DOSE:	3.5 mg	oral	Mushrooms	(dried)
	200 mg		Pharms - Lamotrigine	(daily)
	50 mg		Pharms - Sertraline	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Before we begin, I would like to lay out some background information about myself, current prescriptions, and a quick rundown of previous diagnoses. I am a 180lb, 22y/o male. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy back in late 2019, for which I take 200mg of Lamotrigine twice a day. I was also prescribed Zoloft for anxiety and depression, of which I take 50mg of every night before bed. I had very tough medical issues I had to battle last year, which I thankfully pushed through and am doing great. With all of that laid out, let’s begin with the report.

Taking a peek into my own subconscious is something I didn’t think I would do, mainly out of fear for what I may or may not see. I learned last night that I had nothing to fear. I had a profound experience that I could not compare to anything I've ever seen. Having researched the therapeutic effects of mushrooms, reading through testimonials, trip reports, and having lengthy discussions with experienced friends who gave me advice on how to keep myself cool, calm and collected, I took 3.5 grams of psilocybin mushrooms. I was intent on going deep inside myself and finally getting closure for the traumatic experiences I had endured in my life.

T-5 minutes - Once my parents had gone to bed, and the house was quiet. After not eating anything all day, just drinking water, I locked my bedroom door and pulled out the bag my coworker had given me. The bag was filled with small, white clumps that looked kind of like popcorn in a way. After a moment of nervous-excitement and apprehensiveness, I threw caution to the wind and dove headlong into the previously unknown.

I began eating the mushrooms at 10:15 PM, using an Izze to help me choke them down. Having never eaten even normal mushrooms, I wasn’t sure what to expect when it came to taste or texture. The texture is something akin to eating stale popcorn, and the taste wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, but still caught me off guard, finishing all of them at around 10:30.

T+20 minutes - After finishing a round of online poker with some friends, I told them how much I had taken, and expressed my excitement with what I will experience. They wished me luck, demanding to know what happened, and I told them that I would gladly explain it all in the morning. I then went around my room and unplugged any source of light, covering my room in darkness. The only light source was a small green light on a carbon monoxide detector in my ceiling.

At this point, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach, a sense of existential dread I had never felt before. Fearing that anxiety and stress could send me spiraling into a bad trip, I forfeited any sense of control I had over my mind. I laid myself back and came to terms with said loss of control.

T+30 minutes - The sinking feeling in my stomach was getting worse by the minute. My room was still clouded in darkness, with only the occasional car passing by the house, flooding my room with light for seconds at the most. Still not noticing any significant effects, I began to get impatient. Unaware of the journey I would soon be set upon. I decided to get some more water, walking downstairs to grab a bottle from a little cooler we had in the kitchen.

Once I made it out of my room, the carpet looked like grass waving in the wind, with seemingly random patterns appearing and slithering like snakes across the floor. The lights on the wall were pulsating, like they each had their very own heartbeat. At this point, everything started spinning, with the sudden influx of light coming into my eyes making my vision blurry. My sense of coordination and balance was destroyed, making me look like a stumbling drunk trying to get to the toilet.

I decided to sit down for a minute to breathe and gave myself the energy to get back to my bed. With my water in hand, along with an Izze for good measure, I decided to stand up and make my way back to my room on the second floor. As soon as I stood up, it felt like someone kicked the back of my knees, and I crashed into the floor, but didn’t feel any pain at all.

T+50 minutes - Standing up was an impossibility now, leaving me desperately crawling back up the stairs to get back to bed. Once I climbed up what felt like a million steps, I had finally made it back to my bed. When I laid back down, I finally had a sense of peace wash over me.

I was in bed for what felt like an eternity. When my eyes had finally adjusted to the lack of light, I was able to see the decorations in my room. And I then watched them melt into nothingness, leaving me in an empty void. I floated around in the void, unsure of what to do or what was going to happen. At this point my anxiety had reached a breaking point. I was absolutely terrified of what was happening, and kept hearing a deep, demonic growl whispering gibberish to me. When I deciphered what he was saying I knew I had messed up. Like an emergency broadcast playing on repeat, he kept telling me “You took too much, you’re in my world now” over and over again, leaving me spiraling into a pit of fear and anxiety.

T+90 minutes - After what felt like endless nothingness, as far as I could see, I saw a little green light above me. Seeing as how I was stuck seeing nothing for years, this light granted me solace in the fact that there was something else trapped here. The more I stared at the light, the brighter and more intense it became. Soon the light enveloped my entire being. Sending a sense of peace and contentment washing over me.

