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Shattering My Mind Into Utter Confusion
Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Cannabis
by Kobalt
Citation:   Kobalt. "Shattering My Mind Into Utter Confusion: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Cannabis (exp116615)". Erowid.org. Sep 22, 2022. erowid.org/exp/116615

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
2.8 g oral Mushrooms (capsule)
  T+ 1:00 0.1 g oral Mushrooms (capsule)
  T+ 2:00 0.1 g oral Mushrooms (capsule)
  T+ 2:00   repeated vaporized Cannabis (extract)

BODY WEIGHT: 135 lb


I decided to take a solo trip for the first time with 2.8g (and later an additional .7g for a total of 3.5g) psilocybe cubensis in the form of powder capsules. I had tripped before - once on 105ug LSD, and another time on 2.45g of shrooms. They were not comparable experiences at all.

I was situated in my room for the whole trip. I took eight 350mg capsules at about 9:45PM, when my parents had gone to sleep and I was alone, comfortable, and in a positive mindset. I drank some hot green tea while waiting for the comeup to help ease my stomach. My previous trip had come on extremely rapidly with some amount of nausea, no doubt thanks to having an extremely empty stomach. This time, I had eaten a large meal several hours prior.

T+1 hr
Disappointment. During my previous experience, I had experienced very intense visuals and 2D hallucinations within an hour, but this time, I was only experiencing extremely mild distortions and colors. I felt like I'd taken less than a gram, and figured I just had a remaining tolerance from taking shrooms only a week previous, or perhaps my stomach wasn't empty enough. I took another 350mg capsule, and continued waiting.

T+2 hrs
The disappointment remained. I took another capsule, for a total dose of 3.5g. I was fully level-headed with still only very mild visuals. I feared that my trip was going to be nonexistent, and that I had simply not taken enough initially to have any profound effects. I knew only one solution to this: getting some THC in me. During my last trip, smoking had snapped me back into a full intense peak after coming down. I grabbed my dab pen, which I had loaded up with some THC wax earlier, and smoked for a while. Over the next 20 minutes, I was launched into a full trip.

T+3 hrs
My memory past this point is extremely scattered. I recall that I was experiencing extremely strange and complex 3D closed eye visuals, and not experiencing much emotion. I just sat and watched as my brain put on some incredibly strange show with heavy visual distortion and hallucinations. I got some food - chips and dip - and snacked for a while. I had to urinate quite often, and went through quite a bit of water as I kept feeling too warm. I had a strange sensation as though I was continually urinating, which was extremely uncomfortable, but it eventually passed. The THC had definitely given me some amount of anxiety and paranoia, which is perhaps where things went downhill. My sense of self and reality began to very gradually unravel, and I became somewhat confused.
The THC had definitely given me some amount of anxiety and paranoia, which is perhaps where things went downhill. My sense of self and reality began to very gradually unravel, and I became somewhat confused.
I have no real memory of this period of time until about a couple hours later.

T+5 hrs
I had at some point decided to lay in bed, as I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed and wanted to sort through my thoughts and reflect. This is when things truly fell apart. Over the next hour as I laid in bed, my ego utterly shattered. My brain became a neural soup, where thoughts and feelings had no separation, and fact could not be separated from fiction. I didn't know what to believe - everything I knew was brought into question, and these questions raced through my mind one after another at light speed, with no time to reach any conclusive answer before the thought was lost in the sea of confusion. My personality, my sense of self, my idea of reality, had all been mixed up into something unrecognizable.

I felt like my mind was dying. I recall thinking that this must have been what late-stage dementia felt like, but clinged onto the knowledge that this was temporary and just a result of the drugs, which brought me some amount of comfort.

I recall some significant thoughts and understandings I experienced as my mind underwent some sort of "rebirth". I understood that my brain was so vastly more complex than I could ever have imagined, and recognized that my sphere of influence within it was very small, relative to the monolithic reaches of the unconscious.

I thought about my identity and personality. I understood these things as one infinitely complex mash of ideas, truths, and opinions - things which had become temporarily disconnected from one another. I heard my thoughts in a foreign voice, which I recognized as my "true self". It brought me a sense of joy amidst the chaos that was my thoughts.

During all this, I was made extremely uncomfortable by the feeling that my feet were much warmer than the rest of my body - like I had a fever that was isolated to my lower extremities. This made the general experience so much worse, but grounded me in the real world despite my shattered mind. Thoughts gradually became less scattered over what seemed like an eternity, until at some point I drifted into a strange sleep.

I woke up about 10 hours later, wondering what the hell I had just experienced.

This was one of the most profound experiences of my life. Despite the mild terror of my conscious train of thought becoming unraveled, the experience was a net positive. I feel some connection with my personality that I lacked before - as though some sort of pathway has opened up and bridged the conscious to the unconscious - and a gentle sense of childlike wonder that has not been felt in a long time remains for the moment. I will be taking time to reflect and integrate the experience into my life for a positive change. I no longer wish to combine shrooms with cannabis, and will be opting for a larger initial dose and better preparation instead to achieve a full psychedelic experience in the future.

Exp Year: 2022ExpID: 116615
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 19 
Published: Sep 22, 2022Views: 179
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Cannabis (1), Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)

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