience and intend to take it again because greatly appreciated the visual effects, the 'playing around' experience, the musical perspective, the insights and spiritual growth that psilocybin had me to offer. Now that I know personally how the effect is like, I also feel less anxious to try it again. And next time, I plan to use it in a freer space, so I can play better; more quiet, so as not to get scared with any noise; and in a smaller dose, to lessen the chance of negative thoughts appearing. I understood that mushroom tea is a magic potion that transforms normal people into schizophrenics temporarily, both in the good and in the bad sense. And that after this transformation, valuable life lessons arise from the dissolution or partition of the ego itself. That’s why, then, I'm interested in using it more often, to find out how else I can enjoy the psychedelic experience. Let's see what the meeting with my 'crazy self' will have to book me next time.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110933
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: May 27, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Personal Preparation (45), Music Discussion (22), Families (41), Glowing Experiences (4), Bad Trips (6), First Times (2), General (1)