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My First Time Freaking Out
Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Alcohol
by Twinky666
Citation:   Twinky666. "My First Time Freaking Out: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Alcohol (exp18338)". Erowid.org. Oct 21, 2002. erowid.org/exp/18338

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
10.5 g oral Mushrooms - P. cubensis (fresh)
  T+ 1:00 1.5 g oral Mushrooms - P. cubensis (fresh)
  T+ 0:00   repeated oral Alcohol - Hard (liquid)

BODY WEIGHT: 195 lb


Let me start by giving my hallucinagen back ground. Acid is my drug of choice, over weed, over everything. I dorpped acid for the first time at the tender age of 13, I'm 20 now. In my life I've tripped balls on various substances, LSD, LSA, Mushrooms, San Pedro, pure Mescaline, and PCP. I've probably tripped around 50 times. I've gone on Acid binges where I eat a few hits every four or five hours for four days straight. I've eaten ten strips of Acid multiple times and my record doses for Acid is 15 hits at once and a quarter sheet over an extended trip. I've been up for 48 hours on mushrooms. I've grown San Pedro in the past, I ate a cutting once and I extracted the Mescaline and taken that. I've only had PCP once, but i kind of liked it, but that was a very small amount, I'm sure I'd hate it if I did alot. I've eaten morning glories a few times, but I don't really consider that tripping, some people do though. I've tripped several times while suicidal. Out of all of that, I've never had a trip I didn't like, a bad trip, even this one with all its horror. Tripping to me is like a roller coaster, it'll scare the living shit out of me at times, but I always know it's just a ride and I'm safe, at least that me.

A quick note about the Celexa before I get to the actual trip description. Celexa is an SSRI antidepressant, in the same class with Prozac as I understand it. I've been taking Celexa everyday for about three months now, before that, I was taking Paxil for a year or so. I've never really read up on if taking SSRIs while tripping is bad or not and I thought I should mention it. Normally I have a day or two notice before I trip and I stop taking antidepressants, this time I didn't have a warning.

The only reason I screw around with other hallucinagens, esp. mushrooms is because in my part of the US, acid is extremely dry. I only know one person who has had Acid in the last two years, I personally haven't even seen a hit of Acid since I was a senior in high school. I like acid because I feel it regulates me, like some people say weed stabalizes them. Since I can't get acid, I fill my craving with Psyliciban. It's the same thing just a bit weaker, more visually oriented and less of a mind fuck. I recently moved into an apartment and started my third semester of college. After being away from home a couple of weeks, i realized I needed a job. I can't stand working, so I found alternative income methods, a 'shroom farm. I produce around a pound of fresh mushrooms every week, four different strains of Cubensis. They pay my rent and living expenses. The night of the trip I wasn't even planning on tripping for a few more days. Then, my roommate realized he lost his fake ID, so we couldn't buy beer like I originally planned, and was forced to settle for cheap as hell vodka. I decided against the Vodka and decided to pick a few pin heads a couple of days early. Initially I only ate about 10.5 grams. My roommate had a few friends come over, they drank, I tripped. We started watching a movie.

The intial dose turned out to be way below my standards for tripping so I went back after like an hour and picked more, a gram or two. This got me started finally. The movie was great, funny as fuck. After the movie, we left to go to a friends apartment. I got there, sat on the couch and like 10 more people showed up. People say you should never be the only person tripping at a 'party', but that has never bothered me before. For some reason, probably the large number of people not tripping, really got to me. I was extremely uncomfortable, I knew they were all watching because no one knew. I know they had to see my eyes and the unusual amount of sweat on my face, even though the temperature was probably about 65 F. I got the fuck out of there after like 10 minutes. I went straight home and listened to music with black lights on. That was enjoyable for a little while, but I was coming down, so I picked a few more grams, chowed down.

