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The Fear Behind 100 Panic Attacks
Mushrooms - P. cubensis
by Echo
Citation:   Echo. "The Fear Behind 100 Panic Attacks: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp16634)". Erowid.org. May 12, 2005. erowid.org/exp/16634

 
DOSE:
2.5 g oral Mushrooms - P. cubensis (dried)

BODY WEIGHT: 150 lb


Two years ago I was living at a college coop. My house was about to throw a large Halloween party. Instead of drinking, I ate 2 or 3 grams of Cubensis mushrooms. I did this rather nonchalantly, and apparently carelessly. I should mention that I have done more intense doses of a variety of psychedelics before and since this event (including mushrooms grown in the same batch) without any problems.

For the first hour of the party I enjoyed talking with friends. As the party went on, 700 drunk and costumed strangers filled the house. Soon, I was alone without a nearby friend or tripping companion. I had an intense panic attack for the next 6 hours, during which I wandered aimlessly through the throngs of nameless faces. Everywhere I looked I saw people who seemed desperate and hopelessly depressed. All faces seemed to be badly modeled out of clay. Everyone became disproportionate and grotesque. I saw all of the worst possible (and unreal) birth defects and abnormalities of the human form.

This was probably the most horrifying time of my life. I have been left for dead by triage, I have been stuck hopelessly in the middle of blizzards, I have had countless panic attacks; I have a few memories worthy of competition for the title.

I tried to find someone I knew, but I just ran erratically from place to place. None of my body language or movements made any coherent sense. People who saw me tried to move or ignore me. I eventually did find people I knew, and received some comfort. But most were drunk and I ended up with only fearful delusions about them. I faced the problem of trying to explain to people that I thought something other than a bad trip was happening. Which is what everyone says during a bad trip. I could not get the comfort I needed. The mushrooms remained strong for at least twice as long as I have ever had them last and I felt the come down over the next couple days.

After this party I had two months of continuous panic attacks, and sought therapy. The faces of everyone I saw and the world around me still seemed disproportionate for the next six months. Though it did taper over time. I was frantically worried that I was schizophrenic: a permanent condition. However, my psychologist assured me I was not schizophrenic, I was just having strong panic attacks.

From this experience, I learned a lot about my social phobia problems. I learned a lot about who I am. I was fairly incapacitated for six months from what I believe was Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Though the problems that caused the nature of my mushroom experience have been with me my whole life. The mushrooms were merely a catalyst for my existing problems. It is a hard year to look back on, but if I had never gotten therapy I would be in a far worse state than I am in now.

The day I imagine all of this having gone away was a day I tried MDMA. (see report) I was with a close friend and told her of the severity of my problem. I was able to make myself believe that I was not schizophrenic, and after that the panic went away.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 16634
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: May 12, 2005Views: 9,531
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Post Trip Problems (8), Bad Trips (6), Large Group (10+) (19)

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