DOSE:

4 g

oral

Mushrooms

(capsule)

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

My First Experience With Magic Mushrooms

I figure that now is as good a time as any to write down what occurred during my first experience with psilocybin mushrooms. I am writing this now because it has already been quite some time since the experience occurred, and I want to preserve the memory of that time as best I can before I forget everything.


I asked the Magic Man a few questions while I was in his car with O. I asked if he thought it would be alright if I took five grams for my first time with magic mushrooms. Now of course, I had no intention of taking five grams (J convinced me not to), but I wanted to hear what he had to say so I could reassure J that I would be fine. The Magic Man said that five grams would be a very memorable trip, though he usually recommends that people take about four grams for their first time. He said that there’s no such thing as a bad trip, and that it would be a spiritual experience.

Now at this point, I had planned on taking four grams, but J still wanted me to take less (specifically, he wanted me to take 1/8 oz. [3.5 g]). But after I told him what the Magic Man said – that even five grams would be acceptable – J felt reassured and calmed his worries about me taking four.

So, after I bought my supply, I waited a long while for the perfect occasion. I waited for a weekend where I wouldn’t have very much homework (which is usually the case anyway, since I have only four classes and I do the work assiduously and diligently), where N would be gone, and where M would be gone (hence, a weekend when he is with D). And the time came.

Prior, though, I had done some things to prepare for the experience. Back on January 9, 2018, soon after A’s experience with 3.5 grams, I created an instruction manual for J to read and thus perform on the night of my own experience. The manual detailed certain tarot readings I wanted him to perform. I will list the readings and their results at the end of this document.

In addition, I made sure to have incense prepared. One day after school, J and I visited the [bookshop], which was only about fifteen minutes away from [our university]. There, I bought incense cones of Dragon’s Blood and Sandalwood. For my experience, I can’t recall exactly which one I used, but I think it was Dragon’s Blood.

I also prepared a playlist of my most favorite songs. Most of the songs were classical, though I put a few that were of jazz, pop, and of other miscellaneous genres. I arranged them in such an order that would spread out and parcel the energy evenly throughout the night, i.e. all the fast songs were not all bunched together, and neither were all the slow songs, etc.

Finally, the day had come. Friday, February 16, 2018. I made sure everything was ready and that everything would go in the way I wanted. I prepared the tarot materials at the dining room table for J, I prepared my incense dragon, and I prepared the television (to watch Planet Earth 2 on Netflix). I was incredibly excited. Though, perhaps I did not show it. Anyway, I made sure that I wore comfortable clothing – black sweat pants and, hmm, I think it was a black sweater, though I can’t recall entirely.

Once that was all done, O texted me asking if he could come over. I had told N that O would be spending the night – and by that point, I still thought he would. So, O comes over at some time soon before 8:30 p.m., and by this point N still had not left to go to B’s house. Eventually, though, she left. Immediately then, O, J and I prepared the concoction that consisted of psilocybin mushrooms (without the capsules), lemon juice, and orange juice. We put the potion in the refrigerator at 8:45 p.m.

While that was going on, J performed the first tarot reading with O and I present with him at the dining table. Here is the result of the reading:

1. The Rising Sun Spread
a. How will K’s experience with psilocybin mushrooms progress?
i. The Hierophant reversed
ii. 8 of Pentacles
iii. 4 of Wands
iv. The High Priestess

After this, the mixture was ready to be consumed. I went in my room to meditate for a little bit. I said I wanted to meditate for ten minutes, but it was probably only a few minutes. At exactly 9:05 p.m., I finished the drink. I remember it tasting like a green tea, though slightly bitter and a bit funny tasting – perhaps an expired, sweetened tea is a better way of describing its taste. It was a weird combination of bitter and sweet flavors. Anyway, I tried to gulp it down as quickly as I could, because I thought it was going to taste awful. The reason I thought this is because when I watched A consume his drink composed of the same parts, he said, “It tastes how feet smell.” I did not look forward to drinking it – but it wasn’t bad at all.

So I immediately then went in my room, which had all the lights off, though if I remember correctly, the shutters were slightly cracked, and light was still seeping in from the living room. J and O were outside watching Planet Earth 2, and I was just trying to relax and concentrate on what was to come.

I was never afraid of what might have happened. I was welcoming, in fact. I was trying to meditate and just let my mind wander and accept whatever would occur.

Fifteen minutes went by, and nothing happened. I walked out of my room, and J and O were expecting me to already be under the effects, but I told them I didn’t feel anything yet. By that point, I had really thought it should have been working, and I was worried that it would never work. When I expressed my worry to O, he reassured me that the effects would definitely kick in, it would just take a bit of time. So I sat out there with them for a few minutes.

But then I started to notice the beginnings of the effects. I stared at my leg – and it looked odd. It wasn’t changing form or anything, but I felt as though it were not my leg, perhaps in the same way that someone with body identity integrity disorder might feel about one of their limbs. I felt that it was alien, not necessarily that it didn’t belong, but just that it was foreign to me.

