Citation: caleb. "Hell and Heaven: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp115902)". Erowid.org. May 14, 2023. erowid.org/exp/115902
At the time I had used mushrooms one time before, I had taken 3.5 grams of some really dry all white shrooms. At first I was really skeptical when I got these because of how trash they looked but they ended up giving me an overall nice experience. Fast forward about 4 to 5 months later and I find myself craving another shroom experience. Since I handled the 3.5 grams so well I thought about bumping up the dose to 4 grams this time.
I hit up my plug and he comes through with the shrooms. I look at them and they are different looking then the ones I had previously. These are fresh, brown, and squishy. He told me he had just pulled them out of the ground earlier that day. I get home excited for the experience that I'm about to have. I plan on taking them by myself in my room at around 12 am with nobody home except my mom asleep in her room. I put the shrooms on a pb & j sandwich and eat it at around 11 pm, the sandwich was kind of chewy but I did not taste any thing unpleasant.
11:45pm I'm in my room chilling on my bed watching YouTube on my tv awaiting for the shrooms to kick in, then all of a sudden I start to feel this weird feeling creep up on me. At first I could not tell if this feeling was good or bad it was just an odd feeling, but then as a few minutes past I realized that this feeling was not such a pleasant one. It felt as if there was this kind of cold constricting feeling in my upper body and it felt like a warning sign to let me know things where about to get a lot worse. I immediately felt uncomfortable sitting in my dark and small room and headed down stairs.
12:00 am My mom is thankfully in bed, I get down stairs and turn the kitchen light on and tv then sit on the couch. At first I feel a little better now that I am in an open space with a light on, but then that bad feeling starts to quickly come over me once again but this time the feeling feels a lot stronger and everything feels like its starting to go wrong. I now find myself starting to panic a little because this feeling is clearly escalating as the minutes go by. I then reach behind me and grab my headphones from the table and put them on and start listing to music. At this point my mind is in fight or flight mode and I am not thinking clearly and I just put on Pandora instead of trying to go to my playlist to find a song. Thankfully the first song starts to play and it is a smooth relaxing/chill song. This starts to put my mind at ease and time starts to slow down and I feel a little better, I still don't feel good but I feel like the shrooms had slightly released its tight grip on my mind.
Then the next song starts to play and it is a fast paced rap song and my mind starts racing and it feels like everything is going wrong again, I quickly skip to the next song and it is more chill but the shrooms show no remorse and start to overwhelm me with this since of dread and panic, I feel as if I am about to die and my mind is slipping from my grasps and it starts to think horrible thoughts that I don't want to think. Then my body starts to ache, it feels as if I had just worked out my entire body and lactic acid was built up in all of my muscles, it was a very uncomfortable feeling that just kept getting worse along with my mind racing and jumping from bad thought to bad thought. I felt like a tea kettle that was being heated up until that loud whistle starts to blow, but for me that loud whistle was death and I was slowly getting closer and closer to it.
At this point I was 100% convinced that my plug had picked bad shrooms and I was being poisoned and going to die, I felt I had no choice but to call my mom to come help me. I call her and tell her I do not feel good and told her to come down stairs. She comes down stairs and asked what is wrong, but I did not want to tell her that I was was on shrooms so I just tell her that I don't feel good and she needs to call an ambulance. She starts to question me and asked if I had taken anything and I say no, but at this point I know that I probably looked crazy and it was probably obvious to my mom that I was on something and she started to insist that I tell her what I was on. I finally gave in and tell her that I was on shrooms and I felt like I was being poisoned and she needs to call an ambulance because I felt like I was dying.
Thankfully she did not call an ambulance and she started to immediately do some research on her phone to see what shrooms are, as she is doing this I continually try to pressure her to call an ambulance because I thought I was going to die but she just told me to calm down and she kept on researching. After about 5 minutes of trying to convince her to call an ambulance with her not responding I then try myself, but when I look at my phone all the numbers looked crazy, one number would look extremely small and the other number would look extremely big then another number would just start floating across my screen then another number would just be really blurry and I could not tell what number it was. I eventually just give up and start to except my perceived inevitable fate.
My vision starts to get extremely distorted and everything starts slowly spinning around me then continually picks up speed. Next thing I know it looks like I am in a washing machine, thankfully I did not feel dizzy or nauseous from this. My couch is in the shape of an L and I end up laying in the fetal position in the intersection of my couch. At this point my mind felt really cloudy and I honestly felt retarded, I could not think one clear thought. A million thoughts were going through my mind but I could not understand the thoughts, as a thought would go through my mind I would try to grasp it and try and understand that thought, but I simply could not and I just laid curled up in the fetal position and just stared at the ceiling constantly asking my self "what is going on" over and over because I'm just so confused and at a loss for words at what is happening at the moment. At this point my anxiety and the feeling like I was going to die kind of went away because I was so consumed by this confusing feeling and I guess the anxiety and panic feeling that I once had kind of faded into the background, I still felt uneasy and very uncomfortable but my fight or flight response had subsided.
