DOSE:

3 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

BODY WEIGHT:

185.4 lb

DISCLAIMER: I was able to accurately document my experience while tripping for the first hour and a half. After that, I was unable to write coherently due to my mental state. For this reason, I will be describing my experience ex post facto. (I have also edited the wording in some parts as I made some grammatical errors while tripping)

T+0.00: I ate 3.0 grams of Penis Envy mushrooms at 12:00 PM. I am at home with 4 of my friends. I plan on meditating on the come-up to ease my anxiety. Obviously, I feel normal and sober at this point. However, I am quite nervous, as I haven’t tripped in a long time.

T+0.20: I am beginning to feel the initial effects. I am feeling slight nausea, and my anxiety is quite prevalent at this point. I am now seated, but I am fidgety and restless.

T+0.30: The visuals are becoming increasingly more powerful. The effects I am feeling right now are moving beyond physical sensations and nervousness. The walls are breathing, and they don’t seem solid anymore. My words appear to be oscillating on the page as I am writing them. I feel an intense tingling sensation in my head, and I feel warmth propagating throughout my body. I am currently practicing Wim Hof breathing and meditation. Meditation is slowly bringing me into a transcendent state. I feel myself rising as I inhale, and I feel myself falling into my closed-eye visuals as I exhale.

T+1.00: Everything I am feeling right now is extremely difficult to describe. I feel myself transcending my corporeal state even further. I almost feel as though I have escaped my body. My visuals are becoming very vibrant and colorful.

T+1.15: My closed eye visuals are overwhelming right now. I put my face in a pillow, and I was able to visualize a cylindrical passageway full of color. I watched as it opened and closed around me. It led to a kaleidoscopic realm, which I was able to traverse with ease. Parts of it resembled the inside of a disco ball.

T+1.30: I don’t know what I am feeling right now, but I feel great. I feel fucking beautiful. This is insane! Life is amazing.

This is where I have to retroactively recount my experience. After this point, my trip became much more introspective. I began thinking about my past quite a bit, I was able to see myself from a third person perspective. I wasn’t able to visualize my human form, but I was seeing aesthetic representations of myself. I visualized my depression, and I was able to make sense of some of my previous suicidal ideations. My past trauma was given so much clarity. I felt borderline psychotic for about 2 more hours, I couldn’t move, and all I could do was curl up in the corner of the couch, huddled over my notebook.

After 2 hours, however, I was brought back into the light. I started coming down at around 3:30. This is when I started to make sense of everything. Everybody in the group was finally able to speak again. This was one of the most powerful conversations I have ever had. Not just in terms of psychedelic experiences, but in general. We were all talking about how our lives had changed during quarantine. We talked about how we were enslaved to technology. This trip made me realize how much I was dependent on technology. I plan on starting a journaling habit to replace my technology habits. I have started a planner to keep my school schedule in check, and I have a strict routine to follow for the weeks ahead. In the past, I lived my life by a series of aphorisms such as “treat others the way you want to be treated,” but now, the aphorisms genuinely make sense to me. I can’t expect anyone to love me when I can’t even love myself. All I’ve ever wanted to do is bring positivity into the world, but now I realize that that positivity starts with a love for myself. I’ve lived so much of my life hating myself, and I ended up pushing people away because of it.

This trip was a definite turning point in my life. I really hope that I am able to successfully integrate this trip into my daily life, and put my new worldview into action.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115252
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Mar 20, 2021	Views: 1,006
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Meditation (128), Mushrooms (39) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)