Citation: Chaucer. "Trapped in Unparalleled Anxiety: An Experience with Mushrooms & Cannabis (exp116596)". Erowid.org. Sep 14, 2022. erowid.org/exp/116596
The mind is a funny thing. It can play along, goad you into a false sense of security for so long, and then at any given time if the circumstances are right, you can snap. I never truly realized this until the trip that I am about to describe. First, some background information may be appropriate. Feel free to skip to any part as Iíll have them labeled.
My friend, weíll call him G, invited me to go to a rave in Colorado with two of his friends, weíll call them B and C. Me and G have been friends for a long time, and while we both have our moments of disagreement and animosity, we are still close friends. At the time I was only acquaintances with B and C, but we all got along and the 12 hour drive to Colorado was a lot of fun.
B brought some molly and shrooms with him so that we could all roll and trip while we were at the rave. When we arrived in Colorado we came upon a snowstorm the likes of which I had only seen at the peak of mountains as a child. Blankets of white extended throughout the land, up the mountains, and onto the highway as we sped onwards. To get to our air bnb, we had to drive up a mountain and through some rough and unpaved paths, all of which were covered in snow. This is where the first problem occurred. We were driving a Tesla mind you. Going up the first incline seemed like no problem until we realized that the tires were not meant for it. The car got stuck and almost slammed into a barricade on the side of the road. Ok, guess weíll have to take it slow.
After 30 minutes of inching up the road we reached the mountain path that we had to embark upon. Let me tell you now, this whole time I thought we were going to die. About a couple feet away from the leftward edge of the road was a cliff that threatened death at the slightest loss of control. Everyone was doing their part to make sure we got up safe. C was driving this whole time as he had the most experience driving, and honestly I credit our survival with this man. Finally, we managed to get up the mountain in about one hour, and mind you this drive was supposed to be only 7 minutes. Our air bnb host had to pick us up about a mile down the mountain as we could not hope to scale any further. With this semi-near death experience finished, we all hiked up to the bnb, and erupted in joy at the fact that we were alive, and drank some beers to finish the night.
BACKGROUND- THE WEED
The next day me and the boys went into town to purchase some of that coveted Colorado dispensary weed. The snow had died down, so we were clear to drive on the roads although it was still somewhat difficult. B ended up going in and purchasing Headband OG, and this particular strain of it was around 35% THC. It also had very little CBD. Getting back we smoked it and just three one hitters threw me for an absolute loop. It was maybe the most uncomfortable high Iíve ever had just due to intensity. From this point on I had dubbed it the ďpsychosis packĒ because it was that strong. Low CBD and high THC percentage will do that.
BACKGROUND- THE MOLLY
The night before I took the shrooms we had planned to go to the rave and take molly. Sadly, the rave was canceled due to weather so we house rolled while listening to sets from previous years. Was a very fun time as well as my first time trying molly. I did not consider the effects that this might have on my shroom trip that I was planning to undergo tomorrow however.
It was late at night the day after we had all taken molly. Me, B, and C weíre gonna take some while G opted not to. There were ten [grams] in total, and they were Amazonians so they were quite strong. I have taken shrooms many times, but they were not as strong as the ones we were about to take, and the most I had taken was three grams of some relatively weak stuff. B and C divided them up so that we each took around 3.3 grams. There was no preparation, and my mindset was neutral if anything. No nervousness, but maybe a slight anticipation. I was still in a little shock from the fact that we had almost died two days ago, but it wasnít anything too bad. The setting was maybe not the best, as it was a relatively unfamiliar place at the top of a mountain with two people who I haven't known for very long, but I considered them my friends nonetheless. We immersed the shrooms in orange juice and drank.
About twenty or so minutes after dosing, I started feeling the effects, as did the others. Me and B, and C went outside to go to the car in order to listen to music. I gazed at the dark trees surrounding us and pulsating patterns lined everything in my sight. The visuals were subtle but it almost seemed as if mandalas or some collection of circular and detailed white strips were undulating endlessly among the trees. We hop in the car and theyíre blasting music. After about twenty minutes I get bored and walk back into the bnb. I was all alone looking at my phone. I noticed that I didnít have the same happy or euphoric feeling I usually get from shrooms, only the odd body high while my mind was neutral but still tripping.
I noticed that I didnít have the same happy or euphoric feeling I usually get from shrooms, only the odd body high while my mind was neutral but still tripping.
After laying there alone for maybe 10 minutes, everyone comes in. Weíre all sitting around the tv and I start getting the feeling that something isnít right. My mind seems to spaced out, my speech was slurred and slowed, but I felt alright enough. It was when I took three one hitters of the weed that I knew I had messed up big time.
I crushed two bowls, and by the third one, right when I exhaled, I felt the change. Instantly my mind was scrambled like an egg. My vision was out of focus and everything was blurry. I started getting intense anxiety. Everyone was speaking among each other and I was just in my own head that was filled with confusion and panic. I tried talking to the other guys, but I couldnít focus on anything. G and C were talking about thought loops. So in an effort to ground myself and talk to others I asked, ďwhatís that?Ē and G goes on to fully explain what a thought loop was while I was tripping absolute sack. His head appeared to get bigger and bigger as he went on explaining it, and it also freaked me out because I thought that I would have one. The hurried and serious tone of his voice also threw me for a loop, and this made me think I was in some nightmare dimension because everything seemed so muddled and incomprehensible. I tried to stave this feeling off by dancing to the music that was being played. I once heard that true alchemy is transforming the negative into positive. This helped a little, but not much as I felt the sweat beads drip down my skin. This trip was too overwhelming for my low alchemy skill.
For the next four hours I was trapped in my own head. All I could do was fumble around in my own hell. I tried to play clash royale but every time I did I ended up looking away or being distracted by my own intensely nauseating thoughts. I constantly laid down, sat up, and stood up because I thought I was either gonna die, or go absolutely insane. There was a constant black bulb in the middle of my vision that was undulating endlessly, it kind of looked like dark eco from Jack II, and around this black bulb were circles of wobbling black strips. I could not focus on anything, and everything looked like a painting that had no depth. Even with my glasses on everything was blurry and looked 2D. Every time I laid down on the futon and closed my eyes I had to grasp my belly because I thought I was collapsing into a 2D form. I kept hugging myself and telling myself that Iím not gonna die, that Iím loved, and that this will wear off soon, but it didnít help much.
If I had to guess, I would say that I was on the verge of an ego death because I could barely feel my body, and I felt so disconnected from reality that I started truly fearing that I was going insane. I spoke slow and high pitched like a toddler, and nothing helped cure the chaotic emptiness and dissociation that I felt. Finally, after about four hours of absolute madness, I started to come down, and with this came the greatest relief. I had made it through hell, and felt some semblance of normalcy again. I saw the sun rise above the mountain peaks, and knew that my time in the darkest night of my life was over. I canít truly describe how any of it felt, but hopefully I did a good job. Donít take shrooms after molly, donít take shrooms after you almost died, and donít smoke psychosis pack during a shroom trip. These three vital points of information are what I gleaned from my trip. I truly felt like I went to Eleusis and back. I still feel the aftershocks from this event, and weed is way more trippy and anxiety inducing now. I did make some cool friends on the trip though, and the molly was great, so it wasnít all negatives.
I had underestimated shrooms. Whenever I took them I always had a blast. All it took was a few bad decisions and circumstances for me to snap.
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