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Not Ready
by Pavel
Citation:   Pavel. "Not Ready: An Experience with DMT (exp112058)". Jun 21, 2018.

T+ 0:00
2-3 hits vaporized DMT
  T+ 0:00 1 hit vaporized DMT
  T+ 0:10 1 cup oral Tea


Not Ready

-About 50 mg vaporized in a glass pipe

I had taken DMT several times before but had never ďbroken through,Ē dissolving my entire field of vision and completely disconnecting from reality. This trip report is about the day I finally broke through.

I had vaporized DMT before, so I felt less jittery than I had in the past as I prepared to take a hit. I did not have a clear intention, except for seeing what wonderful strange perspective I could find myself in. I usually fill a pipe with about 50mg, take a hit and hold it in for 30 seconds, and repeat for a total of 2 or 3 hits until I can no longer find the pipe in my hand. The first time I took the two or three hits and as my eyes closed I was in a world of vivid visuals with dark motifs of skulls and ghouls but I wasnít scared. After a few minutes this was over, and I was still determined to take it up to the next level, though not really expecting to succeed. After my friend took his hit and came back, I was ready to try again.

This time, I took one big hit and I could feel the hot and plasticky vapor burn my throat and I immediately started coughing. I was suddenly scared. I could feel myself uncontrollably slipping out of consciousness; this was many times more intense than anything I had ever felt before and happening way sooner than I expected. I didnít even have enough time to put the pipe back on the table. I was certain I dropped it and shattered it on the floor but I was completely gone and couldnít verify anything. I kept replaying the image of me putting it down and my mind filled in the last part of it falling and shattering on the floor just as I checked out, until I couldnít tell what was real memory and what was imagination.

My entire field of vision dissolved until no item in the room was distinguishable from the other. I tried to hold on to a tiny tendril of reality to ground myself and help with the shattered pipe, but it was impossible. My visual field was incomprehensible so I closed my eyes so things would make more sense.

I donít remember most of my 7-10 minute trip, so Iíll try to describe what parts I can.
I remember some kind of malevolent entity. It didnít have a shape, it didnít have words, it was above words. The first time I was with it, I knew exactly the feeling that I was feeling in that moment. I knew that I had felt this feeling before, deep in the darkest corners of my subconscious, and that I had hidden it from my conscious waking mind. And I believed that I had reached a similar indescribable feeling before, in prior trips maybe, but that it was impossible for me to take back with me that feeling to my sober mind.
I believed that I had reached a similar indescribable feeling before, in prior trips maybe, but that it was impossible for me to take back with me that feeling to my sober mind.
Itís like when you trip and you feel like you have all these insights into life or the nature of life and reality, and then you come back without trying hard to integrate those experiences, and all those feelings and insights are gone. Anyway, the feeling I had with this entity I would best describe as potent dread and every other bad feeling you can think of. It was Hell.

Itís impossible with many psychedelic experiences to put the feelings into words. Much of what I experience is above and separate from the world and common experiences languages were created to describe. I was completely disconnected from reality. My mind, my soul, was in a place where existence had ceased to exist. I realize that this is an impossible concept to convey. Simply there was no such thing as existing. I was in a place of abstract ideas, where it was impossible to even understand what it means for an object or being or the world to exist.

I felt trapped in my head, unable to connect at all with anything outside. According to my friend, I was dry-heaving once or twice a minute, probably my bodyís response to trying to eject whatever it was that had poisoned me. Toward the second half of the trip, I remembered that at some point I had taken DMT, but I had no clue how long I had been tripping shut up inside my head. I knew the trip should last ten minutes, but it felt like I had been in my head at least an hour. But what benchmark did I have for the passage of time? I could have been in my head for days or weeks! My body could right now be in a hospital, while my friends and family horrified gather around me with my mind completely cracked and unable to reintegrate with my body. All I could do was hope that I was wrong or hope that eventually my mind and body would reconnect.

There was more to the trip I am sure but as I said, most of it I forgot. Eventually the intensity slowed down and I was able to open my eyes and make out differently colored blobs in my surroundings that represented pieces of furniture. I knew that the trip was over and I tried to calm my mind while waiting it out to its end.

When it finished I felt traumatized and couldnít talk or think about it for 20 minutes, and sat down and had a cup of tea. Memories of the experience haunted my dreams for a couple days after, and even smoking weed triggered flashbacks for weeks
even smoking weed triggered flashbacks for weeks

Now itís pretty faded from memory so I would even toy with the idea of trying it again sometime. The people that I do know that use DMT often and enjoy it (3 people) are all experienced with high doses of LSD, and I was not. I think this might have been a major factor in my trying to reject the experience since it was so much more all-enveloping than I had expected it to be. If I ever try vaporized DMT again, it will be after I first try 300+ ug of acid first. Definitely approach DMT with caution and be honest with how much psychedelic experience you have before going all in. Also being prepared to accept death or permanent insanity could be helpful :P

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 112058
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 23 
Published: Jun 21, 2018Views: 847
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DMT (18) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)

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