Description

Location

My partners' hotel room. Lots of wood, fabric window blinds. Corner room with shitloads of windows. Huge bed. Cozy lighting.

Set & Setting

[Partner A] brought the Sonos speakers, I set up internet and had prepared a 9hr playlist. We all had brought lots of snacks, sweets and fruit. Colorful gay mood lighting and lots of small warm lights around the room. Had just explored [a very cozy place] together and shared tea there. Super cozy and cuddly. Kinda first time shrooms for [Partner A], first time psychedelics in a loooong time for [Partner B] and my 2nd time shrooms. Though we were all somewhat experienced with LSD and DMT.

Focus point

9hr playlist timed to the different phases of the trip.

• vibe-y liquid DnB, techno and breaks to come up to


• Jamie xx, Culprate, Maribou State, Portishead, Draft Punk, Pink Floyd, Hozier, Tame Impala, Porter Robinson plus some classical music, psytrance and trip hop during peak


• progressive house, techno, psybient to come down to

And of course just being with each other and socialising.

Dosage(s)

=> approx 100mg of psilocybin total

• The mushrooms were QTESTed at approx 1.3%


• 19:15 4g lemon tek tea w honey


• 21:10 2g raw with salted nuts


• 21:50 2g raw with salted nuts

Note there was probably some residual tolerance, as I had done 50ug of 1S-LSD 7 days prior to this experience.

General Effects

tldr; level 4 on the effectindex.com psychedelic intensity scale

Cognitive

• Very distinct psychedelic headspace


• Emotions became so strong they also became physical sensations


• Strongly reduced focus, unable to steer it at all for a good bit there, strongly reduced short term memory. Non-cohesive thought stream and becoming unable to process logic. Both coming together to send me for very strong thought loops for a while.


• Thought I was learning deep insights about the universe, time, life & death, and the concepts of how anything can exist, but at the same time not understanding it


• Never lost the concept of self fully, still had limited access to my long term memories


• Still able to navigate the hotel room

Communication

• Generally possible for most parts of the trip, but often I did not want to speak


• Cognitive effects became so strong for about 45min that keeping a useful conversation was impossible, as I could no longer understand concepts such as time, reality or much of anything really. The others reported I kept saying I dont understand time anymore intermittenly.

Physical

• Physical sensation induced by the music or thoughts at times


• Touch and cuddles were AMAZING


• Keeping balance when standing/moving felt challenging at times (but always still possible), mostly cause depth perception was strongly effected and coordination was strongly reduced


• Some nausea during comeup; mostly gone for 2/3rds of peak. Late peak into early comedown strong nausea and physical unwellness (as I did not eat in 10+hrs due to nausea or forgetting about it. I am unsure how much I drank, but should have had at least a litre of water)

Emotional

• Very euphoric and somewhat giggly in comeup and early peak, to the point of feeling kinda very daring and enthusiastic to a reckless point


• Felt extremely safe and comfortable with my partners at all times


• Generally an extremely pleasant headspace during the entire trip until late peak to early comedown where physical unwellness started


• A little paranoid about taking drugs and having to hide to from judging others at times, but forgot about it quick


• A little scared at the perspective of anyone sober entering the space at times, but forgot quick about it


• Medium-scared when loosing understanding of the concept of time and not understanding how I am to partake in the outside world/society again. Felt unsetteled when realising time/thoughts kept looping and I kept not understanding stuff.


• Felt relieved when realising that time is relative and thus death doesnt matter. Am back to scared of death now that I am sobre :D

Visual

• Extreme color & contrast enhancement; seeing colorful shadows on things


• Flowing, morphing, symmetric pattern repetitions in textures


• Inconsistent depth perception and field of view


• Smoothing-like filter of things like skin


• Very well defined complex geometric shapes (3D closed eye visuals) also showing on any uniformly colored surfaces (ceiling, skin, etc). Tended to be very defined on the edges. Though generally rounded edges with colorful smooth gradients in the surfaces. DMT-like.


• At times it took a lot of concentration to make out reality enough to cuddle my partners or make my way to the bathroom, though this only lasted for a very short duration, for most parts I could make out reality perfectly fine.


