Citation: SJB. "Dark Emotions & Visual Thinking: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp112361)". Erowid.org. Oct 21, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112361
Time: Summer, 18:55, warm weather and clear sky
Location: Fields in the countryside, my shared flat
Insertion method: oral mucosa (sublingual) + later: oral (swallowed)
Mindset: Eager, but a bit troubled (a period of many changes ahead and I am putting many things behind) I had been planning to do this trip for several weeks now, but decided this was the day. I am on my own.
+ 0:00 I 'sublingually' ingest 17 seeds of crushed and blended HBW seeds, after dissolving them for 15 minutes in a quarter shot of cold water.
Trying to spread the shreds of seed and liquid throughout my mouth, it is filling up with spittle quickly, which I do not swallow. I finish a little bit of housework and prepare the stuff I want to take out with me later. I try to meditate for a while, but I am not very calm.
+ 0:55 I spit out and collect the HBWS-saliva in a storage jar with slices of garlic and ginger, which I take with me, and leave the house to go for a bicycle ride into the nearby countryside. I can already feel a very slight decline of coordination, my reaction time seems normal, my mind slowly starts running a bit 'hotter', the psychedelic swamp of HBW/LSA starts to rise.
+ 1:10 I pick up an apple that dropped on the road right in front of me: It is not perfectly ripe, but tastes surprisingly sweet, the texture is thick and the chewing noises sound amplified. I arrive at my destination for now: A scythed hay field surrounded by low trees on top of a hill, where I had been many times before. I have a nice view of the flat broad valley and surrounding hillsides settled with villages and covered with farmland, groves and the city farther away. The landscape seems barren, the summer has been very dry, much of the grain has been collected and dust rises from working farm machinery in the distance.
+1:30 (Sunset) I decide to raise the dosage: I feel the oral mucosa absorption does not reach the intended intensity - I try to recall it felt like <5 seeds swallowed at that time - I have a bit of auditory effects (amplified and everything is 'grating' more), very weak visual effects, except for seemingly sharpened sight into the distance and the beautiful red sun seems quite large sinking behind the horizon, I feel the very typical bit of body slackness, and my mind is a little muddy and agitated, but not upset.
So I drank ~ 66,6% of the seed & saliva liquid avoiding shreds, lay down and put on some music. Vapour trails are a good way for me to tell visual distortions, but they seem quite normal.
+1:40 A bit of nausea comes up – it is not painful or too distracting for now. I constantly drink some mild black tea.
+1:50 - +2:10 As I expected I start to review many bad emotions, I appreciate the chance to face and follow them while trying to not get too attached to them - the 'weary' and slightly nauseous body feeling adds to this throughout the trip. I often write while tripping and take notes from now on.
I feel bad about the setting, it is in the countryside but neither very 'natural' nor calm. I like the city and the area, but I review how I never really got to settle down here – I have friends in this place, but no genuinely close emotional relationships – and want to leave it behind me. I am going to leave the city soon and have been looking forward to this for a long while. I would like to be able to share this experience with my close friends, yet I am also glad to be on my own and solitary. I think about the positive bodyload of shrooms and the more clear and analytic mind that other (prohibited) substances allow me to have. At times there is no analytic introspection, it is hard to see clear thoughts, it is instead a swamp of emotions.
At times there is no analytic introspection, it is hard to see clear thoughts, it is instead a swamp of emotions.
I feel very empty for a while like there is nothing to find inside. Yet after that it was like having found the door to a black and red underground tank of negativity.
+2:10 - +3:00 It is getting dark and a little cold. I start to wander around again, then pick up my bike and slowly head back. I feel disconnected from the world. Two days earlier I met a friend I had not really talked to in ages and I never really felt a close connection to her, but she had to talk to somebody as the frame of her life had largely fallen apart lately (relationship, job, partly her social relations) in very unfortunate circumstances – I realise how I was understanding and trying to help her through analysis and advice, but how I wasn't deeply empathetic. Thoughts about a former girlfriend I had a loose long-distance relationship with, which I had stopped to pursue several months ago, start to appear. I felt the grief I thought I had inflicted on her, though no guilt or regret. I almost cried for a few times over all the bad, though not trying to subdue it really. At the same time I appreciate all that I am and have in my privileged life, and relate to all the suffering that people experience everywhere on earth. During all this time negative thoughts are very prevalent, I accept them, but they never 'take over' me and I remain aware of my altered state.
