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Assisting Life to Fall in Place
Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Syrian Rue
by curious guy
Citation:   curious guy. "Assisting Life to Fall in Place: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Syrian Rue (exp113449)". Erowid.org. Jan 31, 2020. erowid.org/exp/113449

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
3 g oral Syrian Rue (ground / crushed)
  T+ 0:15 4.5 g oral Mushrooms - P. cubensis (tea)
  T+ 0:25 3 - 4 hits smoked Cannabis  
  T+ 7:00   smoked Cannabis  

BODY WEIGHT: 72 kg


This report is the second one from my freshly initiated series of psilohuasca experiments. If you are interested in reading the first one go here: https://erowid.org/exp/113324.

>Assisting life to fall in place<

To help you get an idea of our mindset let me describe a few things that seem to have been crucial for the events that took place during the trip.

I had been hosting a good friend in my place for a few days already. We don't see each other very often because we live far apart at the moment. When we meet we always have heaps of interesting stuff to talk about. We both opened up a lot towards each other and at some point tried to clear up a diffuse conflict we had two years ago and have not been able to solve as we couldn't get a hold of what actually had been the problem.

One day my friend told me that he was a woman in a man's body. She had known it from when she had been six years old but hadn't told anybody about it until this day. I felt glad that she considered me trustworthy enough to make me the first person to talk with about that. We spoke a lot about it and afterwards she told me that she couldn't remember when she had felt such calmness the last time. So we had established a very stable, comfortable and trusty atmosphere between us and were enjoying it a lot. Finally we decided that we wanted to trip together on mushrooms before she had to fly back home.

At about 10:00 PM (after we had helped a friend renovating her flat) we started our preparations:
- grinding Syrian Rue seeds in the coffeemill and making bombs of cigarette paper (~15/person)
- making shroom tea: poured 2 cups of boiling water over 9g (4.5g per person) dried Psilocybe cubensis and let it sit 15 mins. After that repeated with same amount of fresh water and mixed the two.
- preparing the bed and putting on relaxing music

~10:30 PM (t+00:00):
We swallowed the rue bombs with water and I went to take a shower before the rue effects started to kick in. (taking a shower right before tripping kind of clears the mind, too.)

(~t+00:15):
We started drinking the tea and I rolled a joint for the time till the mushrooms would kick in.

(~t+00:25):
After having almost finished the second cup of tea I laid down on the bed. My friend went to the toilet and, after some minutes, I lit the joint because I could feel the shrooms coming on already and didn't want to wait till my friend came back from toilet. I felt some slight nausea (I think from the Rue) and focused on something else to not let it grow bigger. After I have had 3-4 sips from the joint my friend came back into the room and I handed her the joint. At that moment I could feel the first rush of psilocybin manifesting and was a little shocked as I could feel it would grow super strong.

I got back the joint and took two more sips. When I put it aside I realized that this joint had not been necessary at all.

The mushroom hit me with constantly growing intensity and I figured out that something with the harmala extract I had used in my first two psilohuasca experiments, instead of the ground seeds, had not been as it should since the effects of those 4.5g P. cubensis+3g rue seeds felt at least ten times stronger than those I have had from 3.2g P. cubensis+100mg harmalas. I hadn't been prepared for such intensity and got a little scared for a moment.

As fear is not really a good companion for tripping I accepted whatever will come up and focused on breathing slowly and deeply to handle this massive wave of energy flooding my body. (At this point I was very thankfull to have many years of meditation and breathing practice behind me.) I could hear my friend's breathing and from how it sounded I could tell it was as intense for her as it was for me. I remember being glad that she is experienced with strong trips, like me, so I didn't need to worry about her panicking.

After a while I realized being in hyperspace. It looked much more swirly than I remember from other occasions but what really astonished me was that nobody was there. This had never happened to me before. I could not feel or see any entities nor anything else happened besides the swirls swirling and the intensity building up more and more. "Ok!" I thought "Let's just continue breathing and see what will come up.". I heard some gasping/giggling noises coming from my friend. So after a while I asked if she was ok and if somebody was with her. She confirmed and I told her that I was wondering why nobody was there to make contact with me. Then I stayed quiet again to not further interrupt her contact.

At this point I had a strong feeling that my part in this journey was maybe just to take care and assist my friend to have the experience she was having. I felt totally ok with this and continued to be there and available if needed.

