DOSE:

1.5 g

oral

Mushrooms

(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

75 kg

Mushroom Diaries Vol. 1

BACKGROUND:

M, 35, 170cm, 75kg. Fit and active - I eat right, lift weights, run and box. I have suffered from periods of depression and anxiety on and off since childhood. Substance use history is mainly cannabis and alcohol, which I have used regularly since I was 18, but have cut my usage down to roughly once a month for the past year which I find helps with anxiety. I have used MDMA roughly 10 times, LSD 3 times, Salvia once, and occasionally opioids and benzos when the opportunity presents. I have 3 young school-age children, who will be absent for this trip. My wife T will be present as a tripsitter.

SET AND INTENTIONS:

A strange mood, slightly anxious. I had sworn off psychedelics at 19 after a dismal LSD trip involving a 40-degree fever and Resident Evil 4, but T’s recent interest in trying psychedelics sparked my interest again and I acquired 3 grams of dried mushrooms. I have been battling insomnia recently, though I slept well last night. I have also been abstaining from all substances for nearly a month to clear my mind for whatever the mushrooms have planned for me, and have not eaten this morning. Recently I have been feeling increasingly cynical and nihilistic, and I suspect that I wanted to feel something beyond my usual plane of experience. The only remotely spiritual experience I have ever had was from smoking Salvia at twilight on a mountain overlooking the city, so perhaps mushrooms can offer me something “from beyond”. However, I am keeping my expectations for a transcendent experience low.

SETTING:

Our house, in a quiet neighbourhood. It is a mild and sunny Autumn day. I plan to spend the day in bed with T.

I have made the tea with 1.5G powdered mushrooms, to which I have added some fresh ginger, lemon, honey and mint. I am unsure of the species, as it was sourced through a friend of a friend (big ups to my man R for the shrooms). I am steeping the tea in 70 degree C water for 30 mins, then putting it through a tea strainer. I have a notepad and pen to document the experience.

THE TRIP:

The tea is spicy and earthy. Starting at 9.00AM, I sip it over the course of 15 minutes, during which T and I have sex. Definitely a nice start to the morning. Lying in bed afterwards, I can feel the mushrooms coming on. Times from here on out are approximate. T helped take notes every 5 minutes or so.

0915: I feel mildly drunk and stoned as I go to brew another cup with the leftover dregs. My balance and coordination is slightly affected, but without the mental dullness that drinking inflicts. More pronounced pareidolia - I see the face of a large frog in the brickwork of the garden wall as I look out the kitchen window while preparing the tea.

0920: Back in bed with T. My arms feel fatigued and my heart rate is slightly elevated. Writing is becoming a chore as my hands feel increasingly further away from my body. While focusing on the page, my hands appear to be covered in scales. The curtains are drawn and the room is dark, but some light is seeping in above the curtains and around the door frame. I can see dull bronze lines that look like electronic circuits running parallel to the light around the door.

0925: The computer speakers on the desk appear to slowly droop and melt. Mild auras around light sources. A large shadow in the crease of the curtains looks like the face of Ozzy Osbourne, glasses included. I find this amusing. There is a slight high-pitched ringing in my head.

0930: Lying down and cuddling T. I close my eyes to see if I have any CEVs. T’s warmth and energy washes over me in reds and yellows, swooping around in the black like a dragon. I feel very comforted and safe by her presence, and realise her fire for life keeps mine burning. I am blessed to have her, and tell her she is my little dragon. She doesn’t understand but thinks the sentiment is very sweet nonetheless.

0935: CEVs become an ocean of Ghostface masks from Scream, melting and reforming in infinite permutations - confusing. The ringing in my head has dropped about 2 octaves and now sounds like a saw-wave synthesiser patch put through a wah-pedal. It makes me think of aliens talking. I see a strange scene of rows of purple brains in silver and crystal vats linked by black cables. Above them is a great open sky filled with ice-blue stars and purple planets. I open my eyes and the curtains are slowly expanding and contracting like lungs. Our townhouse complex is serviced weekly by a gardener and I can hear him outside wielding a leaf-blower. I find the idea of having a gardener very funny. I find the idea of going out and telling him “you missed a spot” even funnier. I say “go fucking fix my garden, gardener!” a few times and lose my shit laughing.

