DOSE:

2 g

oral

Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens

BODY WEIGHT:

108 kg

I'm not allowed to use these types of drugs now. Weed was always my go to, it was like it was bred into me. Anyways, I once had the idea to try [blue meanies] shrooms, I had roughly 2g. After eating, I got that warm feeling, calm and peaceful, I decided to play games on my xbox and I was so far in the zone I thought I was one with it. Eventually it wore off, and I was happy.

I wanted that feeling again some few months later. This time, it was on an empty stomach. Pretty much the same amount. Now, I watch joe rogan, and I like the guy, I love his stories about tripping and what may happen etc. I did think one day maybe I'd do a heroic dose but I'm not so sure anymore. I still cant tell if it was me, or the empty stomach, because the 2 g I had this time began to make me feel like everything was going to die. Slowly and surely I felt myself wedged in reality, I was having an intense sensation of awareness. I felt I was battling myself and some days I still do. I got to the point where I felt paranoid about a lot of things, screaming inside that I didnt want to die. I could feel my primal instincts, what drives me as a man. It felt like a long time before it began to wind down enough where I could notice the downslope. Once I did, I slowly began to feel myself as a universe. A literal universe.

I decided to put my headphones on and play my first piece of music I'd made since my first album, not intentionally. "Speedracer" is was just first on the list. As I hit play by my headset button I didnt know what was coming, once that track started, I felt a rush, a massive realisation, I'd never felt the groove of music so deeply before. I'm not sure how far in, but all of a sudden I had a glimpse in my mind of a person I felt so drawn too, connected and almost envisioned them as my opposite and my destiny. Boom, I smiled so wide, I was so happy, and then, I felt them. I then felt like time didnt matter. Like I was the fastest thing to ever be, and wholeheartedly believed that if I outstretched my hand I could pass time through whatever I was and instantly be in their presence... I had to stop... I knew in my thoughts where I was, and my family and what that meant. So I had to take a deep breathe, but that didnt mean I could not say hello, ask them if they are alright.

A lot of other points of extremely wild, to some, things happened as well. But after this night I havent had the stomach to do anything so much. It has at times crippled me, its made me grow, but grow into something I feel I didnt want to be yet. Maybe I should have been already, I'm uncertain. I felt I had a different name that I couldnt remember, and that I was imprisoned here until I find the way out. I feel like now, I just live to serve my time, and I never want to die. It was the most powerful thing I've ever experienced. Only 2g. *Takes a breathe*

I was going to skip out the part where I thought the moon was watching me, and that aliens lived there and that I was in a truman show like reality where I was imprisoned and was sceptical of my partner as to what side she was on or if she knew. Not to mention I thought elon musk needed my help and that we needed to find our way back to the source. So whacky.

I'm still unpacking it all. I've thought about microdosing now since, but, iunno.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114212
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 31
Published: Mar 31, 2020	Views: 1,146
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Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens (185) : Alone (16), Music Discussion (22), General (1)