DOSE:		transdermal	Nicotine	(patch)
	2 g	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

68 kg

I had prepared for the two-gram experience I describe here for about a week. It had been a full two years since I had taken an intoxicating dose of a psychedelic. I had been contemplating dipping my toe back in the pool for some time. Several years earlier I had been an enthusiast of these substances, taking LSD frequently and mushrooms occasionally. I was put off by the fact that I once took 3.5 grams of dried cubensis, experienced a total loss of control, and made a fool of myself. That particular experience felt like it lasted millennia. I am not exaggerating, and its main feature was a loss of ability to recall basic autobiographical information. I hadn't prepared for it properly, and the mushrooms must have been especially potent. It scared the shit out of me. Of course, by the end of two hours in that state, reality crinkled back up like an accordion, as it always does, and I was myself again, though still tripping. The hardwood floor continued to tilt dramatically at odd angles for some time.

It took me several days to recall all of what I did during that interlude of reality loss; it was mostly running around heedlessly and asking strangers where a particular friend was. It was obvious I was off my rocker, volunteering this friend’s name to random individuals, thinking they’d know him. Apparently I put my teeth on an acquaintance’s knee; he interpreted this as me trying to bite him, but I didn’t apply any pressure. This freaked him out to say the least, although he later related that once he heard me wondering aloud when the experience would end, he just felt sorry for me. I later apologized to all the friends who had unpleasant interactions with me in this state.

During that phantasmagoria I was convinced I was dreaming, and, just as in semi-lucid dreams one “tests” features of one’s world that are perceived as unreal, I was doing the same, thinking there would be no consequences. I tried to hug a stranger outside and was pushed away, as I should have been. All painful and embarrassing to remember. In lucid dreams I often jump off tall structures just for the hell of it; luckily I didn’t attempt anything like that, but part of me thinks I damn well could’ve. I consider myself lucky that the authorities never got involved and that I had people around me who did their best to take care of me in my addled state.

I believe that the 3.5-gram crisis described above happened for very specific reasons: poor location, repressed sexuality, heavy cannabis use, unrequited love, immaturity, lack of discipline, and lack of preparation. and I describe it in detail because, at the time of the experience I’m about to describe, I worried about a replication. I worked through the relevant emotional baggage however, in the process of becoming an adult. And I believe that’s why my experience after a multiyear break from psychedelics went so well. I am living proof that one negative reaction doesn’t mean you’re unfit for tripping.

I believe that the 3.5-gram crisis described above happened for very specific reasons: poor location, repressed sexuality, heavy cannabis use, unrequited love, immaturity, lack of discipline, and lack of preparation. So here I was, three and a half years after the bad trip, which showed itself to be an isolated event even then, since I took psychedelics without incident several times soon after it before entering my period of abstinence, although the experiences were less than comfortable. I decided to tread lightly. I didn’t want to undershoot it or overshoot it, and so I crushed two grams of dried cubensis, poured acutely boiling water over them, and then let the mixture steep for an hour. I had eaten nothing the whole day, meditated for forty minutes, and run seven and a half miles immediately prior to ingestion. I highly recommend this protocol before taking drugs. I should mention I took five grams of vitamin C at the same time and was wearing two twenty-one-milligram nicotine patches, which I use as cognitive enhancers. (Side note: for me, long-term use of transdermal nicotine at that dosage caused fatigue and reduced exercise capacity; I now use just one twenty-one-milligram patch, and it’s still very effective).

I drank the cubensis tea around ten P. M., making sure to eat the hydrated mushroom pieces at the bottom of the cup. I immediately got on my guitar and started singing. This always makes me feel good. I was in my apartment, and my roommate was gone on a several-day excursion. Within twenty minutes I felt body energy and the tell-tale gentle quiver in my muscles. As I looked down at the carpet I noticed pareidolia, the hint of faces in objectively disordered objects. This always happens to me with indole psychedelics. I knew that, by drinking the tea, I had in effect singed a consent contract to be in a very altered state for several hours, and I was not going to lift a finger to fight the feeling that started to envelop me. I set my guitar down, put around-ear headphones on, turned off all the lights in my room, and flopped down on the bed. Total submission to the experience.

Immediately I was awash in interlocking structures, alien scaffolding that folded into itself and was constantly changing its shape. I was able to quiet my mind completely. I noticed that my meditation training was a great help with this. The visions were not colorful; just a little blue and grey. But they were immersive, especially for the first half an hour of the effects. It was like a dream, difficult to believe it was happening at all, and only indistinct as a memory. My intention for the experience had been to feel awe and wonder, and I’m not sure I was bowled over in the way I expected to be, but I felt strange, and it felt so good. As the visions began to calm down around the hour-and-a-half mark I decided to let myself think discursively a little more. During previous mushroom experiments I had felt inarticulate, but at this point, I gave it some thought and felt like I could have had a coherent conversation with anyone who had been there, though I was alone. I have some training in a particular ancient language, and for kicks I imagined a couple conversations in it.

As the visions faded even more I let myself listen to music with words, all uplifting stuff, and felt an intense, warm mood lift. I had been terrified to take the mushrooms, and at this point I was overjoyed that I made the leap. There wasn’t a hint of anxiety during the whole experience, I should add. At the two-and-a-half hour mark I got up, turned on some purple lights, and broke my fast with raspberries, watching the grain on my walls and ceiling flow and stretch.

I had outfitted my bike with lights before ingesting the mushrooms in case I wanted to take a ride, but I had fasted all day and was worn out from the long run, and so I opted to sit on my porch and stare at the sky. The stars looked especially three dimensional, some appeared dramatically closer than others, and I could see hints of the illusionary scaffolding I saw in the earlier part of the experience connecting the stars to each other: indistinct, heavenly tryptamine beams. The stars took on red and green hues. I looked at my porch and noticed increased color saturation and some unusual tones: a reddish tinge on white objects, and a deeper green on already green objects. I had noticed years ago that my friends would often ignore the visual changes brought about by these kinds of drugs and attempt to distract themselves from the headspace. By way of contrast, I savor these transformations. As dramatic as they are, they are utterly harmless.

I went inside and looked in the mirror, chowing down on grapefruit. I had put on an outfit I liked and I looked good; I find a reliable self-esteem boost whenever I look in the mirror on serotonergic psychedelics. My unique features were apparent, I’m not the paradigm of male attractiveness, but I relished my deviation from the normal, clean-cut, idealized look. Wow. I could see how some people, after opening up this way of perceiving themselves, would get cocky. I felt confident. My body language seemed to become less stilted and more effortless. another recurring experience for me on psychedelics, one that I’ve noticed other people's favorable reactions to—and for the first time I wished I was sharing the experience with someone. But I knew I couldn’t have felt some of the awesome things I did if another person had been there. I felt that sex would’ve been great.

At the three-and-a-half-hour mark, visual effects had subsided, and I felt normal by the four-hour mark. I think this timeline of peaking from thirty to sixty minutes after ingestion, plateauing between the first and third hour, and then coming down in the third hour, resulted from taking the mushrooms on an empty stomach in the form of an infusion rather than a solid.

I stayed up two more hours just for kicks, and then went to sleep around four A. M. The entire experience was euphoric and joyful, and I felt clearheaded the whole time. I think this speaks to the value of doing internal work before taking psychedelics and to having a good exercise and meditation regimen. For me, these habits ensure mental clarity and verbal facility in sobriety and psychedelia.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114490
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Jul 28, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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Meditation (128), Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Preparation / Recipes (30), General (1)