0940: I see black mandala-like patterns in my peripheral vision. I study T’s face. She has beautiful and exotic features, but in the darkness her face has a strange translucence, as though the underlying architecture of her face has been painted onto her skin. I find this slightly disconcerting. Our TV is wall-mounted, and I stare at the blank wall between the TV and the computer desk. A shadowy black mandala pattern appears on the wall and begins slowly rotating. As I watch, it morphs into a spiral of translucent black feathers, and then into a black and beige Mandelbrot set. T asks what I am looking at. I tell her I see a Mandelbrot set, and offer her confused look a poor, rambling explanation of a Mandelbrot set. She nods but I can tell she doesn’t understand, and I don’t blame her.

0945: T’s pink dressing gown is draped over the corner of the bed. It has a white sherpa lining which now looks like coral or a brain, slowly writhing and breathing. The dressing gown appears to be gradually sliding off the edge of the bed. I become impatient with it and command, “Dressing gown - get on the floor!”. T throws the dressing gown into a washing basket in the corner of our bedroom. The sherpa lining now appears like a mass of octopus tentacles, sucker-side up. I study my palms and they appear bright pink.

0950: I drink the second cup of tea and stand up to stretch. My hands and feet feel quite far from my body and I feel clumsy.

1000: I want to listen to music and T gets me my headphones. I have selected a few albums for today and choose Stories of the Astral Lizard by Restoned, an instrumental psych rock album. I close my eyes and listen. The music is soothing and dense, with many textures to the guitars. As the song plays I see black and green mountains, waterfalls and jungle grottos ringed with alligators and feathers, and a black and silver desert landscape of obsidian crucifix-like constructs draped with shimmering black and neon rainbow fabric like war banners. The geography of the landscape shifts, the desert floor rising to form black and silver skyscrapers topped with the crucifixes. Black and silver cables begin to link the crucifixes, and for a brief moment and for the first time in my life I feel no stress, worries, or anxiety, just a oneness with the universal language of the music. The scene is shattered and I nearly shit myself when an extremely loud Domino’s Pizza ad full of sirens and air horns plays. Karma for using Youtube instead of purchasing the album, I guess.

1030: I feel like a change of scenery and move to the dining room. We have a large floor rug in the kitchen, royal blue with red and gold floral and fern-like patterns. The rug begins to concave into the floor and the patterns slowly crawl and rearrange. T lies on the floor in front of the heater and I lie next to her. I feel a deep serenity and sense of unity with her and the world. She asks me about my experience so far. I cannot recall the specifics of our conversation but at some point I tell her everything is beautiful.

1100: Back to bed. T wants to read Blood Meridian and I want to listen to more music. She partially opens the curtain and I listen to The Gold and Silver Sessions by Elder, then Blackwater Park by Opeth as I stare at the ceiling. The light and shadow alternates between frothing and heaving like sea-foam, then bubbling and swirling like mammatus clouds in time-lapse. I find myself unable to stop moving to the music, and have a dumb grin on my face for the next two hours.

1300: Things are winding down. I see slight auras around light sources but objects have mostly stopped moving and breathing and I feel drained. I realise I haven’t eaten all day and heat up a large bowl of T’s spinach rice and BBQ chicken topped with garlic aioli - it is so delicious I go back for seconds and thirds. We put on a Netflix crime documentary and watch until it is time to pick the kids up from school.

I spend the afternoon playing with the kids outside on the trampoline. After dinner we watch a nature documentary and read stories. Everyone is tired so we go to bed early.

RETROSPECTIVE:

This trip alleviated some of my hang-ups about psychedelics, whilst still instilling a respect for them. I feel this was a good re-introduction to expanding my consciousness, dipping my toes in the ocean rather than getting dragged out in a rip. It was visual and serene but not overly introspective or cerebral. In the coming months after T’s trip next week I intend to repeat this experience with a higher dosage.

Also, Blackwater Park is the greatest metal album of all time.

Exp Year: 2023	ExpID: 117189
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 35
Published: Sep 29, 2023	Views: 15
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