Then I got up to go to the bathroom. Getting up from the couch was quite strange, first of all. Walking felt different. It wasn’t a chore, but it felt more mechanical, more methodical, more rhythmic. I used the hallway bathroom, and the room became green-shifted. It was as though a translucent piece of peppermint green film were placed over my eyes.

When I got out of the bathroom, I told J and O, “I’m going back into my room,” and I did. I laid down on my bed and expected the effects to take hold. I kept staring at my ceiling fan. The outline of it was darkening and expanding, as though the fan were becoming a bloated, wiggling starfish. But this only lasted for as long as I had my eyes open. Every time I blinked, the image of my fan would turn back to normal. Eventually, however, I was able to see the hallucination, blink, and still have the fan look like an expanding starfish. At that moment I chuckled to myself and said, “I have achieved it.”

I then yelled for J to come into my room. He did so, and I said, “J, everything is going exactly the way I want it to. So you need to go out there and begin the second tarot reading.” I could tell he was confused, and he asked me if I needed to be present for the reading. I told him no, and I said he should go out there and do it without me.

While J and O were performing the second tarot reading, I was becoming increasingly fascinated by my ceiling fan. I would stare at the empty space next to my ceiling fan, and the inversely colored (white) imprint of the starfish figure would leave itself in that space, similar to how those optical illusions of afterimages occur with certain pictures.

I kept chuckling to myself and repeating in a whispering tone, “I have achieved it!” and I closed my eyes and hoped to see things. And I did see things. I saw very curvy looking lines that were mostly blue and yellow. Just curvy lines. The largest curvy line was one that resembled a sort of distorted question mark, or perhaps a distorted bass clef. This was on the left side of the scene. To the right of the question mark/bass clef were an infinite number of small waves with high frequency and low amplitude. They oscillated infinitely. While I was seeing this scene, the whole picture was bleeding downwards, like that special effect you see in memes, gifs, movies, etc. The whole image was bleeding downward, which resulted in the lines blending with each other, thereby creating thicker lines that were not neatly aligned with the others. I saw other things, too, but this is the only scene I can remember.

After a while, I said out loud, “Is it time? It is time. It is time.” I don’t know why. But I sat up, and coincidentally, J came in just as I did this. I told him I wanted to go outside. So I started to pick out a jacket. I walked very awkwardly and mechanically. I did not want my leather jacket, and I said, “Not this one,” and I proceeded to the hallway closet and picked out the one I wanted. I set the jacket down on the couch and went to the bathroom again. I remember that I could not go, and I remember that at that time, I thought I had been rude to both O and J. So I got out and apologized to O and J for being rude to them. Then, I grabbed the jacket and tried to put it on at the exact moment that someone turned the living room lamp off, so it was then entirely dark in the house except for the light coming from the TV. I remember telling J that I did not want to wear my glasses. I failed putting on my jacket. J was elsewhere, and I collapsed on the floor nearly crying because I could not put on my jacket. But I stood up – albeit with much effort – and J put it on for me. Yet instead of going outside, I believe I went back in my room for a little bit, though I could be wrong. Anyway, I eventually came back out and said, “I want to go outside,” multiple times. And so we did.

J and I were the only ones to go outside, at first. He prepared a blanket for me and by this point, I was truly beginning to feel enlightened. I told him I wanted to sit on the chair [the one that leans back], and so I did, and he put the blanket around me. He left for a bit to do I don’t know what, though I remember telling him, “You can do whatever you want.” And I was alone outside staring at the sky without my glasses. I looked over at the large tree we have in our backyard, and its branches looked like dark tendrils that were pulsating and moving toward me. I said, “I am not afraid, I am just astounded.” I remember that my jaw could not stop chattering. And it wasn’t necessarily because it was cold outside. If it were, then I certainly did not feel cold. Perhaps the chattering was just a natural reaction to the mushrooms. Perhaps it is because of both reasons.

Anyway, I said multiple times, “I am not afraid, I am just astounded,” and I looked back and forth between the tree and the sky. The sky did not look like the sky. It began to turn into a three-dimensional image, so it did not appear to be a flat plane of dark blue. No – it turned into a soft, velvety blanket that folded in on itself, similar to how images operate in the Magic Eye books. It looked like a big, dark blue, soft, three-dimensional, beautiful blanket.

J came back outside with O. They began talking, and I said, “Shhh” to try to get them to be quiet. I could tell J wanted to heed my instructions, but O kept talking a bit, and I said “Shhh” again. At that point, O went back inside and J stayed out with me for a little bit. I remember having my jaw agape for a good while – I just had my mouth open in astonishment as I looked up at the sky.

