DOSE:

Handful

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

One evening, three of us decided to consume some dried mushrooms we harvested earlier in the season. We did not have any scales to measure it, so we each took a handful of shrooms with a fistful of hope. The mushrooms were dried, deep dark blue, they looked menacing. Just thinking about them gives me the shivers.

In less than 30 minutes of consuming them raw, they hit us like a truck! The mate whose room we were in, collapsed into a fit and started seizing claiming the devil had possessed him. He spasmed and seized as a fish pulled out of the water. He could barely get words out. All he managed to get out was -“I’m in hell! let me out!” The 2 of us were traumatized, and could not relate to what he was going through at this point. We helped him to his bed and played some soothing music to calm him down. He did calm down in a few minutes thankfully but wanted to be by himself. Fair enough. We left him and decided it was going to be a solo ride for each of us.

I quickly make my way home as I feel the intensity of these mushrooms that are unfolding. I see that my housemates have called a few friends over and are watching the game together in the living room, my room is right next to the living room. “Perfect!”- I thought to myself. I gave a quick wave with a big mushy grin on my face and slid by into my cave.

The first thing I attempt to do is put on some music to drown out the chatter from outside and the noises inside (my head). I connect my speakers and put them on my trip playlist. “This feels different, I do not remember feeling like this before on mushrooms, maybe I need to change the lighting in the room, and the music perhaps”. I switch off the lights and just let my red lava lamp kept on the highest shelf dictate the settings. This made my room look like hell. What was I thinking? I clearly wasn’t.

The entire setting was now different, a lot darker. I could still hear the incessant chatter outside. My stomach was gurgling and twisting. My head was spinning like a merry-go-round. My vision was slowly blurring. “If we all ate the same mushrooms, we all might be feeling this way?” I was questioning whether they were the right kind or did we fuck up? There wasn’t much in terms of the infamous psilocybin visuals, everything seemed like a hazy blur, and the sounds were getting louder and more sinister. I thought we had eaten some wrong mushrooms and might be dying right now. I froze in a cold sweat, I felt the panic suddenly begin to creep and crawl all over my body like an army of ants.

Being the most experienced among the 3 of us, I was sure we had picked the right ones; I was certain they were right. I had checked them thrice before drying them out. It felt like I was poisoned and the only way out was to call for an ambulance. “I shall first get myself picked and then go get my other friends picked up”. I felt sure by now that I’d eaten the wrong ones. This did not feel anything like the magical experiences I’ve had on Mushrooms.

I had never taken mushrooms at night as I could never enjoy the visuals as much, also, I always felt some sort of dark predatory energy lurking about. There I was, thinking I’m dying. Something had to be done right away. “But I’m under the influence, I’m not thinking straight.” - I thought to myself. I had three options that I could think of-

1: I go outside and try to explain to my drunk housemates what I am going through. Was not feeling up to it at all.

2: Call for an ambulance and explain to them what is happening. Was not feeling up to that either.

3: Just ride it out. I was feeling pretty up to it.

I made up my mind; I wasn’t up for the first two as there would be too much explaining to do and plus the spacing out mid-sentence/ thoughts, no thanks. I guess riding it out was a better option. I was barely functioning at this point. It seemed like my anxiety was peaking as well. My thoughts kept looping into each other, like waves crashing onto the shore hoping to reach the farthest point, only to be swallowed back up by the ocean doomed to repeat its cycle of building up and collapsing again, forever, until the end of time. Here I was getting to the point where I felt I was slowly going mad.

I crawled into bed, put on a Shpongle set on, shut the curtains, and lay down on my bed, unsure if I was going to make it to the other side. I managed to get under my blanket, like an earthworm sliding into the soil. As I did, I felt the back of my headrest into the cool comfort of my soft pillow, my head sank into it. I was able to register it in its totality, despite my mental drizzle of spilling thoughts and mental loops. I was sinking into comfort, my safe space, the place where I would put my body to rest, to recharge. “I swear to be way more cautious next time before experimenting”, I whisper to myself, as tears are rolling down my face. I can slowly feel my body paralyzed. I say sorry multiple times over to my family and friends for making them go through this. I don’t mean to cause them this much trouble and pain.