Shortly after I had had this thought something manifested in front of me:
First I saw a head that looked like an ant's one. It was greenish blue and the two jaws and the eyes were of a pale purple color. The body had the same greenish blue color and looked like from a spider. It had legs like a spider, too. Airy, swirly tentacles came out of its body and waved slowly towards me. It looked at me with vacant insect eyes while waving its tentacles more and more in my direction. I couldn't feel it's vibe so I just observed what this being was doing. A few moments later I could kind of feel these wavy tentacles permeating me and I got the feeling that it tried to examine me. Somehow it felt like it was rummaging around in my brain.

That was enough for me. I decided to not be passive anymore but instead kind of concentrated more on my presence to make me more "durable" (I don't know how to put it in better words but the effect of it was that I "saw" whiteish-golden light coming from my "position" and surrounding me). The being disappeared into the jungle of swirls and it felt good to have been able to stop this creature from messing around in my brain.

A few moments later it appeared again, weaving its tentacles towards me and coming slowly nearer and nearer. I maintained my white light "suit" and observed the creature. At some point we were almost "face to face" and I thought "How close will it come and what does it want?". After having thought that I saw some kind of dark biomechanic "tubes" coming out of this entity like the front legs of a praying mantis but there were at least ten of them. Some kind of spikes came out of the fronts of those tubes, making me feel very uncomfortable (as if I was on a surgical table), and they, by then covering up the bigger part of my field of view, were about to probe me.

At that point I suddenly could feel the vibe of this creature. It felt dark and unfriendly in an unpersonal way. "Not with me!" I thought and pushed this tentacle-weaving spider-ant with its syringes far away from me.
"Not with me!" I thought and pushed this tentacle-weaving spider-ant with its syringes far away from me.
I did this by blasting the intention "go away" out of my forehead (or what felt equivalent to my forehead) towards this creature. It felt like a stream of energy coming out of my head and I could see it as a beam of whiteish-golden light. It worked and the entity left.

Little later I felt my bladder was about to explode so I stood up and went to the toilet. Walking was not easy at this point but manageable. Back in bed I drank a bit of water and then offered the bottle to my friend. As I knew she maybe wouldn't be able to see the bottle because of all the patterns, I held it in a way that it touched her hand. As I had assumed she said she couldn't see the bottle so I told her that it was already touching her hand. I touched her hand with mine and she reported no sensations at all. Her hand felt like dead meat to me. However we managed that she could drink and went on with our journey.

After a short while I had to pee again. While in the toilet I had the thought that my friend's bladder must be about to explode, too, but she maybe didn't realize it because of her present lack of body sensations. While peeing I could hear her saying "Yes, exactly.". I couldn't make sense of it and thought that she was talking to her entity contact. For one moment I had the strange feeling that I was peeing substitutionally for her as if she had sent me her urine via thought or something. (I know that sounds weird. Haha!) I decided to ask her if I should bring her a bucket in case she wasn't able to stand up. Back in my room I saw her standing and thought she would go to toilet, too. Telling her about my thoughts she only looked at me for a moment then ignored me.

Having repeated my question two times if she would need anything and still getting no answer but a vacant look I realized that something was different with her. I couldn't tell if she had understood what I had said or not. Then, suddenly, she spoke to me saying that she needed fresh air. I told her that I would open a window and the front door so air could blow through the house. As I still couldn't move at normal speed it took me a few moments to open window and door. Back in the room I told my friend that fresh air is about to ventilate the house. She said it was not enough and wanted me to open the second window in the room. As there are plants in front of it it's not possible to completely open it and that was what I told her. She repeated several times she needed more air and suddenly went to the window with the plants and ripped it open so the plants almost snapped. I stepped toward her, stopping the window from opening further and protecting the plants. Then told her again that I would assist her if she needs something but she also had to listen to me when I tell her that some things are not possible instead of just doing what she likes and ripping my plants down.

She just gave me another vacant look. That left me a bit confused but at the same time I had a familiar feeling. (I remembered that on other trips with her it had happened that she became kind of a goblin out of nothing. In these situations she suddenly moved different, in a more edgy style, had different body language and posture, separated from the rest of the group to walk around and from time to time look back to us over her shoulder, mumbling something not understandable. Kind of like she would do something secret the rest of us should not know about.) She then said she would go outdoors to get fresh air. I was very happy with that and told her I would come after her in a minute.

Outside I sat down on the doorstep and was kind of amused about this grotesque situation. After a moment she called my name and I answered "Yes?". It seemed she was trying to explain something to me but nothing came out of her mouth. After a while I asked what she wanted from me. She said "I need fresh air." I laughed and explained that there was no place on earth where she could get more fresh air than outside, where we were. She continued to explain that she needs fresh air. I continued repeating that she just needed to continue breathing to get oxygen and that I could not help her with that. After a while I got a bit annoyed of being asked for fresh air by someone who was outdoors already. I started giggling because the situation was so surreal.

