Citation: Serena. "A Night to Myself Was in Order: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp111038)". Erowid.org. Nov 1, 2019. erowid.org/exp/111038
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Mushroom Solo Experience
So basically after a long break, I suddenly decided I wanted to have a psychedelic experience. It was pretty spontaneous lol.
Last time I did mushrooms I was in Edmonton on my friends birthday when I went to surprise him! It was good times. Waking life is a fantastic movie and incredibly good on mushrooms. Yet I was still in a group setting and I definitely felt some awkwardness. I personally find social situations on mushrooms or acid, any hallucinogen for that matter, a little bit weird and kind of takes away from any soul searching as well as still kinda worrying about social boundaries to adhere to. Makes me feel uncomfortable at some point one way or another.
I figured a night to myself was in order. I basically just want to write this down for my own personal memory since its still fresh and one of the most enjoyable mushroom trips I’ve ever had. Now that I think about it I have never really done mushrooms on my own until last night. I have done acid alone on a couple of occasions when I was younger, but not in as calm and secure place as my own home. I had parents to worry about at the time. Could you imagine talking to your mom tripping out on 3 hits of acid?! Lol could anything possibly be more anxiety ridden and insane?
So I committed myself for this trip to stay inside my apartment and create an ideal environment for the evening.
I committed myself for this trip to stay inside my apartment and create an ideal environment for the evening.
No adventures no outside, no losing stuff etc. Things get unorganized easily for me when I'm out and about on psychedelics. Keys, phone, etc all stressful to keep track of in my opinion.
I made some mushroom chocolates the night prior with some real Belgian chocolate. 100% easiest time I've ever had eating mushrooms hands down. I was legit trying to taste the mushrooms in it. Impossible. Couldn’t taste it at all! I personally despise eating mushrooms as is. It's a long torturous process that brings on violent gut rot. The texture hurts my soul. So 2 grams of the chocolate went down no problem which was a really nice start. I ate it at about 7:30pm. I finished up tidying the apartment and lit some candles and incense. Had some rain sounds playing on the computer and sat on the side of my bed moisturizing my legs with some pretty heavenly stuff called Karma from Lush.
So sufficiently moisturized and coming up on the mushrooms pretty quick. I felt the effects coming on within about 15-20 minutes. Time felt a little warped already super lazy and heavy suddenly. Felt like a decent effort to just lift my hands. I couldn’t really decide what to do just yet. I just kind of laid on my bed feeling a pretty heavy body high slight bits of anxiety just a standard come up on mushrooms. It kinda reminds me of DMT before I exhale. Heavy. shadowy, depth perception becomes amplified and moving feels like a task. Regardless of body high no very noticeable open eye hallucinations happening. I felt a little disappointed but reminded myself it was just beginning. The first heavy mushroom wave ended and I felt suddenly lighter so I got up off my bed and grabbed a coconut water and put my headphones on. I made a playlist the night before which was a solid life choice.
Damn music sounds great on mushrooms…One of my favourite parts of doing psychedelics by myself is being antisocial AF and curling up into a ball on my bed and listening to beautiful music with some good headphones. EurythmY, Sixis and Wolftech are definitely favourites. The party moved from the bed to my kitchen when I put on a more upbeat track and suddenly felt so into it and so happy that I I danced around in my apartment for a bit legitimately jamming out. I love dancing! By the time I looked at the clock again it was 8:20pm. Felt like longer though. Things were starting to move a bit and I felt like everything was going well. So I was like fuck it… I'm eating another chocolate! I’m just on my own, shit can get as weird as I want haha! So I munched down another one just another gram. I don’t think I was done coming up on the 2g in the first place so another 15 minutes the mushroom trip started to get pretty real when the second chocolate started kicking in. I grabbed some tea and thought of how amazing my coffee cup is and how nice it was to have my tea still warm a couple hours later. Its the little things lol. ;P
I’m drinking tea and listening to music on my bed watching some closed eye visuals I decide to go back out into the living room to just get a change of scenery. I was out during the day beforehand and I drove my boyfriend's car to get some tires and stuff installed for him, and it was in a parking lot across the street so I peeked out the window to check on it and this lady was standing right next to it, for like no reason at all. Empty parking lot and this lady is just standing by my boyfriend's car. It kinda concerned me, I also took note of my TERRIBLE parking job hahaha ! Jesus Christ! lol So that kinda sketched me out… I closed the blinds and reminded myself I was just tripping out and I was reading into it too much. Which I was. I had some ridiculous thoughts pop up for the next little while of what if my boyfriend's car got stolen when I'm supposed to take care of it? How the hell would I call the police high on mushrooms? What would I actually do about it? LOL NOT ALOT maybe have a panic attack?!! I went back to bed and listened to some music. I kept on having thoughts pop in about my boyfriend's car which was lame but I just sort of meditated and focused on my breathing and the music I was listening to. Lots of dripping colourful patterns, fractals and designs happening behind my eyes. I wish I could take a real mental picture of how beautiful it was. So much colour, depth and movement, absolutely life changing gorgeous I cant believe our brains reactions to mushrooms or acid (psychedelics in general) can create such an effect. I felt like I became a part of what I was listening to like I was moving through a story in my mind and I could feel everything about it.
