Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: psiloc. "All the Plants Grow in the Source, and So Do I: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp114540)". Erowid.org. Jul 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114540
Background: I had no previous drug use, I have never been on any medication, I have never smoked cannabis. I drink one coffee cup of coffee in the morning almost daily. I have alcohol maybe once every month rarely to the point of being drunk. I take supplements every morning and night including calcium lactate, vitamin D, bovine thyroid tissue, adrenal support, and a couple more.
The morning of ingestion, I had breakfast around 8:00am. I ate one fried egg and half a piece of toast. I did not drink coffee.
I ingested roughly (my scale is low quality) 0.7 grams of the Albino Penis Envy strain of Psilocybe cubensis. I must add these mushrooms were also aborts. In total, I ate three mushrooms about the size of the top of my pinky finger which I had measured out to equal 0.7 grams.
About five minutes after ingestion (11:30am roughly), a police officer approached my friend and I and gave us a ticket for being in a closed natural area. This obviously spiked my anxiety an incredibly large amount. As a result of the ticket, we had to get back into the car to find a new place to go. As we were driving things began to feel very weird. My arm had been out the window and it was numb and tingly to the touch. My face was red and hot. About thirty minutes after ingestion, we were driving up a hill (I have to add that I was not driving and that my friend was not dosed) when I began to feel very uncomfortable and anxious. I put my hands over my eyes and as we drove higher up the hill, these little rainbow bumps began appearing. They got bigger and bigger and closer together until we reached the top of the hill, and that’s when I felt something click almost and they rainbow bumps exploded into complex fractals. It was like the hill was the physical manifestation of me coming up. I was amazed and terrified and I took my hands off my face but kept my eyes closed. As the sun shone through my eyelids I witnessed a huge apollonian circle fractal which was light red, but the negative space between the circles was dark red. I was shocked, and as I opened my eyes nothing seemed real anymore. I felt like I was in a dream. As we drove further my vision almost appeared foggy. It was like a blanket of grey was covering everything. Colors were not vivid, they were depleted.
The anxiety of not being where I wanted to be continued as we found a new natural area. I stepped out of the car, almost blinded by the sun. The road was asphalt with black and white speckles, and the black and white speckles were so intense and overwhelming I could not look at them. As we crossed the road, I held my hands beneath my eyes to prevent myself from seeing the road. Once we got across I felt things click up another notch. I felt uneasy and asked to hold my friends hand. He knew I wouldn’t like it and told me so, but I grabbed it anyway. He was right; I definitely did not like it. His hand was sweaty and big and small and just about every sensation. I couldn’t tell if his hand was huge or if his hand was tiny, so I immediately let go. As we walked along the trail, certain plants popped out at me. I picked an Equisetum, and was convinced that it was very important for me to hold onto this. Not surprisingly, this idea didn’t last long, and I dropped it. We walked across a little wet ditch-like area, and a plant with many leaves overwhelmed my senses so much that I couldn’t look at it. Just like the road, it was too complex of a pattern for my brain to deal with. I began to freak out a little bit, I told my friend I wished this wasn’t happening. My anxiety was huge; my stomach felt cavernous. I reminded myself why I was here: to learn. I chose to take this medicine and now I needed to accept what it had to show me. This thought calmed me down a bit. We got to a wooded area and set up a hammock. I ate an orange slice like a little baby. I squeezed out the juice with my fingers and sucked it out of the fibrous orange. It tasted incredible.
As I sat into the hammock (~1 hour 15 minutes after ingestion), the peak of the experience really began. My friend put on a meditation for me, but I couldn’t focus on what the lady was saying. I would hear some words like comfort or relaxation or breathe, but they didn’t make any sense. As I laid there with my eyes closed, complex two dimensional mandalas of all colors danced before me. The meditation ended and my friend put on some music. I couldn’t decide whether the hammock I was laying in was hugging me or smothering me. I let that thought pass and lay with my hands clasped behind my head. There were times when I felt like I was reaching through my head, and there were times when I felt that my head was incredibly large, and my hands were at least two feet from my face.
