Citation: Samwise. "A Genuine Awakening: An Experience with Mushrooms & Cannabis (exp115368)". Erowid.org. Apr 28, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115368
This mushroom experience is almost hard to pin down, because I was still having reverberatory affects from taking Ayahuasca a little less than two weeks prior. During this time, minor substances would effect me in surprisingly psychoeffective ways. For example, a shot of tequila put me in a DMT state for few minutes. Needless to say, mushrooms fit the definition of "minor substance".
I was 22 at the time [12 years ago], jobless, broke up with gf a couple months before, staying at a buddy's pad, etc. Typical "country-song" turbulence commonly seen in the lives of an early twenty-something. My mental state was fine though, I was generally happy during this period. I was also very experienced with psychedelics, and even Shamanic trance during this time. As well as being relatively well-versed in esotericism, though much of that knowledge was facile at the time.
Anyway, I was invited to come chill with a good friend Carl and his gf Erin for the night at their apartment and partake in some mushrooms. Sounded great to me, even though we only had about 20 g of weed (I for one, need my bud during such mind-altering occurrences) between the three of us. Mushrooms have always been one of my favorite substances, and my experiences have been evolutionary with them. Meaning each and every time I've done them has been at least pseudo-enlightening, and those knowledge fragments have created a significant sum.
So I make my way over there, around 10 PM. We hang out for a bit first, watch some senseless tv, and then decide to partake. Erin decides not to, since she has to work in the morning. So Carl and I take 10 grams of Psilocybe Cubensis each, and then split a 1g joint. I'm glad we had what weed we did. Psilocybin is one of my favorites substances, yet both the come-up and the come-down can be uncomfortable. Anyway, oddly enough, most of what we both felt for the first hour or so was just lethargy.
I almost always feel this subtle cold, coursing through my bloodstream when I first take shrooms.
I almost always feel this subtle cold, coursing through my bloodstream when I first take shrooms.
The "toxifying" effects of psilocybin. For whatever reason, this sensation was tenfold this particular night. Carl had the same invisible weight pulling him down. After an hour or so of not peaking, we thought maybe the shrooms were bunk or something, so he excused himself to bed. Which was fine with me, as I was somehow feeling sleepy as well.
Sleep didn't come, but there was about 40 minutes of deep contemplation. This began sometime between 11 and 11:30. It was a mild-trance state, and the darkened room I was laying on a couch in, helped intensify some of my inner visions. I was thinking about common macro subjects, which frequent my thoughts, despite whatever state of consciousness I may be in. Reincarnation, time, meaning, existence, ontology, etc. At some point my inner realm superseded my outer, and I heard the sound of light water trickling. This water sound slowly intensified. Then I heard the clear sound of birds chirping. Many of them, ambiently and happily chirping. I looked up, and could see some flying tree to tree. I was no longer in Carl's apartment, I was in a thick jungle by a stream. This was me, only it wasn't. Movements were automatic. It seemed like I was a Mayan priest doing some sort of ritual in the jungles of Peru. It was obvious to me at the time that this was me in a former life.
Typical mushroom effects are now full in swing, the change was much more sudden than the usual gradualness of most of my shroom experiences. The walls are breathing. I'm getting geometric patterns. The not uncommon "floating" sensation is present. As I realize I am aware of these sensations, I also realize I am no longer in Peru, no longer a priest. What I do see are "dust-devils". Indwellers.
To preface, a couple years prior to this experience I took some crappy derivative of LSD (foxxy) which did little other than basically give me indwellers, which were kaleidoscopic demons who would openly mock me when I closed my eyes. I was grounded enough to not become schizophrenic from this episode (though some might argue that ship had sailed at this point ;), but they were a recurring and uncomfortable visual and therefore emotional sensation for some time. Especially every night as I tried to go to sleep. As I saw them this time, more fluorescent and intense in my mind's eye than ever before, I started doing a couple movements automatically.
Let me also preface. I am not a Christian, nor even the slightest bit religious (I see most religious restrictions and parameters as oh, so detrimental), but I had heavy Abrahamic imagery (As well as ancient Egyptian, which I will get to) during this ascension/trip. I instinctively put my left wrist over where my "third eye" would be, and with my right hand began both making mudras stemming from my unconscious, as well as allowing my arm to move freely, like if one tries to move an Ouija board freely. This movement was apparently making a cross pattern (or something similar). The dust-devils (A "Crowleyan" term, though call them what you want. I think it fits their twisted and fleeting nature) are in my mind's eye, basically quadrants of 4 red and purple translucent, sardonic little imp creatures spinning in a kaleidoscopic manner, each of the four symmetrical with one another.