• At times leaving the perspective of "human looking though eyes" but instead slowly flying off into hallucinations and geometries (only lasted a few seconds at a time)

Auditory

• Increased music appreciation by a LOT, even in early comeup


• Audio-induced synesthesia (shapes/geometries + emotions + physical sensations following music)


• Completely lost track of music all-together for about 30-45min during full peak where I was thought looping, cannot recall any songs playing during that time

Timed Log

Total Duration around 9.5hrs from intake to "feel safe/sober enough to walk back to my hotel"

-- Notes taken during tripping were left unchanged or with small spelling corrections. Comments and notes added in after the trip are in cursive. --

Comeup (2-3hrs)

19:15 intake 4g lemon tek tea

19:30 fist effects: strong body high, screen already hard to read, increased music appreciation; no textures moving in the wood/curtains yet

19:45 wood flowing, curtains breathing, whilte cieling has colorful gradients and I can feel the music holy fucking shit; language starting to get hard

19:55 whole room distortions, heavyyyyyyyyyy body high

[Partner A] redoses here. I am struggling a bit with nausea and am waiting it out at first
Though I think that the comeup is done here in the moment I was still very much in late comeup

Redosing

21:10 redosing 2g [nausea had calmed down]

Also general note having someone to talk to others is good, incoherency starting hard, open eye visuals stunning

21:50 did another 2g let’s see where this goes. Seeing fucking shit in everything weeeee. Music is great holy hell

This is where things went kind of out of control. I was clearly not waiting long enough for the first 2g to have any onset yet. I did not have a grasp on time at all.

I have very much been trying to reach incoherency again since my first LSD trip that went very wild. I was aiming to break through into a space of geometries and music as I did there. I didnt account for the thought loops and general smol-brain to follow in the intensity they did.

Comeup II / Peak (4hrs)

-- Time is a blur at this point, no more notes were taken till comedown, this is my general recollection afterwards as well as I can remember --

Phase 1: Probably Comeup II

• Visuals became all-encompassing, making seeing hard at times, though generally possible. Beautiful colorful closed eye visuals, though they were not as pronounced with the lights in the room on


• Everything was smooth and round and beautiful, contrasty, flowing and melting into each other

Phase 2: Everything is one

• Cuddled in on the bed with [Partner B] and [Partner A] in my arms. Feeling myself melting and merging with both of them, feeling like we are all the same. Then merging together with the whole room, it all just kinda flowing into a beautiful unified sea of colors


• This was honestly beautiful but only lasted for a few seconds to minutes and is also the last part where time was a concept I at least somewhat understood

Phase ??: Music & Full Synesthesia

• Being able to see and feel music fully. All sense blurring together and music becoming an all encompassing experience


• Talking with [Partner A] & [Partner B] about the shapes of the songs playing, etc as if it was the most normal thing that just makes sense


• Hitech psytrance here fucked so hard, holy hell, so did the Maribou State Portraits album


• This probably lasted 30-40 minutes based on the songs I remember and is probably what I would call perfection level. But after that I was wayyyy too far gone to understand music or remember it at all.

I dont recall in which order the next phases happened anymore

Phase ??: Cannot feel everything at the same time but wanting to

• Feeling so many emotions, seeing so many colors and geometries, almost experiencing everything all at once. Loosing the ability to focus consciously on anything leading to my brain just going places wildly, wanting to just experience all the colors and everything at the same time

Phase ??: Be Gay

• [Partner A] sitting on top of me, being sexy as hell. Kissing, just realising how fucking amazing this all is. Best feeling ever.


• In general whoever was running around the room currently was like the objectively hottest creature ever to everyone else in the room. Bodycon dresses go brrrr. God the two of them are cute and hot


• Think this leads into the next one on sharing, pleasure and yin & yang.

Phase ??: Thought loops go brrrrrrrrr

• Sharing, Pleasure, Ying & Yang: Wanting to share pleasurable stuff, loving being gay, why cant everyone be, things need to be different for anything to exist. No pleasure without pain, experiencing those myself. Slowly feeling like we are all falling apart and descending into madness a little;


• Also there not being enough pleasure/nice things for everyone but wanting to share with everyone, so having to take turns [note from future me: that was just episodes of nausea, lol]


• Time, Time-Loops, Death: No longer understanding what time is, everything is all at once, Death loosing its meaning because of that. Life being that moment just looping forever. Time somehow being music being everything but also looping.