Suddenly my pj’s and my headphones felt very foreign and uncomfortable. I was also definitely peaking, I was very high and becoming aware of how much I was in for. The small bits of movement from before I laid down and listened to music were pretty dominant when I opened them again. Everything was super defined. Patterns.. movement all my art I had in my room was just going wild. I could also just feel everything on my body, constricting, pinching… tight and uncomfortable even though it was just some loose pj’s. So aware of everything that was in contact with my skin. So I took off my clothes except for my T shirt I was wearing. Headphones came off as well and I managed to mess my hair up and it felt really nasty. It's not a nice feeling having hair tangled especially on hallucinogens. So I got up and went to the bathroom to grab my hair brush contemplating what the hell hair is all about and why I have so much of it and what do we need it for anyways? Serious life questions.
Motor functions were also diminished I felt like walking like a zombie, just half stumbling…I get into the bathroom and look at myself and watch my face and how large my pupils are and watch my face turn different textures. I grab my hairbrush and start brushing my hair. Oh did I laugh, I was having the absolute best time brushing my hair! Just laughing at myself laughing while brushing my life away ahah it was the best hair brushing I've ever had. Feeling basically whole again after that. I had a weird sensation in my lower abdomen and lo and behold it was my bladder. Almost forgot about that thing. Definitely drinking all the tea and coconut water so I went pee and did plenty of laughing while doing that as well. I Looked at the bathtub and figured why not! So I put a bubble bar in the tub. What a sensory experience. Water is incredible on mushrooms and it smelled so wonderful and lots of bubbles! Absolute bliss. I dissolved into my bathtub for maybe a good hour? I'm not sure how long it felt like forever. My kitties kept me company and I cant remember everything at this point. Lots of hallucinations. Patterns, emotions, thinking about my life remembering random things, people from long ago.
Remembering what I felt in other trips I've had, what went wrong, what went right. Definitely experiencing the full effects of what the dose I did had to offer. At one point I had thoughts of the bathwater being blood and things felt a bit uncomfortable but I just turned on the bathroom light again and all was well. Sometimes I find I’ll get excessively gory hallucinations, even on a good trip? Unbelievably violent but kinda beautiful at the same time? I dunno... I try to just accept it as part of the experience instead of holding onto it. The more I accepted what I saw and felt the easier it would be to go back to visualizing brighter, prettier, happier things.
So after the bath I was still tripping kinda hard a little over 2 hours in. So I sat down to watch Zootopia. Which is a great movie! But after about 35 minutes it was honestly just kind of hurting my eyes and felt like it was taking away from the experience, at least this time. I enjoy watching movies with friends when we do mushrooms but I didn’t find it very preferable while on my own. So I turned it off and grabbed some blueberries and went back into my room. I kinda just sat there with just some nature sounds playing softly on my computer speakers. Definitely got to a bit of thinking. First of all blueberries tasted phenomenal. I would eat them slowly one at a time noticing the flavour difference depending on what size blueberry I ate. Small ones tart large ones sweet lol just dedicated 10 minutes of my life to a deep appreciation for how awesome blueberries are. Blueberries are the answer to life's problems. Could probably achieve enlightenment through blueberries...Well not quite but it felt like that in the moment.
Blueberries aside I started thinking about my family and my relationship and my life. What I have to be thankful for. As well as what I could do better and where I have faltered in my life. Lots of truth, felt like mushrooms sort of pulled aside the veil of self deception and showed me the truth. There was no excuses no denying just thought of things as how they were and nothing else. It was kinda heavy but also rewarding. I find I have these self reflective moments on come down.
I find I have these self reflective moments on come down.
And it was beautiful and I think an important part of hallucinogenic trips. Although not the funnest part.
After that I went out into the living room and sparked a bowl of weed. I've learned the hard way a couple times to not smoke pot while peaking on acid or mushrooms. It makes me feel retarded and paranoid for the rest of the trip. But it was nice on the comedown to amp the visuals back up a bit. I took advantage of that by laying back down in bed and listening to some tunes with my eyes closed. Which was once again amazing and beautiful. After that I picked up my hula hoop and had some music on the computer speakers and literally became one with my hula hoop. Complete state of flow. It was like it was a part of me it felt lighter than usual and so effortless. I had an EPIC time hula hooping. It was absolute freedom I simply didn’t care about anything else I did it for about an hour and wish I had that feeling all the time while doing it! I barely dropped it or faltered once and it felt so good! I sat down on the bed once more and pulled out some pictures on my phone of my man and family and thought about how much I loved them and basically had a moment and cried from appreciation and sent them all texts saying I loved them and made plans to visit. After that decided to wind down and eat some more blueberries and listen to Alan Watts before bed. Love Alan Watts… that guy had it all figured out. Very inspiring and nice to listen to during an introspective comedown. Only complaint is my guts kinda felt heavy and like garbage for the last hour or two of my trip. But that's always happened to me when tripping.
I slept like a baby. And feel really good today. Last night was a blast and looking forward to tripping again. Mental state and setting are everything.
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