This probably went on for about 20 to 30 minutes and then I looked at my self from the outside, I wasn't having an out of body experience or anything like that but I was still self aware enough to realize that I was curled up in the fetal position with my mouth gaping wide open just starting at the ceiling while feeling lost and extremely confused like I was retarded and then out of the sea of confusion that was going on in my mind finally I had a clear thought and I came to the conclusion that I was actually retarded or mentally handicapped and I was going to be like this for the rest of my life.
I then proceeded to come to terms with the new life that I was going to live, which was the life of a mentally handicapped person. I then imagined my mom pushing me into a restaurant in a wheel chair while I was drooling on my self and then to family functions also in a wheel chair. For the next 20 minutes I was just coming to terms and accepting this new life I was going to live. I was not feeling scared or regretful when coming to terms with this new life I just accepted it with an 'it is what it is' kind of mentality. I overall still felt bad and I was just consumed by the shrooms at this point and was just accepting the current situation that I was in.
The feeling that I was going to be mentally handicapped for the rest of my life kind of faded into the back ground and I started to have a new feeling, the feeling that I was about to die. But this time I was not scared or worried I simply felt like I was going to die and then it got to the point where I could not tell if I was dead or alive. The entire time my mom was still right next to me on her phone which I had forgotten about even though we were right next to each other. I then asked her if I am dead and she said no but I did not believe her.
The entire time my mom was still right next to me on her phone which I had forgotten about even though we were right next to each other. I then asked her if I am dead and she said no but I did not believe her.
I then came to the conclusion that I was dead and I had went to hell.
I thought I saw flames all around me and the uncomfortable feeling that I was feeling this whole time was me being burned alive and tortured by the devil. I know this may sound bad but it didn't actually feel like I was literally being burned and tortured I just over all felt bad and my body felt very uncomfortable. I just came to the conclusion that these feelings where caused by the devil torturing me while I was in hell. I then just slowly panned across my living room and thought I saw different levels of hell while flames where going up around me but weirdly at the same time I knew that there were no flames and I was still in the living room. It is hard to describe exactly what I believed to be true at this point because I thought multiple things were true at the same time. I remember thinking that me being dead and in hell was true but at the same time I thought I was dead but in my living room. I remember settling on the fact that I was dead and in hell and coming to terms with the fact that I was going to be in hell for the rest of eternity. I remember telling my self "you know what, hell isn't all that bad".
I then came to terms with my new reality and just laid back and for the next 30 minutes I did not remember thinking one clear thought I just was feeling and embracing the uncomfortable and overwhelming experience that the shrooms were giving me. I was just utterly lost in confusion. Then the feeling that I was in hell and had died kind of faded into the back ground and I found my self now laying down on the long side of my couch and not in the fetal position anymore.
All of a sudden everything stopped, the bad uncomfortable feeling that I had been feeling stopped and this brought me out of my confusion and back into reality and then a wave a pure peace and tranquility started to wash over my body. I wouldn't say I felt euphoric because this did not feel like the euphoria I get when I'm on acid or molly but damn did I feel relaxed. I had only felt a feeling kind of similar to this one time before and it was when I had smoked some weed and taken some hydrocodone but this type of relaxation felt a lot more natural.
I felt like I was laying on a cloud and was the most comfortable and relaxed I had ever been in my life. I felt at one with the earth and just over all felt like I was laying in the palms of gods hands and he was comforting me and putting my mind at peace. I then embraced this feeling for the next 10 minutes and realized that my mom had went to the bathroom. I then quickly ran upstairs into my room and laid in my bed and just stared at the ceiling. For the next hour I just stared at various places in my dark room in a complete state of peace and tranquility and not thinking a single thought. I was just at one with the earth and just completely relaxed and tranquil I then realized I hadn't been blinking during this entire trip. I think I went hours without blinking and I thought that wasn't good so every 30 minutes or so I would try to remember to blink.
I then put on my headphones and listened to some lofi music, and damn did that music sound good. I remember that even though I could not see any crazy visuals while looking around in my room; when I looked at my phone it was still extremely distorted looking and letters were getting bigger and smaller and slowly moving across the screen. I laid in my bed and listened to music all the way until the shrooms pretty much completely subsided.
All in all this trip was not good or bad, the first half felt like hell and the second half of the trip felt like heaven. It was evenly good and bad and I can just say that it was a roller coaster of an experience that put me through various lows and highs.
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