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An Eye-Opening, yet Horrifying Experience
by Anonymous09
Citation:   Anonymous09. "An Eye-Opening, yet Horrifying Experience: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp14308)". Erowid.org. Jul 19, 2005. erowid.org/exp/14308

T+ 0:00
3.0 g oral Mushrooms (plant material)
  T+ 0:30 1.0 g oral Mushrooms (plant material)


First time trying shrooms. My boyfriend and I decided to go away for the weekend to my parents' weekend house near Yosemite to try shrooms. We've smoked pot many, many times and dropped E a few times, but nothing could've prepared us for the near death journey these shrooms took us on.

12:00 pm - We tried eating the shrooms with some orange juice but decided they tasted too nasty. We made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. My boyfriend put about 3-3.5 grams on his sandwich and I put about 3 grams on mine.

12:30 pm - My boyfriend goes into the bathroom because he is feeling sick to his stomach. He comes out saying that the wooden door and the walls in the bathroom were melting. I didn't feel anything, but went in the bathroom to see what all the hoopla was about. Nothing. I saw nothing. I was frustrated because I wanted to be hallucinating too. My boyfriend went outside to look at the hills and plants (we were out in the middle of nowhere which was cool) and was fascinated by all the bright colors and how the plants seemed to be 'growing' right before his eyes. Annoyed and frustrated, I sat down at the dining room table and ate about another gram of shrooms and drank some more juice.

1:00 pm - I'm lying on the floor in the living room by myself staring at the ceiling just waiting for something to happen (and listening to Tool) while my boyfriend is outside talking into his little tape recorder to document the experience and saying that he wished I was in the same 'place' he was. My boyfriend continued to wander inside and outside, but preferred to stay outside because he said that being inside the house was too distracting. All of a sudden, BAM!! I was seeing these swirling patterns on the ceiling and it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen the world because I was making it happen.

1:30 pm - Suddenly absolutely everything is funny to us. I am screaming with laughter and I have absolutely no idea why. I was yelling at my boyfriend to shut the door cause it was cold and we were dissolving into laughter. I decided I was tired of listening to Tool and wanted to hear something else so I picked out Madonna's Ray of Light CD. I put on 'Ray of Light' and screamed out the window to my boyfriend, 'Windows XP!!!!'. (You know, from the commercial) He looked confused for a moment and then we both dissolved into laughter. He said he was trying to have a 'moment' and all of a sudden I start screaming, 'Windows XP!!!', but it was still hilarious to both of us.

2:00 pm - I found these large fuzzy blue slippers and decided to put them on and go outside at which time my boyfriend went inside to lay on the floor and trip out. After laughing hysterically about the fuzzy slippers, I went outside. Being outside was amazing. At first when I walked outside, I exclaimed, 'What the hell happened out here?!'. It looked like a swirly Van Gogh painting outside, but it was incredible. I just stared and stared at everything, enthralled by the vibrant colors and movement in all of nature. I leaned over the railing on the deck to look at the ground below. The railing seemed to be 'breathing' and crawling with tiny black ants, but I didn't make any attempt to move from where I was standing. I looked down at the greenery below and all the plants were snaking across the ground and growing before my very eyes. I felt like I was 'willing' everything to grow. It was as if I was in charge of everything outside and whatever I wanted to happen to happen. I looked to the mountains and the sky and wanted the clouds to part and they did. And the sky was the most vibrant and beautiful colors of blue, yellow, purple and pink. Being outside was great because I felt like I was Mother Nature or God making nature obey my every thought and command.

Approx. 2-2:30 pm (I had lost all concept of time by this point) - I went inside to sit down and talk to my boyfriend who was still laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. I went inside because I started to hear voices outside (there was no one around) and determined that outside was not safe and locked the door. I sat down at the dining room table and for absolutely no reason whatsoever, burst into tears. My boyfriend came over and asked why I was crying, but I said I didn't know while the tears were streaming down my face. I sat there tasting the salt from my tears while my boyfriend went to search for some Kleenex. He handed me the Kleenex and tried to give me a hug, but I pushed him away because I looked at his face and his eyes were huge and his face looked like it was melting off of his face and it scared me to death. I told him I couldn't look at him because he looked too weird and he went into the kitchen. I put my hand on the table and saw that my hand was bubbling and my nails were growing into sharp points. In horror, I put my hand inside my sweatshirt and said to my boyfriend (without looking at him) that I couldn't look at myself either. He understood, and at this point I knew that something was terribly wrong.