I give up my initial plan to take a bath in a nearby lake on the way back as I feel unsettled and sluggish. I take short breaks on the ride back over empty cart tracks closing my eyes and observing the bodyload and emotional pain. I feel like I want to dance away the misery, feel ironically escapist, but I am to weary anyway. Straight running car headlights seem interesting in the distance as all 'artificial' and very regular shapes do. There are no tracers and visual distortions are weak in the dimly moonlit light.
+3:00 I get home trying to avoid bumping into my flatmates. I light an incense stick, lie down on my bed in the darkness and switch from instrumental ambient to more lively music. My breathing feels very flat, quite arduous and I sometimes think I had just stopped, but I stay calm and breathe deeply. Voices from outdoors sound shrill and echoey. My sense of self is very diluted, boundaries between I and other vanish. I like to pursue ego dissolution and relish the feelings of how my categories of thought and language disintegrate. With lights on shapes are a bit flowing and breathing, close things seem enlarged and detailed.
+4:15 I get up, eat some sweetened yoghurt and drink some fresh tea I manage to brew, the taste is crisp and delicious, however my senses feel dull. The artificial light in the litchen is dirty bright and yellow. I meet my flatmate whose laughter is unbearably loud, but luckily he leaves me alone. After that I am getting more and more unable to get myself coordinated and stand up. LSA and LSD strongly heighten my sense of order, but I can hardly get myself to tidy up the clothes I dropped in my room. I lie down again, philosophise, think about the practice of buddhist teaching and attachment. I think about the way in which our lives have been digitalised. I feel a sense of impending doom for the future of humanity, how our technological and social dynamics exceed any mechanism of control, which people still long for and try to achieve in many ways. I realise how myself and all people are afraid of powerlessness and uncertainty. My body feels intensely yet pleasantly like it is all chewing gum.
+5:00 Trying to continue my log, occasionally writing down some thoughts, I cannot figure out how long I have been tripping. 3, 4 or 7 hours... My generally very 'accurate' sense of time is gone. From then on I am mostly wriggling on my bed to the beat of the music, half-comatose my swamp of a mind is draining slowly, leaving behind an abstract, visual inner world of faces and organic shapes and I have some interesting asymmetric closed-eye visuals (all typical for me on HBWS).
+6:30 I need to pee, but on the short way to the toilet my circulatory system and enforced body control weaken dramatically
on the short way to the toilet my circulatory system and enforced body control weaken dramatically
. I defecate while trying not to fall down from the loo. I then collapse onto the cold floor, pulling a towel underneath me. I get up and vomit twice. I crawl into the shower and sober up for a while.
+7:00 I feel purged inside-out, quite serene in fact, get some milk to drink and fall asleep almost instantly.
+ 13:30 Next morning, I wake up by myself way earlier than usual. My body feels warmer than usual, I breath in some sweet summer morning air, feel very calm and quite energetic, although not yet entirely clear again.
Method: The absorption via the mouth / oral mucosa, which I had tried in lower doses before, does not really work well for me. Compared to eating the seeds in my experience the dosing would have to be 3x the amount or more with up to an hour of keeping them in, instead of as low as 1,5x which some reports mention.
Trip: I had been anticipating doing this. I expected it to turn emotional and a bit dark, albeit for slightly other reasons (but some of those HBW has already made me face before) so I embraced that side of the trip and did at no point during or after the trip regret it – the dark periods serve to me as a way of properly dealing with negative situations and behaviour, and the mindset as a glimpse into a state of depression or mental illness, that I hope helps me relate and empathise more. I expected some nausea after drinking the liquid +1:30, however it hit me surprisingly hard in the end – I never had to vomit on a psychedelic trip before even with swallowed HBWS. The weariness and quasi-paralysation on higher-range doses is a side-effect that I do not enjoy very much.
These seeds work on a more intuitive and emotional level for me than other psychedelics
These seeds work on a more intuitive and emotional level for me than other psychedelics
, they can go very deep and be useful in that regard! When compared to mentally similarly 'impactful' doses of e.g. psychedelic mushrooms auditory effects on HBWS are moderately strong, music is less strongly enhanced and (especially open eye) visuals less pronounced, while touch and taste seem slightly and smell hardly altered.
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