Epiphany on a Couch
Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens & Cannabis
Citation: Clancy. "Epiphany on a Couch: An Experience with Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens & Cannabis (exp116668)". Erowid.org. Nov 14, 2022. erowid.org/exp/116668
||3.5 g||oral||Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens|
|BODY WEIGHT:||138 lb|
The day began a little later in the afternoon, around 12 or so if I can recall. A few weeks prior a friend named Mikey and I had planned to smoke weed and I take mushrooms on the full moon and view it on a levee nearby his house. By the time I realized it was the day of the full moon, I felt some sort of regret/anger at myself that I had taken the acid only but a week prior, and that I was overdoing psychedelics. But I thought today would be as good of a day as any to take some shrooms, especially since this was the day before my first day of work, and I thought itíd be a significant enough day to do them. I went into it with an intention of sorts, but one that wasnít consciously thought of as I took them, but was subconsciously there. I wanted some sort of direction in my life, and as youíll read, I did get what I was looking for.
I had ingested the Blue Meanie mushrooms straight up, and washed them down with lemon juice at my friend's house. They were quite tasty, with a uniquely nutty and earthy flavor that I had thought would be more intense then it was. In fact, I never understood the flavor term Ď Earthy Ď until I tried them. The aftertaste was not as good as I had liked, but it was quite bearable. When I got some lemonade involved the aftertaste was easier to deal with. It was all quite easy to do. And once I had gotten the shrooms in my stomach, I talked a bit with my friend and his mom and we ended up smoking on the porch.
The shrooms kicked in much faster then I had anticipated, and there was no sense of nausea that many people say they have when they have Magic Mushrooms. In the span of about ten or so minutes, by the time we were smoking, the shrooms began to set in, and while they gradually did so, they most definitely came up quite fast. I felt it in my head at first, as if I had smoked a little bit, but it seemed lighter in some way that is hard to describe. But it is quite similar to how weed feels when I'm only lightly buzzed. Once that was happening, I decided to smoke the last of the weed I had with my friend, running through two bowls until both of them had turned to ash and fallen into the water of my bong. We smoked in the front yard as well, and the experience was quite calming. Watching the many trees and other stuff around the calmer and cooler streets, which were surprisingly full of gardens and nature. The trees were nice, brighter, saturated greens, and while I sat outside it began to rain lightly. It felt quite magical all the while as I gazed into the trees in front of his house, watching as the rain danced between me and the nature, and feeling quite chilly.
At some point, we walked around while my peak began. Most of the wandering is completely out of my mind. At that point, the effects of the shrooms were vastly different from the acid. The stretching effect acid had on the world was flipped on its head, and was replaced by some sort of condensation that had made the world seem smaller. Usually acid had made me feel as if feet had turned into yards, yet now the inverse was true. On the streets I had crossed blocks within the blink of an eye, walked through rooms as if I had taken a single step to do so, and everything had seemed to become much more saturated as I went and walked around. Though, all the while, the truly oddest sensation came across my body. And that was a hyper awareness of my head. In my head, I could feel my mouth in a way I had never felt before. Every nook and cranny in my throat was visible to my minds eye, and whenever I breathed in or opened my mouth, I could feel a rippling sensation that crawled its way across my entire body as cold air caressed my smoke scarred throat. Whenever my mouth was closed, a sensation built up before it was released again when I had opened it, almost as if my teeth were becoming numb from holding still, or if I were becoming aware of the fact I needed to breathe or move my jaw for whatever reason. For a while I had felt like the only part of my body that I could perpetually, consciously feel was my jaw and throat, and could visualize it with great detail. The mental effects were similar, with me rambling instead of talking and other typical effects. I listened to a bit of music while I was wandering, and most of the visuals and thoughts I had are a complete blur to me due to my complete lack of sobriety. From what I could glean, however, it was quite a fun walk. Though I can recall there being more saturation.