From this moment on, I realized I was in for much more than I ever thought possible, even on a psychoactive substance. I was thrown into a world of fractal images, and spiraling architecture that seemed impossible to exist. After taking it all in, I found myself walking through an infinite world, akin to an M.C. Escher drawing.

Time was now a foreign concept. After all, how can time exist in an endless, impossible space? After finding my way through the corridors, passing by bookshelves filled with red and blue alternating books, with writing on the spines didn’t look like any language I've seen, and the sheer amount of them was mind blowing. The bookshelves expanded upwards, reaching to the peak of infinity, with knowledge I could only imagine to be otherworldly.

I soon found myself at the edge of a black pond, with the water so still it was almost like it wasn't there. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, as if whatever touched me, was granting me permission to dive in, and explore whatever I would find in there. Before I jumped in, I turned around to find an alien-like creature, standing about 10 feet tall with translucent blue skin. I could see all of its organs, resembling nothing even close to human innards. It didn’t speak in words, but rather sounds. Despite knowing nothing of this creature’s language, I could still understand what it was trying to tell me. It was trying to soothe me, let me know that it is going to be okay, that nothing I see can truly harm me.

With my new friend’s encouragement, I dove headlong into the pond, but what I thought was water, was more of a sludge than anything else. I felt myself slowly get engrossed in it, being trapped inside of something too strong for me to fight. Once I managed to come to terms with what I thought was my new existence, I felt myself fall faster and faster with beams of light shooting off around me. After hours of falling, I could see a small platform forming below me, getting closer with each passing minute.

The closer this platform got, the faster I was being pulled to it. While I would normally panic, as anyone would, my blue friend’s encouragement flashed through my mind. So, I closed my eyes, outstretched my arms, and waited. When I opened my eyes, I crashed into the ground, making a massive echoing boom. After being dazed and confused, I stood up and saw endless creation. Lights and colors of any describable way covered the landscape. The sky was blue and pink, with little balls of light shooting through visible tubes.

I then found myself joined by my friend, who was speaking to me in plain English. “Welcome, to the source of all creation.” Once he said that, everything clicked in my mind. I was standing at the center of the universe, inside of its mind. The big lights I saw in the sky were neurons firing, I could see everything happen at once. It was like I was getting a glimpse into omniscience, the fabric of the universe itself. After staring in awe of what was in front of me, my friend beckoned me to him, over to this console with a blinking blue light, in the shape of a triangle. My friend gestured for me to push the blue light, which caused a huge black mirror to appear in front of us, devoid of all light, creating an obvious void through this reality. Through this mirror I was shown the true origin of everything. All knowledge flowed like a helix, allowing me to witness infinite knowledge.

After looking into the infinite knowledge of creation itself, it dawned on me. My friend, the tall, alien-like creature who had encouraged and helped me, was God himself. He looked down and smiled, telling me “Now that you’ve seen everything, it’s time for you to pay the price.” I suddenly felt that same sinking pit in my stomach. I knew something was going to happen and I was completely and utterly terrified. He walked me to the edge of the platform, told me “This is what you wanted wasn’t it? To experience the loss of self, to come to a profound realization that would help you come to terms with life? Well, I’m sorry, but it’s time for you to pay your end of the bargain.” And with that he pushed me off, sending me into an abyss of pure, bright lights, fractal images, and searing heat that I had no chance of turning from.

I fell farther and farther into what I can only describe as an inexplicably large beating heart. The bright lights that surrounded the heart were sending pulsating waves of scorching heat that made my skin boil off of my bones. I tried to scream out in desperation, begging for this to end and for God to bring me back to the platform, back to paradise. Those pleas fell on deaf ears, and I was condemned to countless lifetimes of death and rebirth. I was incinerated time and time again, always returning to my undamaged body, and always sent back to die.

I began to try everything I could think of, from begging for this all to be over and to just kill me for good, to cursing God and screaming at him in hopes of at least a response. Eventually, after an unimaginable amount of time had passed, the heart vanished, my body returned to its full form, and all of the pain and heat was gone. I was afraid to open my eyes, not knowing what hellish world awaited me, or what torment I would have to suffer through to make it out of this nightmare.

