The Endless Eyes...
Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa
Citation: Stonelands. "The Endless Eyes...: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa (exp111653)". Erowid.org. Jun 11, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111653
I want to begin this report of my Magic Mushroom trip from last night by saying that so much happened on it that I feel like it will be a real struggle to include all the details that I would like. I must also apologize in advance if my recounting of the timeline feels a bit confused. Nevertheless I will do the best as I feel a deep desire to give the reader some inkling as to what I experienced.
Having taken some time to acquire the amount of Cannabis necessary (My country is experiencing a dry patch) to make the trade with a friend in exchange for four grams of Psilocybe Subaeruginosa, I knew I would be in for an interesting evening. The next day would be my Birthday and so I knew that the majority of this trip would take part on on it. This would be my third trip with my first having involved a 1.7 gram dosage and the second a 2 gram one. I have also had some experiences with Salvia Divinorum including one in which I experienced total ego death. I had prepared for this trip by not eating since dinner which had been around 3 hours ago.
I felt a small amount of anxiety at the unpredictable aspect that always comes into play with the use of these substances but there was really no debate in my mind about whether I should go through with this experience or not. I began to grind the Shrooms up sometime just after 10pm and by 11:08pm Iíd made the lemon tek. I allowed this to sit for 20 minutes and then consumed it. I was immediately hit with that interesting feeling of knowing that there was now no turning back...
Knowing that it would be difficult to predict how soon I would start to feel the Shrooms kicking in, I decided to turn off any music on my laptop and simply converse with a few people on Discord and read a few internet articles. I quickly began to feel that the silence was deafening and Iím not sure if that was the first sign of something changing or if it was just my anticipation making me feel that way.
Perhaps around 20-30 minutes in (I will try to do a somewhat better job of keeping track of time in future trips) I felt this feeling that I had felt on my first Shroom trip which was that this wooden cat statue I have on a bookshelf was aware of me and looking at me. This feeling caused me to laugh to myself just like it did on the first occasion I experienced it. Soon after that I felt that I was beginning to feel something of the body high that comes with Shrooms which to me is kind of like a numbing, relaxing sensation in which I feel the urge to lie down. I believe at this point I was still not really seeing anything when I shut my eyes.
As I mentioned in the first paragraph of this report, my recollection of the timeline for this trip is somewhat confused and this is the part where things begin to get muddled. Iíll do my best to reconstruct it as accurately as possible but I think some parts are probably going to be out of order. I think at some point I closed my eyes and began to see the earliest sign of fractal images, possibly some eyes and faces (which as youíll see, I would see a huge number of later).
I believe at this point that I was starting to feel the nausea quite strongly and so I decided to go to the bathroom just just outside my room to throw up. I think at some point I closed my eyes and began to see the earliest sign of fractal images, possibly some eyes and faces (which as youíll see, I would see a huge number of later). I quicky felt the presence of this peculiar feminine entity that I also felt was there on my last trip. I didnít so much seem to directly see it this time but I felt like I caught glimpses of it through the mirror, itís dark, quite elegant and I feel like it belongs to a different species. I cannot tell if it shows any signs of being aware of me but itís interesting that I feel like itís a female presence.
As I vomited into the toilet it began to transform into this dark hole as it had also done on the previous trip. I returned to my room and lay down on my bed again. At some point during the trip I began to feel as if I was being possessed by a being who, if theyíd ever been a human person, would have probably been a warlord or tribal leader of some sort. I felt this aggressive confidence swinging through me and I began to reassess who I could be in life. This mindset receded relatively quickly and around this point I was sort of wondering if maybe Iíd reached the peak of the trip. Perhaps this would be a disappointing experience compared to what I had expected. Boy, was I wrong...