Once we had finished walking it was approximately 6:00, and after some wandering around the house I had finally decided to crash on the couch and let the shrooms run their course. And upon that couch I had one of the most biblically awesome experiences of my human life, even if it was minuscule in comparison to what it could have been.
To start, the mouth sensations I was feeling were accentuated by some water I started drinking whenever I sat down. As whenever I drank something, I could feel the water course and caress every nook and cranny of my smoke sore throat, coating it in a cool, painful wetness for microseconds before it was replaced by the sore, dry feeling I had constantly experienced before. While laying down, and thinking of music to listen to with earbuds in my heads, the ringing in my ears had intensified to an odd sort of hum, mingling with the buzz and humdrum of a far away AC unit and filling my head with this oddly hypnotic sound that rocked my head back and forth, soon spreading to my body and filling it with an odd sensation that left me couch locked. Sometime during this event, I began to feel like I was falling once my eyes closed, and my perception was becoming condensed. Looking around at the living room, the corners felt like they were mere inches apart, and that everything before me was small and that I had become large enough to see such things. The world was becoming some sort of compilation of colored swirls, conjoined with each other to make my perception a possibility, as if I had a mesh made of octagons covering my vision and distorting my world. And it seemed that whenever my eyes closed, I could perceive nothing but corners upon corners, all made up of perpetually shifting colors and designs that are hard to describe in mortal tongues. But that wasn't the true peak, the true peak hit as I closed my eyes for a while longer, and took a nap.
Suddenly, life was realized for me in microscopic time frames incomparable to human timekeeping, only able to be measured by the instants of synapses firing within ones brain, or the speed of light between the space of an atom's neutrons and its core. Before my eyes, random events from my life played out within my minds eye, however colored with a variety of psychedelic patterns and color palettes, with me moving around myself and other people in the memory as if I were an active observer, like a floating camera or a fly watching from a distance. They were mostly from my old school that I had most of my high school life in, and I recognized it by the hallways I was in. A few played from my older school, and for a second or so I was confused as to why I was seeing it, but then suddenly I was hit with one of the main existential truths of life. That someday, Iím unsure when, but someday Iíll die, and thatís okay. It was so sudden, and nothing really provoked the thought, but the moment I came to that realization I had felt as if a weight was lifted off of my soul, or even my ego, and thrown off into the cosmic wind. The takeaway I had in that very moment was Ď If I am to die someday, then what use is it to be so full of hate? So full of rage at something that is cold and uncaring for me? Why should I feel rage and hatred towards myself? So why shouldnít I be kind and live my life as much as I can? Ď Almost on cue, as if this realization had opened a new avenue of exploration, I started to fall, and the world around me began to shift.
LSD had awakened me to the fact something primal, yet cosmic, existed across the world. Something that breathed beneath the concrete, inside of buildings, through the bark of trees, and inside myself even. But Acid had only awakened me to its existence, making me aware enough to see it, yet not understand or touch it. But the mushrooms had given me the necessary revelation to come close enough to touch it and run my hands through it. This cosmic force had presented itself to me as a gigantic sea of stars, nebulae, and galaxies, with me falling through the middle of it, kicking up waves amongst the cosmic fabric as I fell down to wherever I was destined to fall towards, if not forever. While I fell, I could feel something touching me back, extending some sort of series of tendrils towards me through the fabric and caressing me with whatever forces composed the space behind the great wall I was falling through. And while it coated, caressed, and cuddled me with its incomprehensible forces, I suddenly came to a stop at the foot of a gigantic gate of gold energy, its bars extending into the cosmos, and its base firmly planted in a ground made up of the same nebulae and galaxies I was flying through earlier. I stood still, dumbfounded at where I was, unable to truly get just how large the gate truly was. But as I pondered for a moment where I was, I could feel a presence gathering behind the gate, the presence of some sort of series of entities, all of whom I felt an odd familiarity towards as they approached as if they were distant cousins one knew fondly from family functions but had rarely seen since. They had no form, I couldnít see it, but I felt their presence, which gave me vibes of pure kindness, like a wise bunch of sages, or a pack of pixies.