When I opened my eyes, I was in an endless void again, like I had been earlier in the trip. There was no sound, no light, no sensation at all. I was trapped inside nothingness with no conceivable escape. After holding my eyes closed, praying that when I opened them again, I would find myself in my bed, safe and away from this realm. But instead, I saw myself. Like looking into a mirror, I saw an exact copy of myself, down to the clothes I was wearing. I tried talking to it, moving my arms to see if it would mirror my actions, but to no avail.

I came to realize that this was not a clone of me, but a physical representation of my inner self, my ego. I was then surrounded by perceptible thoughts and memories, looking into my life from an outside perspective, things I’ve done, mistakes I’ve made, realizing how I treated the people around me. To be honest, I felt like a total piece of shit. When I looked back at myself, I saw a twisted smile on my face, with blacked out eyes and blood pouring from its mouth.

I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest. I looked down to see my own hand pushing through my chest. Then out of nowhere, countless clones of myself grabbed ahold of each of my limbs and began to rip them apart. With each pull, rip and tear, I felt memories, feelings, thoughts, everything involving my life, being wiped away. I was then left alone in the void once more, with no recollection of who I was, or who I wanted to become.

I sat in the void, pondering upon who I was, what I was, and where I was. I began crying. I was experiencing pure terror, like nothing I had ever felt before. I wanted out, never to travel to this place again, to lock it away in my own mind, never to be released or seen. I once again spent countless lifetimes floating in an abyss, sobbing violently. Then, out of the nothingness, came this blinding, white light. With that light, I was struck by the realization that I, the man who tried to look into the eyes of God himself, was gifted with the most spectacular of gifts.

I came to the realization that one person does not have an individual consciousness, but rather everyone was linked together by the universe itself. With this epiphany, I was transported back to the platform, and faced God one more time. I fell to my knees from exhaustion, holding myself up off of the ground with my hands. I looked up at Him, not with anger, but with sincere gratitude. He then placed his hand on my head, closing his eyes and letting out a deep exhale. The light around him began to glow. There was surprisingly no heat emanating off of Him, but rather a tranquil sense of peace.

The light began to get brighter, leaving me in absolute shock at the sheer power that he held within him. With this gift, I was settled back into my ego. He crouched down to meet my eyes. “Was that everything you wished it would be? Was it worth the pain and suffering it cost you?” I immediately replied yes. I explained to him what I had learned and he gave me a nod of approval. He then pointed behind me and I saw a door. The door seemed out of place. Not fitting in with the rest of the paradise I was in.

He gestured for me to open the door, saying, “Your journey is now complete. You may leave.” I then realized what the door was. It was my bedroom door. I reached for the handle, and had a moment of hesitation. Did I really want to leave this place? Did I really want to leave the paradise I was given the privilege to visit? I looked at God, and he nodded towards me, letting me know that I would be okay and nothing bad would happen. With that, I told him I would be back one day, and I opened the door and stepped back into my bedroom, where I saw myself sleeping in bed. I shut my eyes as tight as I could, and once I opened them, I was back in my bed.

I was shot awake by my dad yelling at me to wake up, asking what had happened last night and why everything was a mess. Thinking back to the lessons I had been given, I didn’t try to lie, or make an excuse to try and get out of trouble. I fessed up and told him what I took and how much. Surprisingly enough, he wasn’t angry. He kept asking why I took them, why I would risk all of the healing I had done, with my body, my mind, and my spirit. After explaining to him why I took them, what I was after by taking them, and what I learned, he seemed to be at ease when I told him I was completely fine, and if anything I felt better than I ever have before.

With this experience came eye-opening revelations. I realized that everyone is connected, no one person is truly an individual. But rather, a vast array of connecting consciousnesses that make up humanity. I realized that the life I was leading would bring me nowhere, that I needed to change, and get my life in order. After talking to several friends about the experience, I decided that I would write this trip report not only to aid in recollecting the experience, but to organize my thoughts and integrate the lessons I had learned.

Since the trip, I’ve decided to get off of Zoloft. I'm currently weaning myself off of nicotine, and taking my health much more seriously. I’m trying to reconnect with friends I had lost in the past, and reaching out to people to make amends for the wrongs I’ve committed in the past. I’m finally taking the steps I need to take back control of my life, and go where I want to go instead of just floating around from place to place and letting others choose for me. This experience is something that I will never forget, due to the sheer beauty of the imagery, and the profound realizations that came along with it. Thank you for reading.

Exp Year: 2023	ExpID: 117472
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Mar 25, 2025	Views: 15
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Mushrooms (39) : Mystical Experiences (9), Families (41), Entities / Beings (37), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Alone (16)