O came back outside and told me he had to leave. I told him goodbye, and J and I continued to stay outside. Eventually, we went back inside. I remember realizing that I should be kinder to everyone. That’s what the message was when I was outside. At least – I think I realized the message outside. Maybe I realized it in my room. My memory fades me here. Regardless, the message was that I should be kinder. Specifically, it was “Be kinder.” And when I was inside, I was first extremely astounded by the music that was playing (from my playlist, of course), but second very sad at realizing what a horrible person I had been to X, Y, Z, my friends, etc. I realized that I should be a better person, that I need to be a better person. Also, I remember telling J that he should whisper when talking to me, though I can’t remember when this was. It was sometime after we had gone back inside.

At some point we went back outside, and J left again to use the restroom, leaving me alone again. He was gone for what seemed like an eternity – but when he came back, he revealed that he had done something else (I can’t remember what) in addition to using the restroom. When I asked how long it had been, he said, “Eight minutes,” and I just could not contain myself. I burst out laughing. I was hysterically out of control – my feet were kicking, and I was screaming, giggling into the blanket so the sound would be muffled. My limbs flailed sporadically, and I could hardly breathe. I gasped for air from laughing so hard. Even though the sound was muffled, I was still laughing so loudly – any one of our neighbors who were awake at that time definitely heard me. And I continued to laugh for a few minutes without stopping.

I remember thinking about how any one of my family members could pass away at any moment. I remember thinking about how I had not shown enough appreciation for my family members, and I remember trying and failing to recall the last time I said, “I love you” to any one of my family members just because I wanted to and not as a default response to the usual, “Have a good day, love you” kind of thing. Then, I told J that I loved him and that he was incredibly important to me and that he was the best brother I could ever hope for. And he reciprocated the feelings. But I can’t remember if that was the first or second time we were outside. My memory leaves me on this, unfortunately.

*Addendum: At some point after O had left when I was inside (though I cannot remember if it was after the first or second time I was outside), and very soon after I had told J that I loved him, I called O on the phone and told him that I loved him as well. I told him he was like a third brother to me. He then told me he appreciated me, and that he loved me like a brother too.*

So we went back inside for the final time, and we performed the final tarot readings, which took a long time because I kept interrupting and talking and being amazed by everything. During this trip, my mind felt razor sharp. My thoughts were crystal clear, and I felt as though I could articulate anything in the most perfect way imaginable, unlike A, who couldn’t even describe his experience to us while under the effects. But I could. I felt hyper-intelligent, hyper-aware, hyper-active in my brain and in my mind. Also, J’s face kept changing. It was as though his face were turning into a figure that was narrow at its ends but bulged in the center, sort of like a stretched-out depiction of an eyeball. And his facial features resembled shards of glass that twisted and converged toward the center. Also, his face appeared to be bleeding away as spots do on peacock feathers, or as the flame of a candle stretches upward and outward.

So the tarot readings happened, and then J and I watched Planet Earth 2 for a little bit before we both went to bed.

While I was in bed, I remember being confused and amazed by the fact that I had written a poem while under the influence of weed (and alcohol, I believe) technically on the same day I had taken the shrooms. It was like a complicated math problem coming together in my head, and I was just like, “Wait, no . . . what? I did that on the same day?” It was funny to think about.

I wrote in my phone and in my journal that I fell asleep on February 17, 2018, 2:57 a.m.

It was a wonderful experience. I learned a valuable lesson, and I had a great time. Everyone was worried except me and O. J and Q (O’s friend) were both worried about me taking four grams. But I don’t regret it at all. I had a great time, and I plan on taking more very soon.

Here are the results of the other tarot readings (the first one was previously mentioned):

2. Three Card Spread
a. In general, what will K’s life look like in the future? [finished at 9:47 p.m.; this is the reading O and J performed without me while I was in my room]
i. 4 of Wands reversed
ii. The High Priestess reversed
iii. Princess of Pentacles

3. Planetary Spread
a. What does K’s life look like, and how can he make it better? [finished at 1:49 a.m.]
i. 7 of Pentacles reversed
ii. Ace of Cups
iii. 9 of Pentacles reversed
iv. 10 of Wands
v. 4 of Cups reversed
vi. Queen of Pentacles reversed
vii. 9 of Wands reversed

4. Lighting the Lantern Spread
a. How can K achieve enlightenment? [finished at 2:20 a.m.]
i. 2 of Swords reversed
ii. Queen of Swords reversed
iii. 4 of Swords
iv. Death reversed
v. 6 of Cups
vi. 9 of Pentacles

For supplementary material on my experience, J has sent me his audio recording of that night, which is approximately four hours in length. I plan on transcribing the audio recording to commit everything I said that night to a permanent, written record.

Original document written on Thursday, March 1, 2018, 1:55 a.m.
Revisions and edits finished on Saturday, March 10, 2018, 2:38 a.m.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 113156
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: May 28, 2019	Views: 715
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mushrooms (39) : Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)