Anyway, as I'm doing those movements, I can see glowing blue crosses overlapping the lower planed entities, tracers prevalent throughout. It was like if you put two film screens on top of each other. Independent of each other, yet affecting each other. A deluded, metaphysical science experiment watching entities of different realms, going through the stages of mitosis with each other. This is having an effect. There is a literal crack of light peeking more and more intensely through the veil of the illusion of waking life. And a lifting of the veil is exactly what was happening. Yes, my inner was battling these demons I had been carrying around. But the inner is blanketed by the All, and the All was coming in. Not only was this light becoming more and more intensified (I had to be passive during these moments. It was a definite trance-state. If I moved my eyes at all, the light would lose a little), I also could hear a sound coming from it.
Frankly, one of, if not THE most love-filled and awe inspiring sounds I've ever heard, though it was just one tone. But the tone had an ethereal echo, it is difficult to put in words. I later identified this tone to be Mi, or the Solfeggio 528 hz. I also later found out the significance of this tone in New Age circles, and how it's supposedly the resonant tone of our DNA, as well as other implications. Idk about the healing powers hearing this tone alone can afford, but I do know the legitimacy of this it being tied to our everything.
Anyway, as I'm still moving my arm, I inadvertently cast these indwellers into Carl's computer which is in the next room. His computer is off, yet I hear a "Shwoom" sound, like when you turn the screen off on computers or projectors. The little devils are gone. Regardless, I'm not even thinking about that, I am immersed in the light and sound which is enveloping me more and more. Soon this immersion becomes overwhelming, the sound deafening. Then...
Eyes. Winged Eyes, ringed Eyes. Eyes in the shape of Sauron, only riddled with smaller eyes within. They move, they pierce, they recognize. They are flying yet stagnant, fearsome yet gentle, they see me for all that I am, and will ever be. Just under these things are rotating pillars, the tops of which are spinning heads. Another pillar, a spinning hawk or eagle. Another, a bull. There is a fourth, but I am surrendered to the Eyes, so it goes by unrecognized. However, despite the rotisserie nature of the pillars, their heads all remain fixed in place on me. These winged eyes fade, secede, and there is The Eye of Providence, blinking at me. It's hard to describe how a (at least) 4 or non-dimensional entity can change using three-dimensional language, but the Eye of Providence transformed into the Eye of Ra. Seamlessly. Searingly. Like a painless yet fiery branding in my third eye, in my soul. Ra was leaving a permanent imprint. The eye of Ra glowed such a bright red, slowly changing to other colors, purple, blue, silver, pure white.
Then an inner explosion. There was simultaneously nothing and everything. The separation between matter and spirit was cut, the shell of my biology no longer contained. I was blissfully part of the infinite. I WAS the universe. And blissful it was. Every cell in my being, cells I didn't know existed, cells quantumly entangled with other seemingly disparate cells, were connected. Were singing, were in conjunction with one another and yet all ultimately the same. All I could hear was that Mi tone, the tone of angels. This was beyond synesthetic experience, all senses were simultaneous and the same. This is the One I have heard so much about, this is the realm of the higher self, of the All, of the ultimate truth.
During this time "conversations" were had. Because of the ineffable nature of nearly every aspect of this awakening, it's difficult to specify what I mean by that. These aren't conversations in the typical sense, and it's not "talking". And really, I was only recieving. It was sustained and instantaneous at the same time. I won't go into the substance of the information, but "invaluable" is the mildest way I can put forth what was attained. I basked in this pure white light for what seemed like eons, gaining spiritual sustenance I didn't know possible. The flooding of love, bliss. The infinite, awe. Utterly orgiastic, though not sexual. Permeating throughout the entirety of All, recognizing we all stem from the origins of this beautiful Ultimate, and we are all individual aspects, subjectively experiencing, while ultimately the same. Even if these kinds of realizations had been intellectually recognized by my Self long ago, it is a whole other matter entirely to individually and experientially corroborate your intellectual convictions.
Realistically, the entirety of my vision was probably around 30 - 40 minutes. It felt like lifetimes when it was happening, though. It probably would have continued, at least for a little while, had Carl not opened the door, blatantly peaking, looking like the enlightened freak he probably was at that moment. "I'm trippin so hard!... How's it goin?", he asked in a monotone yet perplexed manner. Then we just started laughing uproariously, and went to smoke the rest of the weed.
The rest of the night is pretty standard shroom fare. Everything is hilarious, there's still minor visuals and wall breathings, etc. Carl's upstairs neighbor saw us outside when Carl was smoking a cigarette, so he came down and drank some good micro-brews with us. Erin made us some Krusteaz pancakes. It was just chill and fun. Lighthearted, even. Which deeply contrasted with the intensity of pure love I had experienced just before. The comedown didn't fully happen until probably around 5 or 6 AM, and I never reached REM until the next night. I contemplated and absorbed what had happened.
The next day, Carl's computer, to which I totally inadvertently sent those indwellers, was screwy. So much so, he had to take it in for repair. There were viruses and some weird partition damage that had to be addressed. I know that sounds hard to believe, and if it didn't happen I'd be skeptical af. I WAS skeptical af, and I never told Carl about what I am convinced had happened. I excised personal demons, and they went into Carl's computer as a receptacle or the like. I felt kinda bad about it, and I didn't hide it from him out of guilt, so much as out of sounding utterly insane.