I donít recall noticing the fractals gradually increasing in power or anything but suddenly whenever I shut my eyes there would be endless pairs of eyes and faces staring back at me whilst constantly moving
whenever I shut my eyes there would be endless pairs of eyes and faces staring back at me whilst constantly moving
. I would see these side-on images of what Iíve decided to call alien-goddess type entities some of which had an almost Ancient Egyptian look to them, I saw plenty of the type of fractal like faces that I see in Alex Grey art that seem to proceed infinitely into the background. As I looked at them and they looked back at me I said out loud ďI can talk to you...Can you talk to me? Should I talk to you?Ē I would see mechanical type fractals as well, the type that people do sometimes report seeing. I walked into the bathroom again briefly (as I would do many times this night) and I canít recall if my eyes were shut but I saw what appeared to be a male being of light and when I looked into at his head there was nothing there except the light just seemed to recede back infinitely making me gasp and mutter ďOh my god...Ē
Every time I have tried shrooms they have made me cry and this occasion would be no different. Some of my personal demons quickly began to surface and I felt the need to acknowledge the lifetime of hurt they had occurred. This stage might have lasted about 20 minutes but itís difficult for me to say with any certainty. I really believe that Shrooms force me to get real with myself in a way that can be very confronting.
The trip began to get progressively more unusual. Soon I began to feel that my brain, as my instrument of cognition, had been replaced by something alien resulting in me experiencing the world in a completely different way. I am not a scientist but I began to link physics and biological evolution in my mind in a way I never had before but made sense to me at the time. Just as we are always in freefall, evolution is always moving us forward into history (even if biological changes are something of a slow process). The biggest realization that came from this from a stronger conviction about something Iíve felt for a while which is that we canít plan for and manage our species effectively on either a global or local level because we donít understand ourselves and where we are meant to be going well enough to avoid all kinds of misfortune and the capacity for total catastrophe. I saw this in relation to both political events in the world and also in relation to individuals I know or have known in my life.
By this time I had reached what I would consider the peak of the trip and began to experience some pretty powerful things. I felt like I experience the birth of a planet, a small ball of light, within myself
I felt like I experience the birth of a planet, a small ball of light, within myself
, whenever I closed my eyes the fractals were simply incredible, I saw a neverending world of eyes and faces that I also seemed to see flashes of as I opened my eyes, some were beautiful, some looked like something out of a zombie movie. I saw cats with 6 pairs of eyes, I also managed to catch one or two glimpses of some beautiful natural scenes including a yellow field that I can only describe as enchanting. I saw beautiful floating 3D model structure that was made up of small balls that twisted and turned to reveal ever more elaborate aspects of itself.
Around this time I needed to vomit again and I can only describe the sensation of this second vomit for the evening as resembling what I imagine transforming from a human into some kind of insectoid species might feel like. I would liken what I experienced to a croaking feeling that seemed to spread itself through my entire body. Like so much of this experience, it saddens me that I canít adequately put into words what it was that I experienced here. Whenever I would look in the bathroom mirror in the darkness my face would morph in ways that were very creepy or macabre. My face would resemble an insectoid type creature or look very skull like and evil (I have a shaved head). My arm would also look like something off an insectoid creature or would look totally black.
At this point I would look out my bedroom window to see the trees right outside of it full of these evil looking fleshy creatures. Iíd almost say they looked a bit like the Flood from the Halo video game series, sort of a combination of the humanoid looking ones and the blobby ones that explode when they get close to you. Iíd also see Africa and South America morph into the faces of these monstrosities on the world map on my wall. Eventually they morphed into Grey Aliens as well. I should add that none of this was particularly frightening to me, just intriguing more than anything.
Around sometime after 4pm I decided to try and go to sleep but the images I would see every time I closed my eyes had other ideas about this plan and prevented me from doing so. I recall shutting my eyes and seeing this strange, almost giant-rat like creature posing on the ground, that was transparent in a way where I could see larvae (which I presume were its children) moving in and out of its body.
It was not until around 5:00am at the earliest that I was finally able to get some sleep. All in all this was a fascinating experience and the varied and eventful psychedelic experience I have ever had in my life. Mushroom hunting season is coming soon in my country and I hope to do stronger doses in the not too distant future.
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