DOSE: T+ 0:00		oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(fresh)
T+ 0:30		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

63 kg

First Trip Ever, 5 Grams of Mushrooms

I had never tried any psychedelics prior to this story, and ever since I started learning more about them, and understanding the possibilities of these wonderful creatures, I’ve been wanting to experience it myself, until I finally got the chance to do so and it was better than anything that I could possibly imagine. I know that I will never be able to convey not even 10% of how amazing this experience was with just my words, but I’ve been wanting to share this experience since I came down from it, it’s been 2 weeks now since my trip, and I’ll do my best to capture everything in this report.

I had spoken to a friend of mine that’s very experienced with psychedelics that I wanted to get mushrooms, this was in mid-August where it’s around 40 degrees Celsius, and I asked him to get me 5 grams of mushrooms, I wanted my first experience to be full on unfiltered and wanted to eat them at once, and I had the mentality that whatever’s going to happen I will surrender to it, whether it’s a good or bad trip I will never try to fight it, everyone advised me not to do this, and if I really have to do this I could at least start with 3 grams, to get an idea of how things work before I’d could jump to a heroic dose like this.

So at first, things didn’t work out the way I planned because of some life circumstances on my end, and later because my friend didn’t have as much as he expected to do because of the heat, long story short, I ended up with 1 gram of dried Ecuadorian, but I was still very excited, especially that there was still a part of me that was scared of doing 5 grams at once, I knew that what I wanted to do is crazy and that these creatures are powerful and shouldn’t be taken lightly, but I still wanted to do it, but with the 1 G, I felt safe that nothing bad could happen and I had heard of people experiencing full on trips from that amount, so long story short I lemon teked that gram and drank the potion, and all my excitement crashed down on me when I didn’t feel anything, or I thought I didn’t, I had only experienced very minor visuals from it (kinda like the walls had tiny veins), and that state of (everything’s okay) at the come up of a trip but I didn’t know that I felt that until when I tried a large dose.

Around a week later, my friend called me and told me that there’s enough for me to get 5 grams, and asked me if I wanted them fresh or dried, and advised me to take them fresh since I wasn’t planning to store them for a while, to which I took his advice.

Fast forward I got the shrooms on a Thursday afternoon, and arranged that I won’t be going to work the following 2 days, and decided that I’ll trip very late in the night that Thursday because I’m currently staying with my family and I didn’t want any interruptions or distractions. I got home that day between 9.30 and 9.45 PM, and decided I’ll get some sleep before the trip and by the time I went to bed it was around 11 PM or 12 AM, and I set an alarm at 2.30 AM to wake up and trip. I had left the fresh shrooms in my room because I was scared to leave them in the fridge for someone to see them, and I wasn’t planning to oversleep. Friday 8 am, I woke up worried that the fresh shrooms I left in my room in August had gone bad, I had the air conditioning on for the whole night but still…I checked on them and they started bending and showing blue spots on them, I was torn between starting the trip at that time, or waiting till Friday night and proceeding as planned. I chose the second option.

I decided I won’t leave them in the room until the night, and I went to hide them in the fridge, to find out that the fridge got busted that morning, and I knew from the day before that my cousin and her kids are visiting us that Friday but she didn’t specify when she’s coming, so to my fear of being interrupted mid trip, I decided I have no choice but waiting until Friday night, and I left them in the room with the air conditioner being on and off throughout the day.

Friday 25th of August 10 PM: my cousin and her kids had just left, and I decided I will start tripping now as they couldn’t wait more, and told my family to avoid entering my room or distracting me for the next couple of hours. I had planned to lemon tek them as well, and by the time I prepared everything and meditated for a while. It was around 10.30 PM, and I found out that I don’t have enough lemons at home, so I decide I’ll just eat them raw.

10.30 PM to 10.45, I ate the whole amount (the equivalent of 5 grams dried in fresh Ecuadorian) and put my headphones, got a playlist of calm trance songs that I had checked before to make sure it’s matching the vibe I want, and laid in bed. After about 20 to 30 minutes, I decided I’ll smoke the joint I had already rolled before taking the mushrooms, went up on the roof and started smoking, and halfway through it I felt that I didn’t need any more of it, so I put it down and went down again laid in my bed again, and changed the playlist to another one of the same vibe but more hype and groovy, so now it’s around 45 minutes after I took the mushrooms, everything’s still normal no visuals or sensations and mobility is as usual, the only difference is that I felt that the joint was much stronger than it usually is.

