DOSE: T+ 0:00	4.1 g	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(ground / crushed)
T+ 2:00		smoked	Cannabis
T+ 4:00		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

82 kg

“I see the parlour trick for what it is and I keep falling for it over and over and I am absolutely fucked and fuck I feel fabulous. I messaged this to a deep friend. My fingers were flying over the phone keyboard, typing fast, that white/blue neon energy around my fingers vibrant and excited. I’m fucked but I am also going back, correcting my spelling.”

T0 -Start
I am at home alone 10am. I’m on holiday and it is a lovely summer’s day. Conditions are perfect. My wife has taken our children out for the day to give me the space to explore for which I am very grateful. I have just ingested 4.1 grams of Golden Teacher mushrooms which I have grown myself, harvested and stored vacuum sealed in the freezer. I had ground it into a powder and mixed with lemon juice for 20 minutes. I went to my bedroom to lie down in silence with the curtains drawn. After a while the coming up feeling started. Occasionally I get up to look in the mirror and everything is normal.

T+30 The Come Up
It starts to intensify. I look in the mirror and my skin is undulating. I can see the form of the snakes under my skin moving and I can see the reptile part of me in my face. The distinction between me and the rest of the world is still there but it is blurring a little. It’s not frightening at all. It’s fascinating. There is a part of us, of our primitive minds that is reptilian and that is being exposed to me. I go back to bed and continue the coming up process. The slow stretching of the body parts. The yawning. The slight discomfort, the restlessness, the slight nausea.

Now it’s calm. The coming up feeling has gone. This lasts for a very short time only, then...

T+60 With The Trance
..I have been here before. I know this place from around 20 years ago when we were younger, living our best lives. It's that place at the end of a long drug fueled night out. The high, high is over but the influence is still very much there. The drugs are still in the system and we are creatures. It’s a green tinged cavern. It’s subversive. I am a cockroach. What had we taken? MDMA? methamphetamine? acid? ketamine? pot? booze? On any given weekend one, some or all of the above. The outside world is creeping in but the drug infused world is still dominating. Tomorrow is coming but it is not there yet. The foreboding is nearly there but it is not quite there yet. I had forgotten this place. Forgotten what it felt like to be there. I really like this place, this feeling.

T+120 In the Trance
I am in complete silence but I feel the music somehow. I’m alone but I can feel my girlfriend at the time (now my wife) is there. I put on music and it is rich, it’s deep, it’s meaningful and it is everything it ever was back when I first started taking ecstasy. I am both in a trance and aware that I am in a trance. I hold onto this duality – right up until the point where I take a single hit on the bong and then I fall – I fall deep into the trance – and I’m there! I’m not observing – I’m deep, deep into the hedonistic state. I’m sitting on beanbags in the back of the dark club with my girlfriend cuddling up, enveloped by the music, the energy, all the people on the same wavelength. Of course I have never forgotten this time but fuck - it is so different to been taken actually back there and experiencing it again. The euphoria. That moment that extends forever, is over immediately yet has no time at all. It’s that cocoon where there is no tomorrow, There is just now – the experience, the energy the profoundness. The realization that this is how we are meant to be. Nothing can be bad ever again. Pure. Unadulterated. Bliss. That feeling is through my whole being. It’s physical, its mental, its emotional, it’s being very seriously, very intentionally fucked up. I take another hit and I keep falling deeper and deeper into the trance. Fuck that feels so good.

T+240 The Gunshot
I go back for another hit, and another, and another. I love it and I keep wanting to go deeper. Then one minute I’m reaching for the bong and the next I am standing there and the bong is shattered on the floor. I was immediately out of the trance and back in reality but with the magic still sparkling everywhere. Imagine one moment you are at a wedding drink in hand having a great time talking to all the other guests and the next you are standing there with your drink in your hand, everyone around you is dead; you vaguely remember a gunshot. One minute you’re drunk and having fun. The next you are hyper aware, the feeling of the booze in the back of your head only. Your reality has snapped from one to another. Something happened but what the fuck was it? You are in exactly the same time and place but your reality is profoundly different.

Themes & Observations

It’s realistic, but it’s not real. It was a dream and I know that it was a dream. I was in the dream and I was observing the dream

I was being guided but the guiding was coming from my inner wisdom. It was a series of /statements and responses.

”You are impatient”
“Yes.”
“Be patient”
“OK”
“Now is the time you were going to take an extra 2”
“Yes”
“Do you need it?”
“No”
“This is 4”
“I know”
“Do you know this place?”
“Yes.”
“Do you like it?”
“Yes, I love it.”
“Is it animal?”
“Yes.”
“Is it meaningful?”
“Yes and no.”
“Is this the point?”
“No.”
“Do you need to keep coming back here?”
“No.”

For most of the time I was aware that I was under the effect of a drug while having the experience of being under the effects of the drug at the same time. I’m being shown that this is every drug. It’s opiates, it’s amphetamines, its MDMA, it’s lower levels of acid and psilocybin. They are all the same thing approached from different angles. It a cocoon that separates and insulates me from the real world. It is a place I can go to be altered, to be different. That is as far as those drugs can take me. That is their peak. This is different. There is more. This is base camp only.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116061
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 49
Published: Jan 31, 2022	Views: 884
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1), Alone (16)