DOSE:

2 g

Mushrooms

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

It's been about two weeks since I did them, so forgive me if this seems a little jumbled.

It started out pretty normal, I'd been dying to do some shrooms for a while but I'd never gotten the chance to. Before this, even though I'd only ever done weed (and a lot of it might I add), I still knew far more about psychedelics than the average person. I'd seen every documentary about them on Netflix or Hulu, read through every Psychonaut wiki article about classical psychedelics, seen every TED talk about them, I knew what I was getting in to. And I'm happy to report that I wasn't disappointed.

For about a week me and my friend had been planning on doing some mushrooms, him being my only access to these things. I woke up planning to go to the mall with him and doing them, but he ended up cancelling on me. I'd been pretty pissed off, but he told me if I really wanted them, he could just order them for me. I originally said no, but then my parents came in and told me they were going out of town for the day. Well there was an opportunity right there. I called my friend up and said alright, tell me how I do this. I was nervous as hell, and he told me they'd just meet me a few doors down and just drive by and drop them off. My parents have ring cameras so I had to be very careful with this. I acted like I was going for a run and went out. My only experience I'd had with "drug deals" was what I'd seen in movies, so I didn't know what to expect here. But she came by, just told me "Have fun," and drove off. Came back less than a minute later and when my mom texted what I'm doing, I just said it was too cold for a run.

Now I'm in my room, and I'm sitting there waiting for them to kick in, not knowing what to do. I kinda want to start playing video games, but I know I can't play any ranked matches so I'm somewhat out of luck on that end. I came to the conclusion that there wasn't any harm in just putting my Airpods in and listening to some music to get my mind in the right place while I wait, surely I didn't have that long anyway I was on an empty stomach. First I put on some Beach Boys and watched some Instagram videos. Got bored with The Beach Boys and put on some Fleetwood Mac. And then I realized this music sounds really good, maybe they're kicking in.

I was feeling really energetic and I had the urge to just start dancing. I turn the volume up as Dreams goes by, then The Chain, and before I know it I'm five songs deep and still dancing like a maniac. Everything seemed to just flow, it was so effortless I never had to think, like my subconscious was better at dancing than it was at anything else. Maybe that's true and I'm just such a good dancer. But if I'm such a good dancer, and I don't dance, imagine how good I am at Overwatch! So I go to my desk still dancing, and by this time I definitely know I'm feeling something. I remember it being so sad pulling my Airpods out, because the music is just so good I didn't want to lose it. But the second I put on my headset, it was game on.

I was looking for some music to put on, but I'd read enough stories to know I couldn't put on half the stuff I was listening to or I'd get sad, and I didn't want to be sad. No Ed Sheeran, or 2Pac, or Soundgarden for me. I needed something as happy as I could get, and Kpop seemed to fit that mold quite nice. I put on some IU and went at some unranked. I remember everything seemed so fluid and vibrant. I kept jumping around and I just seemed to understand the hero I was playing. Looking back I keep thinking of that scene out of Dr. Strange, where the Sorcerer Supreme was telling Stephen that his entire life he'd been looking through a keyhole, and he'd spent his entire life trying to widen that keyhole. That's how it was in my Overwatch game sure, but the second I backed out of it that quote seemed to hold up.

So I had texted my mom earlier and asked if she needed me to break down those boxes in the kitchen (because I needed to get rid of the bag these little happy guys came in) and she had texted back after my second match I was in that she would appreciate that. It had only occurred to me after I sent her that text that we recycle boxes now, so I couldn't throw that bag in there. However since I'd already sent her that I had to break down those boxes now. So I went into my kitchen hoping that the other family member that lives with us, A, wouldn't be out there, and thankfully she wasn't. I had my Airpods in, listening to kpop and just breaking down boxes, happy as ever. It took me maybe five minutes but it seemed to last forever. I kept dancing while I was doing it, and in the back of my head I kept thinking "If A comes out here, I am so fucked". Thankfully she didn't, and after breaking down those boxes I went back into my room.