When I tried the previous 1 gram, I had expectations over the roof, which of course I learned why that’s not a good mentality to enter a trip with, but this time I didn’t have any expectations despite the difference in dose, the meditation and smoking had made me very calm and in the moment.

Around one hour after I ate the shrooms: I’m laying in bed listening to music in my headphone and looking at a small white LED lamp beside my bed, that I had left on despite the normal room lights being on in case I wanted to turn off the lights and have a little light left, I noticed that it’s brighter than usual and there are colors coming out of it (the lamp only shoots white light), “well that’s interesting I’m not impressed yet but we’re on to something” I thought to myself.

At this point still not many visuals except for the previously mentioned lamp, but I was feeling physically good, and I was happy euphoric I’d say, as time went by a bit more, I started feeling so content, I was very comfortable in my own skin in a very intense wonderful way, which is not a feeling that I’m used to because prior to that trip, it was very rare for me to get a sense of that feeling even in a very minor way, I was feeling like I was getting the biggest and best motherly hug that’s ever been given in life, before this feeling kicked in, I was having thoughts of doubt sneaking in on me every once in a while that it won’t work this time too (how dumb of me to think that with this dose right?) but as I mentioned I didn’t have expectations this time and I wasn’t really waiting for something, so when I started feeling like this, I thought to myself well if this is all I’m gonna get from the trip, I’m satisfied, I’ve never felt anything like this in my life, little did I know I was just getting started.

Little by little, visuals started getting more intense now, the room started breathing, wherever I’d look in my room, it was breathing, things in my room was calmly breathing, “that’s fucking cool I’m very interested” I thought to myself. The euphoria and motherly hug feeling kept increasing, as well as the movements in my room.

This kept on increasing and I started feeling as if my body is melting, so I decided I’ll wear shades with the lights in my room still lit to see if the changing in light will induce different visuals, but nothing really happened, I was seeing the same things just through the POV of wearing shades, so I took it off because I liked seeing things clearer without the shades, especially that at this point I could clearly see the grainy shroomy visuals on everything with the breathing, and colors were way more vivid, I was enjoying that a lot and I wanted to experience it without the shades darkening it out for me, and it still keeps getting more and more intense, I remember at some point the whole room with everything inside it was breathing in sync altogether with the grainy movements all over it, I was absolutely in owe, and at this point the motherly hug feeling moved from something that I was feeling within myself to something completely physical, I was feeling the arms around me and the body embracing me clearer and more real than any physical thing I’ve ever felt in my life.

After a little bit more, I started seeing the entity that’s hugging me, and she took me to her world, I don’t know what that entity is, I guess you could call her mother nature maybe, or mother universe, I can’t possibly find words to describe how she looked she had some human like features in terms of body shape, but those features weren’t a lot, and I don’t think she was defined by a certain shape or form anyways, maybe she was just taking a simpler form to not melt my mind more than it’s already melting.

She started talking to me telepathically, and I could understand some of what she’s saying and some not, she was telling me that I will be okay, and I should take things easily, she was patting my shoulders in the most beautiful way ever, and the music playing in my headphones stared to sound much better, but I could still distinct that they’re coming from my headphones, and I could feel what she was telling me inside of me, but I asked her if she was sure I’m gonna be okay.

Then I started seeing more entities like her, they all looked different form each other but I could tell that they’re all form the same “species” for lack of better words, they were more than I could count, I was still in their world since she took me there, their world was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, it was scary but in a very beautiful way I asked them if my mom was there with them, they said she’s and she’s very well but I can’t see her yet, and I started remembering the gram I took before, and realized that I was stupid to think that it didn’t do anything, I didn’t know any better.

My body was emitting a very powerful energy that’s melting all realities and worlds together, it’s like there’s no line between one thing or another, the physical and nonphysical are melting together, I lost every sense of time as we know it, and I learned that the gram I took before also gave me that, just not as intense so I didn’t notice it then, so when I thought of that the entities got really mad at me, they were upset that I didn’t treat the first gram I took with respect, and he appeared to me, it was the only thing that appeared to me in the trip in his earthly form, and I was apologizing to him so much, I don’t know if that part was in the trip because before I had eaten the 5 grams, I was feeling very bad about myself that I left them until they started decomposing a little, and I apologized to them before ingesting them and promised that next time I will be more careful with my planning and I won’t let something like this happen again.