My friend then started to explain something but didn't come to a point and seemed somehow helpless. So I interrupted and said she didn't need to explain anything to me and that I was not mad at her or something like that. I thought it was a good moment to try again telling her that I see my role as an assistant for this trip and asked her to let me tell her two sentences to clear up the situation. No chance! She would not listen but instead asking me for fresh air over and over again. The situation became more and more hilarious till the only thing I was able to do was laugh. Then I told her that I didn't see any point in staying outside with her as long as she was not willing to talk to me in a reasonable manner. I stated once more that I was not mad at all and would go inside now to smoke a joint and enjoy some music instead of sitting outside and being asked for fresh air.

Before I went inside I asked her to do me one favour and stay around my place because she didn't know the area and I didn't want her to get lost. No Answer, just another vacant look. Thinking "Ok, that's all I can do for the moment." I told her that I would be inside if she needed me. Back in my room I was still giggling and shaking my head from time to time not being able to make any sense out of the situation.

Just having sat down on the bed, the joint already in my hand, my friend appeared in the door frame calling my name again. I answered "Yes? How can I help you?". "I need fresh air!" she replied. I started laughing again and told her that it wouldn't lead anywhere when she came from outside/fresh air inside to ask me for fresh air. She didn't reply and went outside again. Few seconds later exactly the same happened. This went on a few times until I told her that it's getting annoying for me and that I just want to enjoy a joint and some music without being asked for favours I am not able to fulfill. She then changed her "strategy" a little bit with saying that she wants to have me with her.

It was very interesting to see my friends eyes while all of this happened. I could see two personalities switching several times. The "goblin"'s eyes were slit like cat's eyes and had a devilish look to them. In some moments I could see my friend's and the "goblin"'s eyes simultaneously. From that I could tell exactly at any point whether I was talking to my friend or the "goblin" (I will call it demon from now on). I told her that she was welcome to join me inside but that I was not willing to sit outside. Then the situation got more severe as the demon started to grab my hand, trying to pull me outside. It reminded me very much of a little child that tries to get what it wants while ignoring that the actual strategy doesn't work but just repeating the same sentence over and over. When it grabbed my hand I pulled away. It tried again. I told her one last time that it won't work this way and laid back to finally light the joint.

In the moment I laid back the demon tried to overbear me and suddenly was almost on me with some kind of a fanatic look in her eyes. I could see clearly that my friend was not there anymore. I tried to push it back but as I was on my back she could use all her weight to push me down. So as a last attempt to solve the situation in a peaceful way I told the demon clearly that the next step for me was to punch it directly in its face if it wouldn't stop immediately. That helped. The look in its eyes changed and my friend was there again. She gave me room so I could sit up. Then once more she grabbed my hand and I raised both fists in fighting position and looked at her in a way that she couldn't misinterpret. From that moment on the demon didn't try again to force me physically.

The whole fresh air game went on for some time and at some point I told her that it's hard to believe that the person I've been enjoying so many joints with had been keeping both of us successfully from relaxing and smoking the joint for hours. I asked her if we could just proceed as we normally do and have a nice smoke together. No reaction, just continuous asking for fresh air and trying to abuse all levels of love and trust that exist between us, in a very simple-minded way. Those simple-minded tactics gave me the last evidence that I was not dealing with my friend (who normally is not simple-minded at all) at this point but with a demon that had taken control over her body. (In between the demon decided to try asking me for water. I gave away three bottles in total just to have it come back a minute later to ask me for water again. To end this nuisance I told the demon that it knew where the water is stored and that it should help itself.) I thought of a way to end this without having to throw my friend out of the house and lock the door. (I would never do that to someone who is tripping of course, except if my life would be threatened.) So I simply started to act in the same manner as the demon did. I turned myself into an ignorant person who would answer everything with nonsense. I remember enjoying watching myself acting this way as it got quite funny. (Later I wished I had recorded the whole session for that it would have been quite interesting and amusing to watch it again.) After the demon realized that it had no chance to make me mad, nor make me do what it wanted, it left. Finally I could light the joint!! Yeah! :D

Not having heard anything for one or two hours from my friend or the demon since then I decided to have a look what was going on outside. Nobody there.