I sneak a soft peek between the curtains into the inky night sky. The stars are twinkling in all their fiery glory. I slowly pull the blanket over my head, close my eyes and start saying goodbye to myself, hoping to see daylight. I guess this is it, I get to a state of acceptance, a state of surrender. I’m not certain when, but sometime during this initial period, I come to realize, I was going through ego death, something I had read about.

My idea of myself was evaporating and I was clinging on to it as Velcro sticks to itself. Why was I holding on to this ‘idea’ so dearly? I had no idea. All my resistance was dropped as I realized what was happening, I completely gave in and surrendered to it. The live set robbed some of the intensity as I could hear applause after each track which reminded me that I am still here, in this realm, and not fully out of it. As I let go, my grip on control loosened, and I began dissolving into no-thing-ness.

My identity evaporated, language was a joke. It made sense and it did not, music made sense, math made sense, geometry made a lot of sense, and telepathy made sense. Words are too limited to describe anything because I end up describing things with limited perspectives, emotions, and feelings I may hold towards certain topics/ events/ subjects/ objects which cannot and should not be put forth in words. Energy, vibrations, and frequency were silent but they were speaking loudly. It felt like I was being prepared for some sort of reparation.

I evaporated into darkness, nothingness, the void. I was seeing a bit of light and saw myself as burnt ash or some sort of spore dust from outer space, specs of it floating in the air and spreading in different spots around the planet. I felt I was the spore and at the same time, I was witnessing my state of what I was. It was like deep meditation; being the observer and repeatedly getting absorbed by the object being observed like a psychedelic Uroboros. Over a period of transformation, I became a mountain, which was broken down by a fiery age of erupting volcanoes followed by an ice age. Over what felt like centuries, I became a pebble in the river. The river flooded and got me onto land, I disintegrated into the soil, and the soil then held space for organic life. Now I was sprouting; I had leaves, a flower head, and a plant body. After a few days of growth, I got consumed by an animal, that animal got consumed by another animal, and so on. It felt like my energy from being dust to stone to the soil, to plant had now been transferred to a primate. The primates rapidly started going through an evolution.

The Stone Age, the bronze age, and the iron age while I was still some sort of exterior subject witnessing all of this happening. There were wars fought, orgies, families being raised, battles being lost and won, large celebrations among the hunters and gathers, blood, semen, and tears falling on the ground repeating cycles of nourishing the soil and giving life to fungi, flora, and fauna of the planet and eventually being transferred back into the cosmic source of existence.

There were multicolor, holographic, geometric castles and pyramids being constructed from the sands of time, inhabited, eventually taken over, and destroyed. Dragons guarding treasures, being slain by warriors, new religions being birthed, the age of the Buddha. The rise of urban civilization, humans being raised, raped, educated, and kidnapped; factories, skyscrapers, farms, and roads being built and demolished all at a rapid pace. New life emerging in different corners of the world, blooming and decomposing before me. Duality at its finest.

The cycles kept repeating in an infinite fractal-like manner. I hear applause from the Shpongle set which was a gentle reminder that it’s just a dream and that you are still here, safe on your bed, alive. My pillow was soaked with tears of sadness, happiness, and ecstasy. A tornado of emotions swirled through me. I could not believe what was happening, it was just beyond anything I’d experienced.

I was slowly beginning to descend. Currents of gratitude began flooding my body, what felt like multiple lifetimes was around 5-6 hours. The sun peeked through my curtain and blessed me with its warm grace. I gently remove the blanket over me and take a deep inhale, I held it in and felt the life force expand within me, my body was awakening. The entire universe came to be whole at this very point of my peak inhalation. It felt like the universe was alive within me. Followed by a long exhale through the mouth. My body contracted, it felt like it was nothing and everything at the same time, weightless. I manage to step outside of my room to find my housemates almost asleep and about to light the last joint before going to bed. I gently go sit next to them.

“Are you alright mate? looks like you’ve been crying or having nightmares of some kind”, one of them looks at me in a drained-out, stoned, droopy way and asks. He passes me the joint. “Yeah.. sort of, glad I finally woke up”, I smile, still teary-eyed.

Love.
drippingmagic

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 117283
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Mar 14, 2025	Views: 16
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Mushrooms (39) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)