The entities were also telling me that I didn’t treat those 5 grams with the respect they deserve, because someone with zero experience like me isn’t ready for a heroic dose like this, it was very humbling, and at this point I could really feel their wrath, and they were emitting an extremely powerful energy at me, I’ve been suffering with mental health for as long as I can remember but the pain that this energy was giving me was like nothing I’ve ever felt before, it made all my years of struggle with mental health seem like a walk in the park , I was trying to explain myself whenever I’d try to communicate with them it would piss them off more and they would hurt me more.

They were also mad at me for my mentality and look on life, how I’m a negative depressive man, and how I hate myself and hate the world and everyone and everything around me, and they were mad because I’m always rushing and skipping events in my head wanting to get the full picture too early and they were angry at me that I'm doing it in the trip and in real life in general and they told me that I should take things easy and focus on the current moment, I also tried explaining myself then, but it also made them more mad. They were telling me all of this and torturing me for it all at once.

They were torturing me using the energy rays I mentioned, accompanied by extreme stomach pain (in the trip I was convinced it was their doing, but now I think maybe it was just the normal stomach discomfort form shrooms just more intense considering that they were left outside the fridge for over 24 hours) Also they incarnated every single trauma, fear, insecurity literally every single bad moment that I’ve ever lived since the day I was born whether it was a major life trauma or something as silly as not finding the snack I wanted in the supermarket appeared in front of me.

I asked them how should I deal with all the things that you’re mad at me for, they gave me the answers, but it was encrypted in a way that I couldn’t understand, they knew that, and they meant for it to be that way, they gave me answers to all my problems, but they made sure that I can’t understand any of it, that was also part of my punishment, I don’t know how long that lasted for in earth time, but for me I felt like the 26 years I had lived before this trip didn’t exist and there will be nothing after it, this my reality, always have been, and always will be.

I started reminding myself that I shouldn’t fight anything that happens to me in the trip and that I should just accept it and embrace it, and this was my reality anyways so might as well live it, plus as much as I’m in pain right now, still this place is the most beautiful thing my eyes had ever seen, when they saw me having this mentality, they decided to simplify things for me, their way of doing that was turning this mental torture to being purely physical, for me that was really good because I have a high pain tolerance, and I thanked them for it, it was like I was hit by train, my whole body was hurting so bad, but I was thankful, I was happy, and I was still feeling the wonderful motherly hug.

This physical pain torture kept on going for a while, no idea for how long in earth time but where I was it felt like years, and it this point I didn’t care about keeping track of time at all, it was a shallow earthly concept and I was way beyond it now, but in the middle of this pain they were giving me messages:

"Love more, love yourself, be in harmony with your body and soul, love yourself, and love all, and forgive, forgive the people that hurt you and forgive yourself. The things that you're worried about and scared of are not that big of a deal."

I certainly have been told this a lot, but it was only in this moment when those wonderful entities told me that that, I saw that it’s true. I was extremely vulnerable, I was like an open book and I completely surrendered to those entities.

Next thing I know, music melted within my new reality (or my reality at that time as I was totally convinced that I had never experienced any earthly reality before that, or any other reality for that matter) and it felt like the music wasn’t coming from my headphones or a certain source, but rather the air molecules in this world was loaded with the music, and that music was my anchor, my only grip on myself, the only thing keeping me from drifting away and getting lost in that world, I knew I had taken mushrooms and I was tripping but that knowledge didn’t help with anything, like I said I was fully convinced that this is all I lived and all I ever will.

The music started helping me navigate these entities world, I started exploring their world and walking around, I remember at some point the music turned into a pole and I was hanging to it for dear life, I was convinced that this is my last grip before I drift away completely with no return, and I kept gripping to it and navigating their world as much as I can.

Something worth mentioning is that during all that was happening, on earth I was switching between turning the lights on and off every once in a while, when I had the lights on, there were intense overlapping visuals between the entities’ world, and the grainy visuals in my room, and it was so strong that it was making me dizzy, so I’d turn off the light and that would keep me just in their world, until I’d miss the visuals in my room (because of course I still thought they were wonderful to look at) so I’d turn on the light again.

I was absorbing the music at this point, it was the most wonderful way of listening to music ever, imagine being able to absorb music with every piece of your body, all my senses were whether they’re designed for hearing or other functions were listening to the music at the point, and the music started affecting the reality around me to match it, and I had the ability to control it, I could move the music waves and molecules with my hands the way I wanted to, all of that started to give me some comfort, and I was getting used to the physical pain I’m in, and I accepted it even more, I started having the feeling that this punishment was my redemption rather than a forever reality, and I had hope that it would stop once I’m redeemed, but I wasn’t sure if that’s going to happen or not, and the music was reassuring.

