Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Infinitron. "Overdriving One's Headlights: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp13118)". Erowid.org. Mar 26, 2021. erowid.org/exp/13118
Since this ill-fated trip, I have realized that the pot habit I had at the time of this trip was actually perpetuated by a need for self-medication. For that reason, I had repressed way, way too many issues that affected my daily life. Just now, a little over a year later, I've cut way back on my cannabis use, and many of the issues that I was repressing are coming to the surface and I am finally dealing with them. Had I realized this a year ago, I could have prevented some considerable distress during my now infamous (among my friends) bummer.
I ate sparingly most of the day until 4PM, when I ingested the beautiful fungus. In about 15 minutes, I began feeling the effects. Keep in mind, now, that I was completely alone at the time. I noticed a small amount of anxiety present, so I laid down upon my couch and closed my eyes. The anxiety immediately passed, for I was now observing a constant stream of geometric, 3 dimensional objects floating by. I wondered where they could be going. As I investigated, it was apparent that they were flowing toward a singular, yet incredibly bright, light. This immediately invoked a panic deep within me, for I construed this as the light that people speak of when they have near-death experiences.
they were flowing toward a singular, yet incredibly bright, light. This immediately invoked a panic deep within me, for I construed this as the light that people speak of when they have near-death experiences.
So I ran to my bathroom and plunged my finger into the back of my mouth, but to no avail. During the next 30 minutes, what seemed like an eternity, I attempted to purge myself, while the most intense waves of tripping I've ever experienced washed over my mind.
For some reason, I thought I was dying. Common sense would suggest otherwise, but the seed had been planted in my mind and the shrooms had caused it to bud out of control. My life literally flashed before my eyes. I could see my life as one complete chunk -- a continuum that would end right there in that bathroom. Then I stepped out of my lifetime and saw all of time as one unending continuum. This freaked me out beyond belief, as it made me feel like a single molecule of water in a vast ocean.
Eventually, the trip began to diminish to a more controllable level of intensity. The whole time, there was this feeling of raw emotion inherent in everything. It was ecstasy and elation but also torment and sadness. It was every emotion I was repressing erupting in one enormous psychedelic volcanic explosion. The thoughts in my head were coming too fast to really assimilate what they meant. As a result, I found myself trying to clean up my apartment, but I was only able to halfway finish cleaning something before I moved on to cleaning something else.
It has been a year since then, but I am glad that I experienced what I experienced. Yeah, it was hell on earth for me, but no one said that standing next to god for 6 hours would always be pleasant. I've been finding ways to deal with my problems, and one by one, they are disappearing. One day, I hope to be able to undertake such an intense trip without having so much baggage to hamper the journey. I have, however, had persistent flashbacks regarding death and dying (I thought I was about to die). I've decided that the moment of death lasts an infinity. At the moment of death, one's consciousness slows infinitely. In mathematics, this would be described as approaching an asymptote. Also, when we die, we are removed from space (3-dimensional existence). However, we cannot be removed from the time continuum. One can never be removed from the past. So we live eternally in that moment before our death (the asymptote), where we are able to travel anywhere within the period of time that we have inhabited. I know it's a messed up theory, but it helps ease my worries about dying.
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