Citation: Joe. "Healing Trauma from Research Chemicals: An Experience with Mushrooms, Desvenlafexine & Bupropion (exp111537)". Erowid.org. Apr 26, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111537
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First I am going to provide context for my experience with psilocybin mushrooms, so you can better understand my report.
In February of 2016 I took what I thought was acid, but later discovered from the friend I bought it from that it was actually a research chemical that he was unfamiliar with. Just another reason to test your drugs, but I learned this lesson the hard way.
This first experience with hallucinogens exacerbated my clinical depression and was the beginning of my panic disorder. It really changed me for worse. After this I could not consume cannabis, or most other drugs, without having debilitating panic attacks. Even alcohol became a source of panic for me.
About 1.5 years after this terrible experience, I found a great psychologist who was interested in helping me get over this experience that left me burned out, depressed, and suffering. All the while he was also helping through other issues related to my sexuality. He told me that eventually I would have to confront this fear of drugs, and that it wasn't healthy to ascribe 'evil' qualities to them. After being in therapy for 3 months, I finally felt ready to confront this fear. I will admit, my method may not have been orthodox.
I didn't make plans or actively seek out psychedelics. I was jamming and writing music with a friend on a Sunday night and he mentioned that when he left he was going to eat 1 gram of psilocybin mushrooms and chill in bed before going to sleep. He told me that 1 gram was not enough to give you visuals or make you trip hard, but that it felt similar to being stoned. I asked him if I could do this with him and he got excited because he knew about my first experience with research chemicals, and was happy that I was ready to move on. We then picked up our mushrooms and headed back to my apartment to listen to some music, jam, and watch Netflix.
At 10:30 pm, we ate the mushrooms. He took his all at once, but I divided mine in half and planned to space them out a little in case I had a bad reaction. I take Desvenlafexine and Bupropion everyday [at 9am] for my depression and anxiety. I know SSRIs and SNRIs can lessen the effects of some psychedelics, so I wasn't expecting to be overwhelmed.
I take Desvenlafexine and Bupropion everyday [at 9am] for my depression and anxiety. I know SSRIs and SNRIs can lessen the effects of some psychedelics, so I wasn't expecting to be overwhelmed.
I was feeling excited and comfortable in my own apartment, ready to kill this post traumatic stress I got from a bad research chemical. I picked apart my shrooms and mixed them with some lemon juice and water in a wine glass. I tried to swallow them like pills so I wouldn't have to taste them.
Around 11:00 we were both feeling the effects. I felt heavy, and the colors of everything in my living room were super vibrant. We both kept getting into fits of uncontrollable laughter, which I loved. Because I was feeling comfortable, I took the other 0.5 g at 11:30. We talked about life, watched Family Guy, and laughed on into the night. I felt so at peace with everything around me, and I felt silly for ever letting a bad drug experience affect me so deeply. I realized that I was in control, not some mystery drug, and that I wasn't going to let it dictate how I lived my life.
Around 12:00 am, I poured myself a glass of water and mixed approximately 5 grams of kratom into it. I asked my friend if he wanted some, so I poured him a glass too. I've been taking kratom recreationally for about 3 years, and him for about 1 year.
At 12:30 the effects of the kratom and mushrooms were both in full swing. They both complemented each other well. At this time I was still seeing extremely vibrant colors and time seemed slow, but not in a bad way. I was really euphoric from the mix of kratom and mushrooms. I have a huge Afghan rug that covers most of my living room floor, and I was transfixed by the patterns. They seemed alive. I wasn't getting any visual hallucinations, but for some reason the rug seemed to breath a little. The textures of the chair I was sitting in and the rug were so pleasing. Everything around me felt enhanced. Another interesting effect I got was my vision looked like I was watching a 60 fps camera.
The effects of the mushrooms were definitely winding down around 1:30-2:00 am, but we continued hanging out and giggling until almost 4:00 in the morning. Neither of us had anything to do on Monday. He went home around 4:00 am and I went to sleep.
I think I was healed in some way by these mushrooms, and I could see myself doing this yearly or biannually as a way to let go of negative feelings and emotions in a healthy way. Psilocybin Mushrooms helped me, and could definitely help so many others, if used responsibly.
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