Next thing I know, the pain in my stomach turned into a really wonderful feeling, I felt like I had 6 packs grow in my abdomen inwards instead of outwards, I know it sounds revolting, but it was one of the best feelings my stomach ever felt, and I started feeling that I wanted to vomit and pee, I turned on the lights and decided that I’ll get up and do that, and it was the first time I attempt moving since the trip started kicking in.

Moving was a little hard, but It was manageable, I stood up from my bed and as I was turning around I saw a Tarentola (wall gecko) on my wall, it startled me a little because I wasn’t sure if it’s real or I’m tripping, I started moving closer to it and staring at it trying to figure it out, and the more I stare at it the more it showed spikes on its back similar to the ones on Stegosaurus (the famous dinosaur with spikes on the back) but tiny to fit its size, I didn’t think much of it at the time other than the realization that the wall gecko was real and the spikes are my trip…duh, but now I think that was so freaking cute.

I thought of killing it for a second but then it moved, and when it did I was able to feel it, I was able to feel the vibrations caused by its little feet interacting with my wall, I was able to feel its blood circulation, its thoughts, emotions, everything, so I immediately threw away the thought of killing it, and I didn’t even feel like it could possibly do anything in its life that would disturb my peace, I went to the toilet, had the absolute best piss I’ve ever had, it was like peeing after holding it for a long time but I was pissing from my soul, and I didn’t feel like I wanna vomit anymore, and my stomach doesn’t even hurt, so I went back to my bed, and got back the entities world again, they were still there and I was still walking around their world exploring, they were all around me but they didn’t talk to me or punish me or interact with me in any way, I was just walking around in their world and they let me be, and I was so taken away by how wonderful their world was that I didn’t try to communicate with them.

At some point when I was walking around in their world, all the music that I had listened to in my life without paying attention to it whether because I was playing it in the background while working or doing something, or whether I got distracted in my thoughts morphed in front of me and sentenced me to never be able to enjoy music again in my life, I was trying to reason with them as well, but they didn’t answer me and left, I was sobbing and immediately what they told started happening, what was once music playing through the molecules of air and keeping me together, is now causing me discomfort.

Right when that happened, I heard a bird chirping, its sound was like the music, coming from the molecules of air, so I wasn’t able to determine whether it’s an effect in the music, a sound in my head or a real bird outside my window, but of course it was the most beautiful bird chirp I’ve ever heard and swooped me away with it, and for the first time I’m out of the wonderful world of the motherly entities.

I was back in my room, except the room had 3 walls only and in the place of what should be the remaining wall, there was a forest and it was an extension of my room for a very brief moment (and I’m using the word brief cautiously because I still had absolutely no perception of time) and then there were no longer my room and just the forest. The sound of the birds was so beautiful and the music was still making me feel uncomfortable so I grabbed my phone and instead of playing music I played a 10 hours’ nature sounds with birds chirping, and removed the headphones from my ears and played it on speakers, it still felt like the sounds was coming from air molecules, I could even dare say that the intensity and clarity of that effect was multiplied by a million, and I was “literally” in a forest, so it was extremely soothing.

Picture a forest of wonder and magic, where the trees are tall and majestic and extended across the horizon, and the path between them is inviting and serene. The trees have gentle faces that smile at you with warmth and kindness, and their branches sway in the breeze like arms reaching out to hug you. The path between them is a forest dirt ground with a river running parallel to it, and the soil is alive and pulsing, and the river is clear and sparkling. The river flows along the path, creating a soothing melody that fills your ears with peace and joy. The bushes along the path are a riot of colors, from red to purple to green to yellow, and they contrast with the deep green of the leaves above but blends with it smoothly. The leaves filter the sunlight (on earth it was night), creating a rainbow of rays that dance and shimmer in the air. The rays are not only the colors of the rainbow, but also shades of blue. The birds fly from tree to tree, singing in harmony. The forest was a place where I felt alive and free, where I can explore and discover, and relax and enjoy. It is a place where I can find and lose myself at the same time.

This swoop to the forest made me turn on the lights because It happened all of a sudden, I guess I thought the lights would help me make some sense of it.