I knew I wasn't ever going to start tripping hard so I decided to start throwing back the Vodka. I ended up killing the bottle over the next few hours. I ran out of chaser, so for the majority of it, I drank it straight or chased it with water. IF you've ever had really cheap Vodka, it's horrible, tastes like rubbing alcohol (to give an idea of how cheap, it was $10 for a 1.67L bottle!). I have heard that drinking and tripping is supposed to result in your trip going bad, but I've taken shots of Tequila tripping on mushrooms before and it mixed with the trip quite nicely. It was quite nice in the beginning, it got me to a level of fucked up close to what I like.

I went home, drank some more. The next thing I know, I'm waking up in the floor blowing chunks everywhere. While I was passed out I remember having the most horrible nightmares. I almost never have nightmares, in them I was being tortured, having my fingers pulled all the way back against the back of my hand, one by one, and having my fingernails ripped out. I could feel the pain, it was really bad. I got up as soon as I could comprehend what was happening to me and ran to the bathroom. I took a shower, while in the shower i blacked out and collapsed. I dont know how long i was there, but when i woke up the water was ice cold. I got out, in a rage, I'm not sure exactly what brought on the frenzy, but I was in it hardcore, growling grunting, pissed. I went to my room and found out it was locked. This sent me overboard. I went to the kitchen got a knife and started taking stabs at the door. Several times the knife handle sliped in my hand when i hit the door, causing my palm to slide over the blade, cutting my palm open in several places. The sight of blood fueled the rage more. I finally got the bright idea that hacking the door wouldn't open it and that i needed to pop the lock open with the knife.

I finally go the door open, got in, put some clothes on, still in a rage. Walked to the kitchen to get something to drink, and closed the still locked door behind me. This got me, and the pain in my hand finally got to me. I freaked out, started smearing blood on the walls. I calmed down a little, went and sat in a chair at the dining table. I went into one of those introspective catatonic nightmares for a while. While in that, I somehow equated my in ability to keep from locking myself out to the failure of the relationship with the love of my life that ended a couple of months earlier. I got really deep into the hole. Suddenly I snapped and started stabbing the table until i bent the knife into an L. I then went and re opened my door, I decided it was time to try and get some sleep. I went to get a blender I had borrowed from a girl earlier in the evening and carried it to my room. I still don't know why I did that. When I got to my room, I dorpped the glass part of the blender and it shattered very close to my bare feet. Shards of glass were stuck in my feet, cutting them up to go along with my hands. I freaked again. I broke down for some time. Then became extremely suicidal.

I picked up a nice big chunk of broken glass and checked its sharpness by squezing it in my hand, it was extremely sharp. I went and grabbed what was left of a pizza I had bought earlier in the day and the chunk of glass and headed back to the bathroom with suicide on my mind. I sat in there for quite a while, holding that big chunk of glass. I don't know what happened. I don't know if I just couldn't figure out what to do with the glass or wether in my subconcious I wasn't serious about this attempt. Eventually, I just gave up and went back to my room, crawled into bed. It took a while to go to sleep. I woke up 6 hours later to many awful sights. I had quite a few cuts on my hands and feet. I had glass stuck in my feet probably from when I went to bed, the glass was next to my bed. I had a huge bruise on my left shoulder and a jammed left thumb, I couldnt bend it more than half way. Also, I had the hangover from hell. I walked out of my room to see blood smeared all over the walls and drops on the carpet. Where I puked in the living, it was the worst smelling pile up puke I've ever been around.

The biggest mystery of all, some how, I puked on the ceiling on the opposite side of the room from where I passed out and puked in my sleep. I cant reach the ceiling and I know I didnt try and stand in a chair and smear it up there, besides the vomit looked splattered not smeaered, like I stood underneath the spot looked up and projectile vomited on the ceiling. Yes, I will be tripping again, tonight probably, another flush will be mature and ready to be picked either tonight or tomorow. I don't consider it to have been a bad trip, if anything, it was helpful to me. I learned alot about myself in the introspection, alot of why I am so depressed about certain things. I can't wait to have another round with the magic mushrooms.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 18338
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Oct 21, 2002Views: 18,290
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Alcohol - Hard (198), Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Various (28), Hangover / Days After (46), Depression (15), Difficult Experiences (5)

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