DOSE: T+ 0:00	3 caps	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(fresh)
T+ 1:30	1 cap	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(fresh)

BODY WEIGHT:

183 lb

Experience With Psychoactives;
Salvia, Mushrooms, cannabis.

Mushroom ingestion frequency 1-2 times per year, low doses (around 3 grams)

Research done in week leading up to trip; ingesting up to chapter 5 of the audiobook version of 'The Psychedelic Explorers Guide-James Fadiman PHD'

Intentions;
to find my place in society, find goddess, and quit over-eating & laziness

What I had been doing in days leading up; cowering in my tent at a campsite afraid of human connection after a long hitchhiking journey spanning 2.5 months. I was losing touch, categorically. Overeating, inactive, it was ugly. In the 24 hours before the trip I had begun to get truly excited about going 'back to Narnia'. I knew I needed a kick in the pants.

Notes taken;
morning after

Environment;
Alone, on a beach, under the full moon, with thunder in the distance in Byron Bay, Australia.

Drug identity;
Gold caps, real easy ID, dealer had dosed multiple people I knew with success, fresh mushrooms, tail end of the season (may) makes them stronger apparently

Intake;
5:15 PM, sunset, after 10 minute solo drum ceremony with magical objects laid out in line with this trips intention (personal spiritual medicine) and shrooms central to them. Ate 3 of Four caps at this time, 4th was eaten at 6:45
Eaten with 3 large kiwis

Food eaten during the day;
Breakfast, 100 g hummus, handful of romaine lettuce, 2 handfuls of cashews
Through the day, 3 slices of bread

Chronology of effects,
20 minutes, sensitive face
30 minutes; anxiously setting up tent, fumbly, ' drunk' feeling
45 minutes; swam, felt less drunk, things started moving, got first minute CEV's,
Starting to space out
1.5 hrs ingested 4th cap
2 hours; peak
2-3 hours; plateau
3-5 hrs; comedown
5hrs;down

Physical state remained notably stable throughout, although urinated once every 45 minutes

Few if any OEVs

Mental state;
In the past, psychedelics have often invoked delerium, so this is what I expected, but this time around I was surprised to find that I was more conscious, more aware of a reality that made sense than I had been in a very long time , especially while sober. It began with cevs, with me doing my best to look into a mandala, but realising I was not practiced at being In control of my mind's eye, I could not do what I wished, which was to pass through the mandala to the other side where the promised land was, my cevs always seemed to pan away from the focal point that I wished to see. Slowly as the shrooms took effect I lay in my tent, debating whether or not music would be better than silence, it took a long time to figure out, while deciding I continued to go down, into my mind, sifting through my fears and motivations. Coming to understandings about my own path in life.

Finally I really wanted something good, so I decided to put on some music, and it was revelatory. My faithful favorite Alice Phoebe Lou- was my inevitable choice, beginning with her more synthy songs I was taken to the moon with beautiful echoing beats and far off vocals, then came her more melancholic peices. I was then brought to face a side of myself I was afraid of, which ended up for the best. But in the time I sat there, listening to here themes of being trapped in society, and the purity of nature, I really did feel trapped. The songs ended and I sat up, repeating 'find the light' many times as I stared at the moon. I wasn't sure if it was too late in my life to find the true light, I couldn't see it, all I could see was despair. It was dark, but through great mental strain and hardship within ten minutes I had pulled myself out, eeking my way slowly through the door, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Many things were taking a strong significance. Mainly, themes of God, the universe, our place in the world, our effect on it at a quantum level, and many more themes that I had read through time. I was grateful for my own research that I had done through my life, that all these beautiful ideas where in existence for me to play with and fit together. The quantum significance, or as Tom Brown JR, inspired by Apache philosophy put it, 'the spirit that moves in all things' was truly strong in me at this moment, I felt as a chief and I was grateful. I was grateful for my own Providence, the riteous man within, I could see clearly why I do the things I do, I felt like a shaman. Realising all the gifts I had been given throughout time. As well as understanding that the shroud will cover the light at times, and to be patient, strong. Hell is within, and man is dead, as long as he continues running towards death, for the greatest wisdom is in the birds, who see, with miraculous eyes, that to live with vice, is to kill one's self.

Eventually I was feeling spry enough to drum, so I got up and started rambling on about society and being free, and moving on, I danced under the moon with great joy to the rhythms of Tupac's 'killuminati' album. I truly felt alive, for the first in a long time. And I no longer wanted to despair, I didn't want to lose touch, I wanted to be, a part, a living -breathing and beautiful part of the world, a world that loves me. Throughout the night I had a constant thread of thought that would relate to the indigenous people, the ones who have used older, more sustainable technology. Truly believing that they understand these things, and that we the white people are actively destroying the world.

In retrospect;
I truly had 'a blast' haha! I am more conscious than I have ever been in my life and I just needed a kick in the pants to get out of my self pitying slump. Yes I would do it again, yes it was scary. I never want to be there again, but I did the right thing. I got myself out, and I'm grateful for the mushrooms helping me to do so. Life is truly, truly beautiful.

This is areospace control, signing off. Over and out.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111978
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 17, 2018	Views: 1,670
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Alone (16)