DOSE:

2 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

My friend had a number of grams of dried mushrooms in his possession months before I’d taken the trip I’m explaining to you now. I’d never tried super hard to get mushrooms but they always seemed to be out of reach whenever I’d ask anyone. I’d never taken them. I thought it was really cool that he had them and he told me he’d taken a low dose a couple of times and just drew in his notebook and laughed so hard he started crying and things like that.

He ended up selling me what he had left of his mushrooms, about 2 grams, for whatever reason some months after he told me about his experiences. I’d never seen them before but had heard a lot about them. I’d wanted to take mushrooms for the longest time. I’d only ever taken 2 or 3 hits of acid maybe ten times in the past couple of years.

One day, I was alone in my apartment and I decided, on a whim, to take the 2 grams as I didn’t have to work that day. I can’t remember if I had anything to eat because this trip happened maybe a year before writing this passage. I very well could’ve just had a cup of black coffee a good while before ingesting the mushrooms. I remember I took them around noon. Just straight munched them and sat on the recliner in my living room. Nothing special. It was a pleasant Autumn day so the window was open directly behind the recliner I was sitting on.

I was nervous but I knew not much was going to happen for how little I’d taken. I felt nervous but I was also expecting a dud of an experience. I sat there, reading a book for maybe 20 to 30 more minutes, waiting to feel any effects. The taste of the mushrooms lingered in the back of my mouth. I can’t really describe the taste but it stayed there for the whole trip. If I wasn’t so distracted by the trip, the taste and feel I had in my mouth, even while staying hydrated, would’ve really bothered me. But I’ve noticed that with acid, too.

After about 45 minutes, I started to feel a deep, calm feeling. Like I was tired or something. But I wasn’t tired and didn’t exactly feel like sleeping. It felt really good, actually. I put my book down and just lay there with my eyes closed. This is what I’d become accustomed to do when I trip after some bummer acid trips where I felt like I’d feel so insecure if I didn’t check in with myself. I just kind of meditated and waited for something to start happening. I tried to get ready to surrender.

After about an hour to an hour and 15 minutes, I started to feel like I was very deep into a meditative state with very little effort on my part. I had no visuals, but this big lump of darkness. It became more than just my eyes shut with my mind becoming influenced by the mushrooms. The darkness became a place and I felt the potential for fear of the unknown and evil and death and all that. I tried something else than fearing, something I’ve not always been so fortunate to do on trips. I decided to not start out scared like that so I let the darkness be whatever it wanted. I knew from recent reading that the darkness and unknown are feminine archetypes. The archetypal feminine had been an obsession of mine for a few years before this trip. I’m not well-read, but it’s more of an instinctual fascination I’d generated after a relatively sober epiphany. I couldn’t tell by how much I thought about the feminine day to day, even minute to minute. She appeared and stayed underlying all of my awareness of the world; welcome of course; she seemed to be spread out evenly in my worldview, watching and interacting with my life. That what I was beginning to experience was just my obsession.

The darkness became a woman. I felt a very mysterious female presence which still remained total darkness. I felt very sincere emotion towards her and shock but the shock was somewhat muted because I couldn’t quite believe it was actually her. Without exchanging words, we had kind of a sensual encounter. I saw in my mind very faint light cast in the darkness just enough to see the curves of a voluptuous woman mysteriously showing herself. She was a silhouette and the light casted shadows on her curves. The light was white at first and turned into red, yellow, and green. Still very faint; tinted with black. This felt very pleasant and meaningful and I finally knew who this woman was by the connection we were having. I saw her as a sane entity who loved me for a very long time and just wanted to be loved by me. Very understanding and simple in her relation to me. I felt a nervous and somewhat restless like I felt I needed to be doing something. Something I feel all the time. I felt the sincere and serious sentiment “Calm Down!”.

By now, it was raining outside. The warmth and the refreshing, mellow rain made it the perfect temperature and humidity in my apartment. Amidst the vague images I was seeing with my eyes closed, I saw another, stronger iteration of the message my intuition was telling me. I saw a small bedroom with nothing but a bed and two windows open. Nothing in the room, just a bed. The lights were out. It could’ve been nighttime with the moon shining in to light up the room softly. Or it could’ve been day with a rain storm passing thru. The weather outside was the same as the vision. I saw myself lying in the bed with a vague manifestation of a woman. Just lying there together with nothing to do, nothing to say, but deeply in love and completely content to lay there awake and hold each other.

I was working a night shift job at the time. Just driving around alone all night and listening to quiet storm radio; smooth, sensual, old school r&b. I had realized during the trip the emotional connection I had developed about the darkness of the night. Once I felt the vision of lying in the bed with the woman, she said to me thru my internal dialogue, “If you could only calm down, we could be together.” I reflected on this. I knew that I was so worried about day-to-day challenges that I never stopped to appreciate the love I always had for myself for no reason at all. I realized that she was always there and I knew the feeling I had with her was the feeling I’d always wanted. I finally felt like I didn’t need to do anything and that I was giving rest to years of foolishly struggling.

This last part happened maybe over an hour. I remember laying there in peace for a while after and the trip ended. The trip didn’t last very long in total. Ever since then, I’ve felt this romantic connection to darkness and death. I can’t say I don’t fear death but it gave me a new perspective and I’m fascinated more than afraid.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 116402
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Apr 11, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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Mushrooms (39), Meditation (128) : General (1), Glowing Experiences (4), Entities / Beings (37), Alone (16)