When I turned on the lights the visuals were also multiplied by a million, and because my rooms store some of my family’s items, the room has 3 large mirrors in it. I looked in those mirrors and each one of them was reflecting a different version of my room, all share the same items, but the items themselves look different and the visuals and colors were different in each mirror.

Now imagine if that room was formed by pixels, like a computer image, I reckon to form the entire room you’d need millions of pixels, if not more, that was my room, but the pixels didn’t look like computer pixels, they were portals to alternate universes or alternate realities.

I was staring at those portals in awe, I knew it in me that each of these portals is a gate to alternate universe, I wanted to explore them all but I knew I didn’t have the time to explore millions of portals, and I didn’t have the ability to get a peek of a world before entering, it’s either I jump in or I can’t see anything on the other side of the portal, so I decided I’ll explore them randomly, I took the birdies from the forest with me and started my adventure.

The birdies were orbiting around me and followed me everywhere I went, even when I returned to the motherly entities world, I was feeling amazing, I had the power to navigate the worlds on the other sides of the portals, the motherly entities world and the forest as I desire.

At the other ends of these portals I found alternate universes, completely separate from our earthly reality, each had its own laws and realities, and each of them had a version of myself with a completely different life than mine, I don’t remember all the universes I saw, it was too many, the concept of time didn’t exist where I was but I estimated the time I spend exploring those world to be thousand earthly years, give or take, I remember a universe where I was a doctor, one where I was a teacher, I loved this one in particular because although my character in that universe looked like a stereotypical teacher character from a movie or something but I was funny and good at his job, and kids in my class loved me and I was communicating with them in the same telepathical language I was using with the motherly entities , I remember when I thought about it the next day I felt like I wish there were more teachers like him on earth XD

There was a world where I owned an ice cream factory, I was rich from something I loved, and the most fascinating of them all was a world where we were living underwater, the whole earth was Atlantes.

The worst of them that I remember was a world where I was a solder in a world war, and the moment I jumped into its portal I took a bomb to my stomach, but it didn’t blow my whole body like a normal bomb would, it blew just my stomach and I was holding my guts in my hands and walking with them, it was painful and terrifying, and it was the only thing in this trip I tried fighting, which wasn’t a wise decision because that fight sent me in a spiral of repeating that moment over and over until I remembered that I should ride whatever happens and that’s when I regained control and ability to navigate again, another reason why it was worse than the others is because in all the other worlds I wasn’t replacing the other version of me and living his life, I was just watching in learning, except for this one it was happening to me.

At this point there were 3 main places I was jumping between, the entities world, my room and the forest.

The forest was my safe zone, whenever I was there I was more comfortable and relaxed than I’ve ever been in my life, the natural scenes there was surreal and the smallest things there had great beauty and meaning to them, I learned to appreciate the little details in everything and slow down and look around at everything and in every situation because of the things I saw in that forest.

My room held the entrances to the alternate universes, but I didn’t have to return to it every time I went from one world to another, I was turning on the lights in my room and looking at a section in my room, that section would be mapped out it in my mind and I had access to all the portals in the section, but I couldn’t directly jump from one world to another, I had to return to either the room, the forest or the entities world and from there I could access another world, so I would head to the entities world when I come out of a portal and then go visit the forest for a little bit before I jump into the next world, and when I finished all the portals in the mapped out section I’d turn on the lights and map out another section and so on and so forth.

When I would return from a portal to the entities world I would tell them everything I saw, and they would ask me “what have you learned?” and I would answer, sometimes they would be happy with my answer and look at me with pride, and sometimes they would point out the lesson I missed and they would educate me on it.

It was infinite wisdom, a thousand years of learning lessons and being guided by those entities, I had the answers to everything, I remember at some point I decided to map out a plan for my earthly life for when I return, I knew that I’d return at some point that’s why I knew that I wasn’t gonna explore all the portals even though I wanted to but I had to randomly chose, the plan was perfect and it had solutions to every problem in my life, these answers and information and experience didn’t stay in my consciousness when I woke up the next day but I feel like they’re In my mind somewhere and they’re guiding me in a non-traditional way.

I remembered at some point I felt my physical body melting while I was laying in bed and when that happened I felt like I was rooted in earth, and I had the ability to connect to any living organism on it, I started communicating with animals, it was the first thing that came to mind when I felt that because I always wish I have the power to talk to animals, and I communicated with a couple of my friends, I was telling them about this trip.