Now this is where things get a little blurred together. I remember playing some more Overwatch, but I'd gotten a bit bored with it. So I decided to dance in my room some more. I'm not sure how long I danced for, but I remember I just loved music so much and I couldn't not listen to music. In fact I loved everything. I loved my friends, I loved my family, I loved this girl I was talking to. I should tell them I love them. I texted my friends and told them I was on mushrooms (they didn't care) and how much I loved them. I texted this girl and said I was in love with her and everyone else, but it was maddening how much I was in love with her and I'd spend every second for the rest of my life with her if I could. In hindsight that probably wasn't the best idea, but whatever that relationship was already about to end anyway it was good that I ripped off the bandaid with that. My friends told me they loved me back, and that girl left me on delivered for the entire trip. Whatever.

I kept dancing in my room, until I decided to turn it off and lay down. The walls and the ceiling kept breathing and I kept laughing at that. I would have bad thoughts every now and then, but it was amazing how I could pull myself back from them. I loved that. At some point I decided I should watch some Seinfeld. I love Seinfeld. I kept saying the word over and over, Seinfeld, Seinfeld. I love that word. I love the technology that lets me watch Seinfeld, isn't it crazy how I've never met Jerry or George or Elaine but I love them so much? I love my room and all the technology I have, I've never met anyone that made my Xbox or my Playstation or my PC and yet I love them so much. I was in so much wonder and love. I was loving the wonder, and wondering about the love that I was wondering about.

I'm not sure how much Seinfeld I watched but it seemed to last forever. I'd get bored and look at my phone but it was never as entertaining as my tv. It seemed so large and colorful, so loving. It had secrets but it didn't matter. If it had secrets, who was I to ask them? What gave me the right? But it didn't matter, it all seemed so inconsequential. I loved that word, I'd replay it in my head for the entire trip. If I ran into a stop, I'd go around it with that word. I loved that word. I was so small and I didn't know anything, but it didn't matter, because it was so inconsequential.

After a while I got bored with Seinfeld, so I went to Disney+. I love Disney+, Disney has given so much love and happiness to a word that's already lovable and happy. And who's already as loveable and happy? Animals. I love animals, they all seemed to have it figured out in a world that's so inconsequential. Let's watch Zootopia.

I kept laughing at the animals and all the little jokes they made. The background would breathe but the animals didn't, but they but it was different. The entire time I kept looking at the rabbit and thinking "Yeah, Disney knew what they were doing when they designed this rabbit". And that was so funny to me, I kept laughing at that. Then I'd snap back to the plot like nothing happened. I remember being pretty sad whenever something sad happened, like a little animal getting bullied. But then I admired how tenacious the main character was, and I knew being that happy all the time isn't something I could do in such an inconsequential world and I admired that. Good for her. I wanted to be as happy as Judy Hopps, and so I was. "There's no need for that bad energy man," I'd say, and that was that.

The movie seemed to last for hours, but by the time I got bored with it and paused it, I'd only watched it for about an hour and a half. That's weird, but it's also inconsequential. Time is a construct, and that's cool. I genuinely don't remember what I did after that. My Spotify history says I listened to some more music, but I remember not liking any of it. Nothing in English seemed to sound as good as something in Japanese or Korean, even though I only understand English. Language is such a weird concept, it's practically mind reading and yet we abuse it so much. At any rate, it doesn't matter.

Coming down I was watching my vods from my Overwatch gameplay and analyzing them. I'd come to certain conclusions along the way about my life and how I can be a better person, but I never really made any pledges or lifestyle changes. My end result was always the same: whatever happens, happens. Time is an illusion that humans hallucinate to make us feel worse about ourselves, and it doesn't matter.

Overall I cannot thank those mushrooms enough. I can't thank music enough, much less those mushrooms. My depression is gone, my anxiety is gone, I feel like I'm finally in control after a life that I never even had the illusion of control in the first place.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116860
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 16
Published: Aug 26, 2025	Views: Not Supported
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Music Discussion (22), Families (41), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)