Things got more intense, fractals became three-dimensional. I remember being inside a giant torus, which at the time I thought of as no more than a donut. After my trip, when I realized that a torus is the basic energy field in physics, I was mind blown. I moved through room after room of three-dimensional geometry. The two hours that I laid in the hammock felt like six. The synesthesia I experienced was fantastic. I didn’t just see fractals, I felt them. I felt my legs dissolving into this big source. I saw all the plants around me even though I had my eyes closed, and I watched their roots connect to this same source. It occurred to me that the plants, and I, and everything on earth roots into this source. I had an epiphany which cannot be described in words. I knew this thing that was so important, it was so incredibly important. It was the answer to all my questions. I knew why I existed and why I was conscious and what everything was for and how all things had a purpose. It was the most important thing I have ever known, and I tried to tell it to my friend but I couldn’t formulate any words to describe it because it was beyond my sensory perception. He understood what I was trying to tell him though, because he had felt the same thing. More complex 3D visuals danced across my eyes; it was as if I was flying through different ‘rooms.’ I remember giant rotating mushrooms that I floated past as well as cannabis leaves for some reason. Eyes watched me through almost every fractal.
Going pee was so incredibly difficult. My penis felt like it was miles down. After the second time I went pee, I felt things come down a notch. Relief washed over me, because I knew it would end. I sat back into the hammock, but I didn’t lie all the way down. My friend and I talked some, but sometimes he would say something that freaked me out for no reason and we’d have to stop talking. I hadn’t ever really liked my name, but I said it to myself and it sounded so cool. The way the sounds flowed out of my mouth made me love my name. I decided that I wanted to go the shore of the lake we were near. I began to walk toward it, still hindered by my intense body load. As I got closer I noticed these sticks on the ground. The sticks were maybe two inches in diameter and there were about 10 of them. I turned around, concluding that it was not possible for me to cross the sticks. They seemed like the most adverse terrain I have ever encountered. But my friend helped me, showing me where to step. We made it across the sticks, something that I thought was not possible to do. As we got to the water’s edge, I saw how beautiful life was. All the plants were so fantastically gorgeous and they begged me to examine their every detail. All the patterns jumped out at me.
All the plants were so fantastically gorgeous and they begged me to examine their every detail. All the patterns jumped out at me.
Even the spikey thistles and the plants which I’d usually consider to be ugly were beautiful. The lake looked bubbly and the scenery was more detailed than I had ever seen. People around the lake took on the forms of different animals or objects, and they seemed just like little dolls playing in the water and on the grass.
We laid back and watched the clouds. They seemed to split into fractals reminiscent of an opening fern. We watched them in pure awe for half an hour. I picked dandelions and ripped out grass like a child. Looking at the dandelion stems, I felt like I could see the cells making up the plant.
Eventually I was down enough to pack up. I split open an apple with my hands and was amazed by how sparkly and complex it was. It was extra crunchy and incredibly loud to chew. But it tasted heavenly. I knew what it meant when people say that ‘colors seem more vivid’ now. Everything was extra saturated and the sky was so blue. The leaves just budding from the trees were green as can be and incredibly beautiful. We walked back to the car. I waved at everyone we saw but knew that they had no idea what beautiful things I was witnessing. The plant that had previously overwhelmed me with anxiety was now overwhelming me with fascination. It was so fantastically intricate and ornate. We got into the car and drove around the reservoir. It was the most beautiful drive I have ever been on in my life. The hogbacks seemed to glow with green grass and the water reflected the blue sky. The red rocks colored the landscape with contrasting beauty.
We drove to a park in town and I felt the gravel in the river with my hands. It was fascinating. I was almost fully come down. As I came down all the way, I drove home. The drive was beautiful, but stressful. I listened to rasta and got all the way home. For dinner I ate a sandwich, which was the most daunting sandwich I have ever seen. My dreams that night were confusing and ran in loops. My friend’s voice rang in my ears all night long.
In the morning, I awoke with a profound sense of happiness. I felt like I belonged on earth; I felt at home. I saw the beauty in every living thing and was grateful for my life. Even though it was difficult, it was the most profound experience I have ever had.
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