I kept moving between my room with its portals, the forest and the entities world until I felt I was tired so I decided that I’ll just chill in the forest, and I was setting there for what felt like years of our time, I was completely content.

Suddenly I got sucked into the forest’s earth and that brought back to real earth…our reality, there were no portals or visuals, the birds that were following me everywhere were no longer there, the walls weren’t moving anymore, and the 6 packs inside my stomach feeling was gone, I thought the trip was over, but I wasn’t sure, I looked at phone and it was around 3.30 am, I texted my friend who brought me the shrooms, told him that they’re no joke and they hit me like a train, I told him that I feel so free, how wouldn’t I when I had the power to navigate alternate universes, I felt complete wisdom, I told him that I’m thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, and then I noticed that the birds are no longer around me “shit where are the birdies” “there were beautiful birdies” I said, he laughed and said you’re gonna have a laugh reading this the next day when you wake up.

At this point I felt that I could still go back to the forest again If I wanted to, so I told him I’ll go get the birds and come back, but if I didn’t you know I’m tripping XD

I texted my best friend telling him how real standup guy he was and how much I loved him, and I texted my other friend –who is a teacher- that there’s an alternate universe where I’m a teacher and I’ll explain later, that was at 4.15 am, I started laughing hysterically, I was feeling that this was the last moments I had on our earth before I go back to my forest and never returned to earth again and that was a happy thought.

I returned to the forest and continued my chill there, I was setting there for what felt like hundreds of years in our time, I felt so happy and content, I felt like I was connected to everything and I had so much love for everything.

I was relaxing and enjoying everything around me in the forest until some point I felt like I want to know what time it is, so I looked at my phone and it was around 8 am and that’s the last thing I remember before waking up, I woke up something between 9 and 9.30 am, felt completely sober with a little light headedness and a whole lotta “what just happened?” (I just lived a thousand years in alternate realities) and I was feeling so euphoric and energetic, I had slept for an hour or a little bit more but that hour felt like 17 hours of really good sleep, so I decided I’ll get up, I was walking around my room trying to confirm that I’m back to earth and there were very slight visuals, similar to when you close your eyes and you see colors moving but those colors were in geometric shapes and not as intense.

I was looking at everything around my house through the eyes of a little kid seeing these things for the first time, everything was so vivid and beautiful and I appreciated the little details in everything and everything put a smile on my face, I went back to my room and sat thinking about everything that just happened, I was trying to unravel the meaning behind it, I tried remembering the answers that they gave me and the plan I had for my life, but I knew that I wasn’t meant to remember that, and maybe I Just have to follow my gut feeling from now on as these lessons are stored there.

I went up to my roof a while after to smoke the remaining of the joint that I had from the night before, the first hit I took from that joint was better than all the joints I smoked in my life combined, I was standing in the shade coming from the stairs leading to the roof and I looked at the sun on the wall, it seemed very peculiar to me and I wanted to stand in the sun –I had always hated the sun before this trip, especially in the summer- the moment I stepped in the sun it felt so amazing, it was like I could feel its rays go through my skin, this trip taught me appreciation and thankfulness, I’ve been struggling with depression for around 10 years and tried a bunch of approaches for it, to no use, for the first time in my life I believe I took a first step towards being cured, I didn’t even believe there was a cure for depression before, only temporary treatment that is not even for me.

It's been 2 weeks now and I almost don’t smoke cigarettes anymore –I’ve been smoking for over 10 years – and I drank alcohol once and felt like shit about it and I don’t think I’ll drink again, my social anxiety went down considerably and I’ve been a calmer man ever since.

I’m still learning from this trip and trying to remind myself to love, forgive and connect every day, I’m constantly reminding myself whenever I get anxious that there are much bigger things than all of us so the things that eating inside me isn’t really that big of a deal, not in belittling sense, but in the true serene meaning of it.

I was thinking about suicide literally every day for the last 5 years and I attempted it 3 times before. I haven’t thought about it once since that trip, the only reason I even noticed that is because I remembered a conversation I had with my friend and he was telling me how he was depressed and suicidal and the shrooms changed him, I didn’t believe him at the time, and I didn’t believe that what he was saying was possible, but now I can see that I couldn’t have been more wrong at that moment.

I try to be more aware of my bad ego and try to ground it whenever I see it rising up. I still have a lot to learn and discover, but this was the first piece of the puzzle.

Exp Year: 2023	ExpID: 117554
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Aug 13, 2025	Views: Not Supported
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Entities / Beings (37), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)