Carl's experience was, for him, among the most intense times he'd taken shrooms. But it was nowhere near the experience that I had. Just stronger visuals and entheogenic ego-loss. I didn't tell him exactly what had happened until much later. Largely because it was and is, difficult to articulate. Also largely, because this was the most spiritual experience I've ever had, and talking about it seemed almost sacrilegious. I understand the sentiment and the impulses of say, ancient Jews who thought uttering the true name of God was blasphemous.
I've taken Datura before, and it was the most Bosch-esque, libidinously id and convincing experience of Hell I think you can have in this world without actually dying. This however was heaven, in every sense of the word. Despite the continual profoundness of all of this, I was built with a skeptic's perspective first and foremost. If God does exist and you do meet, be skeptical even then. If you find yourself in Heaven (or Hell, for that matter), who's to say it's not even MORE of a Matroyshka doll than even that. And so on. Well, I was skeptical of the implications of my experience for a LONG time. It deeply stayed with and affected me, but I intellectually dismissed quite how significant this awakening was.
I did, however, finally tie in that if we are all ultimately connected to the ultimate, then the collective unconscious and it's inherent Jungian archetypes make much more sense to me. Especially reconciling subjectivity with the problems of objectivity, collectivity, and other minds. I truly believe every entity/deity/angel/demon I encountered during this was 100% real, while ALSO being 100% subjective. This is not as mutually exclusive as first meets the eye. Similar to the observer paradox within quantumness.
Continuing on my path, I began to get little nuggets of explanation, or at least corroboration of the realms I had encountered. I'd read The Tibetan Book of the Dead and The Psychedelic Experience before, and suddenly the Bardos made much, much more sense. Same with The K(Q)abbalah (Hermeticism has always been influential on me, but now I have a better intrinsic cryptography system), which I personally see as a different road map of the same system. This state is among the highest possible, from what I can gather, in most theological and esoteric thought. It is called eftya in Hinduism, it is coming in contact with the Atman. The Gnostics and Rosicrucians were all about dismissing the material (Again, so similar to Buddhism and detachment) and going to God (i.e this state), the True Light. This was beyond ego-death, something I had experienced many times before. Leary westernizes the TBOTD and almost verbatim talks about the thodol/plane involving light, sounds of birds and water, etc. And you can so easily tie The Book of Revelation to a Westernized, Christian version of The Book of the Dead. It's not Armageddon of the Earth, but of one's soul/being/psyche.
But the real puzzle piece to my own path regarding this was reading The Book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel's vision is nearly identical to mine (or I guess vice-versa), except with the omission of Ra. But the Ophanim. Those Eye-wheels. The Chariot. Not angels in the anthropomorphized BS imagery we are fed with pastels and sunsets. Genuine, Biblically accurate, high-ranking angels. Merkabah mysticism is one of the roots of SO many esoteric disciplines, and I feel my vision at least came from the same plane. Suddenly, all these seemingly incongruent scientifical/theological/ontological schools of thought I could see truths in, but could not reconcile together, came together. And God and the God-state are much more accessible than recognized. Most religions put up barriers, especially regarding knowledge, despite the esoteric origins and underlying truths in basically every religion. You can reach this Eftya state through any religion, or none at all. The God state cannot be contained within the pedantic box of exclusivity and specific ritual.
I know many esoteric/occult circles see speaking of such things relatively openly as beyond taboo. The Taoistic sentiment - "Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know", is an important approach taken by most seekers, it seems (and I don't wholly disagree with this approach). They speak in other ways, i.e art. Alex Grey, for example, and his chapel of sacred mirrors. Tool, and their lyrics and imagery (yes, much of which is from Grey), even religions. Especially religions. Hildegard of Bingen for example, documented such a state, a very valuable confirmation for me.
So, why go against the grain a little bit, and talk in somewhat demystifying terms about all this? The path of the genuine seeker is lonely, intrapersonal, arduous, precarious, alienating, baffling, and potentially quite damaging. Because of this, and because I recognize these strifes of which I had to endure, I hope that this will potentially corroborate, confirm, catalyze, inspire, relieve, speak to. At least for some. At least for one. I would have found it beyond helpful if I could have had such corroboration during the immediate aftermath of this experience. Pieces are finally fitting together and the mosaic is beyond spectacular. It's beyond spectrum itself. Also, it is clear that more and more awakenings are happening, and I feel like it is my role and duty to submit my own.
As exciting as this personally was for my own path of spiritual development, I more than recognize I am not the first, and certainly won't be the last to reach such conclusions and awareness. I can at the very least be assured though, I am on the right path. At least for myself, and apparently others have similar ideas for themselves. I see Masons and masonic imagery drastically differently now, as well as the masonic book Morals and Dogma. Anyway, I finally digress, and apologize about how long this became. Talking about such relatively complicated concepts however, is not a task for the taciturn.
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