I have no idea what time anything else happened from this point on till the effects wore off so I'll just explain what I went through.

From this point on, nothing seemed real, but now I know that is was. All I know is that my boyfriend and I both started to panic (a very bad, bad thing) and couldn't snap out of it.

We were both lying on the floor and a million thoughts were running through my head. Why does the clock look so weird? Why is it going backwards? Where are we? Are we still at my parents' house in the woods or are we back at home in our apartment? Everything was constantly changing and breathing and shrinking and expanding and there was no constant thought, memory or tangible item I could grab onto and concentrate on. My boyfriend was lying next to me saying over and over again that he wanted it to stop and how could we make it stop and that he didn't know how to make it stop. The problem was, neither did I. All I could remember was being told that if I freaked out and couldn't stop, to throw up and it would all be over. I said this to my boyfriend and we managed to get up off the floor and find out way to the bathroom in this seemingly constantly changing nightmarish funhouse that had once just been a normal house in the woods.

In the bathroom, things went downhill. I couldn't look at my boyfriend because he still looked too creepy (melting and morphing) and I tried looking at myself and that was too hard to do too. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I looked like I was 30 and had done too many drugs over the course of several years (which is not the case at all). My boyfriend just kept telling me to throw up and it would all be over. I sat in front of the toilet (which kept flowing into these green and yellow colors) and puked. I didn't feel any better and my boyfriend was still deep into his panicky state. I was trying to pull myself together to no avail. I wanted to do something, anything to make it stop--break a window or the bathroom mirror, slit my wrists-anything to make this madness stop and get away from the horrible, incapacitating thoughts that were in my head. I thought smoking pot may take some of the panic away, but I was too afraid to do it because I thought it might throw us deeper into this hell that my mind had created.

I led my boyfriend back into the living room and forced him to stay with me. Whenever he left the room because he felt sick (when he left, it felt like he was gone a lifetime and it was only a few minutes) I would panic because I thought he was going to try and do something drastic to end it all (like suicide) and I would begin to cry because I couldn't bear the thought of living my life without him. I would panic and yell for him to come back.

We laid on the floor for what seemed like a day (but it was probably only about an hour) and (I am being completely serious) I felt like I had died and was looking back on my life. I thought about what I had shared with my boyfriend, my friends, places I had been, things I had done and it made me so sad because all I wanted to do was live my life and be normal. Even though I hate my job, I would've given anything at that point to just wake up from this, be back in our own bed and get up to go to work. I just wanted my old life back, but I felt like I would never shake this feeling of insanity and death. I didn't want to sleep because when I would close my eyes the visuals were too intense and I was afraid I would never wake up again. I lived my whole life over again the span of an hour or so (I think).

Slowly (very slowly), the effects started to wear off (the visuals began to subside and I wasn't afraid to look at stuff for fear of what might be there) and I had this feeling that everything was going to be okay and I told my boyfriend that I was glad we were 'back' and that we were going to be okay. I had this inexplicable feeling that I had known my boyfriend all my life and we had shared so much together even though we haven't been together that long. I was just so happy to be back and having my fear subside and slowly regaining control of my mind and thoughts.

The effects went on for the rest of the night (I was scared to be anywhere in the house by myself, I couldn't even go in the bathroom where I had thrown up because I felt so much negative energy in there, and I needed to have my boyfriend near me because he was real and I could hold on to him). My boyfriend was still having mild visuals, but for me everything just seemed off and unreal. I still looked strange to myself in the mirror, but I knew we were going to be okay.

Other things happened too throughout the course of our horrifying trip. I couldn't get the TV to work and when I did, I saw Alice Cooper dressed as the devil talking to me. The rest of the channels were filled with strange looking people speaking gibberish. The house was constantly changing and warping without warning, etc, etc.

All in all, doing shrooms was a sobering experience for me. It made me appreciate the life I have so much more. It made me appreciate my boyfriend even more than I already did and I truly feel that he is my soul mate. I realized that I can't possibly imagine my life without him and I don't ever want to. He is an integral and important piece of the puzzle that makes me me. And I also realized that 'normalcy' isn't so bad.

I don't think I will ever do shrooms again and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else except in a controlled setting with experienced people that can help you if you panic. It is an enlightening experience and I do appreciate and love the life I have much more so than before, but I don't ever want to visit the hellish nightmare that my mind unlocked with shrooms.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 14308
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jul 19, 2005Views: 9,082
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Mushrooms (39) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Mystical Experiences (9), Nature / Outdoors (23), Relationships (44), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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