Citation: maynard. "Still the Most Amazing Experience of My Life: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp114266)". Erowid.org. Apr 22, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114266
I submitted another experience under the same pseudonym years ago. That experience was at a much lower dose
, with less experience, and it was quite a difficult one. . . but not a negative one. I don't know why I never reported this experience, but I suppose it was hard to relay and it still is. I have dove deep into DXM and DMT, since this (had done shrooms prior to this) and though N,N, DMT is much more jaw dropping. . . no experience I've ever had compares to this. DXM can be enjoyable, but rarely eye opening.
I can recall specifically that I had been going through a difficult time and regularly deal with depression. I had utilized this substance about 5 times with mainly good experiences. After my reported "difficult" experience, I had decided that psychedelics are a way for me to jolt myself out of negative mental states. In a way, I was probably punishing myself by taking this insane dose. I'm not even sure how much I had at the time, but it was a minimum of 90mg and as much as 120mg [my best guess].
I cannot recall why I made the decision to take this high dose at the time, but I felt the need because I was failing myself at the time. I measured up something like 75mg and then decided to just down the entire amount I had remaining.
I measured up something like 75mg and then decided to just down the entire amount I had remaining.
I wanted to jolt myself. I wanted to tear my thought processes apart and allow them to reconfigure in more positive and constructive manners.
About 15 minutes after taking the full dose. . . I began to realize my mistake. Having had negative experiences before, I went into salvage mode while I still had my mind. step 1. I went to Netflix (or something) and found a comedy special to watch in order to improve my mood. I specifically recall watching Jon Mulaney. . . who I cannot thank enough. Step 2. I sat a glass of wine next to myself. Step 3. I prepared a number of albums on spotify to play.
There was one particular album from an underground prog rock band (I will not name them for fear of easily being identified) which I had actually been saving for a special occasion. I had listened to everything they'd ever released, but had saved this particular album for a special occasion (like this). Additionally, I put DSOTM on the playlist.
Describing my experience is impossible. Those that claim to have clear memories of such deep ego loss are full of shit. However, there are aspects of it that I can clearly recall. I am an atheist. . . but I clearly remember a white light and the presence of a greater state of existence. I remember closing my eyes and floating through an infinite void. I remember being completely immersed in the void and the music in a way that I had never experienced before and have not experienced since. I remember that time seemed to have very little meaning. . . and I will go into that in a very specific manner.
I went back and forth between DSOTM and the other album I mentioned. I remember a point at which I opened my eyes and "The Great Gig in the Sky" began playing. I closed my eyes again, and began to float through the void in a bliss that I could never describe or understand. This experience lasted for what seemed like hours and hours (if not eternity). Eventually, I felt the need to open my eyes again and after hours and hours of this experience. . . I realized I was still listening to "The Great Gig in the Sky". In fact. . . I don't know if I was much more than half way through. Only 2 or 3 minutes had passed. This was the most eye opening and memorable part of my experience, though I know there were more meaningful pieces.
Once I came down, there was an intense afterglow. I eventually recall a hole due to a drop in serotonin, but it was not particularly bad after a glass of wine. I remember going for a walk, having a smoke, being in awe of what had just occurred.
Sometimes I wonder about how much this experience rewired my brain, for one simple reason. The unnamed album I listened to for the first time, has stuck with me all these years. It's an incredible album, but I often wonder if it's incredible to me because of the quality of the music or because of the quality of the experience. My emotional attachment to this album is quite remarkable. There may not be an album I've listened to more in the last 7 years. I frequently let it run for MONTHS on repeat in my car (though it's been a while). Additionally, with any new psychedelic, I include it on my list of music I must try. It does not work for all (especially DMT).
If I could repeat any single psychedelic, this would be the one. Unfortunately I cannot find a way to get it anymore. Very sad. Nothing compares in terms of peaceful bliss, emotional experience, and spiritual experience. It eases me in and comforts me like a loving mother if I allow it to. If I do not fight it, and it will show me everything I want/need to see/feel.
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