DOSE:	4 g	oral	Mushrooms	(dried)
	8 joints/cigs	smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

I bought a 1/4 ounce of mushrooms and was anxious to take some as soon as possible. It would be my 4th time with magic mushrooms. I prepared by reading 'The Psychedelic Experience' by Timothy Leary. Interesting book.

I macked a little over half of what I had in a peanut butter sandwich around 11:30 am. The effects became noticeable about 45 minutes later, when I began feeling the familiar tension in the center of my chest and the sense of my mind being shifted above and to the right of my head. I was riding passenger in my friends car, so I put on some Goldie (drum n bass/jungle) and started looking at the Magic Eye book I brought along. I had trouble seeing the 3D images, so instead I lit a cigarette and closed my eyes. For about 30 minutes I had the most amazing closed-eye-visuals of lasers and lights and strange patterns. Before I knew it I'd gone through 8 cigarettes, and I normally don't ever smoke.

Soon I began to feel sort of lonely and depressed, even though I was with a friend. We pulled up to our destination and met up with a few other friends. I felt a whole lot better once I was with these good friends of mine. They had business to take care of elsewhere, so I went for a walk by myself. I was feeling great, but no real open-eye-visuals... which is normal for me. I soon began feeling very depressed again. I felt like the world around me was very alien and empty, and I was gripped by the meaninglessness of life. I went into a restroom and stared into a mirror for a long time. I didn't recognize my reflection.

I sat down on some stairs and began thinking with what seemed like amazing clarity. I'd come to the conclusion that all forms of religious beliefs, including all eastern beliefs (which, before the trip, I was particularly attracted to), were just human attempts to distract themselves from the emptiness and pointlessness of life. The words 'mystify' and 'delusional' were prominent in my thoughts.

I began thinking very negatively about all forms of self-expression, especially visual arts and poetry. I saw them as egotistical and pretentious garbage. I was in absolute despair, thinking 'what do I do now... there's nothing at all that I can enjoy'. I wished I had never done any drugs at all so I could live in blind happiness. The phrase 'ignorance is bliss' had never seemed so true.

All this led me to decide that it was time to embrace the emptiness. I felt that the only thing that mattered was happiness because that's all that really existed. I realized that I had to decide to be happy and that I could change my personality to however I needed to be to ensure that I was as happy and content with life as possible. Out of nowhere I was struck with overwhelming happiness. I had embraced my ego, something that 'The Psychedelic Experience' would disapprove of for sure. But I didn't care. I was happy and I knew that I would be for the rest of my life.

The next few hours were spent sitting around with friends, thinking to myself about how I felt on every issue in the world. I was defining my new character in my head.

It is now two days later and I have to say that I've never felt better in my life. I have complete self-confidence (something I've always had trouble with before) and I feel at peace with the world around me. I feel reborn. I think the reason I got depressed was because it was my first time shrooming alone. I'm very glad I had this experience.

Best of luck to anyone else looking for help from psychedelics.

'When in doubt, turn off your mind, relax, float downstream.'
-The Psychedelic Experience by Timothy Leary (Inspired 'Tomorrow Never Knows' by The Beatles)

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 11877
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 14, 2021	Views: 534
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Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Personal Preparation (45), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)