Late Peak into early comedown -- getting physically unwell:

• Starting to feel shaky and nauseous. Not having eaten (and potentially maybe not having had enough to drink), continuing not to eat cause nausea


• Kinda just cuddling in, not wanting to drag the vibe down or asking for help (look at me always being a people pleaser and scared to ask for assistance -> therapy)


• Still not really understanding the passage of time, but somehow still being able to realise this will pass by just waiting it out, I will be fine

Comedown (4hrs)

02:00 comedown v much now but shit is still fucking going hard

This is basically just cuddles, slowly getting back to reality and being so damn grateful for it to be back. Being fully taken aback and stunned truly.

Later falling/fainting/leaving reality for a sec when trying to get up quick to get water/bathroom. Realising I havent eaten and probably not drank enough. Eating, taking electrolytes, drinking lots of water. Slowly getting a headache, too.

Continuing to cuddle, talking about our experiences and thoughts. Reflecting on what happens and first lil bit of piecing back together time and integrating.

Eventually leaving them to sleep and going to my hotel around 6am.

Closing Thoughts & Learnings

This was a lot, and I fully lost control

• Need a trip sitter when exploring dosages like this as dedicated "handle outside reality" and "make sure I am taking care of my body" person
  Need a trip sitter when exploring dosages like this as dedicated "handle outside reality" and "make sure I am taking care of my body" person
  , as I was not able to myself.


• I lost control of how many shrooms I took when, and that was reckless. I was chasing incoherency and a breakthrough but I think I need to find a safer way to do that. I also think I need a rule of a dose and one single redose that is oke. Not more than that. Clear limits on both defined before.


• I like higher dosages, but this shot way past where it needed to be. 4-6g would have probably easily been enough without as many side effects, nausea and thought loops at the end there


• I need to find a way to drink and eat, even if I have nausea on shrooms. The fasting before & during for nausea management isn't good for me.


• Loosing control during the thought loops is something else. I think I have now learned there is no illusion of control there at all. My thoughts and headspace was a ship with no one at the helm. It could have gone anywhere. At this dosage I am in no way able to get myself out of a bad place. Never ever do this alone.


• I think I need to explore other ways to go to geometry land other than just upping the dosages, cause the loss of control does get exponentially more risky.

Dosage & Administration

• Lemon Tek Tea worked beautifully, tasted great and the nausea was mild.


• Eating raw with salted nuts also really works well, but I think those got me with the nausea after then, not sure tho

I feel lost

[I left these chapter headings and omission notes in here, because even though this trip was only meant for the experience and exploring the psychedelic itself, a trip will often let me realise things that I will bring with me into therapy or will work on myself with. Often these trip reports/journals I write for myself are longest in this section as there is a lot of valueable input. Though this input is usually not about some silly metaphysical realisation I experienced in the trip but rather the fears, feelings and thoughts that I had during those or the way I handled dealing with the more difficult or scary parts of the trip.]

My place in society, my work and passions

[Very personal reflection I have omitted here for privacy reasons]

The need to feel safe, protected and wanting to having a home base

[Very personal reflection on my happy places, feeling safe and the need for more of that in my life I have omitted for privacy reasons]

[Very clear self-improvement action points that I will take into therapy or work on myself, that I have also omitted]

On tripping company

[Omitted a very personal reflection on how amazing my partners are and how safe they made me feel during this trip. I am very grateful for them]

Music Feedback

[I usually build myself 9-12hr playlists for the trips. They are timed to the drug, so I can turn everything technology into airplane mode, be unreachable and not have to touch anything for music. It will progress from vibey stuff during onset to stuff we wanna hear when peaking and then back to more chill stuff when coming down and cuddling in. I like to give myself a little bit of feedback for next time here.]

• The music was GREAT and really interesting, the Portraits album is STUNNING. Going with a genre mashup really worked super well.


• Hightech Psytrance really fucks, holy hell, it works best sprinkled in as two tracks or so per trip, so this was perfect.


• I do love my euphoric fullon psytrance, but having all the cool electronica and psy rock worked so well, especially for shrooms that are less energetic and dancy, and more just lay there and experience it



• Pacing was almost perfect, though the comeup on lemon tek tea was a bit harder/faster than just eating them raw, so might wanna already pull out the bangers after 30-45mins or so, rather than building up slowly when planning on doing lemon tek tea.

  
  



• I really wanna do a fully music-synesthesia focussed trip, with no socials or talking. That was STUNNING being able to experience music like that. Might need to do a solo trip on lower dosages or just have headphones with ANC and a trip sitter for that.