Now, dear reader, I must add that these beings began to telepathically communicate to me. Beings that I felt related to, loved by unconditionally, and talked to me telepathically. If you were to be in my shoes, standing at the golden gates of a place you could only call Ď Nirvana, Ď flanked left and right by endless cosmos and topped by a sky of endless stars, what do you think was the first sentence they beamed into my head? Iím sure whatever you thought was quite far away from the truth, because the first thing they told me wasÖ
ď One more shroom, Clancy. Just one more, and youíd be here with us! ď Was just that, and their tone was nothing but friendly banter. I knew they meant no harm or ill intent in the sentence, as the tone they had seemed full of humor.
For a few moments they continued with this giggle filled banter, dancing and prancing outside of my perception in their land with joy, hoping I understood they were joking. While I sat before them and listened, I could feel drawn towards them, related, even, as if we were all beings from the same sort of family tree. As if I were a cousin thrice removed, or they cousins thrice removed from mine. They soon stopped, and the tone shifted to a supportive yet serious one, and they gave me the wisdom they intended for me. It started withÖ
ď That aside, weíve been waiting for you for a long time! Weíve got a lot of things to tell you! ď They began, and like any listener would, I leaned in and listened to what they told me.
The most earth shattering thing was not that they had told me the secrets of the universe, how to cure cancer, that I am destined to become a god king amongst men, or that I am a god in mortal flesh, or anything I typically hear from trips, instead it was things that I had been told for my entire life from so many different people, or stuff that I had already known, but had never realized fully or had taken for granted up until that point. The first revelation was that every compliment I had gotten from people, whether it be genuine or just an empty platitude, was correct about me. All the times I had been told Ď Iím smart, Ď or that Ď I look handsome, Ď or anything such as that, it was all true, and getting told such things from people meant many things. No more should I take compliments and well wishes for granted, they wanted me to understand that. It was something I was already trying to do in my quest for self-fulfillment, but a hard task to undertake when my self-esteem had a history of endless self deprecation and self loathing. But just like that, it was gone, and another revelation was given unto me by these beings.
Next, I was told that where I was going in life was the best way to go, and that as long as I stay on this path, there will be nothing but happiness and comfort in my own skin waiting for me later down the line. Staying on the path of self improvement, creative expression, self expression, experimentation in my current youth, and other such things is stuff that Iíve been doing for the past two years of my life ever since I left high school. Ever since I left that damned place, the many disgusting feelings I had towards myself were slowly fading away. Once I got my job, began making friends and getting into social circles both big and small, I had grown so much as a person. And the beings told me that what I was doing was the best thing Iíve done for my life, and that I must keep going with what I was doing. I already knew to keep going down this path, but for some reason being told such a basic truth about my life was in and of itself a great thing. Because these beings that meant nothing but kindness knew exactly what I was doing, and told me that what I was doing was good. And that was good.
Another one I was told was the sheer potential I held in my life, and that I could go anywhere I wanted to from that point forward as long as I took initiative. Anything I put my mind towards I could accomplish, because I held power just like everyone else did, I just needed to put my right foot forward to get it done. But as that revelation waved across my body, I was affirmed in thinking a career as some sort of therapist/psychologist or at least some form of caretaker was definitely something that could go in line with it. But I couldnít stew in the thoughts for long, because they told me one thing more before they departed.
ď Weíll see you soon! ď
Then I woke up, and everything was good.
There are no words for the experience, or the entities I had encountered. At first I referred to them as Ď machine elves, Ď as there was no other term to use for them, but for the sake of differentiation Iíll refer to them as Ď Shroom Faeries Ď due to a lack of terminology. To clarify one thing, I could not see them, however, their presence was felt. Their presence was also extremely kind and loving, as if they were beings that knew nothing but love, and that they were oddly related to me in some way as I described before. They expected me to be there sometime (which I did of course) and talked towards me like they knew me, and while I didnít remember knowing them per-se, I felt like I had known them somewhere before, yet I know that Iíve never met them before, at least to my conscious memory.
