DOSE: T+ 0:00	1	oral	Mushrooms	(dried)
T+ 2:30	3 bowls	smoked	Cannabis
T+ 0:00	repeated	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

175 lb

These Mushrooms Saved My Life

I want to start this off with a little context. I'm an 18 year old guy who has been through some pretty tough shit, even if it's all psychological. I was kicked out of school at 14 for a school shooting joke, and basically lost my place in society. I've spent the last 4 years inside my own head trying to find a path forward. I had developed some pretty fucked up ideology about life and our world. I believed that no one could be taken at face value, everyone had other motives and was just out for their own gain, all the time. I had forgotten everyone who truly loved me. In the last week or so I've began having suicidal thoughts.

At about 8 o'clock last night, I decided that I was gonna take a mushroom trip. My buddy had come by an ounce, and I had bought an 8th of it a few days ago. I only have one previous psychedelic experience under my belt, a light acid trip about a year ago, and I'm not even sure it was real LSD. It didn't taste bitter, but it had almost a sugary sweet taste to it. Nonetheless I had a good trip and got some answers about the universe, but not much about myself. I knew that this mushroom trip had to work. It had to tell me something or else I think I would have done something extreme sooner or later. I laid out the mushrooms in front of me and said a prayer to god, mother earth, or whatever that I got EXACTLY the trip I needed, for better or worse.

9:30 (T+0:00)
I chose to eat just one mushroom, the biggest of the 8th I bought. This mushroom weighed about 1.3 grams, so a fairly light dose. I've heard people really don't like the taste and texture and like to eat it with something, but I felt that to show the mushroom as much respect as possible, I needed to eat it straight up. I broke the cap away from the stem and started with a small bite. To my surprise, it really wasn't that bad. It tasted kinda like a communion cracker (Jeez-Itz). I ate the whole mushroom over the course of about 10 minutes, because I chewed it as thoroughly as possible. By the time I had finished it, I couldn't stomach any more. It's not disgusting but it isn't delicious either.

10:00 (T+00:30)
At this point I was just feeling slightly stoned. I was getting some very minor pattern overlays on things like wood grain. Above my bed is a sheet of particle board, and I started to see some patterns emerging when I looked at it for more than a second. This is also about when I started to feel a tiny bit of come up nausea and anxiety, but they were very mild at this point. I hopped on discord to take my mind off of it, and it worked for a while.

10:30 (T+1:00)
At this point the come up anxiety was at its peak, while the nausea subsided a bit. It was also around this time that I started seeing, like, Chinese ornamental xing dynasty type art in the particle board above my bed, and any writing I saw looked like it was moving over about a centimeter and then returning every half second or so. This began to reduce my anxiety. My mind also started to wander pretty heavily around this time. I was starting to go down bad rabbit holes so I hopped on discord again. A little help from my friends set me straight.

11:00 (T+1:30)
This is usually when I smoke a bowl every night. I was planning on doing so at this time, but I couldn't leave my bed because I kept getting distracted by my thoughts and the visuals. The Chinese art was getting pretty intense, and it looked like the particle board was waving like water, overlaid with this art. I was seeing lions, pelicans, and so many animals just doing animal things. I would see a fox eating berries, and a lion grooming itself, among with way too many others to remember. It also looked as if words were forming. This was especially true for my ceiling, which is sprayed with that popcorn stuff. I could never work out what they said though. They looked like English, but it was really some foreign language that I couldn't read. I could recognize a few words here and there though. 'Remember' was one I saw often. I started to think about my childhood. I had blocked out so much trauma before that I didn't even remember my good memories. Now they were all coming back. I remembered my best friends at school and the street I used to live on. I remembered birthday parties, playdates, swimming in the pool, and holding on to my dad's arm when I was feeling scared at night. I remembered being afraid of my own shadow even earlier than I thought I could remember. I enjoyed this sentimental journey for about an hour before I moved again.

12:00 (T+2:30)
Now I finally wanted to smoke some weed. I went into my bathroom and opened up the window. I didn't really get any visuals in my bathroom, oddly enough. I smoked about 3 bowls from my bong and laid back down.

This is when shit gets emotional.

I started to look at the art on the particle board again, and now it was much more colorful. The actual color of the wood didn't even matter. I'm not exactly sure what happened in my mind at this point, but this is when I got my answer. My big revelation. My entire situation was happening because I had fallen out of touch with my family. I learned that I've been depressed for so much longer than I thought, and when it first started many years ago, I began to withdraw from my family. Now, years later, the original depression had ended. But now I was depressed because I had no communication with my family. I forgot how much I was loved. I started to tell my friend about what I had learned, when I began to cry. This wasn't a normal crying sesh, however. These were tears of joy. I had gotten my answer. I began to laugh and cry violently together. I felt like God had just personally reached down and cleansed my heart. I felt alive, I felt real. When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by such vibrant colors everywhere. The art was at full intensity. It was so easy to get lost in the visuals but I was still crying. At some point I heard something and kinda snapped out of it. Time no longer had meaning, it didn't matter. Then something in my head told me that I had got what I came for. I had experienced true soul healing. Now, it was time to have some fun. I went and smoked a few more bowls, I have no idea how many but it was a lot. I laid back down and enjoyed the light show behind my eyelids. It was like seeing the fireworks at Disney world for the first time. It was absolutely the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I woke up this morning, I don't know what time, feeling reinvigorated. I had experienced true nirvana. These mushrooms absolutely saved my fucking life. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't take this trip. Thank you, mother earth, so much for putting my life back on track.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115972
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Dec 21, 2021	Views: 466
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Alone (16), Depression (15), General (1)