It was already around 5 AM and I realized that this "fresh air/water/do what I want"-game must have lasted for at least 3-4 hours. Feeling quite exhausted and getting tired I started worrying about my friend. I thought about searching the area with my bike but didn't want to leave my place so I would be there when my friend would came back. I wrote messages to two friends (one being a psychologist, the other one being a trained psychiatric nurse) that they please should call me back when they were awake because I felt the need to speak to somebody qualified to make sure I don't overlook something that could help the situation. About one hour later one of the guys called back and I roughly explained the situation. He confirmed that the best would be that I stay at home and be there for when my tripping companion would come back. I thought that she maybe was hesitating to come back because she may have been ashamed of how she/the demon had acted throughout the night. So I drew a heart on a piece of paper and put it at my front door with some energy drops to signalize that I still was not mad at her. I relaxed and gave my best not to fall asleep.

After an hour or so I decided to have another look outside to see if my note was still there or maybe my friend was sitting in front of the house. Just before I reached the door I heard a noise from outside. A moment later the door opened and my friend looked inside and smiled. From that smile I could tell that the demon was gone and I felt relief. I wished her a good morning, invited her to come in and offered her some coffee. After having put the coffee can on the oven I suggested we should finally smoke one specific joint we had prepared before the trip and that had been waiting for us the whole night. We sat down, lit it and I waited for our vibrations to synchronize a bit that we could start talking about what had happened throughout the trip.

I stood up to get the coffee. When I got back my friend asked me if I could call her "Laura" (name changed for privacy reasons) from now on. I told her that the name Laura suits her very well in my eyes and I felt happy for her that she had finally decided to manifest herself as a woman, starting with dubbing her new identity. Then I began to carefully describe how I had perceived this different behaviour of her as an independent personality taking over her body. At some point she told me about having never been able to "anchor" in the male personality that had been imposed on her by family, friends and society because of her male body. It made completely sense to me. This demon always appeared in situations when we were very close and open towards each other. In general those are situations where one is very vulnerable. Being open and thus vulnerable leads to strange behaviour occasionally as many humans tend to feel uncomfortable in this kind of situation, hence displaying aggressive behaviour as a kind of "protection" (meaning that one closes up again through being aggressive). This gave the demon the chance to take control over and over again and is the perfect explanation why there have been conflicts between her and me that I and other people perceived but she didn't (because she had been completely suppressed by the demon when those kind of conflicts happened and therefore she had no chance to remember what happened, letting alone being able to talk about it).

What did I learn from this trip?

First of all it has been a big help to me that I have been able to see another person's unfamiliar behaviour as some sort of external being (demon) which helped me a lot to handle it and, even more important, not to take it personal and get mad at my friend. I could be there completely and not loose myself (or parts of me) likewise to one of those demons flying around, looking for people who are not fully anchored in their current self.

This kind of perspective enabled me to examine the motivation of this demon:
Changing trust to mistrust and through this destroying unity and separating its victim from the people that he/she loves or even trying to hurt those people. The demon lives a parasitic life, sucking energy from the people who get entrapped by its behaviour and hence paying attention to it. It will always try to find a way to maintain the suppression of its victim's personality so it's the best to not engage in the demon's games but always try to keep a mental door open for the friend to help her/him come back when she/he tries to.

The second important thing is that I can not necessarily compare the effects of 100mg crude Syrian Rue extract to the effects of 3g ground Syrian Rue even if it's from the same batch of seeds. (I don't know if the extract was too old and therefore didn't produce full effects after sitting around in my room for about one year or if it is normal that 3.2g psilocybe cubensis+100mg harmala extract have no effect anyhow close to what I experienced with 4.5g p.cubensis+3g ground Syrian Rue. Next time I will ingest 3g P. cubensis+3g Rue to have a reference point.) What I can tell is that tea is by far the best way to consume mushrooms I have ever tried. I will definitely stick to that!
tea is by far the best way to consume mushrooms I have ever tried. I will definitely stick to that!


The third thing I learned is that there ARE malevolent beings in hyperspace and that there IS a way to defend myself if they attack me. (till now I had only read about encounters of this kind and one time a friend had reported contact with a similar being on DMT. She was very frightened and told me afterwards that this being actually probed her with its spikes.)

In my next experiments I will focus on learning how to move in hyperspace willingly and test if I can take on an appearance.
Last but not least, as a result of this night, I feel that I have a vocation as an assistant for life itself. So my job is to help life fall in place whenever possible (or sometimes just not to stand in the way :D).

I hope that you could extract some useful information from this report.


<3 Curious Guy

Exp Year: 2019ExpID: 113449
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 35 
Published: Jan 31, 2020Views: 835
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66), Syrian Rue (45) : Entities / Beings (37), Guides / Sitters (39), Second Hand Report (42), Relationships (44), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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