I already described the takeaways I got from their advice, all of which was stuff that I had already known or was already doing. I think I had gotten a dose of true, distilled, bona-fide wisdom. That what I was doing was good enough for me, and that as long as I kept going down the path I had been going down, everything would be good. I would be happy, others around me would be happy, and the Pixies would be happy, too. I felt that they cared about me growing as a person, and that sort of wisdom is something thatís better then any sort of big, grand, cosmic scale wisdom, mostly because you cannot use that type of wisdom in your daily life.
But all of these messages were learned after weeks, if not months, of meditation on the trip itself
. Because right after I awoke, feeling like I had the nap of a life time, I rushed to my friends fridge to get myself a glass of lemon juice to recuperate and awaken. Later on Iíd have to view the full moon with him on a nearby levee, and Iíd need all the vitamin C in the world if I was to do so. While drinking on my lemon juice, my friend's mom came to us and I started to chat with her about the differences Iíve noticed between LSD and Psilocybin, though I hadnít mentioned entities, as I hadnít realized what I had come across until later observation. While she kept us company and we talked, I was soon ready to depart for the levee, and my friend was too, and so we did so.
all of these messages were learned after weeks, if not months, of meditation on the trip itself
Walking through the four or so city blocks felt quick due to the time dilation that was still in effect, it felt as if only five minutes had passed before we came to the levee. The trek up its side was quick despite its elevation, and the view of the Mississippi river at sunset was quite magnificent. We didnít see the full moon at all, but we did see a few sights while we sat there and chatted. I rambled on about the history of the river, the beauty of the sunset we saw, and A little while had passed while we roamed and chattered before we began the trek back home. Though when we started walking, we ended up walking down the wrong path, and that's when I began to use the lesson I had learned during my trip to my advantage.
It took us a couple minutes of walking to realize how far weíve gone down the wrong way, with us going down about a block and a half. I took notice to the different surroundings, how there was a group of people chatting that we didnít see before, and that the buildings were wrong, and the street ended in a dead end far ahead. I knew for a fact we were going down the wrong street, but my sitter had denied it and told me it was fine. But as a part of the message I was told by the Pixies, I had to take charge of a situation when I had to, and I did. My mind began to race with fear filled thoughts at first when I realized it, and my body began to sweat from the humidity and adrenaline beginning to run hot through my veins as I realized what kind of danger we were in, but, I soon began to channel the fear into purpose and drive, and started asking questions. After getting his address, and checking to make sure it was correct, we began to stomp our way home, with me taking a quicker pace then my sitter due to the urge to lead running through my mind. At the time Iím sure my friend didnít realize it, or me for that matter until it struck me, but, Iím quite certain in hindsight that we could both have been in danger that day if we went down to the dead end. I most defenitley would have began freaking out, and the comedown would have been completely soured, but through the message given by the Pixies, I was given the information I needed to turn the soon to be bad situation back into a good one. And when I say I breathed a sigh of relief when I crashed on his couch for a second time, I mean it, as I felt every drop of worry leave through my long, long, sigh of relief. I had done what they told me to do, and that was quite good.
We had more palaver before I left, and when I did, I started to realize just how big of an experience I had, and even as I write this Iím still figuring things out and theorizing about the meaning of things I was told and saw. Though most of the takeaways are quite straightforward, Iím certain as youíve read from the trip report. Ever since this trip Iíve had a subtle yet profound appreciation for the life I live, and have had more drive then Iíve had before to live my life to the fullest while Iím still young.
Iím fortunate to have had my first shroom trip, especially at 3.5 grams, be a good one.
|Exp Year: 2022||ExpID: 116668|
|Age at time of experience: 20|
|Published: Nov 14, 2022||Views: 1,132|
|[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]|
|Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens (185) : Glowing Experiences (4), Entities / Beings (37), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)|
COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.
|Erowid Experience Vault||© 1995-2023 Erowid|